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Your first step is a step in the right direction -- you are conducting research. Very few people are able to make an accurate guess as to what swing is all about. If you husband has never actively participated, anything that he imagines will not be correct. There is no one path into swing and active swingers define swing in different ways. My wife and I have been active for thirteen years and we hold the conventional view: going as a couple to private house parties or swinger-club parties where we are free to make hookup-ups with friends or find new sex partners. But you will read here about many other ways that people have encounters. Some, after gaining a clear view of what swing is, decide that they would not enjoy it at all. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask. This is a friendly place.

Brief summary: We had a very hot experience on vacation (two nights) and enjoyed it. Since then we've been searching for our next by meeting people on SLS. It's been extraordinarily difficult and we really AREN'T super picky people (I promise!). The following is a log of get-to-know dinners we have had. Aliases withheld to protect the innocent: Couple 1: No attraction. Couple 2: Attraction! But they flaked off after trying to schedule something a couple times. They would make contact again, then flake off again. :/ Finally gave up! Couple 3: No attraction. They were both pretty aggressive at dinner. Just didn't click. Couple 4: Attraction, especially to their personalities. We weren't comfortable with their interests in the bedroom though. Couple 5: Attraction! Had 2nd date planned but then the husband went *super drama* on us. We pulled the plug immediately. Couple 6: This one still has potential. We like them. Our schedules haven't worked out. We will see if we can make something happen next month. Couple 7: Attraction! But then...they wanted to trade videos (basically cybersex) while pushing back our first physical date. Then they pushed back our 2nd. We pulled the plug. Couple 8: This past weekend: we (by accident) were both going to a club the same night we made contact on SLS so we arranged to meet up there. Then we quickly discovered they must have had a pre-planned date with another couple because they rolled up on us and took over the conversation with these people. So we turned out being the third wheel standing there awkwardly while they talked. We drifted off and just danced together, etc. Never said another word to us. Very awkward. With that last couple: I mean...exercise some common courtesy would you? If you already have plans it's super easy to say: "hey we will meet tonight at the club! But we already have arrangements with another couple so we can meet briefly but then we have to carry on with our original plans! Hope you understand!" Well hell yeah we would understand, but have the damn courtesy to just let us know instead of blowing us off mid-meeting. We didn't expect to play that night with you since it was our first meeting...but we also didn't expect to be cast aside for clearly a previously planned date. So our SLS dinner graveyard heap grows. A couple of them were just lack of attraction which is fine. The flaking, drama, and inconsiderate type stuff is ridiculous though. I will say that even though nothing has worked out in the 6 MONTHS we've been trying -- at least we have had some hot together-sex in the bedroom thinking about a few of these couples. Thanks for listening to my rant! :p This swinging thing is difficult.

Much of the terrific advice above, and elsewhere on this friendly site, is geared to warnings and watchout and recognizing the potential lack of success. Mostly left out is the exhilaration, the incredible boost in the quality of your primary relationship, especially as it concerns your sex life. The positives are why we do it. We don't practice this life style to avoid making the inevitable mistakes. Yes, there are pitfalls, and finding the ideal foursome is just as difficult or more so than finding someone to seriously date. Read some of the stories, though, and see how uplifting it is. Good luck.

Do you have any off premise clubs in your area? They will obviously be lifestyle friendly but the atmosphere is more conducive to what you are looking for, sexy attire, roaming hands etc. The entire experience will be sexier but will allow you to direct your attention to those who you are seated with making conversations about activities more comfortable than in a vanilla bar or even a strip club. Everyone assumes that everyone else is looking for some kind of swap and will be open to the possibilities.

After our first full swap, a couple that we had been talking to in the club invited us to join them in parallel play on the same bed. It was every bit as hot as the full swap we had had an hour before. The fallacy of clubs is that they are a constant orgy from open to close. It just doesn't happen that way. Sure, couples hook up but it feels like to us that more are there to watch, be watched or simply absorb the sexy atmosphere. Hookups actually take some time and work and they don't always happen for a variety of reason. If you choose a club be confident in your boundaries and be able to articulate them, As long as you can do that I don't think it will be seen as "chickening out" but more as respecting your own rules.. Most swingers will respect them and some will be willing to play at whatever you comfort level is. Seek those couples out, reevaluate your boundaries often and move forward at the speed of the slowest participant.

