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We’ve been in this to one extent or another for more years than I care to remember. My most astounding discovery was the educational value it provided both of us. We’re all reluctant to critic the love making skills of our SO. We are also unable to conceal our reaction to somebody doing something new and very pleasurable to us for the first time. The course we adopted was to not look at it as somebody being better, but instead ask what it was they did that you found so pleasurable. Most often, that proved to be a simple technique easily learned and added to our repertoire of skills. Lovemaking skills aren’t inherited naturally. They are learned and perfected skills, taught through trial and error. The greatest lovers are those who took the time and effort to learn how to provide ecstasy to the person they’re with. With that in mind my suggestion is to not ask, “was he/she better than me.” Instead ask, “You really got off on whatever he/she was doing to you. What did they do to get that reaction from you?” Then work on whatever it was until you are better than they were.

A couple of comments above are right on point. We always have a debriefing session, usually on our way home from a club or party or while cleaning up at home after having guests. We know each others moves and responses so we're interested in what our new partners did differently, better or worse than we do. Then we try to add the good stuff to our repertoire. Swinging has made us way better lovers than we were when we started.

I once asked my husband if a woman was better than me. Knowing me perfectly, certainly better than I know myself, he said she was much better than me (and went into details). "What are you going to do about it?" he asked. It made me extremely jealous, got me wet, and I'm still working on it to our mutual benefit.

Every woman reacts differently. That is what is fun about the lifestyle. My mission is to find out how to evoke the woman’s pleasure. Gratifying if I get her there, hope I am pleasuring on the way.

OK ... we did and here it is! ? We went to the club -- our first EVER experience in the LS -- this past weekend. It's in what was certainly warehouse space behind a chain furniture store on one of the major roads (Bragg Blvd) in Fayetteville. The street in front is reasonably well lit and there's ample parking in a shopping center lot across the street. (The same person/group owns the warehouse and the shopping center, so it's OK to park there.) The club offers a round-trip shuttle bus from/to about a dozen hotels in the area, which indicates to us that they must get a lot of out-of-towners. Once you step inside, it's easy to forget that it's a converted warehouse. We thought the facilities were nice. There's a good-sized dance floor with a stripper pole; PLENTY of seating for eating/meeting/talking; a small room in the corner of the main area that offers a little more privacy due to the fact that you have to enter through "love beads" hanging from the ceiling; an interesting dungeon where the curtains can be closed OR left open; coolers where you can keep your beer or white wine cold; a bar where the bartender will hold your non-cold drinks for you so you don't have to keep up with them all night; lockers for which they provide the lock and key; and some beds -- also with curtains -- that face the main floor for those couples who might want to get "frisky" around a larger crowd. There was an ample supply of pretty good food and a soft drink dispenser. At midnight, they changed out the corn dogs, chicken & pasta, and meatballs for bacon, scrambled eggs, biscuits, and gravy. There's a DJ booth and he played an interesting mix of music all through the night. Maybe the most interesting thing was the shadowbox ... a room where whoever's in there can be seen from the dance floor only in silhouette/shadow. All kinds of activity went on in there, some involving both sexes and other involving only women. You can see plenty of pics on their Web site (YKW| NC Swinger Clubs | Fayetteville) In the back of the place are the various playrooms. They all have a theme (e.g. Las Vegas, 80s) and some of them have not only a bed but another play area such as a swing, sofa, or love chair so two couples can share the room without having to share the bed. There are also two Sybian rooms; a sex machine room; two rooms with a plexiglass wall between them for watching what goes on; a theater with mattresses where they show XXX movies all night; and gloryhole rooms for both men AND women. (Don't wanna leave the ladies out!) In the middle of all this is a dance platform with another stripper pole, couches to watch whoever's dancing, and another DJ booth. The pole got plenty of action during the night, and it wasn't just from the females! ? Again, you can see pics of all this on the Web site. As for the staff, they were as friendly and courteous as could be. All first-time visitors were given a tour and a glow bracelet and we guess it worked, because most of the times that a staffer passed us, they made sure to ask how we were getting along and if there was anything they could do for us. The owners also made it a point to stop by our table to introduce themselves and welcome us to the club. We were surprised by just how low a percentage of the people who were there actually had sex. There was some dirty dancing, hot kissing, and groping in the public areas, and after about 11:00, the playrooms were occupied constantly without much turnover. We DID see some sexual activity out in the open, but it seemed to us that the majority of the people there came just to party in an uninhibited atmosphere and then take it home. The only negative thing we'd say is that the club should maybe turn down the lights in the back play area to help create a sexier atmosphere. Having said that, we realize they might not be able to do so due to safety issues and/or fire department regulations concerning evacuating the building. Overall, we found the club to be a great place to visit and we can certainly recommend it to anyone in central NC who's looking for their first exposure to the LS. PS We've posted another thread more about our personal experience in the First Swinging Experiences forum.

