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This is precisely correct. There is an analogy among pilots: "It is better to be on the ground wishing you were up in the air than to be up in the air wishing you were on the ground."

I've probably read a couple dozen 'how to suck a dick' and 'how to eat a pussy' articles. How to suck a dick has about 5 steps to follow in order to make a great blowjob. Every article on 'how to eat pussy', should be titled 'how to eat MY pussy'. Every pussy I've dived into was completely different than every other one. Each one has to be treated like there is a direct connection from the clit to the brain, because there is. Every reaction to every sensation has to be interpreted and acted upon. It's like putting a puzzle together, 'oops that doesn't fit', 'yep that one did'. And eventually you know how to eat THIS pussy. Think about the crazy redhead, half drunk on the bed, holding one leg to the air and telling you to get in here and eat this like you are starving. Compare that to religious lady who won't quite spread her legs but will allow access to the top of her slit, kinda. Different techniques needed. Guys, well the dick just kinda sticks out there.

The director Stanley Kubrick was intimidated by beautiful or fashionable women. This was hurting him professionally so he came upon a plan. He would start a communication using an intermediary. Perhaps you could use a similar technique — use, for example, your wife as an intermediary.

I gotta tell you that your emotions are valid. Your feelings aren't out of line based on what you experienced. That being said, you do not have to feel that way if you don't want to. I'm not saying there's a switch you can flip or anything, but you sound a bit wounded. And if you want to and take steps to do so, you can heal. Step 1: trust your wife. She's been by your side for 30 years. That means something and if she says you make her happy and you say she is your rock, believe here and count yourself lucky. Not every one has that. Continue to trust her and believe her when she tells you how she feels. Step 2: Find yourself a quality counselor you can trust. You deserve to be happy, and a counselor can help you see things in a healthy light. Step 3: Start small and make some changes for a healthier physical you. I'm a stranger and I'm no body shamer. But, what you said seems to indicate that you are not satisfied with how you look and feel physically. Look at your diet. Consult with a doctor to develop a fitness plan. You don't need to look like you did 20 years ago, but you should be able to live your life feeling strong and alert and alive and happy and healthy. Do it for you. Not your wife, not that couple you mentioned, not anybody but you. Step 4: Try to give yourself a break. You come off as a pretty decent guy with a good heart and a great wife. If that other couple did reject you, so be it. It says more about them than you. Maybe it was because of your shape or they weren't feeling the chemistry or who knows what. It doesn't have to matter. You control you, and you control your present. You can't control them or the past. Step 5: Go to Desire Pearl. That place is awesome and we saw every shape and size there - all accepted and appreciated. You got this, bud. You're gonna be just fine.

Thank you for reply and contributing to my further depression how its not a good look on a man.

Thanks for the advice! So I have been thinking about it a lot, and I think like you said we have thought it through for awhile and we are respect each other, and my wife and I love and respect each other very much. There really isn't a way to know for sure how it will all play out, but I think going into it with that is a good thing. Like you said as long as before we get into it, I want to make sure my wife knows I love and respect her very much, and I want to know she feels the same way about me (which she does, just want to hear her say it again)! Lol So far the plan is my buddy will come to town for a weekend, stay at our apartment, "sleep on the couch", and we will all hang out and have fun going out and coming back having some drinks. I have already let them both know I a 100% fine with anything happening, as long as my wife is wanting it to happen. I think that's all I need to do. Now, I just need to shut up about it, and sit back, without pressuring anything to happen, and watch. But if it goes down, I definitely want to be there to see it!

We did pay $40 to attend and I didn’t even eat because I don’t like to play on a full stomach. But you are 100% right. But I would prefer to pack our bags, retreat and go home rather than force it with people we are not sure about.

All three of you seem to have thought it through. I would go for it in your situation, with two caveats: Get your wife to promise you that no matter what, you'll always be your number one. Understand that it's possible that you'll lose this other man as your friend. How to get it started? If you don't have a big thing about watching, simply let her know that she has your complete okay with this. Then invite him over to hang. When he gets there, tell them both that they should have some fun and that you'll be gone for two hours. Then don't bother them for those two hours. If you want to watch, invite him over and play some sort of a strip game. If they don't take the hint after that, well . . .

