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I felt confused, ashamed, excited, exhilarated. I was confused because I never even thought of doing it. Ashamed because I felt that I cheated on the man I love. Excited because it felt great and I wanted more. That first experience opened up my mind and changed my life for the best.

If we were all wired to be gay, then mankind would have died off a long time ago

Let me start by saying it is totally your decision. Does it matter to you who the father is? It is implied from the fact that you're bringing the question here that you do not agree with your husband's position. In the end it is you who will live with the joys and tribulations of the decision that you make, and as with most women/mothers, be the one to raise the child. Put your husband's wishes aside for a moment and think of what you want. If you are considering keeping the child against you husband's preference, I suggest that you immediately get legal counsel to determine the rights of your child; they vary by state. And it is the child's rights, not something for you to bargain away or waive on his or her behalf. Your husband may have an obligation by reason of being married to you, and obviously the biological father has an obligation to the child. Do not feel as though you are being unfair to the men, it is both the law and the consequences of marrying and/or having sex with you that they may have to pitch in to support a child. We in the poly family (we are mostly monogamous) have discussed the question and all agree that if one of us women became pregnant and the time was right for a child, we would keep it regardless of paternity. If it was not a good time, considering all factors, we would have an abortion, regardless of paternity. And call it was it is - an abortion. An abortion is what it is - at this point it is not a "child" or "baby", it is a potential person. And it is without shame if that's what you decide to do. I have not had an abortion, but would if that was the right decision at the time. Both Lora and Clair in our poly family have aborted, before any of us met. They made the best decision that they could at the time. It is your decision and your decision alone to make because it is your body and you will be the one most affected either way. Weigh the factors, make your decison, then go on without regrets.

from Oklahoma, Nshvlleswingers! Thanks for a thought-provoking question. I won't try to advise you since such a decision is personal. I'm sure you'll do what is best for you and your baby. "Much more than a seed is required to be a father." Monahseetah, The Thunder Moon, 1869 I found out when I was in my sixties that the man I always called "Dad" did not provide the sperm that resulted in my birth. Yes, Dad knew, but it never affected his love for me. I never knew my sperm donor. I can safely say he has not affected my life. I only found out who he was when I had a DNA test done by Ancestry. So far I've learned that he was born in 1899 and died in Oklahoma. If you raise the child, never lie to him about his origin. If you give her up for adoption, never look back. "It's not the blood that flows through your heart, but the heart that flows in your blood." Monahseetah Yellowbird, The Fattening Moon, 2016

ViSexual, I think you have been here long enough to remember when ANY mention of M/M activity on this board would bring a truckload of venom and vitriol. Now, there is still not equilibrium between FF and MM posts/activity/acceptance, but it's a damn site closer than it was a dozen to 14 years ago. That gap will probably continue to close for the foreseeable future. Based on what I'm seeing around the groups my daughter runs with (mid 20's), it is just another thing with them.

I have been able to stay semi erect after cumming if the wife is on top. If I slow her up to a rocking motion I can stay in and cum a second time. I am pretty sure that the second load is not as big. It helps if she can have another orgasm or two too. A secret she has learned is to reach behind her and massage my balls.

Your questions deserve answers. Until around about two years ago Red and Clair did not have a sexual relationship, now they do. It is complicated, but had its origins in what those two believed about the relationships. Now we all have sex with each other, except between the guys. The other parts of it are: 1) Lora's ex-husband, Walter, plays with us occasionally (like three or four times a year for a couple of days) whenever he is back east. [backstory - Lora and David lived together (and planned to get married) before he and I met, but Lora's parents are proud black folks and put tremendous pressure on her to marry a black man. I met Lora independently at the gym and we started socializing. I was fascinated, not jealous about her and David's past, and got them together again. Lora and I also share a Lesbian side and a strong attraction for one another.] Lora first played with hubby, then me, and later Clair and Red in our forming poly family. At that time Lora was just dating Walter. He was then brought into the fun and it all seemed great, and they got married (Walter is black), and Lora thought she had it all - a good life with Walter, happy parents, and the chance to be with my husband. But long story short, Walter and Lora moved to California to advance their careers and Lora realized (and I believe my husband did as well) that they were deeply in love. So Lora decided suddenly to leave and divorce Walter and move in with us. She now also has a child by David as well. David loves me as much as ever, but I believe that he loves Lora more. But I'm happy with that and for them. Plus Lora and I love each other, both romantically and sexually. 2) As everyone in the family passed thirty, we found that we three women have a greater desire for male sex than the two guys (not counting Walter) can provide. As I've told in another post, Clair as the stay-at-home mom meets a lot of other mothers. One woman (Becky) whose husband (Frank) and child we had already met, confided to her that she wished that she could find a safe sex partner for her husband because she has a severe negative psychological reaction to having an orgasm or even sexual stimulation. (I posted a link about the condition in another post about them.) After carefully dancing around and approaching the subject, we ended up with an arrangement where Clair, Lora and I have sex with Frank when the need and opportunity arises. Sometimes it's something quick at their place or ours, and sometimes we all get together on a weekend where Becky or another one of us women watches the children and we all just have fun. Messy, often literally, and complicated but it al works. Any other questions?

As it should be, good for you. I wish that I had the knowledge to have started at least a few years earlier than I did at 17, but my background hadn't prepared me. Without a doubt, there are people who sexually abuse young people, and abusers need to be stopped. But the answer is not to prevent teenagers from having all sex, a major joy in life, at a time when they are most physically ready for it. The answer is to prevent abuse, make sex possible without pressure, and on teenagers' terms. A woman who I know had a two year affair with a married man while she was in high school - a professor at a university where she went to a summer accelerated academic program. She did what she did with him on her terms and ended it when she went off to collge, because she was ready to move on. Now years later she looks back on the whole thing (the seduction, the intellectual adventures, the sex) as the most exhilarating experience of her life. BTW, she now has a Ph. D., is married with three children, and yes, her husband knows. He believes it is part of what made her what she is today.

