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The problem will always be the problem: People who just like the style will wear it without knowing any attached meaning. Also, if it ever caught on, then anyone that knows what it means will know what you are into. Take the rainbow...originally it mean that you like rainbows, but now if you see a rainbow (say on a car as a bumper sticker) it more than likely means that they associate with the LGBT community. Any form of 'secret' identity for swingers will just be the same. Most want to remain anonymous, but anyone who knows what the symbol means (weather they are a swinger or not) will know what you are into. Unfortunately, there just isn't any way to have a 'secret' symbol any more.

I've obviously been hanging out with the wrong people!

It must be more difficult for single males and there are so many single men available at age 25-40 that 50 plus single men are at a disadvantage. We are an over 60 couple and we find a diminishing population of peers. Health problems, performance problems, maybe people experimented and are done. We’ve met single men who have paired with single women to play as a couple. That could be an alternative.

You'll be fine. I don't think most people in the lifestyle will think much of it. It's really kind of how we roll. There are some women who have the fantasy. My wife being one of them but it is more about a single guy. I think if we were to meet and get to know one another as couples and we found you sexy and confident it would be more about just one couple with another rather than it having anything to do with the fact that your are an IR couple.

Please read and re-read what CandDinCo stated. Embedded are the values of honesty and of honor. It may seem odd to newbies to mention these values; they are constant among those who embrace the lifestyle. You will be asked for permission to be touched, kissed, and to play. Different from the vanilla world where rejection is something to be feared, in the LS it is something that is honored. This is not mere etiquette--it is the foundation of the LS. Joining the LS involves a conscious decision to be vulnerable--but not in the way most vanillas think. Ask a vanilla what s/he thinks the LS is about, the conception almost always begins with sex with near-random partners and the vulnerability has to do with being compelled to have sex when you don't really want to. Ask an experienced LS person what s/he thinks the LS is about, the conception almost always begins with a different framework for relating to others and the vulnerability has to do with being told "no" and having to accept that decision immediately and without explanation. That is the foundation of the LS: no one will think less of you for saying "No", no one will pressure you to say "Yes". The social grace of "No thank you" is always appreciated, but a simple "no" is sufficient. Now here is the surprise. Once you get used to the fact that "no" is never questioned, it feels a lot safer to say "yes". This is why experienced LS people always advise newbies to discuss their boundaries and to respect their own boundaries. We know that those boundaries will likely change with time. What matters is that you (plural, as a couple) check in with one another about those shifting boundaries. Now here is the second surprise. As those boundaries change, you will see each other through new eyes. How you respond when you see others are attracted to your partner is up to you. For those of us who remain in the LS, padoc is right on target: the attention of others will "amp up" your marital sex life in ways that keep you grinning for weeks to come.

Personal limits are important for you as a couple. We all have them. As long as you and your husband stick to your boundaries, experienced swingers will respect them. Swingers are not cheaters and we are not predators . Those are common misconceptions people not in the lifestyle have. We don't force ourselves on anyone.

Why would / should we trust FDA or virtually ANY Gov agency?

I have fantasies I keep from my partner. There are a couple, in particular, that I know for a fact do not turn her on and, honestly, I am fine leaving them as a masturbation fantasy. For me, the roles of sharing fantasies is to discuss things that turn you both on and/or to negotiate new things into your sexual life. For me, if I know one of my fantasies will not turn my wife on and if I do not want to try to make it part of our shared sexual fantasizing or real life, I feel no need to share it, in fact I would find it a little selfish to do so.