Leaderboard

You have to stop everything (at least for the time being). People seem to be always asking the difference between swinging and cheating...well, this is it. She cheated on you KNOWING that you didn't want her to go alone to see someone she didn't know and have him tie her up. You just were looking out for her safety (something important when you are swinging) and she didn't care. She wanted this more than to honor your commitment, your trust, your wishes, and the agreed upon rules. Until she can reestablish your trust, all activity needs to stop and (obviously) she can not see this guy again. You are 110% in the right here and she is completely wrong in what happened. If being dominated and tied up is her fantasy, it could have been arranged where this could be made reality, but not the way she did it. Swinging is something that is done with the two of you in agreement, even if she is going by herself. Finding a way to fulfill her fantasy where she was safe is not that hard to do. You didn't need to be there, you just needed to be included in the plans and comfortable with her safety. You both are going to need some time to repair the trust and communication breakdown before continuing. You will also need to make sure that she doesn't see this guy again. Don't take this too lightly: she wanted to submit to his dominance and HE may want her to do it again and she may very well do it. He's a Dom, his job is to be in control of her (I know this is a greatly simplified version of the D/s lifestyle, but I don't want to spend the time getting sidetracked here with explanations...being in a D/s situation myself I understand that the sub GIVES control to the Dom so the only control the Dom has is what is freely given by the sub but she has already given him that control). Since this is something that she is at least interested in, maybe you need to see if you want to step up and become her Dom...? Anyways, we wish the both of you the best and that you are able to repair the damage that has been done to your relationship. Please let us know how things are going.

I think you two need to reassess your participating in this hobby. What she did was indeed unfaithful and was a betrayal of trust, one could even call it cheating. It may have been just the moment or the spine tickling thrill of something new and illicit and potentially dangerous but it was clearly a horrible decision on her part. You can work past it, but until you do, involving others in your sex life would likely be a trust problem for you and drama for the other people. Good luck.

Thanks for your positive and uplifting msg. Ow we have reinvigorated our efforts to find the right couples again.

We looked for single men. We had a lot of meetings where the guy would basically ignore her and focus on me. I tried to do some coaching for the guys I had hope for. Unfortunately, these qualities, if not a natural part of a person's personality, can be acted. Then you may end up with a guy that is lost in the bedroom, and everywhere. Every successful mmf we had, started with a guy who had a natural way of dealing with people that made everyone comfortable. That comfort always translated to the bedroom. Be careful with that list, best to keep some secrets.

I've posted some responses to other people's questions from time to time, but now have a question/situation of my own I'd like to get the community's reaction to. I'm a mid-50's male who's been in the lifestyle for just under 20 years. I've had a great time in my 40's, meeting with couples, houseparties, and using online sites like SLS. I recently relocated, and have been trying to start from scratch again, for lack of a better term. Here's what I'm noticing: 1) For couples open to single men, there seems to be an upper age bound of 50 in their profiles. 2) Fewer and fewer couples in their late 40's, 50's and up seem to be in the lifestyle, possibly for health reasons, one or the other not feeling attractive anymore, etc. Or the wife is interested in younger studs only. 3) I live in a relatively affluent retirement/tourist area, and would think it would attract some open-minded people. But I wonder if couples who have been in the lifestyle for a longer time already have a network of friends they turn to and are not interested in meeting any new people? I'm still have good energy, enjoy the lifestyle, and have all the same attributes I did a few years ago when I was more successful at meeting people just a little while ago. But throw in the usual amount of flakes and "just curious" and it seems to be even harder to meet serious, fun couples. It has always taken persistence and patience as a single man, but it seems like my "target market", for lack of a better term, is getting smaller and smaller. I'd like to keep going as long as I can, but is there a time when it's just not worth it? I'm not looking for sympathy here or "poor poor old man" LOL.....but I would like to hear what others here think.

Some of my best fantasies about my wife are the things that she is doing when she is having some one-on-one time with a lover or a couple. Things that she might not feel comfortable doing when I'm there. The difference, at least for us, is that we play with a small circle of other couples, so for us it's not "a one night hook up," these are friends, lovers.

Dave and I do like to meet other open-minded couples and singles for what I like to call the 'whatever' play. I too have been with several gay couples and first started liking to see guys suck each other when I was in my first year in college. Most of my boyfriends were not up to big cocks, but both my husbands had no fears. Dave has the biggest cock of my guys, and I love to see it get swallowed up by other couples, and we both are cum lovers, sharing snowballs with other couples. Of all the places I have lived, Las Vegas has the most same thinking couples like us.

