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Thank you all. I think I just became obsessed with a non-problem. I did build up the nerve to ask a guy friend and he told me he never gave it a thought of how I looked down there. When I asked what may have been too many questions he did say my larger clitoris is a turn on not a turn off. My husband had said the same thing but a spouse can’t always be believed when it comes to those things.

Hubby and I went to a Halloween party at a local club. It was fun dressing up and meeting people, but I was not prepared, and may have inadvertently offended a nice, attractive young lady. We arrived at the club, and met some nice folks. It was going to be a busy night, and one of the regulars offered a tour, which we gratefully accepted. During the course of the tour, he introduced us to the owner of the club, who was also very gracious and welcoming. After the tour, we decided to reserve one of the remaining tables, in view of the growing crowd and minimal open seating near the dance floor. After an hour or so, an attractive woman in her mid-30s came to our table and introduced herself. She said right off that she was a unicorn, and had accompanied another couple to the party (they were all cutely dressed in a matching theme). She said that she had noticed me and my husband, and wanted to get to know us better. We chatted for a while, and told her that we were newbies, and we're just here to check out the vibe and get a feel for the place. She told us about her history in the lifestyle, and commented that she knew how we felt as first timers. After visiting for a while, we thanked her for the meeting and she headed back to her friends. 10-15 minutes later, she came back and asked me to dance. I was admittedly a bit surprised, and looked at my husband. He smiled and said "why not?" I then joined her for a dance. It was fun, but was the first time that I had ever danced with a woman, especially with both of us dressed provocatively. I enjoyed it, and admittedly encountered some new to me sexual excitement. After the dance, she joined us again at our table. We chatted further, and she shared some more about herself with us, and her experiences with other couples. She asked me if I would like to join her in one of the activity rooms just to talk and get to know each other better. I appreciated her candor, and told her again that we were enjoying ourselves at the party, but wanted to just watch and take things slowly for now. After a bit more conversation, she excused herself to return to her friends. She came by a bit later with another nice lady in tow, and asked me to join them on the dance floor. I politely declined. After that dance, she came back to our table again, this time sitting across from my husband. We chatted again for a while, and she asked him if we would like her phone number. My husband politely declined, telling her that we hoped to see her again at a future party to get to know her better, but we were not yet ready to exchange contact information. She then said that she loved his Scottish Highlander costume (kilt and all) and asked him if she could sit in his lap. We had as a couple agreed that tonight was "look and talk only", so he politely declined. She then asked for and received hugs from us before saying that she looked forward to seeing us again soon. I told my husband that I had never been approached by a woman before, and frankly was not prepared for it. It was very flattering, though. It gives me a lot to think about. When hubby and I were talking about things on the way home, he asked me how it felt to be approached by someone of the same sex. I told him that it was interesting, and although I am somewhat bi-curious, I wasn't ready to do anything about it yet. I guess that time will tell.

It is a truism that the ladies run the LS. “No” indeed means no, it is non-negotiable and it is irrevocable. “No” is also the default response. Avoiding “no” and getting to “yes” requires sensitivity and skill. Some tips... Speak to her, speak with her. She makes the decisions. The gentleman she is with might be her protector but he is not the decision-maker. Charm matters. Respect matters. It may be a costume party. It may be naked in the hot tub. It may be at dinner. The setting is irrelevant. She is a lady and expects to be treated as such. Consent matters. Ask. Do not assume. Accept the response gracefully. Think before you speak. Ribald humor might or might not be welcome. Locker room conversation is almost never welcome. The LS is about relationships. A gentleman does not kiss and tell. Discussing past partners is almost never appropriate. There is one exception: your spouse/significant other. Describe her as the queen that she is. Make it clear that there is no competition, nor will you compromise your respect for her. Loyalty and love do matter—they make the LS safe for all those other fun things. Create a private moment. Your potential playmate does not want her choices and preferences to be known except when she chooses to make them known. If you are getting to “yes”, be sensitive that she may want to “check in” with her spouse. She is going home with him, not you. If you get to “yes”, remember that it’s about her more than it is about you. Listen. Make the memory wonderful. Say thank you. You might be asked back.

We've always taken "soft swap" to mean everything short of intercourse. It seems like "without orgasm" would be a much finer line. Hands go down pants and up shirts on vanilla dance floors, wives visit strip clubs with husbands, or couples would call a chat line (when chat lines were a thing) to talk dirty for laughs, but that's why I found that phrase "dirty vanilla" amusing. Lots of vanilla couples enjoy that kind of play, but would never consider themselves to be "swapping" or swinging at all and would definitely be having an argument if somebody actually unzipped their pants and had someone else get them off. On the flipside, I realize that depending on culture, some couples see oral sex as a much more meaningful step. In the vanilla dating scene I spent my twenties in, oral sex was part of heavy making out and didn't really imply anything about the relationship at all.

