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The people on this board are consistently polite, helpful and clever. Your descriptions were all of the above. You are all fantastic, and Tricia, you are superb.

I didn't know what to title this . One of my pet peeves is people who respond to your profile with "Hi". That's it. Or anything short along those lines. I took the time to write a profile, take the time to put more thought into your message. I am not good at small talk, so my response will likely either not happen or be "Hi" back. Ask me a question, engage me. Even with my small talk skill deficit, I will still put more into a message than that. Does this bother anyone else, or am I just insanely picky?

Nervousness is just excitement for the unknown. Ever notice how quickly, once we've experienced something, that nervousness turns to other positive feelings. Nervousness is simply part of exploration. Have fun, enjoy the feelings and then enjoy how you feel moving forward.

I think we're beginning find out how subjective it all is. Hubby and I decided a while back we want to play - but with certain rules. And the worlds not going to end or our relationship be any less happy if it doesnt happen. We also don't want it to be just the physical act of sex/lust with strangers, but with someone or a couple we truly like and feel some sort of connection/compatibilty with on some level. Others, however, don't seem to care as long as they get their rocks off. For us, we know this means it could take longer to find the people/person, but we're ok with that. It's our lives, so whatever happens in that area will be on our terms. Even if we only get to keep on pretending and playing with toys, that great because we love each other.

I would like to state the reasons For playing with friends. I see on to Poll topic on this board this topic never ends. The great majority say don’t play with friends, not even friends you have made while playing with them. I ask, who better to play with? I understand some people like to have sex with strangers. No attachments sometimes without even know a name. Have sex, go home. I had one nighters as a single woman. I’ve had a number in college as well. To be honest I had guilt after one nighters. Self doubt. I know I am younger than most on here but I am sure the vast majority had one nighters. My intro to the LS was with a colle friend. I was the unicorn. It was a threesome and I had sex with a girlfriend. It did cause guilt. Guilt of having sex with a female. Guilt of cheating on my boyfriend. What I loved was having fun with someone who I have shared many other fun things with. Our relationship was not based on sex alone. I soon learned that other friends from college were into playing too. It surprised me at first. My boyfriend, who I have since married was upset with my newfound experience. I think with the help of a few girlfriends his being upset was turned into being the luckiest guy. For the most part our play friends are friends of mine from college and live hours from us. We have met new friends mostly from my old friends. We enjoy the parties we have gone to. We also enjoy tailgating, going to games, and just hanging out. Not everything is sex. Bringing our LS to our local friends was scary for me because I read the downside so many have written about. My husbands best friend and then my best friend. Our guy friend was very eager to play. Surprise surprise. What really amazed me was the willingness of my girlfriend wanting to join me and my husband. Both of these people are close friends who we enjoy being with. Our friendships go much further than sex. Sex has just added a new dynamic to what we already have. The only thing that might be better, and I did say might, would be my girlfriends willingness to be more open with bisexual play. I respect her and won’t push.

We saw this a lot from single guys but some couples as well when we had an online profile. I suspect the "couples" were male dominated in most cases meaning the guy did all the online stuff. In both cases, my analogy is that they are fishing with a trot line. They're putting a lot of hooks in the water, as many as they can, with a little bit of bait on each hoping the fish will do all the work and jump on the hook. If they put a thousand hooks out there and are successful 1 percent of the time that's 10 connections. You can't spend any time on any one couple(fish) though. You've got to keep moving and baiting. Writing and then copying and pasting a form introduction would be slightly better but it's easy enough to see through so the same 1% is probably going to respond. They need to be fishing with a crank bait. Cast a a single line and make a skillful presentation of the bait to the couple(fish), work it a little, maybe even throw it back to the same spot a few times if you know the prey is there.(A couple that openly says they want what you offer or a fish you can see in the water). Show them or tell them why it would be a good idea to bite and then follow up especially if there is a nibble. Just put it on your profile what you need to hear from them. If they can't read the profile and do what you ask they aren't going to be worth spending any time on. They're fishing with a trot line and obviously you need to see a crank bait. Don't waste your time responding. Just ignore them or block them and keep looking. Sorry if the analogy is confusing or offensive in any way.

As a guy this thread makes me feel like a cut of meat attached to a swinging penis...And I'm totally OK with that

We had a husband ask my wife, "Are you my girlfriend?" Since we were all four present at the time, I thought it was a joke. Laura didn't. She told him (leaving no doubt) that she was a wife, which left her no room to be a "girlfriend." I think some men (and women) enter the lifestyle not quite understanding the difference between "making love" and "fucking for fun," so they try to do the only thing that falls within their experience, make love. This was an aspect of swinging that Laura and I discussed in depth with a potential couple before we ever crawled between the sheets. "Sex for fun" was probably the most compelling reason we swung. (Swang?) (Swinged?) We could do it with other people, but our sex acts together always ended up with great emotion involved. With other people we could laugh, joke, and giggle when we came. Your friends seem like decent people. I'd arrange a discussion (not accusative) over dinner.

Here’s to friends We agree that friends make the best play partners

Classic... yes Auto-correct DOH!

What a wonderful response. Yes, truly "fascinating" insight, and I so agree with you, SW PA, "mercifully refrained". I'm not cut, so would the description include "wearing a hoodie?"