First off, welcome! We hope this site helps you find the answers you are looking for. All swingers are one point or another are right at where you are now and had many of the same very valid concerns and questions. Yes, I think a club visit would be a great idea. Clubs can be very different from one another, and even different nights of the week at the same club can have a different vibe. I'd suggest Saturday, usually "couples night", would be the best choice. And, it's worth the travel to get to a club that you think will be a good fit. Like a lot of things in swinging, trying to force something that you don't have a good solid feeling about up front usually doesn't turn out well. No problem going to a club with no intention of going any further than sharing a room/bed (perhaps). As long as you are up front about what your limits are with people you meet, then not a problem. No need to tell everyone that just says Hi exactly what you are there for, but when you run into someone who you think is interested in more than saying hi, then good etiquette to gracefully work that into the conversation early on just so everyone knows where everyone else stands. It's usually pretty easy since part of swinger making polite conversation with new people they meet usually includes the "so how did you guys get into swinging?" or "how long have you guys been swinging?" questions or some variation of that. I agree that SLS or whatever site is most popular in your area can be a good resource even at the stage you are at. It will help you find events in your area. For example, an off-premise meet and greet may be a good stepping stone between where you are now to an on-premise club. Good luck, and happy to have you here with us!

We were one year before we met people with whom we clicked. But here's the thing. After you find an experienced and worthwhile couple, they will introduce you to other people who will introduce you to other people . . . You'll then be off to the races.

Dinner is overrated. Depending on what you have it might slow you down, bloat you or God forbid cause flatulence. LOL

First off: Depends on what you are looking for. Are you just looking for another couple to play with or are you looking for FWB? Answer pending... It's always polite to ask if you can share the room with another couple. Usually the couples will talk before they go find a place to play, but if you find a couple playing and want to join in, then once again, you just need to ask and explain what you are interested in (ie: we're new to this, is it okay if we have same room sex?) Yes, no, just be polite and put yourself in the other couples place...what would you want another couple to say and do if you were already on a bed and they entered the room? Not at all. It seems that most 'swingers' are either young (20's) or empty nesters (over 45). Age and/or experience will not be a problem at all. Can't help you with the final question but I'm sure that there are others that can. Set your limits and rules and have a great time. Let us know how things go!

Do your exploration together, but he should understand that you still might not be interested and he will need to accept your answer and not pursue this any further. Some people (most) are not 'wired' for this, and that's fine. I appreciate your willingness to do the research before making your final decision, but your husband needs to know that it is YOUR decision and honor it whatever it may be. We have met a couple couples where the wife wasn't on board or interested (or seemingly just didn't know) and I'm sure that they didn't have a very pretty conversation on the way home. Please, feel free to ask questions and let us know what you both decide.

This is the thing to keep focused on. Even you have said that you still have an iron or two in the fire. It's HARD to find that four way match, but just keep looking and it will eventually come...

Yep. I think meeting someone at a club and just going into the back might be easier. As for the connection -- we don't necessarily want to go shoe shopping with people in our down time, but at least being able to have a nice dinner before getting to business might be nice.

I will not pretend to read Sawman's intentions in making his recommendation but I will suggest that many people become members of SLS simply to learn about house parties, public and private, that are not listed at the hypertext link that exists at the SLS log-on page. You can also learn more about swing clubs as there are conversation areas similar to the conversation areas here at Swingersboard. Some are specific to particular clubs. Yes, a profile must be created when you join SLS. But you need only tell as much about yourselves as you believe prudent. Tell people that you are new to swing and that you are in a learning phase. Photos are not requited in an SLS profile.

Hang in there! Completely understand some people wanting a connection, make friends that kind of stuff we found that the online thing was way too time consuming for all the reasons you mentioned. Clubbing isn't guaranteed either but it does kind of eliminate the flakes. We will meet a couple or single, get to know them a bit and talk about what we're all into then move things along one way or the other. Attraction is relative to what we each find attractive. Personality and a sexy, flirty attitude can overcome a lot of less than perfect physical attributes. What can I say, I'm just a man whore. If a woman makes some direct eye contact and flashes a sexy smile at me I'm pretty much ready to go. The wife can be the same way at times.

Hang out here in the forums and get used to etiquette, custom, and language. The more you interact with like minded adults the easier it will be to find your particular space in the lifestyle. Post an ad on an adult site and see who reaches out. Reach out to couples who seem like a nice fit even though distance might be a barrier. Good communication is the ultimate intimacy. A club is a good start assuming you can find one. Look around, talk, get used to the scene. Age will not be an issue. The attraction must be mutual and there is no accounting for taste.

I was out fishing with a friend just yesterday when I caught a fish. One of the guys that was with us made a comment about it being a 'small salmon'. I quickly pointed out that fish are like breasts: what is more important, the size of them or just being able to see them? Size doesn't matter, seeing them is all we care about.