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I'm sorry your first experience wasn't better. that it didn't meet your fantasy or expectations. That's never fun. And let me share our first experience, maybe it can provide some help. Our first experience would be labeled by most as a "bad experience". We were set to meet a man for a MFM. We communicated a lot before the day and during the first part of the day we were to meet. Flirting on the phone, etc. We prepped ourselves and began the 1.25 hour journey to the city to meet. All of a sudden, no more communication. Totally silent for about an hour before we left and during our drive. Experienced couples may have simply turned around and called it a night. We didn't think to do that, and we thought that if for some reason he backed out, we'd just enjoy ourselves and have a "date". As we got closer his communication began in earnest. Where were we? How long until ew'd arrive? he sent the address of a meeting place. began to flirt again. All seemed great. We arrived to find him intelligent, smooth, flirtatious to my wife and a gentleman. Respectful. Also, he'd obviously had a drink or two before, but no red flags. small talk, flirting, then dinner where my wife sat between us and we both played with her under the table, then to his hotel. At the hotel we all drank a bit more, and then he became obviously drunk, sloppy and aggressive, but no belligerent. We all sorta played, my wife stripped and danced. it was fun. Then it stopped being fun. He was just too drunk to continue. After a few quick glances, a node and a wink we decided to get out of there. He wasn't happy and tried to stop us. I vividly remember grabbing our things, the unopened champagne, my wife quickly getting mostly dressed and then we made for the door. A quick escape, down the stairs and past the shocked clerk at the desk. It was 3 in the morning, and here we are running down the stairs, partially dressed (no indecent), just obviously disheveled with a bottle in my hands. As we broke through the lobby doors and out into the cool evening on a quiet city street we both felt ALIVE. Just to be clear, we never felt in any danger. I am quite capable of taking care of us. I think at that moment we felt closer and more connected as a couple than we had in years. The sex was horrible, but the night was absolutely a winner. We'd actually gone through with it, We'd be venerable, we'd experienced sharing her for the first time and in the end we we're laughing, running out into the street as lovers, partners, and friends. I'll never forget that. I think there is almost always a silver lining. Enjoy.

Don't let a bad 'first' influence you too much. I'm remembering when I trained salesmen in the auto business. Most customers were nice, realistic, and good people but there were two types that met the extreme. One, we called,'lay downs'. They wanted the car and would agree on anything you said. The other were called, 'chiselers'. They would beat you down to the last penny just for fun. When a salesman's first customer was a 'lay down', I had a very difficult task of explaining that it wasn't always that easy. When a salesman's first customer was a 'chiseler', I had a very difficult task of keeping them from quitting. You seem to have had the swinging equivalent of a chiseler (difficult to like/want) on your first try. Now don't expect all of the rest to be lay downs (both perfectly compatible with both of you) but understand there are lots of acceptable couples, in between, that you both will enjoy, both in and out of the bedroom.

This might be the wrong thread.... so feel free to move it. How do people feel about squirting while swinging? So far, the way I have handled it is to stop myself from doing it or asking the person beforehand (if I remember). I can't always stop it, though, especially when I am really aroused and into the activities. Though I do it, I don't know that I would like someone squirting on me (hypocritical, I know). I am always embarrassed when I do it. Last night, with just the husband, I got going, lost count of the number of times I squirted, and oy the mess. Through 6 layers of bedding to the mattress. Huge spreading wet spot-- all on my side of the bed of course. I find it an inconvenience. Especially if I am at a club, someone else's house, or a hotel, I feel horrible about the mess. No one likes sitting on a wet spot at a club that they didn't make.

I admit I never heard the expression Devils Triangle or Boof before the SCOTUS hearings. Whether it is the definition given at the hearing, a beer pong game, or from what I know know as being with two men, I guess I have played Devils Triangle a bunch of times. As for Boof I have both definitions covered there. For me the definition given by the nominee is unashamedly more satisfying though I have been with guys who enjoy either definition. This weekend I satisfied both Devil meanings. The only boofing I did was in private. Don’t people understand the women don’t pass gas. So much for that. My team lost. We Are....

As far as wanting someone to photograph and/or film you, put a profile up on a swinger site such as SLS (you'll have to pay in this day and age,) and let the reader understand that all they'll get to do is watch. Select the person on the basis of their expertise with photography. Then make sure they use your equipment, or you're likely to have your pictures spread all over the internet.

Maybe this won't make sense to anybody else, but we've really come to appreciate having a small circle of friends we can actually be open about sex with. It's a big part of both of our personalities and it's just unbelievably relaxing to be able to hang out, have a drink, talk openly about getting off, and get undressed. That boundary can feel very cloying in vanilla friendships.

