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Seems to me that he sees your relationship with your wife as a cuckold relationship rather than a hot wife relationship. There is a big difference. Because you have allowed him to have her whenever he wants and saying nothing he sees you as the beta male and himself the alpha. You already said he disrespects you. In his mind that's his pussy now and he can use it whenever he wants. I suggest taking charge, standing up to him, and kicking him to the curb. I bet your wife will be a little turned on by you taking charge of the situation. After all, that's what turns her on about him. After that, look for a play partner who respects your marraige. That's when the hot wife relationship starts.

We voted no preference since we have had good experiences that were one night stands, but in general, I think the more you have been around someone the more comfortable you are and that plays a big role in how well things go.

In my area there is a fair amount of overlap between the BDSM and swinging communities... but on the whole I've never encountered anyone who insisted on BDSM play as a condition of swinging. The BDSM folks we've played with are usually just very clear on setting out their limits and boundaries before we play. The idea of exploring anything kinky didn't come up until we were discussing the possibility of playing again... and even then there was a very clear concern for what our limits and boundaries were.

I'm straight I guess. Wife and I played with a guy. His cock kept slipping out while we were DPing my wife. I had to help keep him in, with my hand, as she was super wet. I was super turned on. Really wanted to explore more, but was to nervous to do anything else. I have never had thoughts about cock, but I would have explored his, covered in my wife's juice. I still get hard thinking about it. Hope someday a similar situation occurs again, so I can play.

I do understand the whole "benefit of the doubt" thing. I also very well understand looking for the source of the problem within ourselves first. These are both laudable and civilized. They are also sometimes NOT the best response, Be Careful.

The guy has a blood volume issue. He doesn't have enough to allow both his dick to get hard and his brain to function simultaneously. Add to that, he has no respect for you or for your marriage or even for the sanctity of your home. I can't see why you even want him involved with you two. He's clearly nothing but trouble. The man to man talk should consist of 1 sentence. "Don't ever show up at our door uninvited again and don't expect an invitation any time soon."

my wife is a small petit woman and the first time I saw a large cock penetrate her tight pussy and cum in her, I almost came myself. I knew I was hooked on watching her and joining after.

I can see this, yes and no. On one hand, I sort of had those feelings when my wife and I started fucking around together. But they quickly went away with the feeling that "it's not gay if a woman is there.' So I easily started kissing/eating my wife or his wife after she sucked off/was fucked by another guy, did DP, did DVP. Since the guys butt fuck our wives and each others wives, the guys sometimes now do it to each other. So it evolves as time goes on, as it always does. And yeah, so on the other hand, if most guys are sure homophobes, then why is MFM so popular over FMF? If two guys are doing it to one woman there's go to be some ball knocking and friendly fire expected.