One thing always confuses these conversations for me. That is a lack of definition of what people mean by Soft Swap. We are soft swap , but ours is pretty much full spectrum, save only intercourse and one or two small things we barely do with each other. There have never been any complaints, most often requests for repeats in the near future. Just one of the other couples were "soft swap only" and they gave as good as they got. Smiling faces and limp bodies all around. For other people it is partial nudity and touching only with your partner. Like I said lack of definition.

I think about in half my MFM's the guest would like to suck my husband's cock, but he doesn't let them. But, some of them lick his cum from my pussy. It gets them so hard and me so wet again that I have an orgasm and he fucks me again. I also once fucked a gay couple and thoroughly enjoyed watching them suck each other, while I joined in on both sides. Very hot, indeed. I love fucking gay couples more than bisexual couples - only a matter of degrees, I love all kinds of sex.

No one can be prepared for every eventuality; boundaries are helpful when used as you used them. Now that you have experienced first hand that sexuality has more dimensions than you anticipated, and further experienced that "no" really does work, you may want to begin distinguishing between "not right now" and "never". In between lies the space of possibility and of fantasies that could be fulfilled.

I've quoted Mrs. E on this before, and will do so again, that if she had known what she was missing from listening to the high school nuns, she would have rather spent her college evenings on all fours in a men's locker room.

I had read an erotic story about a couple playing with a remote controlled egg and wrote a story about it myself. The story was about a couple going out dancing and, when the wife was slow dancing with some guy, the husband would click the remote. We laughed about the story and then headed down to Wildwood to the adult toy store and bought one. Now my wife only wore it out in public one time but we played with it at home a lot. The look on her face when I hit the remote was just simply priceless. But it was also a bit too obvious for her to enjoy in public. But, boy oh boy, I sure did.

I like to get under the wife while another man is fucking her so I can lick her clit and his cock at the same time. I like him to pull out once in a while so I can taste her on his cock and I love to clean her after he has cum in her. SKY.

Norcalswing, I had always wanted to touch another guy's cock. I finally got the chance when my wife and I met a couple to party with. I was invited to hold his magnificent, very big cock . My wife asked me to get him ready for her. She asked me to suck him, get him hard and wet. Then guide his giant cockhead up to her pussy and rub him around. Then she asked me to push his cock that was twice as big as mine into her. I came without touching.

So there we were, two days from our next event and I had not a single nerve or doubt about us. Usually I'd have unnerving anxiety, be fearful of him being with someone better or feeling inadequate.. but it had been well over six months since any playing, and tons had happened in our relationship. To my surprise and happiness, I felt nothing but excitement and longing to find a couple we could swap with at our next event. I WANTED to see him with another woman, I wanted him to have fun and I wanted it for myself as well. I wont go into the details of the evening, but we got just that. I wasnt worried prior to the event, I wasnt worried at the event or felt the need to establish myself as his wife in front of others or during our group (us and two other sexy couples) soft swap. Or even once back at the room. It was free flowing, relaxed, sexy and charged. I remember briefly looking over as my husband fucked the other wife from the back and either it was the sight of him that made me shiver in orgasm, or her husband smacking my ass as he fucked me from behind. The next day (despite not having had our "reclamation sex" yet due to small children) and even into yesterday and today, I cant stop thinking about how sexy my husband Is, how much I love him and I even linger longer on our hugs. It took me quite some time (about 3 years) to really grasp the idea. Not that whole "push through and hope for the best" but really grasp it. There are few things as amazingly sexy and reassuring in this world that you can have whatever little sexy fulfillment your heart desires WITH YOUR SPOUSE without repercussion, punishment or resentment, rather encouragement and praise. AND get to go home with them and bask in the afterglow. When sex is no longer the constraint and "cement" to a relationship, you both reach new heights of love, compassion, compersion, appreciation and respect for not only each other, but for yourself and you begin to realize that when you dont have to hide from that "one person" you can flourish in any situation. Perhaps I'm just now feeling the "honeymoon" effect of the LS but this last event really made it click. Not sure what the reason or rhyme, maybe it was time and experiencing that he still hasn't left me despite swapping. It took time and reassurance and talking even when he and I didnt want too , but here we are, on the other side of the "learning storm". Not entirely because you can always learn something new, but the "societal norm storm" has dissipated and I owe a large part to this board. To those battling the fight, it may not happen tomorrow, or next week or month or year, but the point in case is that patience, understanding and self reflection are key...oh, and obviously COMMUNICATION, LOVE AND TRUST. Cheers to the sexy, life changing adventure. Xoxo

What Alex said, only nicer I hope. One of the reasons we enter the LifeStyle is for variety. Your wife seems to be enjoying this gentleman in a different way than she does you. This actually should be encouraged. Because he's 'different' does not make him 'better.' If your sex life with her is enjoyable, just enjoy it. Yes, if you bring it up time after time you will seem petulant, and this may act as a deterrent from her even being with the other man in the future. Is this what you want? Good luck.