Thanks for asking about an update!! As you can see by the picture nurse was worn.This being our first LS party we had a blast!! We got to the hotel lucked out and parked where we could see everybody walking to the party.Trying to size up and see if we measured up nerves running wild!!LOL After seeing a few people enter we decided what the hell talked about doing this for a long time now so lets go..Remind you we both never done anything remotely close to this married over 27 years, high school sweet hearts.Walk up to the table payed our dues enter the ballroom of the hotel.Found us a table this being the 2nd largest party they host tables were a premium. We were greeted by several other nurse/Dr couples wasn't long before we were up and dancing kinda reserved at first. We made our way around chatting with other couples wasn't long until we settled in and were real comfortable. DJ did a birthday dance which we have never seen, wow all I can say!! Thats when it all broke lose BJ's, men giving oral, toys etc etc LOL.. After the BD dance was over we hit the dance floor again nothing like watching your wife slowly pull her breasts out and seeing men stop dancing and stare. She was dancing topless had another nurse lady come and suck on here breasts while she was grinding her ass in my crotch WOW!! Totally blown away by all this!!. Took a break the nurse and her husband asked us go to their room both were attractive but we had already decided that we wasn't going to let our emotions get the best of us just here to dance/flirt. Went back to dancing wasn't long before she worked up the nerve to hit the stripper pole never in my life seen her move like she did on that pole!! Hell it took 48 years for her to come out of her shell and I'm loving ever second of it!! I love having her back to me while we danced so i could caress her breasts and slide my fingers inside her panties and finger her hearing her moan was incredible before we new it after midnight decide to call it a night we had an hour drive to get back home. We couldn't wait to get home!! Wife has talked about the party almost everyday since then, we are looking forward to attending the New Years party she's already picked out her outfit and I can't wait. If all we ever do is dance and flirt I'm happy! if we do find that right couple Im sure I will soak up ever minute seeing my wife in action I'm sure I want last long watching/hearing her being pleased/pleasing someone.

Well said Fundamental!!! I have always viewed the chance to be intimate with the other wife as a gift and I endeavor to treat her as exactly that, a precious gift. Further, I expect the other guy to understand that Mrs Doc's agreeing to get naked with him is also a gift and she (and I) expect her to be treated in the same way. It will quickly become apparent to her if the guy doesn't grasp the concept and if not, the party is over no matter how hot I think the other wife is.

LOL... this reminds me of a time we were in a club and playing in a "dungeon" type area. Another couple came and played, they motioned for me/us to go over. I did, but then got trapped in between a table the lady was on and her guy standing behind me (issue 1-- not a fan of confinement/lack of escape routes), the woman was rude to my husband (issue 2-- I am tend to be protective of him), the guy starting fingering me, but was going in/near ass then vagina (possibly by accident) and his hands reeked of nicotine (huge turn off for me) [issue 3-- duh], and, finally, the guy put my hand on his penis (over clothes). I felt his penis was larger than I like (I prefer small to average penis size)). So that was issue 4 and code word to my husband that it was time for us to go. The guy did not take it well. I was walking away after saying whatever I said to get out of the situation, and he was laughing to his wife saying "Ahhh, look, she is scared". Ohhhh.... that pissed me off. Took everything in me not to wheel around and give him a piece of my mind. I chose not to engage and continued walking away.

My ol' pappy: "Shouldadones don't count." The past can't be changed. You and your wife need to accept that and work (together) to resolve the issues her actions caused. Rules are commonly broken. It may be time to look at those rules and decide if they are serving your needs. Laura and I only had one rule,"Don't make love with anybody else." Easy to keep. Monahseetah: "Look to the next sun, not the last."

Didn't the swinging lifestyle start with "Wife swapping" and "Key Parties"? Those both allude to separate room play.

Reading this was like having an ice bucket poured on my head. I don't think I am pushing her to do this. We have talked about this a lot before taking the next step. I can't remember who was the first one to suggest we go out and do it. When we couldn't find the Unicorn I think it was my idea to find a couple. We discussed it. We knew that a couple wasn't what wanted, it was just an answer to something we couldn't find. We weren't looking for her to have sex with another man. We were looking for something more than that. Last night I had to ask her if I pushed her into this. Was she doing this to satisfy me or was it something she really wanted to do. She assured me she wasn't doing it for me, it was for us. That bothered me, I wanted it to be for her and for her to enjoy a new experience. I asked why she stopped when we were with the couple. We had both agreed that they were both as perfect as we were going to find for our first time. The wives even spent time together alone shopping and having drinks. There had been absolutely no pressure from me. That night she was more excited than me. What made her stop? I said to her you looked like you were having fun undressing and even kissing and touching a little. Why did you stop? She asked if I was mad at her. I assured her I wasn't mad. At the time I thought someone did something wrong. Had no idea what went wrong. Then she told me why she stopped. She said this was supposed to be about us. She said we always talked about being in bed together with someone and enjoying things together. Her She said it might seem funny but she wanted romance. If she was going to do something she wanted my body next to her to feel what she felt. She said she stopped because two men were fully dressed watching. She was uncomfortable being watched on a stage. I assured her that she was right to stop. I think I appreciated that she wanted me in bed with her. I felt bad that I was good just watching her. The couple we met said they would do anything we wanted to do as long the husband would be there. He could be dressed or naked, in bed or just watch. They offered to have a manage with him sitting out. I am not an exhibitionist. Having sex in front of another guy is not something I thought about. We will see where it goes.

