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I've stayed out of this conversation because I didn't think I had much to offer but this reply was over the top. @Cade# Lubrication is only a small part of the equation when it comes a woman's anatomy accommodating(especially) a larger than normal guy. Some anatomical things happen for a woman starting with blood flow which starts from the brain just like us guys. We have to want it first. A guy has it easy, he has to have blood flow to get an erection and then it's game on. For a woman that blood flow makes it possible for her to self lubricate, changes her vagina, clitoris and cervix all making entrance of a penis more comfortable and that's just a portion of what needs to happen physiologically speaking. Add to that the fact that this guys cock is intimidating she just isn't going to get there. Suggesting she just lubes up and takes it shows a complete ignorance of female anatomy and arousal. @ the OP, My guess is that it really is more of a mental thing for her. She's tried and it was uncomfortable. I doubt it was completely physiological because as someone said babies come out of there so it was probably more mental. Most likely the chemistry just wasn't there for whatever reason which kept her from reaching a level of arousal needed to accommodate him. That's probably not going to get any better with him. Good for you for trying to figure out a way to let them down rather than asking what to do to help your wife be able to perform! It shows you're on the same team. Regarding doctors, I will offer this up. My wife has had a total hysterectomy so for a few years she was on oral estrogen. It worked fine, she had a healthy libido and she lubricated quite nicely but about the middle of last summer (2017) we started noticing a difference. Her arousal wasn't quite what it had been and neither was her lubrication. Her doctor just wanted to up the dose which didn't sound like the best option. She tried pellets which added testosterone. That helped but in the mean time she managed to get an appointment with a Endo at a highly respected mid-west clinic. They freaked out at the amount of Testosterone she was on. They took her off everything to get her base levels which took about 4 months to get the hormones out of her system. They then started her on a patch which is about the size of a small fingernail which she changes twice a week. It's very discreet. She is back to her old horny self and no worries about the long term side effects of oral estrogen. Because oral estrogen has to be metabolized through the liver there are some bad things that can happen if taken over more than about 5 years. If your wife's doc has her on oral estrogen and maybe supplementing that with Progestin for some cancer preventative she's probably been on it too long. Seek out an endocrinologist who specialized in post menopausal women. It's worth the little bit of extra money to get someone who does it day in and day out. So, how did the cruise go?

When my wife and I were first getting into swinging, we discussed many scenarios including ones where things didn't go as well as we wanted. We both agreed that we should not judge swinging by our first few experiences. Just like dating, some experiences are not going to be good, while others will be better. The first man she had sex with in swinging was ok. Not great, not bad, just ...meh. It was fun, but not tons of fun. The second guy she met was more her type. We had an MFM with him, and he was incredible for her. She. Could. Not. Get. Enough. Sex. From. Him. Hours later, after many orgasms, we got in the car to head home. No sooner did we have the doors closed, and she said "Ok, NOW I'm a swinger!" Since then, there have been some duds, there have been some great ones. She's managed to keep a couple of the great ones around for some years. Don't judge swinging by the first, or even first several, experiences. It might be not what you really want, but it's very hard to know that from one experience. First time jitters are very, very common. The first couple we played with (a soft swap), I had a very hard time maintaining an erection. I really, really enjoyed the wife in the other couple. I still think about her from time to time today, though it's been years. But, I was too nervous. We got to play with them a second time, and I had no problems. Swinging isn't what we were told about growing up. We're only taught monogamy. It can be mentally challenging to adjust to it, but most people do. Another tip; my wife and I have a 'golden parachute' rule. Either one of us can pull the plug without explanation in the moment. If used, we would simply get dressed, explain that we need to leave, and politely excuse ourselves. Once we're in the car we can discuss it, but not in the moment. It gives full power to both of us to end something if we're not comfortable. We've never used it, but it's always there.

That's a question that only you and your partners will be able to answer, and then only in the moment. Over the years we've had nights from 'none' to 'how-many-are-there'.

