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Just a thought, anything you attempt in life you first must be taught how to do what you’re attempting. You’re taught how to drive a car, read a book, use a computer, and the list goes on into infinity. In this society the only education we receive regarding sex is from porn and trial an error. Most of us think we know what we’re doing, but the truth is that’s just an assumption, and you know what they say about assuming anything. Luckily for me I met the woman that became my wife fifty years ago and she took pity on me by teaching me how to please her. Also, the lifestyle was an excellent teacher, any time she was with another person that sent her into mass ecstasy, as soon as I could I found out how they accomplished that and place whatever they did into my repertoire of techniques. So, to answer your question, I don’t think it’s a male or female question, other than two people of the same sex in which most often the use of what one finds pleasurable is what they use on the other, it’s a question of being taught how to please the person you’re with. Being a pleasurable and talented sex partner is an acquired talent, the person that takes the time and effort to learn how to give pleasure is the best lover.

We usually swap as a couple, but at house parties my wife is in high demand because she is lithe and lissome. As long as I play in round one with the wife of another couple, she can do as she pleases thereafter. But agree before you go. I am not thrilled to eat coffee cake while the whole party does my wife, but I get to go home with her.

We've had a unicorn girlfriend for several years. She is bi and likes threesomes. She is very independent and not interested in having a boyfriend or a girlfriend. She seems to really like the naughtiness of dating us in public.

Hands down, the women I've been with have been far better. Well, I hate to say 'better' because I have met some very talented male mouths in my day. But there's definitely a different quality in the technique from most women, and I'm not sure that I can articulate it. There are a few obvious differences that I can describe. With some (but definitely not all) men, it's apparent that they're down there with a specific goal or reason: because they think it's expected, to get you wet/aroused for intercourse, or to get you off. When most women go down, there's no drive toward a goal - it's simply to be enjoyed, and thoroughly. (This approach, of course, is more likely to get me to the end zone, ironically...) Course I'm speaking as a 'hasbien' who dated lesbians...not sure if it would be different with a "sometimes-bi-but-really-straight" coupled woman or not.

I can totally understand the whole woman are more tender thing, however I like the way my husband is strong with his tongue and hands and his general play when it comes down to it! I actually prefer this, he is gentle in his own right, but the woman was just tooooo gentle and well that left me wanting more. So I decided no more bi experiences and I'll stick with men...cuz I gotta say I LOVE 'EM! hahah facelick

I thoroughly enjoy the feelings i get from oral sex with both man and woman and for much different reasons. Both sexes can hit the right spots , physically, but what separates the two is the bigest sensual organ in the body, the brain. To me, this is what adds the flavour to things.. a woman approaches things with a different goal in mind than a man does, she is slow and deliberate while maintaining her soft and gentle nature... he is more direct and even when being gentle, he is firm. And my brain changes the whole picture too. What i think about is different depending on whether it is a man or woman pleasing me. The "naughtyness" of being with a woman adds to the experience... With all that said, and take it as you will, there is one person who has been able to please me COMPLETLY, and that is the MR. Sorry ladies, but he's good. the MRS.

I voted for men hands down. I would have thought the women would be better but in my "very limited" exposure to being with women in our play I have found that is not the case. My first experience was with a woman of a couple and as Mr Spoo noted (him and the hubby watched us) it was a very tender and intimate exchange between the two of us. But since then I have yet to find a woman who does it as well as a man or does it gently Honestly I have found this to be true in other areas out side of the lifestyle which is why I don't go to female doctors either, the ones I have gone to are not neccessarily as kind (bed side manner) or as gentle. While I have fun when we play with couples and everyone (mostly the women since Mr Spoo isn't even remotely bi) mixing it up I still love men!! Especially Mr Spoo!!! What can I say . . . you guys are great and sometimes I think you just end up getting the rap so to speak Mrs Spoomonkey

ok. I don't have as many experiences with women as I do men but so far my hat goes off to the men. I enjoy a woman's touch but so far it has not compared to that of a man's. Women have made me feel good but men make me melt. ~shygirl

