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There are a few things I've learned through our experiences: 1. There is so much more complexity to love and bonding than just sex. Nobody is going to toss down their long time partner just because they had great sex with someone. 2. There is so much more to attraction than the size of a penis, or the shape of breasts, etc. It's not even CLOSE to being 100% physical. We went to an adult resort in the spring where everyone was naked and the bodies were all over the place in terms of size and shape. I remember one lady (not my wife) looking at this chiseled gym rat that was exuding arrogance and she looked at me and said 'you are 1000 times more attractive than him'. I have a regular average body. These feelings he is having are irrational, but they are totally real. Just reassure him of your deep connection and love for him. Do soft swap first too. My wife is a stunning beauty. She is WAY out of my league and most of the people we have met in this lifestyle's league if you want to measure it strictly in that way. But when I was hospitalized a few years ago and had wracking fever chills, she lay down on top of me on the hospital bed to warm me up the best way she knew how. It was at this moment I realized the depth of her love, and when I get insecure I remember that moment and how there is NOTHING that could happen in a couple hours of physical fun with another couple that would change that.

This past Saturday, we had our first *tiny* foray into the LS ... we visited an on-premise club (You Know Where in Fayetteville, NC). We just wanted to let everyone know how it went ... hope it won't bore you! Things started out badly ... nothing major, just that when we called for them to send their hotel shuttle, they said it wouldn't start. No big deal ... we just called Uber. We were greeted immediately upon entering and directed to a PC to register and then to a window where a nice woman took our membership and entrance fees; issued us our membership card; and gave us glow bracelets indicating it was our first time there. We waited less than five minutes for our tour, which we took with another couple and a single female. The guide showed us every corner of the place; told us where we could and could NOT have sex; demonstrated how the machines work; explained the rules for the playroom doors and chains; and answered all of our questions. Once he let us go and wished us a good time, we checked our wine with the bartender (another nice young woman), got a locker key which required a $5 refundable deposit, put our stuff away, and walked through the back play area again just to take in everything at a slower pace. We returned to the main floor, poured ourselves two glasses of wine at the bar, and hit the buffet table. Within five minutes after we sat down to eat, the owners -- Chris and Annette -- came over and introduced themselves. They were really cordial and said to please ask for them if we had any problems that the staff couldn't handle. So we had been there less than an hour and things were off to a good start. For the rest of the night, we alternated amongst snacking; wandering around the main floor to see if we could catch anybody's eye and make introductions; and checking out the back to see if we could get a room and/or watch any action. Very few people spoke to us, but we didn't really feel like they were being deliberately unfriendly. We just think that a lot of them know each other and truth be told, we didn't go out of our way to strike up a conversation either. So now we know that next time, we need to take some of the initiative. One man *did* ask me to shake my butt for two women he was with, and another young woman across the room asked me why I stopped doing it so quickly. And the same man caught us later on and thanked me for doing it, telling us he hoped we'd had a good time and would come back. But the fact that we didn't meet anybody didn't put a damper on the night ... we STILL had a blast! We drank a whole bottle of wine; danced with our hands on each others butts; made out in a sort of semi-private room in the corner of the main floor and groped each other (breasts and below the waist) right in front of three other people who were in there. During our makeout session, I even got a hard-on with those other people watching us ... giving me the hope that maybe I won't have performance anxiety the first time we get naked for sex in front of other people. The only disappointing thing was that we never managed to snag a playroom for ourselves -- they were occupied solid from 11:00pm on -- because we REALLY wanted the experience of having sex knowing that people were walking by right outside the door. But we were sufficiently turned on by the whole atmosphere and being so openly "touchy/feely" with each other that when we got back to our hotel at 1:30am, we were rarin' to go and had a great session together. In conclusion, since we didn't hook up with anybody, I guess we'd have to call this a "swinging" experience ... but we consider the night a success and we're already looking forward to going back. Maybe something will happen on a future visit and we can take the quotes off of "swinging". ;-) PS We've posted a report about the club itself in the Swinging at Clubs, Socials, and Hotels forum.

