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On a related note, we found that early on in our exploration of this hobby, we had difficulty differentiating between meaningful sex (that which we shared together) and recreational sex. Consequently, we looked for a strong connection between us and both parts of another couple. Most new couples do this and while it does happen occasionally, it's a rare occurrence. That kind of expectation really limits the erotic possibilities for new couples. We've since refined our selection process to where we are pretty sure that when we meet a couple from one of the sites, they fit within our parameters and at least appear attractive to us both. The intangibles, personalities, bad breath, dumb as a box of rocks, etc will still end an evening quickly. However, since we decided that we're not looking for couples to introduce to our kids or to tour Europe with and recognizing that our goal is fun sex, we try to view a couple as "doable" or not. This has led us to more than a few erotic encounters and even a couple of lasting friendships. We tend to shy away from couples who say, "friends first". We both think that is a backwards approach if you're simply looking for fun sex and a little variety.

Early on, we experienced this with a couple where the other wife had little interest in me and, as such, I could take it or leave it. But the other husband really wanted to spend some time with my wife. Long story short, they came to our room and it was one of the most awkward experiences every. We swore, never again. I think you know your answer but if it were us, take a pass and move on. From that experience, we agreed that either all are in or no one is in. Lesson learned and we were glad to have learned it because now all of our meets and playtimes are so much better.

You may offend someone. Apparently offending an individual or a group is a hazard of living in 21st century America. We came to the conclusion a long time ago that we owe no one anything other than minimal courtesy. If one or the other of you are not feeling it your choices are simple, take one for the team or say thanks but no thanks and walk away.

I'v always enjoyed being with men 30+ years older than me. Now I am with someone 64 and he loves a full bush. So of course now I have a full bush but it's neat. He loves it and honestly I do too... What surprised me is when he has other younger men join us. Surprised how many men in their 20's and 30's love that I have a full bush too! Seems to be normal for men 55+ that I am with to really love a full bush. So pleasantly surprised and happy!

"Letting them down easy" is probably not possible. Telling the truth is always the best solution to a difficult situation.

My husband wasn’t sure if he was ready for me to play with another man. He wanted me to play with other women and he wanted to play with women as well. We had lots of discussions and we agreed that he has to be okay with me doing whatever he was going to do. If he was able to play with a woman then I would be able to play with her husband. He agreed and we set up rules. We only play in same room and we do everything but penetration. It has been an amazing adventure together And we only go as fast as the slowest person.

One of the things about swinging (and life in general,) is that if you stick around, things change. If you two are happy with the way things are going, there's no need to change. (And, no, you're not being 'selfish.') If there's some concern about something, talk it over between yourselves, figure out what to do. And then, down the line, if the two of you decide you want to add something else, why not?

You will still have him to yourself. Does he have less of you because he lets you play? That has not been our experience.

Thanks for your response. I agree, we know what needs to be done. How should we go about letting them down easy? The last thing we want is to offend anyone.

Sorry Inw but I have to take issue with your math. While I do agree 4/5 percent of the population are none monogamous I don't think those same percentages would apply to a vanilla cruise. Of course as others have mentioned it can happen but most swingers vacation where their most likely to find more swingers. That would be a swingers cruise, resort or clubs. Because of that I think the percentage of non monogamous couples on a vanilla cruise would be far less than you would find in the general population.

To answer your second question first, I think it's limiting your options considerably with other couples "swingers". You'll find plenty of guys that are available however so that part of it should not be a problem. Just figure out how you want to do it. A cruise ship isn't likely to have many single guys. A club on certain nights will allow a limited number. Dating sights are full of them but expect to be inundated with communications. If your husband likes to watch you in all aspects such as flirting then you can go out to regular bars, sit apart to see who you might attract, hotel bars are a good place for this but be aware once you attract a guy's attention he may bolt when he finds out what you are up to. Is it selfish? That depends on the two of you. If he truly doesn't want anything else then no, it's not. He needs to be completely honest about that though. Some guys think that if they let their wife have what she wants then she will give in to him later. That's a recipe for disaster. Only he can know the truth, and perhaps at this point he doesn't know for sure. Why don't you like the idea? Jealousy? Just don't find that to be a turn on? Some other reason?

I wonder if people often use the term "Persian" to avoid "Iranian" since the relationship between Iran and the US has been a bit sketchy since...well, since Jimmy Carter. Besides, I think the world owes a lot to the Persian culture (when there was a Persia) for things like algebra, the first declaration of human rights, plus a whole bunch of people in Silicon Valley. If you ever want to try out an uncut guy, although a bit old, drop me a line. LOL No ethnicity involved, just an old-fashioned mother?