We had a bad experience with online meets. We were on SLS and SDC. Creepy emails would most likely come on AFF as Padoc said. There are a bunch of single guys and a ton of bots that will send almost nonsensical emails to you. My experience with AFF was when I was single a few years ago. You'll get some single guys on any of the other sites and you'll get couples who don't represent themselves well. That was our experience and it turned us off of doing the online thing. You've posted about the club being dirty and creepy in a couple of threads. I don't really know anything about ATL but isn't there a Trapeze there? Which club should you go to? Can you explain what it was that felt dirty and seedy? By dirty do you mean in overall cleanliness like counters, table and floors were sticky and nasty, trash piled up? Seedy is a term that I hear more with adult video arcades where there are a bunch of creepy guys hanging out in the shadows waiting to pounce. By your own admission you don't know much "when it comes to this". "This" being swinging in general or clubs more specifically? I'm wondering what your expectations were. Most people have the dirty seedy expectation and are pleasantly surprised, after visiting a club, because it isn't the perpetual orgy they imagine before walking through the door. Finally, what is it you are wanting out of the lifestyle? It is what you make of it from voyeurism/exhibitionism, soft swap, full swap with with others(couples or singles), cuckolding, hot wifing, even foraying into fetish areas and to social swinging or anonymous sex and it's all ok as long as it is fulfilling your mutual desires and fits within your set boundaries. You won't find a lot of judgement here or in the lifestyle except when people display stupidity or disrespect. Stupidity being a willful disregard for good sense or judgement as opposed to ignorance or just not knowing. Right now it sounds like you just don't know. Unfortunately the lifestyle isn't going to come to you. You aren't going to receive an engraved invitation to the most laid back and well attended house party where everyone is beautiful and hot and horny and respectful. You'll have to put yourself out there. If you're online you've got to write a profile that stands out and you've got to sort through the creeps to find that diamond. If you go to clubs you can't be a wallflower. If you sit in a dark corner the whole time every time you are going to look like the creeps or at least like you don't want to be approached. Fear of rejection is very real and it will happen. It gets easier the more you do it. Get up and mingle, say hello and introduce yourselves. Some people are jerks but you don't want to waste your time on them anyway. Most people will be happy to talk and it doesn't mean you have to have sex with them. If it comes up after some time, and it most likely will, be clear in your boundaries. We've had a lot of fun with other new couples who had no desire in any kind of swap but enjoyed parallel play on the same bed. We were that new couple once too. Our first experience was as exhibitionists and we progressed from there. This is a great place for information. Read and ask questions. Most people are happy to share their experiences.

Short answer, yes. I regard to establishing swing relationships, I have almost from the beginning believed, "fuck first; friendship often follows." Among friendships that have developed, it is very difficult to bullshit people with whom you are intimate and it is difficult for them to bullshit you. Makes for truly sincere relationships.

Matt may not be ready to make a decision but if this other woman has reason to believe she is his one and only then he needs to clarify with her before what he thinks is swinging is really cheating. You don’t say if Amanda knows of this other woman, but trying to keep too many secrets can get messy and build more resentment later. When I first started swinging I found out my FWB had another long term girlfriend. I knew there were other women and that wasn’t a problem, but cheating is. I ended it, no ultimatum. He asked me to stay friends as he was leaving the girlfriend for someone else much younger. He cheats on her, chronically fears her cheating on him. I have new friends. My usual FWB had dinner last week with the partner of my new playmate. We are adults having a wonderful time.

I wanted to call out this portion of your post in particular. People who are not swingers do not understand swinging. It's a complete unknown to them and generally incomprehensible. It is almost universally reviled. I would refrain from discussing swinging with anyone who is not a swinger. All you will get is negative. Sure, that means discussing swinging with only swingers, who will only give you positive. Take your pick I guess. A story; there's a woman I know whom I dated many, many years ago. She and I were very close, and almost got married. The love remained, though the relationship itself faltered. She and I are still exceptionally close. My wife knew about her early on, and has always been in the loop about her. She lives quite some distance away now, and from time to time I've gone to visit her alone. My family has visited her as well. Nothing untoward has ever happened. Now, over the last couple of years my friend has been maintaining an on-again-off-again FWB situation with a guy she knows. This guy is married, and is cheating on his wife. He and his wife are living hours apart from each other, but are not separated; they are still together, and notionally husband/wife. Somewhat recently, sparks started to re-emerge between my friend and I. It's always been banter, and light hearted. But, it's there. We both feel it. My wife and I discussed it, and she was quite agreeable to me pursuing a physical relationship with my friend in addition to the love that was already there. So, I approached my friend about it and let her know that we are non-monogamous, and opened the door to having a physical relationship. She rejected it out of hand, with disdain, shock, sorrow. She could not imagine doing that with me, a married man who was playing with permission, but could imagine it (and was doing it) with a married man who didn't have permission. Surprisingly, this is typical. Our society finds cheating spouses to be far, far, far more acceptable than spouses who are playing with permission. Go figure. But, that's informative in regards to discussing swinging with people who are not swingers.

