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By the end of the evening, there will be more than a few people wearing nothing...there IS no such thing as 'too slutty' or 'too revealing' at a swingers club...but she won't realize this until later in the evening of the event. Have her wear whatever she is most comfortable with and then you can both laugh about it on the way home. Let us know how things go!

Thanks all for the replies. I am grateful for the insights on this. This is new territory for us. @lovefest04, thank you for story. I'm glad you guys were safe and that it had a positive ending. Ours was not nearly as bad as that, but still a no-go. You are right about the silver lining: we talked on the whole way home and came to some conclusions: We were closer after the experience, even though it was pretty bad sexually. We appreciated even more how much we love each other and how great our sex life together is. The most common quickie between us, to quote my wife, is "1000 times better" than the MFMF we experienced. We're about 98% sure it was just this couple and not swinging that turned us off. So, we'll likely give it a go again, just not right away. It also made us realized that even though we were getting along well outside the bedroom, it was no guarantee in. Before playing with another couple, we're going to focus on find a fun single person to be with. We both came to the conclusion that another woman would be best as my better half is bisexual and I am not. But we are certainly open to playing with a single male too. Anyway, thanks again. As this is so new, it is good to hear from people that had been there done that. No pun intended.

Hello everyone. This is my first post and I hope to get my first experience. My wife and I have a good communication and a good sex life and from maybe 3 years ago she told me that she dreamed that she get fucked from three guys and she really like it and don't want to wake up. It turns me on and I had an amazing sex that day and from time to time I remind her with that dream. To see her talking about having sex with someone not me, it is really driving me crazy and in return I told her about that experience (which didn't happen) with 2 ladies before we got married just to see her reaction. It was ok, she was curious to know the story in detail and one time we talked about the swinging idea and she told me that when she was younger her boyfriend asked her to have some fun with another couple and she said ok but as she said she wasn't planning to do, just some talk and she didn't want to with him. However, now I want to start talking with her to do it and I don't know how to start or to ask her. Now we have 3 kids and she is more religious. Actually, I'm confused and need advice and suggestions from you. Thanks.

I admit I never heard the expression Devils Triangle or Boof before the SCOTUS hearings. Whether it is the definition given at the hearing, a beer pong game, or from what I know know as being with two men, I guess I have played Devils Triangle a bunch of times. As for Boof I have both definitions covered there. For me the definition given by the nominee is unashamedly more satisfying though I have been with guys who enjoy either definition. This weekend I satisfied both Devil meanings. The only boofing I did was in private. Don’t people understand the women don’t pass gas. So much for that. My team lost. We Are....

This is my first marriage as well. I couldn't even comment on the looks of another woman without paying dearly. I just got to the point that I didn't say much at all in regards to sex because it would be twisted into something it wasn't. To the question of the OP. I had a couple of short term relationships that I thought might lead to some sort of involvement with others, alas, it wasn't received well and I ended them because I knew what I wanted and knew there had to be someone out there who wanted the same. So I decided to try to lead with that since I wasn't getting any younger. I figured if it was important enough to me that it ruined otherwise good relationships it was important enough for me to find someone willing to hear what I had to say UPFRONT so as not to waste the time of either of us. I put an ad on a traditional dating site that I was looking for not so traditionally monogamous sexual experiences in an otherwise committed, loving and emotionally monogamous relationship.(the dating website made me reword my ad several times before they would publish it). I got several responses some positive and a few negative. I received one from the woman who would become my wife asking if we could discuss what my intentions were. After a couple of weeks( she was actually out of the country ) and several long emails detailing what we wanted from life, a life partner and the lifestyle we finally met. I had had some experience as a single guy after my divorce. She had no experience but wasn't naive. She was interested and willing to explore the idea. One thing that really appealed to me was the relationships of the people I got to know. They could talk about anything. They seemed like they had complete trust in each other and approached things as a team. That was something I never had when I was married. The jealousy never allowed it. I wanted that with my own partner. I have it. When we are out at clubs and people ask us how we met I tell them exactly how we met and that this desire and willingness really is a pillar that our relationship was built on. It's not the most important or the most significant but it is a part of the very foundation of who we are as a couple. It has been since day 1.