Hello everyone, Well, I must say I had a desire for anal for years; in fact Fem D and I tried to do it in the early years of our marriage, but to no avail. My huge average-sized dick was just too big and we knew nothing about lots of lube. Well about a year ago I decided I would press the issue, so to speak, and the rest is mystery! The first time was stressful, but tremendously exciting for me, Male D (in case you forgot!); but it was she that initated it. She must have known that there would be some pain involved, not to mention the fear of the unknown, but she pushed forward with it. Before I knew it I was in the tightest place I'd ever been. Now, the strokes weren't that long, but after she got that 1st "fluffy butt", I think she became dedicated to going further. It's just a muscle, and it can stretch like any other muscle and now it's become almost a given that it is included in every session we have. When I read about Goodtimes, I felt bad. It just takes patience, and undersanding like anything else. I heard somewhere that "something's only kinky until you've tried it the 1st time." Fem D said she felt dirty and weird, at first, but she knows differently now. It was just another unexplored erogenous zone after all was said and done. Hope this helps somehow! Male D (DBL D)

Bogey I had to read your response twice The second time I had to concur.... that is hot. My experiences: our first MFM with a friend my SO wanted him to finish in her (heat of the moment) although I think he wanted to unload on her but she directed his cock back in her. I also finished in her. The closest we had to a GB or multi-person event the first came inside her I was about to go down on her to see a little too much cum pouring out (we knew him) and I lost the urge but others at her request joined and came on her chest and stomach. Was very erotic.... Another time she was on top of me, moved to doggy style whereas she took another guy in from behind. I could see almost in slow motion him fucking her and his balls hardening as I looked at her face and pussy -back n forth as he unloaded in her. Very hot...

We have a mixed marriage. Atheist and agnostic.

Like so many other polls, this needs an 'other' answer. I've was raised Catholic and spent many years in Lutheranism. But, at the moment, I'm Deist. Just like Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson. . . . Ask me next year . . .

It seems like on swingers forums, that I see the male half of a couple posting on how to get their so interested in swinging. If you read through the past posts you will see it has been discussed many times on this forum! To me, (female perspective), it feels like the male half of these couples comes from a very big place of frustration. My advice is to come to terms with the fact your wife may never be into the lifestyle and then decide what is most important to you in your overall happiness, which has been posted already. The other thing I'd like to add is taking away those things that are fueling the frustration, and keeping your focus on the lifestyle...or the lack thereof. Whether it be lifestyle sites, forums, or other things that keep your focus thinking about what is lacking in your relationship. If your attention is solely on your so, and building on a great relationship in and out of bed, what bad can come from that?

Bottom line is this... What is more important to you: Your relationship with your wife? Or your sex drive? Life is full of choices. Just be prepared to live with the ones you make. I would suggest taking your time right now, and exercising some patience. (As you have seen expressed here already, I think you will find it common that turnaround times in attitudes, if they change at all, can take years.) In the meantime... My guess is that if you spend enough time on this BBS, you will find the answers to your questions. It is by far the best resource I have ever come across on the subject of the Swinger Lifestyle (the "LS"), and all its close relatives. One thing I believe to be an absolute truth is: "Never Push Your Agenda" (when it comes to sex play). Let her come to it. Maybe one way to learn together is for both of you to spend some time on this BBS, together or apart. There are a lot of regular folks here... who happen to like to Swing. As stated, the number of folks who successfully pull-off the "LS" is a small number indeed. Who knows? You may both come to the realization that actually living the LS is not for you. ... You may enjoy the fantasy more. :-o But on the other-hand, if you live the LS by all the elements that truly make it work, you may find a whole new realm of closeness and confidence in your relationship. ;-) Enjoy The Journey

You're doing fine, you are not a pervert. For some couples, it takes a long time to travel through the curves of this journey. It took my wife and I three years. And some couples never go there. At this time, I'd simply stop asking her to dress sexy, but definitely compliment her if she makes an effort. She'll know what you're saying without you saying it. And have you two been fantasizing in your own bedroom? That sometimes works. Good luck.

