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To quote Nancy Reagan "Just say NO!" You probably should not blame a guy for his status. You can't blame a guy for trying. You certainly can blame him for being obnoxious about it. From us: The first guy we would have told to take his wine and drink it elsewhere. The second one would have gotten a swift and firm NO THANKS NOW LEAVE.

Recently we have had several evenings ruined by very pushy single males. A month or so ago we had arranged to meet a couple that we had made contact with on SLS at a club. We were having a fun conversation, then a single male actually sat himself down at the table with us and poured himself a glass of wine from our bottle. When us couples decided to move to a play room, we literally had to close the door in this guy's face. Another weekend at the local Nude resort, we were having a conversation with an interesting couple, again a single male gets between us and tries to take over the conversation. We finally decided to leave and call it an evening, and return to our room. This guy asked if he could join us, what room we were in, he didn't get we were leaving because of him. At this point we would really enjoy a couples evening, however all of the local clubs allow single men, and so do the advertised parties. Looking at SLS Hot Date many of the RSVPs are 50% single males. We are not against playing with a single male, but that is the exception not the rule, we really want to play with couples. Has anyone else noticed the increase in single males? How can we swing as a couple without dealing with so many rude ones?

Alura, what I had in mind was more of: "Hi, I'm ...... I am here as a single. Would you be willing to share a drink and spend a bit of time talking to see if there is any chemistry?" Like I said in my previous post, if you decline all that should follow is a,"Thanks for your time. Have a nice evening." followed by an expeditious retreat.

Some of the single guys are the ones that pull off to the side of the road to help you change a tire. What you are describing is a lot more than that, anything after the first no thank you is not trying it's pushing.

If you two continue, you will quickly figure out the the 'rules' are not iron clad. Lots of the time a rule that one of you thought was very important later becomes not that big of a thing. When that happens, you can eliminate or alter the rule for the next time. However, NEVER change the rules unless you two can discuss it outside of a sexual environment and come to an agreement. Trust is HUGE in swinging and you violated his trust right out of the gate. Work on repairing that trust and keep the lines of communication open...and don't make the same mistake again.

Breaking your agreement right out of the gate isn't a good start. Apologize, debrief what happened, regroup, and decide if you want to start over.

Well, I guess the nurse outfit won it - it had my vote for sure. If the New Year party is a costume party she should wear it again. You never know, you might get lucky enough to see her get fucked in it. It will always be a special outfit for you both after that.

I know it’s an Urban Legend ... that’s why I posted the link to the Snopes story.

It is very unlikely VERY UNLIKELY but possible. Couldn’t happen in a hot tub, the heat would kill the sperm. Couldn’t happen in a pool, the chlorine. In an open lake sperm could live for a few minutes but being it would dilute the ejaculate it is almost impossible for the those critters to swim up that tunnel. That pool story is an Urban Legend.

Or maybe it was this? https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/pool-party/

Sounds like an urban legend. Or, in Louisiana, would it be a Cajun legend??

Vegas part two: I got invited to Charlotte's party and got there just a little late, and not much was going on until one hot guy started getting it on with the hot bartender girl with really big tits. So a few of us were standing there watching and I started talking to a pretty girl next to me. I think there was a trans video going on and we were talking about it and how back home I have a trans girl neighbor. She asked if it turned me on and I said kinda... She warmed up to me then, and I figured out at that moment that I may be talking to a trans girl, and much better looking than the one at home across the street! Very quickly she began sucking me, then invited me to another place called The Studios. I headed over there to meet this hot girl with the nice bulge in her jeans. She wasn't there yet when i got there, this place was busy with other trans girls, but none looking hotter than the first. She arrived, apparently she was well known there. I hung around with her, but I hit it off with a couple my age (mid 50's) and hung around with them. After schmoozing them for a while, I started rubbing her shoulders in the bar area, and that seemed to get her going. We hit up the room with the massage table for a more proper full body massage. Oral was exchanged and we both got off in missionary as her hubby watched. I put this message in this thread because I was ready to swallow up the hot trans girl, and I certainly would have sucked the husband off if it would have gotten me into his wife's dress. Turns out I didn't need to but I would have anyway. They were both very nice and the wife was the hottest girl at the place, her age notwithstanding.

Who was the Doctor? Larry Nassar trying to explain how one of his girls came up pregnant? There is no way this can happen. Spreading false information like this is a huge disservice.

Told you so! Thanks for the update and we wish that we could have been there from your description. We look forward to hearing how the New Years Party turns out. BTW, she looks amazing. Wishing you the best on your adventures.

