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We've had several bad experiences early on but they helped to REALLY refine our selection process. The key is to learn something from each experience and don't make the same mistake twice. Funny tho, just when we start getting smug about our selection process, something happens. Last summer we were contacted by a couple new to our area on SLS. We exchanged emails, they were articulate and the g and r rated pics were nice and both seemed h/w/p. We met for dinner, had a nice evening, they matched their pics, he was trim and nice looking, she was a petite blonde. We went back to their place for a nightcap and maybe some dessert. As the clothing started to come off, Mrs Doc discovered that the guy had not one but THREE hoops on his dick. I had the other woman on her back with my face buried so I didn't hear my wife's initial reaction but I started to pay attention when she twisted my ear. I looked at him, saw the piercings and knew immediately that the evening was over. This has always been a huge turnoff for her. So I guess the selection process needs a little more tweaking. The lesson here OP is that even with 15 years experience, stuff happens! For you two, next time will probably be better.

That neither of you were 'really into the wife' should have been all the warning you needed. Sometimes you will meet a couple that you really like outside of the bedroom, but if you are not interested in taking it inside of the bedroom, they are just good 'vanilla' friends. Finding a 4 way match is VERY HARD but if that match isn't there then one or more is 'taking one for the team' (one of our top rules to never do). You've now lived and learned a bit more, you just need to keep looking. Sometimes when you are just starting, it is easy to try to force a match just because you want something to happen. Be patient and allow it to happen. It may take awhile, but it's worth the time and effort when you find the right couple. Good luck and keep looking.

Thank you forum for putting up with me. I have a silly question about orgasms, what do men feel when their partner orgasms? I know how I feel during an orgasm, it lasts a few seconds, sometimes more intense than other times. Sometimes I have multiple orgasms, not all the time. Until I started playing with friends I just figured all women have sort of the same physical reactions. I never gave it thought as what my partner feels when I orgasm until both my husband and our guy friend were taking about my girlfriend. They both said she “ripples”. They both said I flutter. Okaaaay. Is that bad? I didn’t really understand. They explained some grip and that it’s not always noticeable but she ripples. They explained on my arm. My wrist was a penis, their hand a pussy. He gripped my wrist and tightened up for a second and released four times. That wasn’t me. I was quick and short squeezes for about 5 or 6 seconds. Our friend Matt had to scream and say “fuck me and Matt you are great, so much better than Mark”. Duh!! They both said Amanda was different and they both said the same thing. They said she ripples and grabbed my arm and tightened but made each finger on their hand tighten separately. They said it was like playing a trumpet with her pussy. I think they are goofing on me. Is this possible and what do you feel when she cums?

Hello all. We're new to this site and swinging. Over the last year we've been talking with various couples about potential fun. We found a couple we "clicked" with outside the bedroom, at least in conversations, etc., and had our first sexual encounter with them today. It was pretty bad. The other wife was very into mine (both are bi). Mine wasn't much into her, though they played for a while. That part was interesting and I was happy for them both. His wife did nothing for me sexually, and playing with her was mechanical. The husband was very interested in my wife and, even though we said take it slow, didn't do so, and acted aggressively to the point she told him to stop. My wife was totally turned off by both him and his actions. We ended up briefly having sex with our spouses and wrapped it up quick because they had a thing later in evening to do. At best, totally "meh." Though they are cool people outside of the bedroom, neither of us can see playing with them again. So, I don't know, we are just really discouraged and not sure how actively, if at all, we look for other couples. Has anyone else had a bad first swinging encounter and, if so, how did you bounce back? Any tips? Thanks much.

We do keep a spreadsheet! We didn’t keep up with it for awhile and sat down to update it the other day and had some pleasant memories surface. It’s kinda cool to look back and see adventures that would blow our “vanilla” friends minds!

Google calendar for all dates (meet and/or play) and a word document that includes the 'drink dates' that went no further...

When we were starting out, I used a spreadsheet to keep track. I stopped it after maybe a year, wish now I'd kept it up.

Yes, mine is an inexpensive “jelly” type masturbator. If I can figure it out I can send you a pic of it. It’s more like a “stroker sleeve”. Feels good though.

Here’s one called THE TENGA FLIP MALE PLEASURER I have one and it works great. It flips open for easy cleaning. You can put as much pressure on your cock by squeezing the sides while stroking. ??

Did you buy a real Fleshlight®? There are very many knock-off for sale. Your experience with a knock-off might be disappointing.

Two men in you at the same time is not easy. For me my butt is my least favorite opening to have a penis in. I won’t say I never do it, I just rather other things. It wasn’t my idea that we try this. Finding the right position the guys thought was fun. Believe me Google helps a little but it looks easier than it is. And when the guys decided they would change places when the first tries failed I made them really clean and wash first. Then we needed both up and working at the same time. We did have some laughs, at my expense. As Chicc said a vibrator and a penis did the trick. Our friend said he enjoyed feeling the vibe too.

Like in business, you often need contacts to make contacts. Many areas have clubs of the brick and mortar variety. Many more have clubs that sponsor hotel parties and meet n greets. Either of these are good places no invitation necessary for the most part and not overly expensive. Imagine yourselves as Newbie , junior level, company reps. You are looking for industry contacts. What do you do? Attend conferences and seminars, shake hands and stories with as many people as you can. Give and take names. A simple card with your contact information is not a bad idea. Talk to everyone, even those who have no appeal to you. Your job is to leave a pleasant impression and memory.(If this sounds like good old fashioned networking that is because it is.) You never know who you meet that may take you themselves or make an introduction that leads you into the "Boardroom" Go to these with high hopes and low expectations. The next party you will see people you know well enough to nod across the room. Those nods often lead to conversations, introductions, maybe even play. BE UP FRONT and HONEST about where you are on the journey. We all have been where you are. Lastly and this is not as trite as it may sound." To Thine own self be true for it follows then as night the day that Thou canst not be false to any man." You will make far fewer mistakes staying comfortably within who you are and not pretending to be what you are not.No matter who you are there are people out here who will be intrigued.