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I know, I know, this topic has been beat to a pulp. Many experienced swingers, I among them, have consistently said, “Don’t do it. Way too much could go wrong, the friendship could be lost, you might get talked about and outed.” Well, is that true? Let’s suppose you’re with a couple you’ve known forever, and things turn sexy. Three things could happen. One - You take our advice, you don’t play. Probably, you’ll wake up in the morning and say, “damn, that would have been fun.” But the next time you see them you won’t feel too bad about it, everyone will go back to being their vanilla selves, you’ll have a question in your mind along the lines of ‘what if’, but everything will be okay. Two - You ignore our advice, you play, have a great time. The next day everybody says, “my god that was wonderful!” The next time you see them, you can’t wait for everyone to take their clothes off. And in social situations, no one says anything, no one feels the other spouse up, you all play it cool. After some period of time you guys drift apart sexually but the friendship and some great memories remain. Three - You ignore our advice, maybe even have a great time when you’re all going at it. But the next morning somebody says, “gee, I really wish we hadn’t done that.” The next time you see them, somebody cringes, the others think ‘what went wrong?’ In social situations, things are strained. Probably you guys will drift apart as friends. Alternatively, somehow it slips out that the four of you are involved. Your other friends think ‘WTF?’, start avoiding you, when the sex stops being great you drift apart with that couple and everyone else is treating you like you’re jerks. In the 'do you play or not' situation you’re facing at that particular moment in time, I can’t begin to make a prediction about which outcome is most likely. There’s way too many variables. If you make the choice to play, well I hope you considered what the outcome might be. And, by the way, if anyone is drunk at the moment the chances of Alternative Three happening go way up. One more thing. If the friend you and your SO are thinking about is a single male, I can almost guarantee a bad outcome. Single men who are young and/or drunks are complete assholes. I’m sure there are multiple studies that can prove that! Good luck

Yes, those are three variations in a broad spectrum of the scenarios that could play out. There are many others. Early in my own life such an incident provided my first experience of sex with more another couple while in the company of my wife. A few glasses of wine were involved, but no one was past being able to consent. My wife kinda kicked it off. The sex was soft — nude close dancing, deep kissing, heavy petting with orgasms, ejactulations — everything but oral or penis in vagina. None of the three post-play scenarios Adamgunn described occurred. My wife and I later spoke with the wife in the other couple about whether she would be interested in being involved with us on an ongoing basis, but she already had an outside relationship. And that was it, we went on with our friendship with the other couple just as we had before. The long-term result was that I had become aware that I enjoyed sexual play with others in the presence of my partner and her’s. And my then wife that she preferred sex with one other person at a time. Oh, and dozen years later, long after we’d both split from our first spouses, the other woman and I began dating. We’ve now been married almost 30 years. She’s bi but monogamous with me. With her knowledge I play with couples and groups. She doesn’t, but over the years has become comfortable with my sexuality. I agree with Adamgunn’s point that initiating sexual play with other couples can have untoward consequences. But then many of the most enjoyable and satisfying things in life carry with them some level of risk. There are sports and leisure activities that involve a small but non-negligible probability of injury or death, including mountaineering, horseback riding, parachuting, cycling, skiing, spelunking, sailplane soaring, motorcycle riding and auto racing. I spent 15 years involved in one such activity. And for sure I’ve seen people pay a price (and sometimes the ultimate price) for engaging in these activities. A disabling injury or death isn’t suffered just by the victim, but by his or her family and friends. And those effects can persist for decades, as life-defining events. I have been deeply saddened when this occurs to someone who clearly understood the nature and degree of risk he or she was assuming in engaging in the activity. But I’ve also seen cases where people get hurt or killed and I have reason to believe they didn’t grasp either the nature or level of risk. I am still saddened, but there’s also a part of me that wants to quote the title of Mario Puzo’s novel “Fools Die.” It’s really important to weight an accurate assessment of risk with the value given to the enjoyment of being engaged in the activity. The above applies in a general sense to swinging. Unless your play is restricted to close-mouth kissing and handjobs, there’s some level of risk for STIs. In reading posts and comments on this board (and ignoring ones that seem to me clearly to be fantasies) over the course of several years it’s clear to me that in terms of specific sexual acts, there’s a pretty wide range of risks that people are willing to take. Few engage in intercourse with strangers without condoms, but a number will engage in it with long-time and trusted partners. Most find the risk/reward tradeoff of unprotected oral sex to be worth assuming, probably given how unsatisfying most people find oral with condoms and/or dental dams. The same principles apply, in my opinion, to the selection of play partners. Or even the decision on the part of a couple to take what may be great fantasy to social and physical reality. On this board we don’t tend to hear so often from the people for whom an experiment turned into a disaster. For myself, I recall a couple I played with in a threesome more than three decades ago. There were some problems already in the marriage (yeah, big red light) and while all of us had a great time that night, it was a factor in the near dissolution of their marriage. (They survived as a couple and last weekend, 36 years later, I was in the town where they lived and we got together for coffee.) Adamgunn is wise to point out some of the specific risks associated with playing with vanilla friends or even of approaching them. For some couples it’s going to work out and for some it will not. And some will end with serious negative consequences. In my opinion it’s okay to do it, but you’d best do it with your eyes open and not with your “eyes wide shut.”

While I don't seek it out not do I have a fetish, Im fine with sloppy seconds when it occurs, usually as a reconnection boink. If Mrs Doc isn't quite done after her partner is, I'm quite willing to jump in if that's her desire.

Carolina Friends has been around for 30 or more years now. They do hotel takeovers in CLT and Greensboro. They once had an on-premises location but had to shut it down a few years ago. They've been around long enough to know how to do it right. Carolina Friends | Lifestyle Club | Swingers | Swinger Club | Swinger Community

We have never met them nor do we recall seeing them before. If we had an empty nest, then it would be a thrill to try and have some FWB in our community. The picture that we think might have hinted was one in the community pool (not our house). We agree in trying to avoid this situation as Sun&Moon suggested, but now we don’t want to seem rude, and think it could get even more awkward to just ignore a neighbor. As mentioned, we will set a meeting and will just be honest and mention that we would not feel comfortable in playing with neighbors (If it got that far), but it’s nice to see open minded couples in our community. We think the risk outweighs benefits. Thank you all for your advice.

Another perspective from a wife... Have you ever considered that it might intimidate her? I'm married to a man with a much bigger apetite than I when it comes to sex, fantacies or devience and it can be intimidating. It makes it much harder to share fantacies when you are playing with the big guns. Which is what you want to do here, get her to share her fantacies, safely. If you are the slower, with the lower appetite partner it can be risk sharing fantacies for fear they may be highjacked, changed, added to or even expected. just a thought maybe it's a consideration ;o)