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I guess we were pretty innocent at my high school. Or maybe it was just that the high-school yearbook staff were sufficiently sophisticated to not put stuff like this into a yearbook.

We were so innocent at Will Rogers High School!

This is true. "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor. ... " In the context of biblical times, that wife you were not supposed to covet was almost surely meant to imply any one of your neighbor's many wives. I'm not sure of it but I suspect that having sex with only one woman over a lifetime is an invention of Saint Paul.

I agree with all of the above, but for me the best thing to come from our swinging is our poly family. First, it was the openness of my husband to letting me keep my old boyfriend. Then my eventual openness to allowing him to have sex with other women that led me to discover my Lesbian side. That made possible the three of us joining with two other women in a committed relationship that now includes five children.

WILL NOT HAPPEN She could go naked, and there will still be others that are dressed "less conservative"...but you won't realize this until you are at the event. Wear what she is comfortable with but it will be better if she wears 'layers' that she can shed when she sees that she is overdressed

Don't do that. I will offer myself as an example. My wife and I are considered very successful in the lifestyle. I get no big kick out of watching my wife or any other people having sex. I have no interest in porn. I do not expect oral sex from a woman (although I have never met a woman who does not enjoy oral sex from me) and I know many women who do not offer it. I do not feel a compulsion to shout out, "fuck me, fuck me hard." I am actually a fan of good-old-fashioned face-to-face copulation. I do enjoy watching a play partner's reactions and playing to those reactions. Post Script: My wife gets no kick out of watching people have sex. You are not alone.

This is my first marriage as well. I couldn't even comment on the looks of another woman without paying dearly. I just got to the point that I didn't say much at all in regards to sex because it would be twisted into something it wasn't. To the question of the OP. I had a couple of short term relationships that I thought might lead to some sort of involvement with others, alas, it wasn't received well and I ended them because I knew what I wanted and knew there had to be someone out there who wanted the same. So I decided to try to lead with that since I wasn't getting any younger. I figured if it was important enough to me that it ruined otherwise good relationships it was important enough for me to find someone willing to hear what I had to say UPFRONT so as not to waste the time of either of us. I put an ad on a traditional dating site that I was looking for not so traditionally monogamous sexual experiences in an otherwise committed, loving and emotionally monogamous relationship.(the dating website made me reword my ad several times before they would publish it). I got several responses some positive and a few negative. I received one from the woman who would become my wife asking if we could discuss what my intentions were. After a couple of weeks( she was actually out of the country ) and several long emails detailing what we wanted from life, a life partner and the lifestyle we finally met. I had had some experience as a single guy after my divorce. She had no experience but wasn't naive. She was interested and willing to explore the idea. One thing that really appealed to me was the relationships of the people I got to know. They could talk about anything. They seemed like they had complete trust in each other and approached things as a team. That was something I never had when I was married. The jealousy never allowed it. I wanted that with my own partner. I have it. When we are out at clubs and people ask us how we met I tell them exactly how we met and that this desire and willingness really is a pillar that our relationship was built on. It's not the most important or the most significant but it is a part of the very foundation of who we are as a couple. It has been since day 1.

You aren't misunderstanding. I added more info that I wasn't intending to put in this thread so it wouldn't get confusing. Sorry-- it got confusing:). I agree with what you say, just have to work on him agreeing. It seems harder to find women than you would think. There are a few reasons in our situation which might play into that. I am wondering how he would find that with other women (other than at a club) where I would still be included (since, for us, this is supposed to be about us and we are both always present). I like kissing and double dildos-- so there is some I can get into

Neither of us simply "sit it out". For me, the show is not over when I ejaculate. There are things that I like to do with my tongue and fingers that keep my play partner in a state of excitement. If I get through my refractory period while doing that, I can enter again and do more in-and-out. The men my wife meets seem to do the same. My wife is not bisexual so the question of man hanging around while she does a woman does not arise. Within our circle of swing acquaintances, there are bisexual women and they often get together one-on-one during a house party. But they seem generally disinterested in having men hanging around simply to watch.

Just be upfront with new potential partners and never fake it. Everyone has their likes and dislikes. This lifestyle is to enjoy your likes.

From the time I met him up to the present, my boyfriend, now husband, let me keep seeing and having sex with my ex-fiance. A couple years later I overcame my jealousy and started setting him up with women, which was a good move for me because it opened me up to my Lesbian side.

This is great advice. I would add that if you are at that place where you can bring it up and she says she isn't interested it doesn't mean she never will be but you need patience to let it settle in. However it sounds as if she brought it up first in the form of "I had the(best, weirdest, funniest add whatever adjective you'd like)dream". She's thought about it at least in the abstract. It also means she does have a great deal of trust in you in order to be able to even relate the details of the dream. She had the opportunity before and turned it down "with him" as a boyfriend who obviously wasn't the guy she felt she was meant to be with so probably wasn't comfortable with the idea. That's what I see as encouraging. Here's the reality though. For some people it will always remain a fantasy. They can imagine themselves going through with it, it being a wonderful and sexy experience but when reality sets in it becomes a different story. I like to scuba dive. I have had so many people tell me they are envious of me being able to do that. They want to be able to but there is something inside of them that says it's too dangerous so they like to hear my stories and see my pictures and will never put on a BC. It's a response mechanism that is built in that we have to overcome. The same one that tells us it is dangerous to jump from an airplane or rappel off a cliff(both of which I have done as well). It's hard taking that first step when your mind is saying go, go, go but every muscle in your body is saying no, no, no. I've seen people get to the edge of a cliff but they just won't trust the rope enough to lean back. I've seen plenty of teenagers and young adults break down crying because they get mad at themselves for not being able to do it. They can't overcome the fear of what they imagine can go wrong. I will say that once you overcome that fear it is an incredible adrenaline rush.

That neither of you were 'really into the wife' should have been all the warning you needed. Sometimes you will meet a couple that you really like outside of the bedroom, but if you are not interested in taking it inside of the bedroom, they are just good 'vanilla' friends. Finding a 4 way match is VERY HARD but if that match isn't there then one or more is 'taking one for the team' (one of our top rules to never do). You've now lived and learned a bit more, you just need to keep looking. Sometimes when you are just starting, it is easy to try to force a match just because you want something to happen. Be patient and allow it to happen. It may take awhile, but it's worth the time and effort when you find the right couple. Good luck and keep looking.

Tex,everytime padoc appears on the bisexual section, do not argue. Just send him a dick photo. That's what he wants.

Its not a double standard, its a choice. We don't play with couples with bi men nor do we play with bi single guys. Your choices limit your available demographic. Live with it and quit complaining. Nobody is forcing you into a closet, there are couples who might fit your needs, too bad for you that its a way smaller group than swinging couples in general. And don't talk about tolerance. We're a very tolerant couple. We REALLY don't care how many dicks you suck just don't expect to suck mine or me to suck yours. That's our choice, it reflects our standards and what we want and enjoy. We do not begrudge you your fun we're certainly not "bi-shaming" (whatever the hell THAT is)you, we and apparently others are just not interested in getting naked and playing with bi sexual males. This isn't a civil rights issue, it's a simple choice that couple make for themselves and they have a right to do that.