When I politely decline please don’t tell me I don’t know what I will be missing. That is a big turn off, I know myself well enough and any not now becomes not ever.

I would also add, check-in throughout to verify that things are going okay and everything is still good. Consent can change, especially if you don't know if you are going to like something because you have never done it. Should the burden be on the woman to stop things and say no? Probably. Many females were raised (in the US) to preserve relationships and not make waves ("be the good girl", "don't hurt their feelings"). So, sometimes, saying no, or that you thought things would be okay but they are not, or expressing discomfort can be difficult for some women (men, too, I am sure, but this thread is about women). This can be made worse when two couples are playing, because if the woman's partner is having fun, perhaps she won't want to interrupt that. Easy enough thing to do-- check in with her to be sure all is good. I know, I know: "it interrupts the flow" (whine). Well, better than the alternatives where the woman has a bad experience. Even if you have a boundaries talk beforehand (which should happen), boundaries can change.

The group I go to always gets a suite here in Vegas. Aria is nice and so is Cosmo. Most are actually nice. lol

Good morning and welcome to The Swingers Board. Hopefully you and your wife can spend some time here. There is a lot of information that can make swinging more fun, less dangerous and such. You guys set out some pretty simple rules for swinging. I'd expect the condom rule to be the one to get broken. If your wife wants to be with guys alone, and she has, statistically she will again. You just have to decide what course of action to take. Can you handle her going out with a guy alone? How did you feel when she told you about it? What are the consequences if she continues if any? I don't know your age, length of relationship or anything but the little you tell. My tiny perspective tells me you are being manipulated. I get the impression she has some deep sexual desires that need satisfied. She convinced you to swing in order to explore within the marriage. I don't think she has communicated all of the reasons she wants to be doing this, which needs resolved. She may have desires that she is hesitant to share with you, at least not yet. You can be brought into swinging in a fairly vanilla way and slowly be introduced to more variety as time goes on and the shock value lessens. Before you know it you are hosting a bukakke gang bang and thinking, this is normal. Probably not, just saying be careful. You have the right to be comfortable in this situation.

Certainly there is. Our couch, for instance... Honestly, age is a number. Sexy happens between the ears. 'Course its best if some of the naughty bits are involved too.

My late wife and I called it "Spouse Sharing," separate rooms or not.

Smile is the first impression, but the personality is more important than anything else.

That's easy. Her smile. It is the sexiest curve a woman has.

@ Ncal: Mrs Doc was in Orlando for a weekend in June for work related meetings. She skipped out on the saturday night dinner to check out Secrets. She had never done a club without me but we had wondered about the place and so I encouraged her to go and have fun. If she liked it, we'd have made another trip together. She wore a very sexy low cut dress and no underwear. She was underwhelmed! The place was not very welcoming and what crowd there was not very attractive nor were they or the staff very friendly. If you're going to be at Paradise over a weekend and want to visit an on premises club, Eyz Wide Shut in North Tampa is a LOT closer than Kissimmee and we've had some fun nights there.

I got a chance a few weeks ago at a convention in Vegas. Started talking to a fellow from SLS who liked cocks. We talked on KIK and hit it off pretty well. Met and had a cocktail and talked at the casino bar then went to my room. We quickly got naked, his member was enormous, especially with what I was used to. Mine is 7 long and 1 3/4 wide and his was a bit longer and wider. I think he sucked me first, then we rubbed our cocks together. We then got into a 69 where he got me off with his hands and mouth. I tried to swallow him all but I think I need a little more practice. He got himself off and I was there to catch his load with my mouth. Kind of quick but fun! He sent me a photo of a threeway swordfight the next week!

Can't see mid-50s as a problem in itself but befriending a regular female playmate so that you can play as a couple when needed will definitely broaden your options.

I know nothing about the subject, but that hasn't stopped me before. Why not take the more conservative route, Velma, and bring the other costume along so she could change during the night? My experience, though, with the LS community is that they are very accepting, friendly group. After all, they want to get laid! You won't get a lot of snarky stuff (well, there are going to be those people everywhere), but the reception is typically warm. My two cents.