Thanks everyone for the advise! So I have a little more time to explain the situation now. So we all went on that Mexico trip a couple of years ago and there was obvious flirting between the two, the skinny dipping between us three at night in the ocean, and him coming back to our room for drinks afterwards for several hours...more flirting, and the discussing of our situation/open marriage and how they are both attracted to each other, the whole time my wife was sitting next to him in just a robe, nothing underneath. They both said they would fuck each other, but we were all concerned about crossing that line of doing things with a good friend. Cut to now, we went to the Xmas party at my friends house last week, and she knew she had my full consent to flirt with him as much as she wanted as usual. It got pretty obvious, my friends noticed! Lol! They were on the couch holding hands and had hands on each others upper thighs. So after that I have talked with my wife and my buddy and let them both know that I am 100% good with them doing anything my wife is comfortable with doing. My wife seems really into him, and that has been the problem with other guys she has fucked since we have been together...she hasn't been into them, and she says she needs to feel comfortable with someone for the sex to be good. She was attracted to the guys she fucked at the time in the past, but they were one night stands she met out at a bar in Vegas or such, and so she didn't feel comfortable enough with them physically to cum or for it to be really good for her. So I feel like there is natural chemistry between her and my buddy and this could lead to a GREAT experience for both of them...my wife may even cum for the first time with another guy. This is a natural situation of chemistry and attraction and I feel there is mutual respect with my friend and respect and love between my wife and I. I asked my friend how he would feel if this happened, and how he would feel if it all ended eventually, and he said that he wouldn't "be hurt or weird if it stopped or if this step did not start at all...hope you all would be cool with it too!". So I feel like after knowing him all of these years, and how he is, and knowing my wife that this could work out great. Obviously there are unknowns and something bad COULD happen, but that is the case anytime you invite someone else into your bedroom I feel. Maybe I am justifying this, but I kinda want to see what happens, they are so into each other and my wife is always soo in control about her feelings and not getting into this. I want to see her lose her mind over another guy, not divorce me, but just be begging me for another man's cock. My wife has said many times, this is my fantasy, and if it is going to happen, it has to happen on her terms and naturally...so I feel this is the most natural situation we have come across. They have obvious chemistry and attraction. What do you all think?

Well, yes, sex with one person can get hum-drum, and swinging spices it up. By being excited about being with other people, you then get excited about being with each other. New people bring new techniques, you then carry those to the marital bed. Having said that, a swinger who isn't happy with their own partner probably won't be happy in a swinging relationship.

ONLY a 1st timer should need that sign!

It’s the only courteous thing to do.

In my mid-20s, my gf/now wife moved in together after I got a new job. I made some friends at work and we all started hanging out with our SOs. One guy of the new group had an affinity for saying things for pure shock value. He used the “c” word around my wife once and noticed it made her uncomfortable. He would then continue saying it around her just to get a reaction. It got to a point where my wife dreaded hanging out with this guy and his SO because she knew he would push her buttons when it came to that word. I, along with his best friend, had to sit him down and ask him to stop as it would really kill the vibe of the group. Thankfully, it worked, and all was well with the world. Personally, I do tend to avoid or socialize less with folks where every sentence has the f word, and the f word is the only adjective they know. I think that is just a product of where I grew up where swearing was highly frowned upon. Since college and entering the real world I have been to cities and locales where this type of swearing is the norm and part of their local dialect and perfectly acceptable. As the poster noted above, I too can appreciate those who are creative with the diverse set of curse words the English language has to offer. P.S. Penn State break my heart yesterday. Oh well, hopefully next year will be better.

Oh, most definitely full-on penetrative sex, as I thought I made in my original text, which my friend reported was quite good for the three of them. And beautiful photography.

You and your wife should have taken the girl on a vacation or shopping spree together. Hubby and I did that early on and it led to me becoming bi and our current poly family. Playing alone is fine, but playing together can also be great.

Thank you. Funny thing is my wife isn't even mad about it. She's relieved everything is out in the open. Biggest lesson I learned from this...swinging is a team sport. Be very careful when playing separately.

When my wife and I played with other couples, out of the five, only one was through a swingers contact. And that was after we realized that we were actually wife swapping, as it was called back then. I think that most younger couples that are interested in expanding their boundaries don't think of themselves as swingers. They just think of themselves as open-minded and adventurous. Look around at your friends and associates that you find appealing. Bring up the subject in an innocent way. Say you watched an old movie like 'Bob And Carol, Ted And Alice' or some other that was about couples playing and get their reaction. I remember our first swap was after watching 'Deep Throat' with another couple who were friends. It was that movie, and our open discussion after watching it, that made the other couple comfortable in sharing that they had played since they were married. And, within an hour or two, we were swapping spouses.

Decisions should not be made while "buzzed".

Haven't been there but have done a lot of checking on it since they built it right next to Desire RM. It's geared towards younger 20somethings as a party destination. There is supposed to be one top optional pool but from what I've heard very few people take advantage of the option. The only really good thing about it is that it is next to Desire RM (actually IMHO that's a bad thing for Desire RM). Security does do a pretty good job of keeping the Breathless people out of Desire RM, but that just means that if you wanted to try visiting, you probably won't be successful. I know that you are trying to break the wife in easily, but I would suggest going to Desire RM or Hidden Bay (Hidden Bay is more clothing optional than swinging friendly). There is no requirement that you take advantage of the clothing option and I think that Desire RM is much more classy and sophisticated than the party atmosphere of Breathless.

In a condom yes.

What about during anal sex? Can you feel him cumming inside & is the sensation pleasurable?