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There are plenty of marriages that are loving and happy and do not involve sex. I get that this is not something you want, but let's just put that out there. Also, as soon as she said she didn't want sex, you just immediately stopped loving her? How deep/strong was that love to begin with if you can switch it off because of one aspect of a marriage? That is scary, to me, as a woman who has pain with sex. I have that fear that my husband would do the same thing you did. As for the other person's comment about monogamy also meaning you fulfill all your partner's sexual desires, unless that was agreed to at the start, you can't go unilaterally amending the agreed upon contract/vows now and not expect repercussions. What if those sexual desires involved something the other person wasn't morally comfortable with, are you still obligated to help them fulfill them? I don't buy into that. If you aren't going to leave her because you see it as quitting (which, in a sense, it is), and she is not willing/able to budge on sex-- seems you are at a stalemate. Also, if you don't trust women..... might make it hard to find anyone else to have a healthy relationship with anyways (not said in a judging way as I have trust issues with everyone ). Also, you could reframe that "not a quitter" into not quitting on your love or relationship. Otherwise, it seems you just want to feel like a martyr. You mentioned that she was willing to do other aspects of sex, but that isn't enough for you and you don't like feeling like it is charity sex. Well, to me, that is a compromise on her part. She doesn't want the penetration (which, you guys have no idea how painful it can be when there are issues....but to me fair to you, she should talk to her doctor about it), but seemed willing to do other aspects. We get so hung up on penetration and orgasms, that we forget about all the other sexual things that can be done. Unless she says it is charity, perhaps you are reading into it or projecting. The fact that she was willing to do those things for you, to me, shows she is trying. So, to answer your question: For various reasons throughout the years, I have at times not been able to have penetrative sex (or as much as my husband wanted). I fully expected him to stay monogamous (we weren't swinging during those periods) and to weather the storm with me. I was able and willing to provide him with oral and manual (though still not as much as he wanted because those hurt too). He watched a lot of porn and masturbated frequently (though, he watches porn like an addict, so that may not have had anything to do with me). I have thought about what I would do if I ever get to the point where I just can't do anything for a sexual release for the two of us. I might be willing to allow him to find someone else to have sex with in that case, but only if we weren't having sex or doing anything sexual at all anymore. I don't want to catch anything. I can't answer that question until it happens-- no one can. We can only say what we think/hope we would do. Anyone on here who says they would "for sure" do something is full of it. We don't know until we get there. There are a lot of emotions that go into saying you can't do something and allowing your partner to go elsewhere.

We have been swinging for 4 years and love it. I have found it's always been more about me watching than doing. When we go out I would rather watch my wife with a couple (m or f) or solo with a m or f. I also enjoy her sexting and sending pics to others. We have found success and happiness with his all because of communication- both between us and when meeting others. I hate the term 'cuck' because I'm not into humiliation. Anyone else like me?

I totally agree with what others are saying here, I can't get behind that enough! Confidence is much sexier than a sexy body. I look around the clubs and watch who people are watching.... yes, they look at and admire that Barbie Doll, but she does not get approached very often. It's the average looking people, the slightly 'overweight' women who are laughing and dancing with confidence, the ones that are bold enough to catch someone's eye and flirt just a little. The voluptuous vixen who is dancing provocatively, smiling that sexy smile like she's got a secret, and who (I'll say it again) makes eye contact with those she is attracted to. Those are the guys who have been 'given permission' to approach and chat her up that actually do so. So learn your body, watch what other successful attendees are doing to get noticed, trust that there is someone out there that thinks you are hot! (even if it's just your hubby!) and enjoy your evening out. If no one approaches, feel free to chat others up and flirt a little. That's confidence too. And confidence is sexy! And btw, I'm a size 18-20 (I fluxuate a lot in size) and while not everyone is into plus sized lovers, there are plenty to go around. And lastly, there are BBW swinger sites out there where you are guaranteed to find 'chubby chasers' and "BBW Lovers'. I found I was on the low end of that spectrum but got way more love and likes there than on a regular swinger site. (BBW = Big Beautiful Woman) Have fun!!

Arranging something like this without the wife's foreknowledge is a recipe for disaster. Rethink your approach.

I have found myself thinking I need to apologize to another couple as well! Honestly it is fun to swap, but we are moving more towards single guys or a couple just looking for a woman to join them. Regardless the only agreement is I get to watch. And when you discuss the rules and expectations it avoids issues and things can really work out!

Absolutely! I always had the fear that I wasn't being fair to the other wife because I was enjoying watching my wife and the other husband so much. And, when we were cybering with others, I loved it when my wife was enjoying herself with the other men. Cuckolding is when the husband is being humiliated. Enjoying watching your wife having pleasure with other men isn't cuckolding at all!

I'd have to say the judgment, both by swingers and especially non-swingers. Why everyone can't just let people be who they are accept them for that without wanting to pass judgment on them, I don't understand. In terms of us swingers particularly, that doesn't mean you have to want to play with everyone out there, but just because they don't swing the exact same way you do doesn't make them any more or less of swinger or a person.