First of all understand that BDSM is a powerful fantasy and quickly becomes an urge and then a NEED. Since she was on a fetish website and communicating with Dominant men (you can bet your life he wasn't the only one - communicating I mean) then it was eventually going to happen anyway - the need is that strong. At least she spent time carefully selecting her first Dom. She may not be submissive to you but obviously she has a need to be submissive to someone else. You are not into it so you would not be Dominant enough for her and even if you tried you would not be convincingly into it for her. Halfhearted domination is a wet blanket (anyone catch the lower case "D" there?). Those who are seriously into that lifestyle understand the rules of engagement and the power exchange between the Top and bottom (Dominant and submissive)and all the safety issues. It is actually harder to be good Top than a bottom - you are responsible for the bottom, their welfare and THEIR SATISFACTION. This is role play but the trick is to make it seem real to both participants. All that being said, I agree that since she persuaded you - wore you down more to the point - into swinging in the first place and she has a submissive fetish AND she was already acting on it by being on that website, it was inevitable that she would do this if you refused to participate (the FORCE is strong - believe me). Maybe she thought that swinging might suffice, but I doubt it. Given that she had planned to do it, at least she took some time to choose the first man to Dominate her. The fact that he wasn't as you put it "that attractive" is mostly irrelevant in BDSM - or maybe not to her, maybe that is part of her fetish - to be Dominated, used and fucked by a man she does not find conventionally sexually attractive (define "attractive!) - how much more submissive can you get? (You said "had sex with" her. I can guaranty that was not the scene - he fucked her and she loved it.) You are not into BDSM so you cannot get your head around "the things he did to her" or that she was the willing participant. I get that, but you have to realize at least that she - in fact they both - enjoy and thrive on it. The fact that she told you the first thing he did was tell her to get on her knees and she did willingly (probably very eagerly) ought to be a big clue. Also although it sounds logical that she should let you meet him first, in fact believe it or not it would pretty much destroy the fantasy - unless you were taking her to surrender her to him and wimp off home on your own, but that wouldn't be on your radar. Unfortunately I can't offer you much advice except that the two of you have to work it out somehow between you. Leaving it unresolved will be a disaster. And you both have to resist any finger pointing. There is no question that she cheated on you and one thing is certain, it will happen again and again and...... with or without your consent or knowledge. Even if she agrees to stop now, eventually the NEED will become so strong she will succumb to it. The problem with that is the risk of becoming so desperate she might get into something actually dangerous on the spur of the moment. I strongly recommend you get and read a copy of Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns - The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism - by Phillip Miller. You can get it on Amazon It is one of most highly recognized and authoritative works on the subject. At least this will give you some understanding of what it is all about and what is driving her and help you both resolve the issue one way or another. Perhaps call a truce with no more activity her part until you have (both) read the book. Maybe discuss parts of it together - let her show you what turns her on about it. Though I realize understanding it does not necessarily make it OK for you. All I can say is I wish you both the very best of luck.

Swinging is the mutual acceptance of your partner having sex with someone other than you. You do not have to be present for your partner to swing.

I would defiantly think that this has happened on many occasions. Sometimes they might live with it and live with the doubt or some may opt to terminate due to uncertainty of the paternal parent. Either way it's a personal choice amongst the parties involved.

We're not true swingers, but are a poly family of five - two men and three woman. Before Lora joined our family, Clair became unexpectedly pregnant by my husband. As I posted around that time: "In October of 2011 Clair told me something was wrong, she didn't feel right. She was tremendously upset; she was afraid she was pregnant. We took the morning off from work and got three different brands of pregnancy test kits at the drug store and confirmed that was the case. We were both on oral contraceptives. I was stunned, but felt joyous. She told me she was sorry and that she do whatever we wanted. Clair thought I would be upset with her having David's baby, especially before me. I told her I was so happy for her and us, we hugged and cried, and did all those girl things, and took the rest of the day off from work." We didn't have plans for kids at that time. I was shocked by the reality of it all, but felt overwhelming happy. Clair offered outright to have an abortion if that what it took to keep us all going. We are all very prochoice and our choice was that there was no reason for us not to have the child - we were all working and able to be parents. It was always our plan for Clair and I to have children as close in time as possible, so we decided that I would try to get pregnant as quickly as possible, and I did. It has all worked out well. In particular, Clair is now the stay-at-home mother in our family, taking care of the five children we now have among us.

Your situation isn't that different, it's just different in the swinging world. You mention how swingers are open minded, and that may be, but swinging is a recipe. Women play with women and men, men play with women. As a bi man with a straight wife, we didn't even bother to look for another couple. She wanted some variety, I wanted to play with both sexes at the same time, mmf was the way for us to go. This allowed us to play in our wheelhouse without rocking anyone's boat. Rather than being concerned that you don't 'fit' into the swinger mold, don't try. It will only frustrate. Be truthful in your ads, replies may be slow but you will get the right ones, if you insist on full swap. And spend weekends in Austin!

I got my first clue during high school while looking through some magazines that belonged to my boyfriend. There were some girl/girl porn scenes in one and I was absolutely blindsided by how excited I got looking at them. My boyfriend didn't even know that I had seen them and I never in a million years could have told him how I felt about them. I was able to open up about my bisexual feelings to my husband when I was 18. Like Julie, I've always pointed out hot girls to him all through my marriage. I was still really shy about my feelings, though, really only able to enjoy them while we were in the middle of having sex. Well, it only took us 16!! years until we finally did something involving another woman and well, let's just say I'm no longer curious or shy about how I feel

My guy would never think about doing it, I would rather enjoy it.