We have 2 couples that we play with and trust them 100% so for us its not a issue plus you feel closer to them and thats what works for us.

Sucking another mans cock with his or your wife watching empowers me. Knowing that i can suck him much better and knowing if he had his choice of either his wife sucking him or me, i know he'd pick me just makes me feel powerful. Pulus its a huge turn on for the wife.

Well, my young fellow board member, there are a lot of us men who prefer small breasts. And I, personally, love a large, wet, vagina. You know, in double penetration, it's so much better if both of us guys are in it together. And, from getting to know you a bit from your posts here, I'm betting that you're one of the first picked by the guys at parties you attend. Now I've always been a bit larger than average but I loved an old joke about a guy who wasn't; The joke was about a man who, when dropping his underwear in front of a new partner, was asked, "who do you plan on pleasing with that"? The man didn't hesitate to smile and reply, "me"! If you're having fun in the lifestyle, that's all that really matters, huh?

You're not crazy and you're not alone. I'm, actually, the same way. One of my most memorable swinging situations was the very first time my wife and I swapped with another couple. My wife and the other husband had sex first in private and then me and the other wife had our turn in private. Then all four of us sat together and just had the best conversation we'd had in the three years we'd been friends. I think that swinging together brings a friendship to a wonderfully higher level. But it wasn't long before we were all four together in the bedroom. Me and the other wife both enjoyed watching our spouses having sex. Then she and I had sex again. By the time we were finished, my wife and him were about ready for another interlude and I remember taking his wet cock into my hand and guiding it into her wet vagina. That was so hot. We were young but if this had happened years later, I'd have had my tongue enjoying their connection too.

I totally agree about the differences in cocks. I think the two I've enjoyed the most were total opposites. I was with a crossdresser who had the smallest cock I've ever seen. His was, at most, three inches while totally erect. It was like being with a woman with a large clitoris. The other is a friend of mine who has nine inches of beautiful cock. Now I enjoy rimming women but he's the only man I've ever rimmed. He had just showered and was squeaky clean. He was laying on his stomach and I was massaging him. I reached under him to get his cock and it was long enough to pull up between his thighs. As I took it into my mouth, I could see his nice ass cheeks and went ahead and licked his ass and cock at the same time. Just as he began ejaculating in my mouth, I let his cock slip out and fucked his anus with my tongue. He was quite appreciative!

I love how you said getting fucked made you feel feminine. I think that is only natural.

I wouldn't say it's more popular, it's just wayyyy easier finding single guys than single girls.

I can see this, yes and no. On one hand, I sort of had those feelings when my wife and I started fucking around together. But they quickly went away with the feeling that "it's not gay if a woman is there.' So I easily started kissing/eating my wife or his wife after she sucked off/was fucked by another guy, did DP, did DVP. Since the guys butt fuck our wives and each others wives, the guys sometimes now do it to each other. So it evolves as time goes on, as it always does. And yeah, so on the other hand, if most guys are sure homophobes, then why is MFM so popular over FMF? If two guys are doing it to one woman there's go to be some ball knocking and friendly fire expected.

I think I would like to try taking it in the ass. I'm afraid it will hurt though. The thought of a guy unloading deep in my ass is very arousing to me. Especially if my wife were watching!

With me being a Domme, I'm into strap-on sex with guys.

I have always found it curious that the position of giving oral sex is considered the more submissive. For me it can be either and usually find it dominant to be sucking. The man being sucked is completely under your control, if you suck at all well. He is the one that loses control and cums to your ministrations. Yes, guys can get aggressive and fuck your mouth, which can be a turn-on or turn-off. If I'm not into being fucked in the mouth at the moment, the guy trying quickly gets the message that the sucker is truly dominant. The most submissive I've ever felt was in a DP with my wife. I was on the bottom in my wife's pussy with her facing me and the other guy in her ass. It felt completely as if he were fucking both of us. I didn't move, yet I could not help cumming quickly from the delicious feeling of him rubbing against my cock, fucking me. Have never tried anal sex with a man because it would have to be the right one whether I was fucking or being fucked. I would like to explore both, the dominant and the submissive. Both are exploring sex and there is so much to explore.

Now this is going to sound a bit lame but, I enjoy the conversation. Of course I enjoy sucking a cock but, I think what I like most about having a buddy who I share the bisexuality with, is the great conversations. With vanilla friends there is just too much that you can't talk about. With women we all have to watch how crude we talk, right?