So, three weeks on, a few things have happened. We decided to go ahead with the plan. 2019 will be a busy year with a payoff, and last week we stayed in the city both to finish up our apartment hunt and meet up with our playcouple/friends. That led to be some frank conversations about their own experience and their semi-open relationship, which actually put Mrs. E at ease about some things. Some of these conversations took place in various states of undress and arousal, but it was the right environment to open up about it. She's come to the conclusion that intercourse is not the big (or practical) boundary she worried it was. We agree that there are plenty of rules as it is to keep us happy and safe that if it happens, it happens. We also signed and took the keys Friday. One year lease and month-to-month after that, to get us all the way through the year. A furnished studio in a good spot, use of a gym, buzzer entry, easy for us both to get to, and we picked up a few odds and ends for it and managed to break it in yesterday before we left. We're going to try to spend most weekends there through the end of the year to get things organized. We're happy with how this is playing out.

Well all righty then. Finding a guy on line is how you want to do it. Look over sites to find one that has the type of connection you seek. Craigslist used to have a specific breakdown of nsa hookup variations. That was good because you want your ad to be specific. A wide net will flood your inbox. A narrow net will flood your inbox as well but make it easier to cull. Specific title to start "Couple seeks respectful male for ongoing fwb relationship". Now, that will bring in the hordes. In the body, list specific needs and request how these needs will be fulfilled. This forces the replier to read and write. Grade his writing like a 7th grade English teacher. Low quality writing tells a story you don't need to hear. Ignoring your needs, means he can't fulfill them or didn't read the ad. Either way..delete. Your ad will be long, too long for most to read to the end. Toward the end, but not right at the end, put a sentence, "in the subj of replies, enter blue or your reply will not be opened". ANY reply without your keyword needs to be deleted without opening. Trust me on this. Now you can go thru the few remaining, and look for red flags. Start a conversation with the ones you like, do this together. Do not send pictures but you can request them. When you finally connect, keep your time together minimal and sex based. We (I) made the mistake of befriending the high quality guy we decided on. We took him on vacations and such. I could have easily lost my wife to him. Very rich, very good looking, very big dick that could fuck for hours, very in love with my wife. Love was the only thing that kept my under endowed broke ass with her. And lastly, enjoy ! btw, ALL the advise given was learned the hard way, before we found this site. Also, a pay site will work way better than our method which was craigslist. Low population kinda forced our hand, better luck to you.

Thanks all for the replies. I am grateful for the insights on this. This is new territory for us. @lovefest04, thank you for story. I'm glad you guys were safe and that it had a positive ending. Ours was not nearly as bad as that, but still a no-go. You are right about the silver lining: we talked on the whole way home and came to some conclusions: We were closer after the experience, even though it was pretty bad sexually. We appreciated even more how much we love each other and how great our sex life together is. The most common quickie between us, to quote my wife, is "1000 times better" than the MFMF we experienced. We're about 98% sure it was just this couple and not swinging that turned us off. So, we'll likely give it a go again, just not right away. It also made us realized that even though we were getting along well outside the bedroom, it was no guarantee in. Before playing with another couple, we're going to focus on find a fun single person to be with. We both came to the conclusion that another woman would be best as my better half is bisexual and I am not. But we are certainly open to playing with a single male too. Anyway, thanks again. As this is so new, it is good to hear from people that had been there done that. No pun intended.

Here's an idea: dress up as Hershey's candy bars. Plain brown smocks to the floor, silver stripe down the front, just like a Hershey's wrapper. One will say "Plain," the other will say "With Nuts." As the evening goes on, the "Plain" wrapper will be cast aside to reveal another outfit. I heard about this years ago and always chuckled.

Our first encounter was a good encounter. But we have had our disappointments. My wife and I are not afraid of "tryouts". The really good ones stick with us and that compensates for the no-so-good ones.

It was a factor in our discussions. My wife practices a form of Protestant Christian, while I am a Deist. We're fine with a very kinky sex life, and started swinging, though our first foray into said was pretty terrible. The way my wife, largely, rectified things is the Bible, the Old Testament specifically, is loaded with non-monogamous relationships, including one that, according to the text, was God's blessing (2 Samuel 12). For me it was a lot easier; the Light of Reason is what guides Deists, and there couldn't be anything more obvious than people like to get their freak on.

We love cuddling each other and swap partners. If we get to a comfort level where we can all snuggle together then there's nothing better. We look at the whole swinging thing as a gift to each other not to deprive ourselves of that schoolboy crush that is so much like a drug. To say you can only feel that once doesn't seem fair in life. If we snuggle another person even for hours, it's still that gift to let each other enjoy this feeling.