Am I the only one that thinks this is a ridiculous question? I have had sex with my wife for 20 years. On any given session it can be ok, just getting through it, good, amazing, mind blowing, think-about-it-all-week. The factors that determine which of those is the case is a list so long I couldn't post it here or you would all get bored and log out. A few: I had a mild headache. She had one. She was recovering from a cold. We watched a very hot movie. The kids weren't home. We had just the right amount of foreplay. The moon was out. I got a good end of the year review. My football team won. She got a compliment at work that put her in a good mood. She had a bad experience at work that set her off for the rest of the day. You get what I'm saying? At any given time the stars can align and have an amazing sex session with my wife. The same is the case with other people in both directions of it being just ok, or fantastic. Was he better is a ridiculous question and the answer is not set based on who the sex was with. Did the stars align for that period of time? That's the question and it has little to do with skills.

I had just turned 15 and my girlfriend was 16. I was too young to drive and if she had a license she didn't have access to a car. It was the night before Thanksgiving in Western New York and as cold as you would expect in that area at the time of year -- substantially below freezing, I'm quite sure. We were on the porch of a church on the edge of town that was set back quite far from the road and after kissing for a while had our hands under each other's clothes and fondling genitalia. Finally she raised up her skirt and pulled off her panties. I pulled my trousers and underpants down to my ankles. She reclined and I entered her. In the excitement of the moment I hardly felt the cold. At least not until after about a dozen strokes I orgasmed in her. That frigid air made me acutely aware of where I was and what the weather was. I remember thinking that fucking wasn't really all that great when compared with masturbating. On the walk back into the center of town she seemed as sad as I felt. "You'll marry me, won't you," she asked. I can assure you that was the furthest thing from my mind a the time. I wasn't even sure I ever wanted to fuck again. That was a sentiment that lasted about a week. I snuck a sleeping bag out of my parents' house and we snuck into a local cement plant that was (slightly warmed an illuminated by the pilot light on a furnace. This time the sex was exciting and amazingly pleasurable. With the motivation of the young and lust-filled on a path of discovery, we continued to find ways to have outdoor sex through the Western New York winter. It was nice when winter turned to spring and then to summer. We fucked out in the woods on afternoons or the local golf course when we snuck out at night. We finally broke up in the summer between junior and senior year, when I want off to Boys State for a week and she fucked the guy who took my place as a junior attendant at senior prom. She was teary and regretful when she broke up with me. I was elated! It felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. She was super neurotic but also very bright and talented. In the fullness of time she became a casting director in Hollywood. She was also a published poet. It annoyed me when she would occasionally write poems about our adolescent relationship. I wish I could tell you that I loved her, but I don't think I ever did. But the sex never failed to be great. I went to college in the Northeast and she in Buffalo. She wrote me the steamiest erotic letters and when I was occasionally back in Western New York we always got together for sex, even if it was late at night after I'd been having sex with another woman over the course of the evening. Eventually she married and so did I, but we continued to have episodic sex for at least two decades. It was always overwhelmingly hot. It made her talk crazy -- almost out of her head -- when we were finished and that made me want to be elsewhere. Ultimately I decided my sexual relationship with her was just too unhealthy for me and for her as well and one of us had to put an end to it. Which I did. I think it hurt her some but continuing to have sex with one another was hurting us both. We are still in touch and maintain a semi-cordial relationship. She's retired from Hollywood but in her 60s took up stand-up comedy. I've seen her clips on You Tube and she's pretty good. I don't expect we'll see her in a Netflix special any time soon, but she gets paid a bit to perform. I didn't set out to tell the story in this detail and depth; really, I was just going to say it was when I was 15 on a really cold night on the porch of a church. I have been at times in my life a professional photojournalist and writer, but this is the first time I've ever written down the story of this first romantic relationship.

The first things you have to agree about is that you both want to do this. If he is the least bit hesitant you are looking for trouble. As far as his self doubt remind him that you found him attractive and his below average size has not stopped you from enjoying the sex the two of you have. So many of us doubt our beauty. I doubt my looks, my breasts, and yes my below the waist beauty. I have learned so much recently. Do I notice a guy’s size? Yes to a point. I notice larger more than I notice smaller. I think men who think they are smaller may be self conscious in a group setting. I would never make a guy feel like he is small. I bet your husband is in the normal range. And if your husband doesn’t get hard he wouldn’t be the first. Our friends are in their 20s and 30s and even at that age guys can have a problem. Nerves play a big part of that.