Well, there's always the Playboy TV "Swingers" series, that's about as pro as I've seen!

This seems to be the rare case where some communication worked and avoided a lot of drama. Like other posters have said, single guys are a dime a dozen, if one isn't working for you both throw him back and put on fresh bait LOL

In my experience as a single guy with various couples, I've run into some couples who have "rules" and boundaries that they set up, and I don't see your situation as being any different than that. I would much rather have someone be upfront with their preferences and what makes them uncomfortable. That way I know it's not just ME! If you explain your situation to your partners, and they know what they are getting into (no pun intended), then it's up to them to either move forward with what you are comfortable with or bow out gracefully and find another partner to engage with. As couplers mentioned, not only is symmetry overrated but is probably pretty impossible to find on a regular basis.

"If she is quiet and laid back it’s not a turn on" I've been in my share of situations where the woman (almost always in an MFMF) is less than assertive, but willing. In such situations, I try to take it slow and easy, paying a lot of attention to her and building her up. Almost always I've been able to get her to a state of excitation, if not orgasm, and that's a treat for me. But you're right, a woman who's intent on working with you for a great experience for both of you is the best.

I don’t know how you see your friend cumming inside. You may watch him him have an orgasm but if he is in your wife his ejaculation will physically be in her Hidden from you seeing. The question of cumming in or out is a little perplexing. If you are having sex without a condom you have thought about the risk of STDs. I would think you have already taken precautions for pregnancy. When I am having sex with a guy, or for that matter a girlfriend, I would want them to keeep going until they orgasm. I would feel cheated if a guy stopped before I orgasmed. I can’t imagine someone stopping just before I was going to cum. Not every guy gets me to orgasm but to stop just before wouldn’t be right. I don’t get the Rules. No kissing, no cuddling, no cumming. If I could take you in my mouth and let you cum why would I stop you from cumming in me there.

Let's put it this way, it is easy to be a unicorn, difficult to find one. Unicorn comes from the word unique or one unit, someone who is different from all others. Trying to fond a unicorn is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Good luck with that.

Are you sure? No one comes inside me - condom is compulsory, except with my husband. They can cum on my tits. face and anywhere else, but no entry without condom.

"Unicorn" is a broad, ambiguous term, just like "bisexual." So likely there are women who want to play the way you two want to play. Just not as many.

A great source of (almost) useless information is Urban Dictionary. Have to frequently check Faniky Guy and Daniel Tosh phrases.

We have been to Desire several times including our honeymoon. THAT is a blog topic all by itself!

Thanks, guys. And if you haven't been to Desire, we highly recommend it!

It's hardly a sad tale. I wanted it and enjoyed it.

No judging here... we play the LS game and this can happen. I have to be honest I have fantasized about my wife going through this as well and what would I do... Never fantasized past that point. A tough one but since you are both in the LS then there is the risk.

Adopted here so I also will tell you that it takes more than sperm to be a father. Never even was interested in finding my 'real' mother and father since I already know who they are...the people who raised me. As for telling the other two guys, HELL NO. This will only possibly cause more problems. Since it sounds like you are going to give up the baby if it isn't your husbands, what is the reason for telling the other two guys? Sorry to hear about your problem and wishing you the best with whatever you decide to do.

Lol, guess that was a poor choice of words. If you figure out how to go pro please let us know how as well.

Hmmm. Interesting concept. Is it possible for me to develop into a professional swinger?

This might not be a popular answer, but with regards to telling the other people-- if you aren't able/willing/ready to handle the fact that they may have different desires (i.e., keep the baby, they raise the baby, etc.), I would probably not tell them. Especially if you are not 100% certain, at this point, who the biological father is. I am surprised I am saying that as I am very much a direct/honest person, but you have to look at your motivations for telling them. I can't imagine how isolated you feel. It is hard enough with other swinging issues, not being able to talk to your friends about it, this is another level altogether. All of this, and anything anyone else says (unless they have been in the exact same predicament) is moot for you. No one can know exactly how they would respond in a situation until it happens -- they only have how they think/hope they would respond. Good luck sounds so trite....but good luck? and virtual hugs.

Wow, this is a tough one. I think Alura gave very wise advise, as he typically does. If you and your husband are ready to be parents, and it sounds like you are, have the kid and raise it as both yours. If not, you should consider adoption or abortion if neither other choice is an option. Just realize that that is a tough decision that you’ll have to live with forever. Good luck.

Did you consider the possibility of separating amicably and you raising the baby alone? It's not clear from your post whether it's just hubby not interested to raise someone else's child or both of you. Do you have children already? Do you (personally, not both of you) want to have children? At this stage? Ever? If you terminate, what are the risks to your future pregnancies?

Petra, I do have one question. In your arrangement, it is pretty much everyone doing everyone with the exception of Red/Clair (I think). Might have been someone else, but I do believe that was it. Perhaps you should post a spreadsheet!!!! Anyhoo, if you don't mind my asking, why nothing between these two? Is it just simple lack of sexual chemistry? And have they even bothered to give it a shot?

Swinging is something couples do together as part of their sexual dynamics as couple. Taking a buddy off by yourself and leaving your spouse behind because it's "more comfortable" is just fucking another man. Finding a legitimate single on a swingers website or swingers club for an MFM is also swinging. Fucking your husbands pal while his wife is home alone and unaware is adultry and just plain crass and will get you an invitation to the Jerry Springer Show and someone is going to end up getting whacked with a shoe. This is just not a good situation no matter how you slice it.