I'm not sure if you're upset with what I wrote or not, but I am aware that even the specifics of "touch-observance" are debated and have been since the middle ages, and that wife-swapping, while widely prohibited by rabbinical interpretation, has been known to come up since those days, as well. My basic point was that nearly everything in life falls, ultimately, on the person who has to live with it. Your preferred clergy might be a valuable spiritual guide and authority, but ultimately, they're not you and don't have to live out your years. If you subscribe to a religious doctrine, look at it honestly and do what you feel you have to do, because you're the one who will be living with it. If you conclude that you should adhere strictly to a specific doctrine's prohibition or couldn't live with being found out to be a less-than-perfect adherent, by all means, do that and don't let anyone talk you down.

This is great advice. I would add that if you are at that place where you can bring it up and she says she isn't interested it doesn't mean she never will be but you need patience to let it settle in. However it sounds as if she brought it up first in the form of "I had the(best, weirdest, funniest add whatever adjective you'd like)dream". She's thought about it at least in the abstract. It also means she does have a great deal of trust in you in order to be able to even relate the details of the dream. She had the opportunity before and turned it down "with him" as a boyfriend who obviously wasn't the guy she felt she was meant to be with so probably wasn't comfortable with the idea. That's what I see as encouraging. Here's the reality though. For some people it will always remain a fantasy. They can imagine themselves going through with it, it being a wonderful and sexy experience but when reality sets in it becomes a different story. I like to scuba dive. I have had so many people tell me they are envious of me being able to do that. They want to be able to but there is something inside of them that says it's too dangerous so they like to hear my stories and see my pictures and will never put on a BC. It's a response mechanism that is built in that we have to overcome. The same one that tells us it is dangerous to jump from an airplane or rappel off a cliff(both of which I have done as well). It's hard taking that first step when your mind is saying go, go, go but every muscle in your body is saying no, no, no. I've seen people get to the edge of a cliff but they just won't trust the rope enough to lean back. I've seen plenty of teenagers and young adults break down crying because they get mad at themselves for not being able to do it. They can't overcome the fear of what they imagine can go wrong. I will say that once you overcome that fear it is an incredible adrenaline rush.

There are some other threads on this topic as well that may help: Christian Swingers Religion and Swinging? Stealing this from our post in another thread. One other site that I have kept bookmarked is this: Monogamy Isn't Biblical, It's Roman I always wondered why the Old Testament had men marrying multiple wives and then it just stopped in the New Testament. This explains a lot of the why. Bottom line is we both believe in God and are religious, but we also believe that whatever anyone else believes in, as long as it makes them a better person and doesn't hurt others, is a good thing and should be allowed and encouraged. I would hate to be in front of the gates of heaven only to see Buddha or Allah or The Great Spirit was the 'right' God and have Him tell us 'you picked the wrong God...sorry, you are out'. I believe that this won't happen, but at the same time believe that God wouldn't be so religious exclusive (only one 'right' religion and everyone else goes to Hell). Most organized religion teaches 'be a good person and be nice to everyone else'...we do our best to adhere to this although we identify ourselves as Christian. Swinging is something that we do TOGETHER in the light, not behind the back of our SO in the dark. It doesn't 'hurt' either one of us and we do our best not to allow it to hurt anyone else. We don't see where it goes against our 'makes them a better person and doesn't hurt others' belief so we don't have a conflict or issue with the two. We try, as instructed by the Bible, not to judge others and keep our stone casting in check.

That neither of you were 'really into the wife' should have been all the warning you needed. Sometimes you will meet a couple that you really like outside of the bedroom, but if you are not interested in taking it inside of the bedroom, they are just good 'vanilla' friends. Finding a 4 way match is VERY HARD but if that match isn't there then one or more is 'taking one for the team' (one of our top rules to never do). You've now lived and learned a bit more, you just need to keep looking. Sometimes when you are just starting, it is easy to try to force a match just because you want something to happen. Be patient and allow it to happen. It may take awhile, but it's worth the time and effort when you find the right couple. Good luck and keep looking.