I wanted to make my wife as comfortable as possible when I first brought up the idea, so once when we were talking about our past sex lives and partners (which is sometimes foreplay for us), I told her that if she wanted, she could get together with an old boyfriend who she enjoyed and I'd be fine with it. It seemed obvious to me at the time, and still does, that it would have been awkward for them if I were hovering over them while they were trying to have a good time, so I told her it was fine with me for them to get together alone. She did with him and another ex before we started having MFMs with them then doing couples swaps. My point is, do whatever it is that makes it comfortable to start. Besides fucking your wife afterwards will be unbelievably exciting: her telling you about it, you feeling the cum in her, you trying to get her off again.

New members here from central/eastern NC. I hope this isn't too long of an introductory post, but we have some questions that span several of the forum topics, and I couldn't decide which one was the appropriate place for them. If this is the wrong spot, I trust the admins/mods will let me know to post them elsewhere. My wife and I are empty nesters in our 60s and have absolutely *no* experience in the LS ... but we're curious about it. We have no interest in looking for a swap with anybody else at this point because we need to start slowly, so we believe it makes the most sense for us to visit a club or attend a house party. (In other words, not look for a meet-up.) The MOST we'd do there is be with each other in a group room or share a bedroom with another couple ... and we might not go *that* far. We're hoping some of you experienced members will be kind enough to share insights/info with us ... here are our questions: 1) Do you agree that a club or private party is the way to go? If not, why not? We'd certainly socialize and meet people, but again, no swapping. 2) We know we don't need anybody's agreement to have sex with each other in a "public" group space, but what about sharing a room with just one other couple? Assuming that we don't "chicken out" on same-room (maybe same-bed?) sex, is this something that we need to find a couple to agree to do with us and then all move to the bedroom together? Can we just find a bedroom that's got one couple already in it and ask if it's OK to share the space? If a couple is alone on the bed, can we simply "claim" half of it? Basically, what's the proper etiquette here? 3) We know there are always going to be newcomers to the LS. We also know that there are experienced swingers who are in our age group. But is the combination of our being new *and* seniors gonna cause people to walk away without even talking to us? 4) Finally, according the Web site SwingLifestyle.com, it appears there are only three places in central/eastern NC that have on-premise rooms: The Going Place (Wilmington) You Know Where (Fayetteville) The House (Raleigh) The first two are private membership clubs ... the third is a private house party. Does anyone have experience with any of these places, especially The House since that's the closest one to us? Does any of them stand out as especially good or bad for first-timers/seniors? What are the facilities like? What are your impressions of the staff/hosts? Etc, etc, etc? Thank you in advance to anyone who takes the time to share with us. Looking forward to your responses ...

Welcome to the board. First, it's a great introductory post. The questions you raise are thoughtful. You are approaching the LS as partners, and that makes all the difference. It's worth the two of you discussing--in some detail--your current comfort zones and your boundaries. These have already evolved (you posted here now, not a year ago...) and are likely to continue to change as you meet people in the LS. That continuing communication between yourselves is key both to success in the LS as well as to happiness. The first questions to ask yourselves might include the following... 1. What do we want from our first contact with the LS? Do we simply want to have dinner with a more experienced couple and hear about their experiences? Do we want to be voyeurs at a party? Do we want to jump right in--and if so what does that mean to each of us? If not explicit, at least be specific. 2. Where precisely do our current comfort zones lie? Just speaking about the possibilities with other couples? Social nudity? Soft play? Again these are likely to change with time. 3. What are our expectations of others, and of each other? What must we experience together, what is okay experiencing individually? How do we check in with each others feelings during these explorations? You'll also find it's worth talking through what would make each of you feel vulnerable during these explorations. Good luck.

While we have been active swingers where we both have played with other couples together or in separate rooms, there have been situations where my husband has just watched me with the other man. In fact, recently we have been moving to more of a hotwifing or cuckolding lifestyle. My husband seems to get more pleasure watching me with other men than having sex with other women himself.

Nothing hotter than kissing my wife with the taste and scent of come in her mouth. Winter is coming...snowballs!

Kissing my wife is not a fetish. I'll do it any time for any reason. Even for no reason at all.