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Don't apologize, we are here to try and help. Sometimes even just posting something can add clarity so just keep posting...like with her, just keep talking. As communication improves and continues, so does the trust and love and that;s never a bad thing. You have the rest of your lives. It's when people rush things that they are more likely to go wrong. Take you time and enjoy the talking and the closeness. Keep things going the way they are currently and see what happens...

Canada, you absolutely should be in a loving relationship before. But, at 57, he probably knows that he just wouldn't be happy in a long term monogamous relationship. When I was 22, a year or so before I met my wife, I was in the middle of a jungle with time on my hands. I wasn't seriously dating anyone but decided to make a scoring test to grade before allowing myself to become serious with any gal I was to meet. I had a grading system on things like politics, religion, desire for children, enjoyed activities, and of course sexual enjoyments. Looking back, I would have also included beliefs about monogamy. I've been married now for 46 years. And, honestly, with the division in this country now over religion and politics, if my wife hadn't been compatible with me on those two alone, we'd be divorced by now.

I dare say that most women who have enough confidence to walk into a club that first time will find it boosts their confidence even more to be there. Once they find out that their attractiveness is tied more to a sexy and playful attitude the confidence will soar. The ones that don't get that from it probably aren't trying.

It could have been written just for us!

When the conversation stops, things usually take a turn for the worst. Let him know your feelings on this, ASAP. You both need to start talking again and get back on the common ground. Good luck and let us know how things are going.

And for me it goes even beyond what my cravings are at any particular time. I love all the same things. To expect my wife to be all of those things to me at the time I want them is unrealistic and unfair to her. I think the analogy is very realistic if you are able to separate committed relational love from just sex. Both feel wonderful but they aren't the same thing. The same goes for what she wants. She likes MFM. Now, we can try to recreate that with a dildo but we all know it isn't the same. That toy isn't going to show any level of enthusiasm or lust, it's not going to tell her how much it wants to be inside of her or how tight and wet she is or hot she looks or any of the many other things she likes to hear before or during sex. Coming from me it's still just coming from me. The only way to really add that second is to really add a second. Asking me to have a second cock and being a second guy is as unrealistic as asking her to be a different woman with a different personality, shape, style and hair color for that matter. Denying that we have cravings we really have is just as unrealistic and it's dishonest. In my previous marriage, a comment about another woman's appearance would result in hurt feelings and some kind of remark such as "I'm sorry I'm not like her". Now the same comment is met with something much more favorable and promising depending on the venue. If it's on the street she might say something innocuous like "Yeah, she is hot", in a club she might jump up and go start a conversation.

His real feelings are probably that he knows what he wants and he wants a partner that has a like mind in regards to non-monogamy. At least that it's something that is OK to experiment with. I'm a little younger than him but after a long boring marriage that I should have gotten out of long before I did and then a couple of failed relationships(failed in part because I had an interest). I decided to lead with my interest in Non-monogamy. I put it out there. Either I'm going to find a woman that can accept that this is something I want to explore and we can be happy with that after establishing a committed relationship and communication(the important part)or I will be happy as a single man for the rest of my life. What I wasn't willing to accept was being attached and unhappily monogamous. There is a lot more to the story with how we got there but it happened for me. In the beginning a big problem for us was her stating the desire to explore what I wanted and me actually believing that. She was willing to take steps though to show me that she was sincere(we visited a nudist park) and I took steps in solidifying communication and trust. We built our relationship on a solid foundation of commitment, trust and communication but a desire to explore non-monogamy has always been a part of where we knew we were headed once we built that relationship. It took us a few years. I suspect your man has much the same feelings. He's not getting any younger and he feels like his time is limited. He doesn't want to waste time on someone who isn't interested and willing to go on that adventure with him. That means he doesn't want to waste your time either. You'd be just as unhappy as he would be if you didn't have the same interests. ou say you don't believe in monogamous relationships but you want some time. Just tell him that. He should be willing to give the time to develop a relationship that will be strong enough to allow for swinging. Yes, you should be in a committed relationship but how long do you think that needs to be. 20 years, 10, 1? It's really not about the length of time its about the strength of the relationship. He needs to know that you're sincerely interested and willing though. You don't have to be all in any more than he is all in. It will take time. If he's pushing you to prove something or check something off of a list within a set period of time then his priorities and possibly motives are worth questioning.

I like your food analogy. I like Italian, Steak, Thai, Chinese, Greek (yeah I know), Southern and I’m willing to try new things. I am not giving up the corned beef sandwich just because I had pizza. And now I learned I enjoy Clams, lol, but not giving up hot dogs.

Well, talking about it is the cure. He should know your side of it. Perhaps a hiatus would help. Take a break. Find another hobby with him. Reestablish your relationship with him. If after six months or more you're both still interested, reengage with new rules.