To shorten a long story I've already related several times, swinging is a part of the reason we got together in the first place.

We'd been married around three years. It was unplanned. Now my wife and the other husband did have the hots for each other for a couple of years. He and I met when we were going through the police academy together. We cops didn't have much money so we all took turns hosting parties on weekends. It was cheaper than going out clubbing. At every party my wife and he would dance to most slow dances. His wife and I would joke about throwing cold water on them at times. I left the PD and got into sales and started making good money. One night we had that couple, and another couple, over to watch 'Deep Throat' which I had purchased when it first came out. The other couple left not long after the movie was over. My wife said she was beat and went to bed first. The other husband stayed a bit longer but then said he was beat too. The other wife wanted to stay and drink and party some more so I agreed to give her a ride home later. We were talking about how our spouses wanted each other and the other wife told me that she had let her husband fuck another lady before. I said that, if he and my wife wanted to fuck, I'd be OK with it. We went to her house, woke up her husband, and told him. He went to my house and woke my wife and, well, they did the deed. They called and told us and we went back to my house and the four of us continued. That was our start and there were four other couples after them. It never caused our marriage any problems. My wife got into teaching and decided we should stop. Years later we did dabble a bit more though. I'd still be game if she was but she's just not that interested in sex anymore.

Give it more time. We had a profile at SLS for nine months before receiving a meaningful and productive message. But once you get into a good circle of acquaintances, you will no longer need the on-line stuff.

We chose C. We saw the couple a lot, all of us were friendly, but neither couple asked to play. So it worked out. The cruise was a lot of fun. We had a few encounters and a couple of cancellations due to the other couples’ illness, which we welcomed to get a rest. We can’t do it every day for a week! We are over 60. But if you are the type and age such that you want daily or more sex, the Bliss cruise is your ticket!

We were married ten years before launching ourselves into swing. I believe that this gave us a more solid launching platform than any platform we might have had when we were first married.

You have to develop a selection process. If you put a profile on AFF you're likely to get trolls. Look at SDC or SLS and PAY for a membership. You can then block single males, those without pics, etc. You'll still have to wade through some people who either can't read or who simply don't fit your criterion. Those websites post parties and sponsor meet and greets where the attendees profiles are posted under the event. You can use that to help screen what you want to do and where you want to go.Don't know what club you attended, there are some upscale places and some that are best described as seedy. This is not an easy hobby, if it were, everybody would do it. You can't just suddenly decide "lets be swingers" and then be inundated with attractive and playful opportunities. You need to develop peramaters for those you wish to meet and work on your selection process together. There are a lot of fun couples out there, especially in the large metro areas but you'll find that you'll have to kiss some frogs in the process.

Good catch Jane It would appear so.

I don’t go around measuring our friends. We all know That Guy who is bigger. The women in our play group come in all different sizes and shapes and some women do seem to be tighter than others. I never found any of them to be dry after just a little play. I’m sure you are right that age and menopause can affect lubrication. I worried the first time my wife played with the larger friend. I worried more for myself than for her. I can report that he didn’t her nor did he ruin her for me. If your wife doesn’t want to play with him be honest and say he is too big. I’m sure he will take it as a compliment.

15 or so years. We didn’t know some of our friends were enjoying the fun for a number of years before my wife and I joined them. Unlike many people on here it was my wife that talked me into it.

I agree with the saying, "I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty."

We're not true swingers, but are a poly family of five - two men and three woman. Before Lora joined our family, Clair became unexpectedly pregnant by my husband. As I posted around that time: "In October of 2011 Clair told me something was wrong, she didn't feel right. She was tremendously upset; she was afraid she was pregnant. We took the morning off from work and got three different brands of pregnancy test kits at the drug store and confirmed that was the case. We were both on oral contraceptives. I was stunned, but felt joyous. She told me she was sorry and that she do whatever we wanted. Clair thought I would be upset with her having David's baby, especially before me. I told her I was so happy for her and us, we hugged and cried, and did all those girl things, and took the rest of the day off from work." We didn't have plans for kids at that time. I was shocked by the reality of it all, but felt overwhelming happy. Clair offered outright to have an abortion if that what it took to keep us all going. We are all very prochoice and our choice was that there was no reason for us not to have the child - we were all working and able to be parents. It was always our plan for Clair and I to have children as close in time as possible, so we decided that I would try to get pregnant as quickly as possible, and I did. It has all worked out well. In particular, Clair is now the stay-at-home mother in our family, taking care of the five children we now have among us.