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No, swinging is a hobby, making you choose is a choice (and not a good one at that). Most hobbies are something that you do that is a bonus...that enriches your life, but isn't something that you MUST or HAVE to do. I have never really run across anyone who felt that they HAD to be a swinger (before this). Swinging is a hobby that we have chosen to do together...partially because she isn't very good at golf. BTW, golfing is not really a hobby, but more of a lifestyle.

I remember when discussing politics was allowed on the Swingers Board. It was a disaster. There was an incident in which a member actually threatened to find another member (they lived in the same state) and do him physical harm. I was an offender, but when the site owner made the rule "No Politics!" I realized the wisdom involved and joined the movement. Most members concentrated on making this site one of the friendliest on the internet. Some disappeared. The rule "No Politics" is probably responsible for this website still existing.

As Cplnusing said, taking sides in politics is prohibited. I think what you, 'findinganswers' have brought up is quite relevant and a great discussion.

I was taught (and still am a firm believer in) that politics and religion are two topics not suited for polite conversation. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, in fact the two people that taught me that rule had some pretty firm opinions of their own on both But, as I recall the admonishment going something like "you worry about minding your business and let them worry about theirs", they didn't feel the need to share or risk offending anybody with what they considered their business. Yes, we do have a No Politics rule here, one of the few rules we have, and it's strictly enforced. What it means though is no taking sides. We don't have the equivalent No Religion rule, simply because it's never been a problem. Religion does play a role in swinging, in several different ways, but until we start getting people saying "Fill in the Blank" religion is great and everything else is the worst thing possible, then discuss away on that topic. Politics, we have had that, and often, until the rule got implemented years ago and then what a wonderful corner of the online world we became Back to the question at hand, we haven't run into that, but it would be instant turn-off, and a huge one at that. Not because I really give a damn what their opinions are one way or another, but because 1) I don't like being preached to, and 2) if someone is so self-centered that they feel the need to bring their soapbox with them to a swingers party, then that isn't showing respect to other people, and that one instantly gets you moved to the top of my Don't Like list. Finally, if you demonstrate either 1) or 2), then I'm 99.9999% sure you are going to suck as a playmate too. So yes, let's talk about sex, and we'll all be happier

When you put it that way it makes total sense . I assumed it was a lifestyle choice and not just a hobby , but maybe they are the same thing !?

Thank you so much for taking the time to post - it’s been invaluable in my decision making process .

I’m sorry if I posted something not allowed. I wasn’t preaching politics or views, I was only relating a situation where someone views was being made known at a party of mixed opinions. I for one don’t want to argue or get enraged at a place where my wife and I are looking for fun.

The only zero risk is not to play.

To me, this is a ridiculous stance. Insert any other hobby into the OP's sentence. Shooting, baking, motorcycling, running, golfing, needlepoint, etc. No matter how much I love you, if you don't take up golf - we are done. Any ultimatum like that before a relationship has even gotten off the ground - ditch him. Now, if he had said I have been golfing for the past 25 years. It's a costly hobby that takes a lot of time and requires an ugly wardrobe but I enjoy it. I hope you know it's an important part of my life that I intend to continue. Maybe one day you'll even join me... Very different conversation.

At least the boyfriend is being honest. Otherwise, we will be reading a post about, " I love my husband, but he wants me to swing. I'm not interested, he's not happy. " Better to bring it up too soon than too late.

If I recall, politics isn't even supposed to be part of any thread here. Now, I know it doesn't apply to this thread because this is a very good example of why politics isn't supposed to be here. And, how interesting, when we start discussing politics, and it's negative effects on sex, we also bring religion in. But then, hey, sometimes sex is so good that it's a religious experience, huh?

I have weight issues, so I am sensitive to the issue. My wife, on the other hand, is in tip top shape. I am ok with a woman who is overweight, but I have limits, too. I think you just have to say that you are not a match. We judge people on height, weight, age, appearance, but we never tell a person that we do not want to get together due to any one characteristic. Who knows why people do not want to be with us. We don’t take it too hard, we have each other. We do note that we have been wowed by people in person whereas we would have declined to play if we just relied on pix or a profile.

Being raised in NY I can care less about what religion a person is. Most of my college friends are not my religion and I think they respect my religion as I respect theirs. I dismiss any derogatory comments as ignorance. I don’t harp on ignorance, I blame it on where they were raised at the lack of people different than them. I don’t take that thought to prejudice based on race. Gratefully I don’t hear many racist comments. I have heard remarks by some of the guys when their partners are attracted to someone of color. Again I blame ignorance and upbringing. I find most of the political comments are associated with race and ethnicity. I usually ignore overheard comments. On the other hand I think I am becoming thin skinned and would shy away from some who become overly political contrary to my beliefs.

When the conversation stops, things usually take a turn for the worst. Let him know your feelings on this, ASAP. You both need to start talking again and get back on the common ground. Good luck and let us know how things are going.

You cannot build a house and then later realize that you probably should have built a good foundation under it. You cannot start swinging and then realize that the relationship needed a better foundation and try to add it after the fact. Successful swinging REQUIRES a rock solid foundation that few couples ever achieve. Starting without this foundation is only going to cause the relationship to eventually fail (IMHO). Yes you should. It takes some time to develop the trust and communication it takes to be successful. Forcing someone to do something that they may or may not be ready to do rarely leads to anything good and usually breeds resentment since they weren't really given a choice in the matter. But this should be something you decide to do TOGETHER. Instead it sounds like he is saying that he is going to be sleeping with whoever he wants no matter how your relationship turns out. As already pointed out, the sex is more important to him than any relationship. You are better than this, you deserve more than this...you need more time and while you may someday become a swinger, that time is not today and this is something you should both decide as a team. It's time to walk away from him, at least for now.