Among the folks who we play with, eating your cum or another man's or a mixture of both out of your wife's or another woman's pussy is routine. The women insist on it because even if the guy is a one-and-done, the women aren't, and if the guy can go again, he needs recovery time

Yes, I have. My wife was of one political persuasion, I'm the total opposite. We were at a house party in the mingling stage, this guy and his wife got into a conversation with us and he headed for a talk about politics. Since he and I were of the same persuasion, I quietly agreed with him. But he got more and more wound up, insulting the other side, not even realizing my wife opposed his every statement. Needless to say, that put an end to any movement towards a bedroom. And I remember he and his wife skulking to the door later, he was pissed they'd struck out. It's fine to have your opinions, it's always wise to be polite about them.

machiavel55, I understand how you are missing the analogy of sex and cooking. Sex is not cooking. What the original author was trying to suggest, I believe, is that sex is not romance. So, let’s take a different approach. Picture a woman, in her early forties, somewhat recently divorced. She has physical needs. So one evening she heads for a bar, picks up a guy, they have mind-blowing sex. The next day she has a wonderful memory, but she probably knows the guy is not going to wind up being her next husband. If she’s realistic, she won’t be too disappointed when he doesn’t call her for another date. Their brief relationship was simply all about sex. *Some* people who are married have similar feelings. Sex is a lot of fun, and different people are able to perform in different ways. Now, the cooking analogy becomes more apt - would you rather have a great Italian meal or a really good steak? It depends on your mood, doesn’t it? Just because you had a wonderful meal of Osso Bucco, it doesn’t mean you’ll never want a T-Bone, does it? Sex isn’t romance. Sex is *just* sex.

I think that : I don’t know enough about it We should be in a longer term relationship Isn’t it a case of experimenting I also do not believe in monogamous relationships I want some time

When we lived in San José, SLS (swinglifestyle dot com) was, hands-down, the best for meeting other couples, in terms of online websites. Way back when, for face-to-face and playtime, the Forum in Morgan Hill was good, but it's now closed.

I've probably read a couple dozen 'how to suck a dick' and 'how to eat a pussy' articles. How to suck a dick has about 5 steps to follow in order to make a great blowjob. Every article on 'how to eat pussy', should be titled 'how to eat MY pussy'. Every pussy I've dived into was completely different than every other one. Each one has to be treated like there is a direct connection from the clit to the brain, because there is. Every reaction to every sensation has to be interpreted and acted upon. It's like putting a puzzle together, 'oops that doesn't fit', 'yep that one did'. And eventually you know how to eat THIS pussy. Think about the crazy redhead, half drunk on the bed, holding one leg to the air and telling you to get in here and eat this like you are starving. Compare that to religious lady who won't quite spread her legs but will allow access to the top of her slit, kinda. Different techniques needed. Guys, well the dick just kinda sticks out there.

We have found a completely safe way to have sex with anyone.

Without knowing his age, I'd guess 30s. He may have been in restrictive relationships that ended due to his promiscuity. He may be making an attempt at honesty to see if this route works. Swinging isn't a great hobby to dive into. You've found this site, use the resources. Here, you can find a ton of information on any style of swinging. Educate yourself to the point that it is no longer this uncomfortable, taboo, sex thing and just another way of expressing yourself and experiencing life. It's a totally fucked up ultimatum to put on someone but if this is important to him, and he is an otherwise good guy, and you like him, fuck it, why not. You won't be on the rocking chair on the porch in 30 years thinking about how awful your swinging experience was. You might be rocking and smiling and making people wonder... We are a highly sexual creature. Religion, school, the government, parents all try to control and contain our desire to constantly fuck. Swinging is an outlet that, if you can wrap your head around it, can make your overall outlook a little more pleasant, polite, sexy. Having multiple sex partners is not outside our basic instincts. Something to think about even if this guy doesn't work out.

Sorry, but it sounds like the relationship is over. It doesn't seem possible for it to survive such an ultimatum.

We save contact information with the people we have good experiences with in case we want to do it with them again or invite them to a party.

At least he is honest. Swinging is rarely the foundation of a relationship. A solid relationship is foundational for happy swinging. There is no ambiguity on chicken and egg here.

It's easier for me for two reasons. First, they were friends before play partners. Second, there were only five couples that we played with. But, sadly, that was back in the late 70's/early 80's and we didn't have access to computers, cellphones and digital cameras. So there was no correspondences or pics to have kept. Communications were mostly in person or by telephone. Years later though, I did make a diary of those experiences to best of my memory. Now we did play online with a few couples years later. That was about 20 years ago. And, stupidly, we didn't keep any of the emails or pics we exchanged. Well, actually, we deleted them in consideration to the couples who sent them. But, dang it, I'd sure pay a bundle to have them now.

Hmmm. I remember the first; I remember the latest. Those in between are a little nebulous. I can only guess how many. I have suffered, even, the embarrassment of being intimate at a house party with woman who had to remind me that it was not our first intimate encounter.

All the bi guys we know are respectful in that if your straight - they don't come on to you. Having said that, there has been a few DP's we had a "oops" moment where some dick has touched the other one while lining up the girl lol It's not a worry in our book even though I'm straight.