Whenever my wife and I play, we both hope to have the best time possible. I'd be disappointed if my wife didn't have a good time, and am wishing it is better than anything before. The more we enjoy a play session, the better the sex is between us later. We talk about all of it, including who our favorite play partners are. The guy she likes the best, I actually encourage her to see him and for her to feel comfortable about it, even playing alone. How could I be jealous when she is happy and good to me?

Great review! Thanks for sharing and giving good details about the venue.

OK ... we did and here it is! ? We went to the club -- our first EVER experience in the LS -- this past weekend. It's in what was certainly warehouse space behind a chain furniture store on one of the major roads (Bragg Blvd) in Fayetteville. The street in front is reasonably well lit and there's ample parking in a shopping center lot across the street. (The same person/group owns the warehouse and the shopping center, so it's OK to park there.) The club offers a round-trip shuttle bus from/to about a dozen hotels in the area, which indicates to us that they must get a lot of out-of-towners. Once you step inside, it's easy to forget that it's a converted warehouse. We thought the facilities were nice. There's a good-sized dance floor with a stripper pole; PLENTY of seating for eating/meeting/talking; a small room in the corner of the main area that offers a little more privacy due to the fact that you have to enter through "love beads" hanging from the ceiling; an interesting dungeon where the curtains can be closed OR left open; coolers where you can keep your beer or white wine cold; a bar where the bartender will hold your non-cold drinks for you so you don't have to keep up with them all night; lockers for which they provide the lock and key; and some beds -- also with curtains -- that face the main floor for those couples who might want to get "frisky" around a larger crowd. There was an ample supply of pretty good food and a soft drink dispenser. At midnight, they changed out the corn dogs, chicken & pasta, and meatballs for bacon, scrambled eggs, biscuits, and gravy. There's a DJ booth and he played an interesting mix of music all through the night. Maybe the most interesting thing was the shadowbox ... a room where whoever's in there can be seen from the dance floor only in silhouette/shadow. All kinds of activity went on in there, some involving both sexes and other involving only women. You can see plenty of pics on their Web site (YKW| NC Swinger Clubs | Fayetteville) In the back of the place are the various playrooms. They all have a theme (e.g. Las Vegas, 80s) and some of them have not only a bed but another play area such as a swing, sofa, or love chair so two couples can share the room without having to share the bed. There are also two Sybian rooms; a sex machine room; two rooms with a plexiglass wall between them for watching what goes on; a theater with mattresses where they show XXX movies all night; and gloryhole rooms for both men AND women. (Don't wanna leave the ladies out!) In the middle of all this is a dance platform with another stripper pole, couches to watch whoever's dancing, and another DJ booth. The pole got plenty of action during the night, and it wasn't just from the females! ? Again, you can see pics of all this on the Web site. As for the staff, they were as friendly and courteous as could be. All first-time visitors were given a tour and a glow bracelet and we guess it worked, because most of the times that a staffer passed us, they made sure to ask how we were getting along and if there was anything they could do for us. The owners also made it a point to stop by our table to introduce themselves and welcome us to the club. We were surprised by just how low a percentage of the people who were there actually had sex. There was some dirty dancing, hot kissing, and groping in the public areas, and after about 11:00, the playrooms were occupied constantly without much turnover. We DID see some sexual activity out in the open, but it seemed to us that the majority of the people there came just to party in an uninhibited atmosphere and then take it home. The only negative thing we'd say is that the club should maybe turn down the lights in the back play area to help create a sexier atmosphere. Having said that, we realize they might not be able to do so due to safety issues and/or fire department regulations concerning evacuating the building. Overall, we found the club to be a great place to visit and we can certainly recommend it to anyone in central NC who's looking for their first exposure to the LS. PS We've posted another thread more about our personal experience in the First Swinging Experiences forum.

My creative juices are flowing today to write another of my swinging experiences. Already have four on Amazon and a how I developed into a sensual woman. Whenever, I am ready to write my experiences, I relive the whole episode and get more wet and horny than when I was in the real event. Anyone else had this experience?

