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Finally decided to make the jump and try having a "train". Posted a hot date on SLS and have had good responses so far, plus posted in a couple private groups for swingers on FB in our area. I'm going to be in a hotel room, hands bound, blindfolded and laying on the edge of the bed. People show up, put on a condom, have sex with me, then leave. Hoping this is even close to as hot as I imagine. So excited. Also, any males or couple's that the male half is allowed to play separately on here in the NE Ohio area feel free to message us.

Your comment of saying yes ”swap 3-4 times then asking him to stop as I just want to get it over with” to me really says this is not for you. There is lots of great advice here, but that doesn’t mean this is for you. Going forward feeling that way would more likely lead to more trouble between the two of you and would be unfair to those playing with you.

These are all VERY COMMON questions that most of us had to ask when we started so you aren't feeling anything that you shouldn't be feeling. Adam said it in the above post but I think he asked things in the wrong order: First question: Are you interested in trying this or not? If the answer is no, then you are done with this. Tell your husband and (if needed) send him here to read this. If you are curious about the possibility, then you need to start working on something different (see below). Sounds like you are leaning towards no here. I know you don't want him to have regrets, but will YOU have regrets if you go forward? Then you both talk about it and more than likely he will choose not doing it again. The only other option is he will choose to continue knowing that you object and that sounds like there are much bigger problems with the relationship to start with (I'll bet he chooses the first option). Usually the opposite happens, you will have MORE and hotter sex. If he stops enjoying sex with you it sounds like there are much bigger problems with the relationship to start with (I'll bet he chooses the first option). More than likely, you are (or else he would just have an affair without you knowing). Think about how hard it was for him to tell you his deepest fantasy. How much he trusts you to open up like this knowing the potential cost. Very few couples ever get to the point where they can REALLY open up about anything. This is a very good sign that you have a solid relationship. I'm sure (once again) that if you asked him not to continue with this, he would. Doesn't that mean you are enough for him? This is the sprinkles on the ice cream sundae of life and love. Sure, you don't NEED them, but being able to obtain them is something very rare and precious (and hardly has any calories). BELOW: Welcome to the below. To be successful with swinging you need three things, you need them all and you need them in abundance: Love, trust and communication. If you have these three things, then most of the other problems and demons (jealousy, fear, etc.) sort themselves out. But you MUST make sure that all three remain open, no holding back. You have to communicate on a regular basis and be willing to tell him what you are feeling and willing to listen to what he has to say, and only then make a joint decision. If you have looked around, there are a few 'golden' rules: Swinging is a team sport, something that the two of you are doing together. Me and my SO have a rule that both of the guys can talk, both of the girls can talk or everyone talks (emails, texts). No girl/guy cross communication. This is the path to the dark side. Nothing good can happen by doing this so just don't. Second rule: If EITHER of you says no, the answer for both of you is no. No questions, no pressure, just no. Later you can talk together in private about whatever it is and you may decide that what was a no becomes a yes...or you may keep it a no, but if wither of you is feeling uncomfortable about something, just say no. Third rule: Set your rules and limits and do not violate them in the heat of the moment. You can always change a rule later, but it is much harder to regain the trust lost by violating a rule. Also, rules and limits should only be discussed in private before or after meeting another couple or single, NEVER as a side bar when you are with someone else (remember: no means no for everyone and no pressure to change that). Take your time and ENJOY this experience. If you are not enjoying it, then walk away. Swinging is not for everyone, some people...most people are just not 'wired' for it and that's okay. Do not do something where you are only doing it for your partner. Most of the time, when they find out that you were only doing it for them, they will usually be unhappy (or disappointed) because they would have rather not done it than have you feel pressured or bad or unhappy yourself. Anyways, please let us know how things move forward and keep asking questions. Good luck with whatever your decision is.

I’ve had 3 multi year relationships with married couples who’s husbands watched and got involve and they all said it was so amazing...I consider myself an addition to an already great sex life, I throughly enjoy pleasuring another mans wife and I always completely respect their relationship

First: you don't have to do anything you don't want to do, make yourself upset, or try something you're not intrigued by just for the sake of getting along. You're 100% justified in saying "no" every time, all the time. With that out of the way, this is an interesting sentence. Can you articulate your thoughts a little more? Why upset, and why horny?

We bumped into her again and my wife spoke to her again. Maybe getting closer. We are taking our time. I thought we were there with the first couple before my wife said stop. I’m not going to push. Letting her go at her pace.

Thank you, glad you enjoyed the write up. I may do one at a club on a night they allow a lot of single males, maybe that would be a way for Ms. Gold to get to experience it.