Thanks for posting an update. If we didn't want one, we wouldn't ask and I, for one, really want to know how things are going (good or bad). There's always Playboy's Forum if we want fantasy versions of what may have happened. Most of us are here to help others who are having problems navigating this lifestyle and want to try and avoid making the mistakes that others have already made. We want the truth and to try and help. Your wife said: Yes, it's called 'hotwifing' and is not as uncommon as she is thinking it is. It's also a variation of swinging. You wife said: So she is looking for a guy that she feels a connection with. ***WARNING LIGHT FLASHING*** Once again, we are ALL BROKEN in some matter. Forget about this and instead focus on how you are talking more than you have in a long while. Talking is a good thing. Not talking and her just leaving or having an affair is a bad thing. Talking means that there is still hope and love. If she is looking in a dating app, she WILL only find guys that want her to run away with them. If you want to catch fish, you can't go fishing in a parking lot. There just aren't any fish there. If you want to catch guys that don't mind the husband being there, the you look on swinging websites. Single men looking for exactly what she SAYS she's looking for are a dime a dozen (with a free dozen tossed in for good measure). If you do go forward with this, this part is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. It's called reconnecting where the two of you are reinforcing the bond you both have with each other. Very common in swingers, but only when the relationship is solid does it work long term. Bad idea. If you want to find a used car or garage sale, Craigslist works just fine (if that is your thing), but for finding a guy for your wife to have sex with...not so good. Most guys there are usually cheating on their S/O, may or may not be 'safe', and are probably looking to take her away from you. To find the kind of guys familiar with the things you need, look on swinging websites (Find Swingers tab at top of page). Fish in a barrel (if the barrel were to only have a bare minimum amount of water and was crammed full of fish). Once again, this is something that you should do TOGETHER and not something that she should head out and do on her own or without you. At least have the two of you look at swinging websites (most let you set up a profile for free) and see just how many guys are there and willing to participate. I still think that you two need to firm up the relationship a bit more before continuing, but it sounds like one or both of you are willing to move forward. Also, you still need to discuss limits and rules. We wish you the best moving forward and WELCOME and look forward to your updates. Good luck.

This is a very common question (nothing wrong with asking anyways however). If you don't know how to ask her, then you are not ready yet. Improve your communication so that you can talk about ANYTHING. Work on your trust until you both trust each other completely. Make sure that she knows and is reminded how much you love her every day, then you can just ask her if she ever thought about making this fantasy come true. If there is any doubt in her love, trust, and communication, she will just blow the answer off (and you will still have work to do). She might say that she doesn't want to make this fantasy come true, but if you are both at the same place and able to be completely honest with each other (including you telling her hot you think it would be) there is a chance that she will be open to the idea. Bottom line is you need to ask her and she needs to know that you are encouraging it to happen. There still remains a better than average chance that she will say that she isn't interested, in which case, you need to respect her wishes and let it go, but you won;t ever find out until the two of you can honestly, openly talk. Good luck and let us know how things go.

Yeah, You are kind of overthinking it but that's what women do. What's wrong with slutty and revealing? It's a costume party. If slutty and revealing make her feel sexy then go for it and have fun. No one is going to cast judgments about a costume. The sexier she is the more attention she'll get, Guaranteed!

I think you are funny Lioness. Maybe we should all keep calendars with our sex games. I’m also learning new terms. I guess I knew a gang bang was a train. When I was in school we would call someone who did anal a BuFu which maybe was Boof.