There's nothing to be nervous about. This is about as tame as it gets. You don't expose yourself physically or emotionally. You just watch. Plenty of swingers like to be watched. In a club there will most likely be a room set up for this. It may have couches surrounding a bed or something similar. Couples will start on the couch and if they're brave enough to be the stars of the show they may move to the bed. There may be a viewing area or even a big glass window you can look in. A club in our area that has a big viewing window expects couples to participate once inside the room. Stand outside if you just want to watch. Clubs may also have a play area set up with beds and sheer curtains around the bed or rooms with a sheer curtain in the doorway. Let the club host know you are new and get a tour, they'll inform you of the rules. Ask questions if you aren't sure. They are there to make sure everyone is comfortable and has the kind of fun they want to have.

So, there are some of us who do play with friends. I guess it depends on what you're looking for. If it's just immediate gratification, strangers work best. But if, like me, you prefer taking your time and building up to the act, good friends are best. When I was single I had a lot of one-night-stands with gals I'd pick up at a club. And I had numerous ladies that I dated. I can't remember a single name of the one nighters or even remember if the sex was good or bad.

Everywhere have played with were already friends. Don't ask me how the subject was breached, I don't remember. But it did make it easier to keep in line with our number one rule; don't screw up anyone's relationship. Not our own or others. Being friends first, none of us want to ruin our friends marriages, so we don't do anything to make any of the others mad. No private play ect. So far it has worked well. And been at it for 14 years.

First off (as already pointed out) confidence is very sexy...more than looks to some people. Work together on trying to become more confident and open. Second, don't waste a bunch of time with emails or texts online. If you find a couple that you think you may be interested in, set up a meeting with them for dinner or drinks. You will learn more in 5 minutes in person than you ever will learn about them online. This also quickly eliminates the flakes and fakes. We've met a bunch of couples where one of them were 'doing this for their SO to get it out of their system' or just didn't know what their SO was even planning. While couples like that are a waste of time, most won't ever agree to even meet (and the 'bad' couples do make funny stories to tell in the future). Don't just pick couples based on the pictures. Pictures can (and sometimes will) be old or misrepresentative of who they actually are. Plus, confidence is sexy. Personality is sexy. Humor is sexy. Lots of things other than looks are sexy. We have met some drop dead looking couples in the past who had personalities of a damp dish rag or just loved themselves more than life itself (everything is all about them). No thank you, next. Don't take lack of interest as a rejection either. If there isn't a spark, there just isn't a spark and pursuing things further isn't going to change that. They are doing you a favor if they are not interested. This can be tough since sometimes you will think a couple is perfect and you both feel a spark only to find out that they aren't interested. It's not personal, move on and think of the time they saved you. Finding a four way match is MUCH harder than finding your SO. You liked them and they liked you...simple. But finding another couple...you have to like both of them and they have to like both of you (4 squared instead of just 2). It's hard...but it is fantastic when you find that couple that matches up with you both. The effort is worth it when it happens. Sometimes it's good to take a break looking and come back after awhile. Putting too much effort into finding another couple can take away the effort you are putting into each other. Take your time, don't become too obsessed with looking, and just enjoy that you and your SO are even able to consider walking this path together. Very few people ever get to where this is an option. Take a deep breath and come back in a few weeks and see what you may find, or try visiting a club or house party as something different. There's not as many real frogs as you would think in the pond, but somewhere there is the perfect frogs for you. Sometimes you just have to wait until everyone is ready to hop. Good luck and let us know how things go for you.

First off: we are all broken in some manor...sexually, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Anyone who has lived any time at all has been broken in some way. You are not special in this and you are not alone. The trick is not to focus on your brokeness, but knowing that it is there, put it away and try not to repeat the same mistakes. When I first met Ms. Gold, she told me that she was all messed up, broken, but I didn't see the broken parts...and later I realized that what she took as being broken are things that I really kind of liked about her. What she took as a shortcoming, I take as a benefit and a positive. Don't dwell on your perceived shortcomings, know that they are there, but keep them put away. As for everything else: neither of you should be thinking about swinging or hotwifing or whatever at this point. Swinging is a team sport, something that you both do together to make a great relationship even better. It will also break a weak relationship, utterly and completely. Your relationship sounds closer to being a weak one than being a great one. That doesn't mean all hope is gone. Work on rebuilding your love, trust and communication. Make all three as strong as possible, and then return to this conversation. Relationships that have been together for awhile...well, there are usually things that crop up and break down, usually in communication. You need to bet back to a point where you can, will, and want to tell each other everything (without fear of punishment, shock, or retribution). Instead of thinking about bringing others in, maybe think of your SO as a new person that you are just starting to date again. Start over and fix the cracks in the relationship. Make the relationship strong again. Start doing the things you used to do (like dating). If you continue on the path you are currently on, I just don't see it ending well. It sounds like she is 'interested', but I worry that she is interested for the wrong reasons (finding a replacement instead of just finding some fun). Take a step back to reevaluate things and work on the relationship. You have cracked Pandora's box open, but before opening the lid any more, make sure the two of you are back in sync and working as a team again. Then and only then you can revisit the idea of swinging in whatever manner you want, but please work on where you are before you find yourself somewhere you don't want to be. Good luck.

It may just be a matter of taste, more than being rude or disrespectful. Different people enjoy different things which is fair enough. If your wife is still attracted to him I'd ask him to tone it down, but if it's so bad that your wife doesn't even like him anymore - then what's the point of discussing it? Just maintain the distance, say you're not interested etc.

Eddiem, everyone on this board understands you meant to write “preyed upon”. Probably an autocorrect change. But I’m trying to decide what would be worse at a sex club, what actually happened to you and your wife or on the other hand, having a group of people lay hands on and start praying for you.