Like any hobby (we consider this a hobby), it will take some time and lots of research to get a better understanding of it. JOINING (as in paying to be a member) allows you to better eliminate what you aren't looking for (usually creepy emails from single guys) and shows the other members that you are serious enough to spend a couple of dollars to check things out (lots of members block non-paying members from contacting them as well). Spend some time writing a good profile and (even if you have the face blocked out) POST SOME UPDATED PHOTOS (another thing that will keep others away...oh, and do not post any 'dick pics'). If you go back to a club, check the reviews first and go on a weekend (best night is Saturday). Things usually don't really get started until later in the evening so don't be disappointed that the place is rather empty at opening...but going early will give you a chance to get oriented before it does get busy. Let the owner (or whoever is at the door) know that this is your first visit and they usually will have someone take you around and show you the club. Then just plan on having a fun night out with your SO...anything else that MAY happen is just a bonus. At the same time, don't be wall flowers either. Everyone there is there to meet others so if you see someone you want to meet, just say hello. 'This is our first time here' is a great conversation starter. It will take some time (or it may not, but plan on it taking a little time and effort on your part) to find a match, but there isn't really any rush (other than your own Adrenalin WANTING something to hurry up and happen) and the search is part of the excitement. Good luck and let us know how things are going for you.

Kind of gave up hope at "alpha battle".

The reality of the LS is it is built on trust. To violate that is always going to get hostility from the LS

There are two toxic emotions in swinging, and it's worth naming them and explaining them. The first is ENVY. Someone else will always have better teeth, a bigger cock, a tighter pussy, perkier breasts, nicer skin, ... Envy is an expression of the fear of inadequacy. The antidote is contentment. Embracing who you are, what you are, and what you bring to lifestyle is essential. The second is JEALOUSY. Jealousy is an expression of fear of loss or even abandonment, the idea that your partner might like someone else enough to cast you aside because their new partner is somehow "better". Swinging is about having fun, not "trading up". The antidote here is compersion--finding joy in seeing your partner pleasured by someone else. Being able to name and to discuss these common toxic feelings is an essential first step to having fun in the lifestyle. Here is the point. Just about everyone coming into the lifestyle confronts these emotions--either before, during, or just after the first encounter. It is normal for one or both in a couple to have these concerns. Reassuring each other that it is just adult play and not a contest goes a long way towards dealing with these feelings. Good luck and have fun!

I suggest a soft swap, necking and nudity with the other couple then intercourse between spouses. This is a good way to see if you are comfortable in an intimate situation with the other couple without him feeling like he needs to deliver. Maybe the other man is similarly constructed. Maybe the other woman doesn't care and can tell your husband.

I want to apologize for my candid nature. I do not sugar coat things very well to compensate for being people offended. There are some misunderstandings. 1. It is like a one night stand. I've never had a one night stand where I cared about the person. 2. We would NEVER do this to people in the LS! 3. The dating site is not a LS dating site. 4. We are not filming it! I'm just watching. We would never do that without permission. I didn't say anything about filming it. 5. We are new to this and trying to not have any bad experiences like all the ones we read on here. As part of our first experiences anyway. I guess I should have explained a little better. We were just looking for the community to steer us in the right direction. I will definitely choose my words more wisely if we ever post again. We always read on here. Guidance not judgement. We are not veterans. My apologies,

I couldn’t agree more. My wife and I are total newbies. We are still working on having our first experience. However, we would never even THINK to pull what you are trying to pull. It’s dishonest, unfair to the unsuspecting partner, borderline illegal due to the filming and simply cruel. The main reason my wife and I are considering the lifestyle is because it forces us to communicate, be honest with each other, and honest with whoever we would decide to eventually swap with. What you are doing is WRONG. Your wife is absolutely right to tell the truth. I think you need to come to terms with your feelings of being the alpha, and truly look at yourself and whether you are truly ready to go down the path and be in the LS. Your path should be built on honor, respect, and above all, honesty. You are embarking on a path of deceit. Please reconsider your path moving forward.

I normally avoid these conversations but I figured Id try to offer some advice to the white couples here on SB. Please stop asking this question. If you see a car that you like, you take it for a test drive. If you see an article of clothes you like, you go in the dressing room and try it on. The fact that you would come to a forum like this and ask a question about a particular race of human being without taking the initiative to get to know one of them and find out for yourself reeks of privilege, ignorance, and racism. Any person w an internet connection can go to one of the free porn sites and see videos of men of various ethnic backgrounds with big cocks. IMHO, what you are really saying is that you are interested in being with a black man but you want to see how other people feel about it. The fact that you get mad when someone says it appears racist is just a cover up of your own guilt. I refuse to believe we as human beings are not better than this. If you want to fuck a black man, just do it. But realize, just because a black man has a large cock doesn't mean the sex will be good. Just because a man is black it doesn't mean he has a big cock. I mean you and your friend may even have sex with the same man and have a different opinion about how good the sex was. Take some time to get to know any human being that you want to have sex with and you may discover that even though he is black and has a big cock...there is no chemistry between the two of you and you don't want to fuck him after all. I know that I cannot speak for all black men but there is a large number of us that are turned off by the ignorance of some white couples seeking black men. I am more turned on by a white woman or man that can articulate the fact that they grew up in a racist environment but have always been attracted to black men. A couple that can articulate the fact that their sex life has become stale and they are looking to add another man to make it more exciting. Or even a woman that can articulate the fact that she was abused or mistreated by men of other races and only feels comfortable dating black men. I know this is asking a lot but like I said, I refuse to believe that we as humans are not better than this. Sorry for the rant, just my humble opinion.

Yes. I'd never do an "old lady" of the former president of a central California motor-cycle club who was formerly the wife of a shoe salesman.

Those who are pre-occupied..

Politician.