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There have been a number of post like this one over the years and I can’t understand what’s so confusing about this subject. I’m not saying that my view of this is the correct viewpoint, I’m just saying that you need to view this for what it is, and if what’s taking place is alright with you then go for it. First swinging is the act in which a couple gain pleasure or enjoyment from sexual contact with other people. If one of you is having fun and the other isn’t I don’t consider that swinging. But that’s neither here nor there, if what’s taking place is what turns you both on whatever it’s called is irrelevant. What you need to do is to wise up to what’s really taking place. The first thing you need to know is that there’s not a woman in this country that’s going to make multiple six-hundred-mile trips to see a man that’s not rocking her world. You can call what she’s doing anything you want. The bottom line is that your wife has another man in her life. I will just say that if she’s telling you what you say she’s telling you, and you’re accepting that as fact. Then you may want to google the term GULLIBLE. The two of you wanted to invite another man into your play time to spice things up a little. That means he’s joining you and is expected to play by your rules. If he’s not happy with playing with the two of you in a three-some scenario that’s fine. Send him on his way and find somebody that is. All of this talk about wanting to make him feel comfortable and going along with what he wants is a crock. If he can’t get off doing what gets the two of you off, then he’s not what he represented himself as being. Your wife has feelings for this man and she wants her relationship with him to be exclusive. She doesn’t want you included in whatever is taking place between the two of them. We’ve only had a glimpse of what’s going on, but if what you’ve said is true you owe it to your relationship to either discover the truth or put an end to it before it’s too late. Don’t try to bog this down with labels, this man is searching for a relationship, and from the sounds of it he found the target of his search in your wife.

You're not "initwithher" but the other guy sure as hell is. It may already be too late for you but you need to take steps to get your woman back.

For us, The other couple we engage with needs to have a similar perspective. This is why it is so important to be clear what we each are looking for. I am a FWB person, amazing sex and great conversation. We may talk and share other details of our lives but not necessarily mix them, and on occasion participate in vanilla activities too. I had a recent and sudden loss and I reached out to one of my partners for comfort, no problem. My toys have batteries and can't carry on a conversation.

Your perspective is interesting. Out of curiosity, what’s your perspective of how other couples view you or others they engage? I personally feel as tho, for us to make this work, it must simply be about the experience and pleasure. I’m absolutely not looking for any emotional bonds nor anything established beyond trust of boundaries, responsible fun, discreetness. I personally would not classify that as anything beyond a business partner due only to the human element. Strip down to the bare bones, as a king, I only wish to serve my queen a toy so I may relax and enjoy without putting in the work and so we can both enjoy the fantasy. Once finished, they are banished until next time they are requested. For us, The other couple we engage with needs to have a similar perspective.

I don’t need to be involved, this is primarily about her! She craves being pleased and not as turned on about pleasing (selfish). I will say however that if it’s the right girl and the attraction is there, it would go both ways... at that point I may need to get involved (with her)... Or with the new toy!! We basically look at others as a toy...