Found this kinda by accident, now we can't stop talking about it. We were at a large swingers event flirting and dancing with many different couples with no real sights on one particular. Then my wife sort of magnetically connected with a guy. It could instantly see the attraction by them both. We started talking as they were with a large group. They invited us back to their room and said it was an after hours party. We showed up and there was a good 20 people there. All clothed at the time. Things progressed quickly and people started undressing and playing all around us. This was not our normal scene but here we are. The guy my wife had connected with had came over and started kissing here. He started to undress her as I kinda sat back in a chair and watched. I now started to undress as my intention was to join in. He ate her pussy thru her panties. Then he pulled them off and got on top of here. I was just sitting in the chair alone watching this unfold. I couldn't believe this was really happening. I was right behind them and could see it all. He slid inside her and began to fuck her really fast and hard. I was literally just kinda playing with my dick in preparation of my turn. After a few minutes of him fucking her I could feel that she had fully checked out and was completely engaged in her moment. It was a surprising experience as we never lost track of one another ever before. I was so turned on that my presence wasn't aknowlege by her or him. Her eyes were locked on his as he pounded her. She spread her legs wider than she would when I fuck her. To me it showed that she wanted him deeper and it really turned me on. Next thing I know, I cum. I wasn't really jacking off but lightly stroking while watching. I couldn't believe that it was so intense that I just came. He fucked here for several minutes and she would say to him that she wanted him to cum as she stared in his eyes. This was the most erotic, intense thing we have ever done to date. We didn't plan it or seek it out. It just happened...perfectly. now we can't wait to try it again. We literally talk about it every time we have sex.

A friend had a bi boyfriend who liked to go to a discrete spot and give blowjobs to random guys. He never had any type of penetrative sex, nor received from anyone. He has periodontal disease and contracted AIDS thru giving oral. It's not as hard to pass on as you think. Even a healthy mouth that has been vigorously brushed can be susceptible (the bristles can cause micro-scratches that allow infection to spread from person to person... same as biting your cheek or eating really hot, spicy foods just before sex.... so avoid all those things before play!) As for how to determine if someone is 'clean'... I like to ask for 'dirty stories', encourage them to brag about some of their crazier exploits to see if they disclose that they like bareback, play unprotected, travel with condoms, or play with unknowns... where they find their play partners, how often they play with others, etc... then I have more data to go by to decide if this is a risk I wish to take. Anyone who is offended to be asked about their health status maybe should be avoided, as it's unlikely you are both on the same page. Good luck!

A million times this. I would be very upset if my husband did something like this. It is about trust.

When we first started there was some expectation on my wife's part that I be completely in tune with what was going on with her at all times. She needed that security. The first time we swapped I ended up apologizing to the other couple because I knew I had not been as attentive to my swap partner as I could/should have been. However, I found that I really enjoyed watching/listening to my wife even more than I anticipated. In fact I told her that night that watching her was better than any porn I have ever seen. I still feel that way but because she is more relaxed I don't feel the pressure to be 100% in tune with her 100% of the time. That allows me to enjoy even more. Now I can process and enjoy what's going on with her peripherally while giving my swap partner the attention she deserves and receive it as well. Less tunnel vision I guess you'd say. We can be physically separated but in close proximity for soft swap activities so that we can watch each other(it turns us on) but when the condoms come out I'll get myself into position where we are close enough to touch and if the positioning allows it, to have eye contact.

There's no reason that you can't do both and enjoy both. That's what I like and it's sensory overload, in a good way. Watching my wife banging another man and being in another pussy either at the same time or afterwards is heaven.

Completely common and totally normal. I wouldn't say I'd "rather" watch, but the Mrs giving or receiving oral is definitely a turnon. Terms that might be more relevant than "cuckold" play are hotwifing and stag/vixen.

I also loved watching my wife as she engaged with a man. She wasn't bi, so there wasn't any point in an FMF threesome, or me sitting out while the other three had fun. I did enjoy being with the other wife when we had a foursome. As a result we sometimes had foursomes or moresomes, and my wife and I had MFM threesomes where I would watch for awhile and then join in or not at my and her option. It worked for us.

I would sure think twice about prearranging something that she's not aware of in advance. You could lose her trust and that could end everything that you've had.

Sorry to hear that... but we will all be a year older next year! Have fun while we can still enjoy it!

I believe most people are bisexual, but men are by and large not encouraged by society to act on it. I am openly bisexual and as a man that has posed a problem with other bisexual men that are not out as bisexual, but pose as straight. I will not date bi men in the closet because it goes against everything I believe in. If you want to be with me, then it must be in the open, whether it's men or women. No one in my family or immediate circle cares and that's how it will remain.

That people were more honest with their likes and dislikes.

Fewer flakes. If you say you are going to meet at a certain place at a certain time, don't be flaking out.

Granted I'm a single male but I have noticed somethings in swinging. One being the apparent acceptance of bi women and shunning of bi-men. No I am not bi but I met one couple in that the woman enjoyed seeing her hubby give a man a blowjob. Before and after we met I was adamant about not doing it and they were cool as it was not paramount for her nor him as it was not his favorite thing to do either but he did it cause he loved his wife. Anyway, this whole oral sex from a male has reared its head again and I don't want to and again it is not required. My question is, how many of the swinging couples in here engage in bisexual activity? Do you enjoy it?