It seems like you are in different places. Ask her what her sexual fantasies are. Perhaps get her an erotic novel. Go on a romantic weekend.Would she go to a nude beach on a trip? Nine out of ten people are not cut out for swinging. Swinging seems distant for you. But we were propositioned be Swingers at age 34 and we did not actually try it for twenty years. We may win longest rumination before swinging.

Do not forget to use slip covers on all good furniture. it is very hard to get some stains out of a silk sofa. Deb

They started the conversation, right? They know how old you are, right? Keep it moving forward, try for a coffee or drink date. If they turn you down after meeting you (or vice versa) what have you lost?

Hi there! I definitely understand the concern! However, speaking as an almost-30 pair, we wouldn't rule out 60 year olds! Age is a number; if the physical and intellectual attraction is there, I couldn't care less what the birth certificate says! Hell, I've seen 50's, 60's, 70's in better physical shape than 21 year olds! (I - female half - actually have a shy crush on good looking silver foxes, and would welcome the opportunity to explore it!). If you're concerned that they might be playing a cruel game, maybe you could test the waters by sending them a message prior to meeting. Perhaps comment about how you were flattered that they reached out, and would they like to exchange more revealing photos before meeting? It at least would give you some more information and a chance to gauge the situation. On the other hand, I also totally understand your wife's concern! If you both are willing to even ENTERTAIN this couple, maybe discuss not doing full-swap with the Other Lady. On the other-other hand, I feel like a lot of swinger women (myself included) use a hormonal birth control back-up (IUD, the Pill) in addition to condoms for precisely that reason. Depends what you're ultimately willing to risk, and how much you trust the Other Woman to protect herself in case the condom fails. Let us know what you decide to do!

How hot are they? That may sound trite but there is something honest in it too. Every profile has pluses and minuses. Bareback play is a minus but if they don't insist on it, it is not a deal breaker, just a minus. If enough pluses add up we MIGHT play. Honestly this hasn't come up for us, maybe it is just the group we hang out with has had condoms drummed into their head since they were a young teen for so long it is like seatbelt laws. When they came out my uncles who were in their 20-30's bitched and moaned about it for a long long time. I personally can't be comfortable in a car without a seatbelt on.

Hi everybody! I'm Andrea, I have some bi sexual experience and my best experience with a woman was once that we were just the two of us in the bedroom, completely alone. I could let myself go and we practised oral sex which I would say was great,to give and receive.... And I think that a woman does it softer than a man, and I like it,though sometimes I also need the strength of a man. Kisses to everyone!!

I think just as there are some men better at it then others, there are also some women who are better at it than others as well. The best oral I recieved from a woman was from a lesbian - she was confident, experienced and knew what she wanted. Some bi females I've been with seem like they are just 'performing a show' for thier spouses rather then being really into it.

Okay, I had to get in on this one.... speaking from a bi-womans side...seeing as I am an open bi-woman. The woman has a softer touch bit, is very true.... Let me see if I can explain this to your satisfication..... A bi-woman isnt in it just for how well a woman can go down on her.... for a bi-woman, there is a time when she wants the softness a woman can bring to intimacy.... Yes men can be all sensitive and soft but sorry not as soft as a woman can be. Women are sensual creatures from the get go....born that way..will always be that way.... For a bi-woman its being with a beautiful sensual creature just like herself... I personally enjoy when a man (my hubby) goes down on me simple because most of the time I like his strong tongue and when he uses his strong fingers.... but when with a woman, you want that soft sensual licking that only a woman can provide.... Just my two cents worth..hope this helps some.