We like Desire RM best. Pearl's rooms are a little nicer. This is hard to explain, and not everyone agrees, but we don't think Pearl has the right "density" of people. The pool is big; the chairs are spread out. RM's main areas: pool, hot tub, etc. are more compact and you can't help but meet people. We have friends who say they like Pearl better, but keep booking RM. That says a lot. We are not big fans of Hedo. The last time we were there, which, admittedly, was during the recession, they weren't maintaining the property: they closed the hot tub because the pumps stopped working and the water looked like Florida's red tide, people were getting sick, the staff was surly and 180 degrees from the staff's at the Mexico properties. My wife has refused to go back. In contrast, the owners of RM and Pearl continue to improve the properties and the staff is very nice and will go out of their way to be helpful. Plus, for most people RM and Pearl are easier to get to.

Only slightly. If that went bad she doesn't have a direct line to everyone he works with (and most of the people he knows). Plus, he's starting a relationship withholding important knowledge that WILL make a difference to the relationship at some point. Swinging with friends is usually not a good idea, dating a coworker is also usually not a good idea, lets combine the two...How could this possibly go wrong?

Wow, is it quiet on this board this morning. To be expected, I guess, most of us are running around cooking the turkey and getting ready for all the vanilla folk. I hope you have a great day, and remember to thank God, Fate or the deity of your choice for everything you've got. But . . . this is also a special holiday for me. After three years of talking, considering, and screwing around, this weekend is also the anniversary of our entry into the LifeStyle. We were in our early 50's, sex between us was in that blah stage. If we did anything to heighten it, such as going to a bed and breakfast, it would work for a few days then lapse back to yeah-let's-get-it-on-nothing-better-to-do. We had nothing planned for the Thanksgiving weekend, and as we were getting ready to go over to the relatives for the meal, I said to her, "Hey, want to go to a sex club this weekend?" It was said mostly as a joke, but to my surprise she thought for a moment and said, "Yeah, why not." That night after we got home I got on the Internet (very slow at the time, dial-up modem) and found about a couple of swing clubs near us. She got very excited as we talked about it, had a million questions that weren't answered by any FAQ I could find. So early on Friday we called the club we'd selected, it was returned by the owner, he was kind enough to spend at least ten minutes on the phone with us, filling us in. (Thank you, Jim!) We headed for the mall in the Hot Friday shmush, got her a new bra and panty, and a new babydoll. That night we arrived at the club at 8:10, Jim had one of his volunteers take us for a tour of the place, make sure we knew the customs and more importantly the rules. We talked with other couples, watched a girl grind on the dance floor, danced with other people ourselves. Perhaps around 11:00 we got into the hot tub, I remember how excited I was as other men first got a good look at my wife's naked body. We found no one looking to play with us (we found out later it was because we were newbies,) and so we went into a room ourselves and started foreplay. We left the door open, a man came to it, I waved him inside. With our approval, he kissed my wife, felt her tit, exciting us both. I gave her the option to invite him to join us for sex, she declined, wanting our first experience to be a swap. I remember my orgasm was fantastic, all of hers were off the chart. As we drove home, we were so enthusiastic that we made love again that night and a few times the next day. And thus began our long and enjoyable journey into non-monogamy. Happy anniversary to me!

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I feel encouraged to swing more and write more. Visexual, no I have not made any contacts through my writing. We are a small town and have no idea what goes on here regarding swinging. The only place I swing is during holidays at Hedonism 2. I have many friends from there that I keep in touch with - some are just friends, some we repeat or experiences if we happen to be there at the same time. Over ten years, there are about 50 or more such friends. Also, keep in touch with some couples, even if we don't play with them, they are just friends.

I found that writing everything down, really helps keep the memory fresh. Too many times J said something like "Remember when we were doing such and such and this happened?", and I don't remember it at all. Cuz I didn't write it down.

I don't care if a guy is more handsome, more well hung, or better in bed than me. I'm the one she loves and I'm the one she's coming home to every night.

We are in our mid 50's and have to admit that the Lifestyle sort of gave us a "new lease" on life. Many people we know in our age group are constantly complaining about everything associated with "getting old". Since we started exploring and eventually getting into the Lifestyle, we have been doing everything possible to "stay young". We both go to the gym on a regular basis, the wife has taken up yoga, I truly look forward to planning our "secret" vacations. I guess the Lifestyle has given us a new perspective on how to approach and appreciate life.