We found that SLS had a good selection of single males. Once you find the guy, go back and read Sawman's post again. He comes across as kinda 'oh and by the way' but this is excellent advise. Men will fall in love with your wife. Married men are less likely to interfere with your relationship. The husband should meet the guy alone beforehand and have a meal, a drink, and spend some time with him, always looking for red flags. In the end, YOU are responsible for placing her in his bed so take your time. The pool of men wanting to do this is huge and very shallow. It's the exact opposite of finding a female but just as frustrating. Good luck. Please be careful.

An excellent point you make. For me, the post-orgasm cuddling and joy can be with either of the two guys or other two women in our poly family, especially falling asleep in his or her or their arms. But morning sex usually energizes, making me more manic; a mid-day quickie even more so. The women in our poly family play with two other guys: a regular boyfriend nearby who we share (as we've entered out thirties, two guys in our family can't provide enough sex for three women), and Walter Lora's ex, just several times a year. With both of those guys our sexual activity tends to be in group situations, but the Afterglow is definitely there and I enjoy it, cuddling and sleeping with one of them if he's spending the night. Reminds me, however, of a song by Melody Gardot, If I Tell You I Love You, where she sings: But I say 'fore we go To the land down below, If I tell you I love you -- I'm lying But usually the sex with Frank or Walter is frantically intense before a second, concluding orgasm with someone in the family with whom I will cuddle into sleep.

Confidence. We both are drastically more confident in ourselves. This has spilled over into our vanilla life as well and I am glad for the personal growth. Also, we can talk about anything now. Before the ls, we still hadn't talked about fantasies that were outside the norm in any way for fear of judgement. Now we talk about anything and everything.

I see no problem with cuddling and enjoying the person you have just been with intimately. I think I would feel used if after his orgasm he got up and left. Then again I enjoy spending the night with a swap rather than a group sex party. My enjoyment is the whole night and not a wham bam screw. I realize everyone has their own rules. Our rules are "have fun". Kissing to me is a must. The afterplay is as important as the foreplay. Cuddling on my partners chest, even falling asleep in his arms and waking for more intimacy makes for a wonderful night. For me a night with a man is not much different than a night with my husband. The rule my husband and I have is that we don't forget who we are going home with. We both know it is sex and intimacy, not love, but making love is fine. Just so people don't jump on my response negatively, our marriage is as strong as it has ever been and we have been doing this now for a few years. We do discuss our nights in detail after. I only hope that my husband treats the other wife as well as he treats me and that she can enjoy the sex as much as I do the other 364 nights, or so, of the year.

We were in the exact same boat. We 'interviewed' a few men, first thru e-mail then in person if we found one interesting. We were very honest about our experience and expectations. Once we found a man she felt comfortable with, we had him over for an evening. She still wanted to be passive so I undressed her, blindfolded her and covered her body, then invited him in. About 10 seconds after the first sound of a belt buckle rattle, the blindfold and cover came off and she was off to the races. Now..Remember that a woman has to first wrap her head around the fact that she is going to basically flush her feelings of being a good girl and cross over into the slut category. There is not a thin line separating those 2. It's a big fat line, built on decades of social norms. What my wife did was hire a therapist and spent a couple sessions learning to deal with crossing this line. My wife has the most open mind of any woman I know. She was very open to me after a short time and told me she is fully ready to do 2 guys. As will probably be the case with your wife, it's not doing 2 guys that poses the problem. It's having the man she loves see her do something that is the opposite of what she vowed. Good luck and remember her feelings always.

Good luck. The feeling of freedom - irrespective of whether anything naughty will even happen - is quite a treat in itself x

I strongly suggest you take the very next exit, ‘cuz I believe you are currently heading for ten miles of really bad road.

Nudists don't look at nude gatherings like swingers do. If they want to gather for sex the like minded ones will gather someplace else

Yes - our very first couple was an absolute nightmare! We were all in bed together having a great time when the other couple starting arguing. Within a few minutes, it had escalated into a full-blown argument with yelling and screaming and stomping about. They carried the fight out of our house and onto our front porch -- all while they were still naked! Then the worst happened... He got in the car and drove off -- without her! Now, we used to live WAY out in the country -- no cabs, no busses. We had a llama farm, and a few cows nearby but that's about it. And here's an agry, naked women standing on our front porch at 1am. We had no idea what to do. We were mortified. For a half-hour, there should stood. She wouldn't come in, she wouldn't go away. Well, he eventually came back to claim his prize and we eventually got back to bed -- alone. Needless to say, it was awhile before we met with another couple Bob (and Sandy)