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Regarding these first two very fundamental points, I must say that not everybody who presents as being a swinger understands them the way that my wife and I understanding them. On many occasions, especially likely to happen at a swingers' club, a guy will ask me in one fashion or another if he can have sex with my wife. I typically answer, with as much understanding and diplomacy as I am able, that this is a question for her to answer.

We found that SLS had a good selection of single males. Once you find the guy, go back and read Sawman's post again. He comes across as kinda 'oh and by the way' but this is excellent advise. Men will fall in love with your wife. Married men are less likely to interfere with your relationship. The husband should meet the guy alone beforehand and have a meal, a drink, and spend some time with him, always looking for red flags. In the end, YOU are responsible for placing her in his bed so take your time. The pool of men wanting to do this is huge and very shallow. It's the exact opposite of finding a female but just as frustrating. Good luck. Please be careful.

I'v always enjoyed being with men 30+ years older than me. Now I am with someone 64 and he loves a full bush. So of course now I have a full bush but it's neat. He loves it and honestly I do too... What surprised me is when he has other younger men join us. Surprised how many men in their 20's and 30's love that I have a full bush too! Seems to be normal for men 55+ that I am with to really love a full bush. So pleasantly surprised and happy!

This is an important yet subtle point. The act of asking you for permission to play with her most likely reflects a persistent notion of possession in their relationship. We imagine there would be less of an issue if you invited a lady to play and she responded,”I’ll just check in with my husband first.” The former situation assumes that authority has been delegated, the latter merely reflects how that particular couple had negotiated their own rules of engagement.

Yes, you are overthinking this. My experience tells me that any woman who has more than one choice waiting for her on a clothing rack will not decide until five minutes before you leave the house to go to an event. And even then the decision will wait until she makes you late. I had a look at your SLS profile. Your wife in no way resembles Velma. Please avoid the mistake of telling her what I just said; not, at least, using the way I said it. She is a Fee;good.

One more observation. Americans (and perhaps others who visit this board) are currently consumed with a contentious nomination to the Supreme Court. Political drama aside, "he said, she said" aside, we think there is an opportunity--and maybe an obligation--to reaffirm the foundational principle of swinging and the lifestyle: play occurs ONLY by mutual consent, and "no means no". For years and even decades, the vanilla world has focused on the "non-monogamous" aspect of the LS. With fair frequency, that focus is intended to vilify how we live and play. Perhaps the time has come to change the narrative and focus on the "consensual" aspect of the LS. While we would never pretend to speak for others, our perspective might be summarized: 1. We believe in autonomy: the right of persons to control what is done to and with their bodies. We believe that to be a fundamental and inalienable human right. 2. The exercise of that right involves a process called consent. Consent means that a person understands and agrees to whatever is going to be done with, for, and to their body. 3. Persons who cannot understand what is going to be done with, for, or to their bodies cannot give consent. Infants fall into this group, as do intoxicated persons, people with dementia and so on. 4. Coercion negates the validity of consent. The use of threat, physical power, weapons, confinement, starvation, or other force invalidates any apparent consent. 5. Consent is a process and is always voluntary. Autonomy requires that persons can change their mind and say "no" just as easily as they can change their mind and say "yes". 6. Marriage is a legal relationship typically founded on deep emotional and spiritual connections. Marriage never requires surrender of autonomy: intimacy can never be compelled. 7. Neither can monogamy be compelled. Couples (married or not) may choose monogamy as part of their reciprocal commitments and devotions. That choice cannot be assumed or implied; monogamy is voluntary and, as such, is an extension of the autonomy of both parties. 8. Consent requires clear understanding of what is intended, and equally of the risks. This is part of "informed consent". 9. Persons capable of making informed choices and giving consent must be able to do so willingly and without sanction or fear. The right of autonomy provides for the right to say "no" and also for the right to say "yes". 10. Persons not capable of making informed choices are unable to give consent to intimate behaviors. Consent to intimate behaviors cannot be implied, substituted, or delegated. Ever. Those in the LS might remark that "these truths are self-evident". Perhaps they are--to people in the LS. To vanillas, maybe not so much.

I know nothing about the subject, but that hasn't stopped me before. Why not take the more conservative route, Velma, and bring the other costume along so she could change during the night? My experience, though, with the LS community is that they are very accepting, friendly group. After all, they want to get laid! You won't get a lot of snarky stuff (well, there are going to be those people everywhere), but the reception is typically warm. My two cents.

I have been that third with much enjoyment all around. Dating sites are awash with men playing alone and happy with a couple. You are in a buyers' market. Look for intelligent communication and any physical features desired. A meet and greet beforehand should be a given, maybe just hub present. Location is a big consideration. A common complaint is about a single man who falls in love with the wife creating awkwardness and conflict. Attached men do not pose that threat.

I think he'll be sari!!

Depends what you want to swap her for? A new RV, a herd of goats?