I'm the kind of guy that enjoys a good political discussion or debate but it definitely needs to be in the right setting. Even my wife and I have some differing opinions. I can't imagine adding that to trying to make a four way connection. Religion is just as dangerous. Current events are mostly political or religious so they are out. History can take a quick left hand turn if everyone isn't careful. Arts and travel and leisure are pretty safe topics. Sex is the best topic.

I like your food analogy. I like Italian, Steak, Thai, Chinese, Greek (yeah I know), Southern and I’m willing to try new things. I am not giving up the corned beef sandwich just because I had pizza. And now I learned I enjoy Clams, lol, but not giving up hot dogs.

Yes, I have. My wife was of one political persuasion, I'm the total opposite. We were at a house party in the mingling stage, this guy and his wife got into a conversation with us and he headed for a talk about politics. Since he and I were of the same persuasion, I quietly agreed with him. But he got more and more wound up, insulting the other side, not even realizing my wife opposed his every statement. Needless to say, that put an end to any movement towards a bedroom. And I remember he and his wife skulking to the door later, he was pissed they'd struck out. It's fine to have your opinions, it's always wise to be polite about them.

Vegas, part 3: I met a couple on SLS, A heavier set, but well kept couple. I asked what their thing was, what they saw happening. They replied, "I see us doing a lot of oral playing. I would expect the two of us to be sucking your cock. She liked watching me suck cock the one time we met a bi guy and would like to watch me do it again. I also like inserting your cock into her pussy and holding or sucking your balls while you fuck her. We don't use condoms for oral but do expect it for penetration. She is not into anal." So I met them, chatted, then went to my room. They took turns sucking me, and I them, then we both were in her, although not at the same time, LOL. She was a big girl, over six feet tall, but had a very tight pussy, said it was from never having children. I took a long time sucking his cock, he was uncut! I really loved tonguing under and around his "skin." We docked too. Bottom line, he said that he would not come for anyone but her. At the end I came between her massive boobs. Wonderful time. I would repeat with these two.

Sorry to say, but I suspect the reason this came up is to test how susceptible you're going to be to a controlling relationship, or at least that he has nobody to swing with and is in a hurry to rope somebody into being his +1. Exclusivity and even the idea that there is going to be a lasting relationship at all is usually something that takes some time to build up to these days. We're all adults, we meet people and know they probably have other prospects and likely have an active sex life until we agree that we don't anymore. There's usually a point where one or the other says "What are we?" and that'd be the usual time to discuss those expectations and boundaries, once you've already tested the waters with each other and know you're wanting to try. At most, with someone you just met, I'd think they'd communicate something like "I'm not in a hurry to rush into anything" to manage expectations if you seemed overly eager to commit, not a discussion about getting you into the lifestyle. The concept itself, that non-monogamy is non-negotiable, doesn't seem like a problem in and of itself. It's just weird that you "just met" him and he's laying it out.

I've probably read a couple dozen 'how to suck a dick' and 'how to eat a pussy' articles. How to suck a dick has about 5 steps to follow in order to make a great blowjob. Every article on 'how to eat pussy', should be titled 'how to eat MY pussy'. Every pussy I've dived into was completely different than every other one. Each one has to be treated like there is a direct connection from the clit to the brain, because there is. Every reaction to every sensation has to be interpreted and acted upon. It's like putting a puzzle together, 'oops that doesn't fit', 'yep that one did'. And eventually you know how to eat THIS pussy. Think about the crazy redhead, half drunk on the bed, holding one leg to the air and telling you to get in here and eat this like you are starving. Compare that to religious lady who won't quite spread her legs but will allow access to the top of her slit, kinda. Different techniques needed. Guys, well the dick just kinda sticks out there.

Sorry, but it sounds like the relationship is over. It doesn't seem possible for it to survive such an ultimatum.

Hello, Petra here. Why are all of the responses to this thread discussing what makes it good for the guy? For me, as a woman giving a blowjob (to completion), what makes unforgettable for me is: - He's already been in a pussy, mine or preferably another woman's, but hasn't yet come (see below); - He's totally flaccid (I like getting it all in my mouth to start and feeling him expand); - He is not too long. A good blow job-size dick for me is short, but thickness doesn't matter - the opposite of what I like for anal where thinness is preferable and length doesn't matter. - He lets me have control. I don't like it when a guy is thrusting his dick into my throat. I can deep throat some, but it doesn't make it good for me. I want to do it my way with a lot of tongue and take it farther down when I'm ready. Be patient and I can take it all the way. - He lets me know when he's going to cum, because: - I take all of his semen in my mouth; - I hold it in my open mouth (to me the taste is anywhere from neutral to good), roll it around with my tongue for him and anyone else who's interested to see what I've done (naughty girl); - I make a show of swallowing. - Optional - Instead of swallowing, I like to snowball (pass the semen back and forth between our mouths before swallowing) by either kissing him or another woman. (I like to do it with another guy, but guys don't. Hubby's done it for me twice though.) - Also option - Having someone fucking me or licking me while doing the above. I prefer giving blow jobs while upright (kneeling, standing, sitting) for control so I prefer doing cowgirl, reverse cowgirl or sitting on his/her face if it's going to be me doing these simultaneously. Doggy can work as well.

I'll be blunt... get out now.

You boyfriend sounds like a jerk. It sounds to me like you guys need to stop swinging until he can do it and treat you with respect at the same time.