We're new to the scene, and our only sexual encounter with another couple wasn't great, but it has had some amazing benefits thus far: Our communication has gone from good to great. We have to be very open and very accurate. Discussing possibilities, communicating with others, meet'n'greets, and a recent encounter has resulted in super charged sex between us. Naughty talk during sex, at times, draws inspiration from our fantasies in this area. We've met some cool people in the process, even if we couldn't get together for whatever reason. Some of the wackier moments in the research, discussions, etc., have provided laughs. Thus far, shifting gears into this lifestyle has been a net positive, though our experiences with others is pretty limited now. Here's hoping our schedules are less crazy so we can explore more.

Maybe this won't make sense to anybody else, but we've really come to appreciate having a small circle of friends we can actually be open about sex with. It's a big part of both of our personalities and it's just unbelievably relaxing to be able to hang out, have a drink, talk openly about getting off, and get undressed. That boundary can feel very cloying in vanilla friendships.

We love cuddling each other and swap partners. If we get to a comfort level where we can all snuggle together then there's nothing better. We look at the whole swinging thing as a gift to each other not to deprive ourselves of that schoolboy crush that is so much like a drug. To say you can only feel that once doesn't seem fair in life. If we snuggle another person even for hours, it's still that gift to let each other enjoy this feeling.

Yes, you are overthinking this. My experience tells me that any woman who has more than one choice waiting for her on a clothing rack will not decide until five minutes before you leave the house to go to an event. And even then the decision will wait until she makes you late. I had a look at your SLS profile. Your wife in no way resembles Velma. Please avoid the mistake of telling her what I just said; not, at least, using the way I said it. She is a Fee;good.

I, also, think that it's got to be a completely joint decision to pick the third. And I suggest that you wait until she's really enjoying the threesomes before introducing any MM play into the play. Unless she's turned on by watching two men, which some wives are, that just might become your second, "I can't believe you did that"! If she's really onboard, it shouldn't be difficult to find what you're looking for. You'll be amazed at how many bi men there are who enjoy being a third with a nice couple.

Then you have got to bring it all out in the open with her COMPLETELY. Voice your desires and voice your concerns in the same kind of way that you would talk about any other major life decision. You mention that she said(half jokingly) that it's all up to you. What exactly does that mean? She doesn't want to be a part of picking the guy? I think it's important, especially starting out, that you are both in 100% which means she is directly involved in the decisions, has input and veto power. I'd be afraid that she would pull the same, "I can't believe you did it" line. By having her involved she can back out at any time and not put you through what you went through before to get back to this point. Can you live with her decision? Some people just aren't cut out for the lifestyle. It seems like there is a recurring theme on this board where fantasy and reality don't intersect. Some people can separate and compartmentalize the emotions of love, lust, desire, excitement, jealousy, compersion, etc. and are able to deal with each on its own. Other's just aren't wired that way. It's one thing to talk about the fantasy of it, it's totally different to see her actually go down on another guy or watch her fuck another guy and enjoy it for what it is or for her to see you do it. You have to make sure it's something she truly wants to do.

This is a perennial question. It seems more cultural than biological, in the sense that many cultures are used to casual nudity. It is a peculiarly American perspective that tightly links social nudity to sexual interest and activity. The usual dynamic seems to be something like the following... 1. There is a combination of angst and excitement about the first trip to a nude beach or resort. Indeed, the angst is so great that the American club or resort policy is usually stated as "clothing-optional" and allowances are made for first-time visitors. 2. On arrival, there are all these people doing what everyone does on their front lawn, or by the pool, or at any other place--except they are naked. They have scars, wrinkles, sags, bellies etc. They look like everyone else does stepping out of the shower. The conversations are about weather, cars, sports teams, youtube cat videos...indistinguishable from what one hears at any July 4 cookout. 3. It occurs to the new people (if they are still dressed) that they are suddenly the exception. Clothes come off quickly, the etiquette of carrying and sitting on towels is rapidly learned and the focus becomes getting enough sunscreen on to avoid resembling a boiled lobster. All of this is the antithesis of erotic. There is enough of the "will we fit in?" and "how do we introduce ourselves while naked?" angst and so on that sex is pretty far from anyone's brain. At most, people suddenly notice that it's a lot more comfortable being naked in the sun and in the pool or or on the beach.