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A club is a good way to break a lot of those stereotypes she probably has conjured up. Unless it's a different club than we're used to it's not a big orgy and many of the people will be newbies just like you. Get there early and just watch things progress. As people get comfortable in the surroundings some clothes will start to come off, the dancing will get a little raunchier and people will get even more friendly. Kind of like a vanilla bar only everyone knows the rules! There won't be any expectations and you can leave when you want. From hard learned experience I advise you to be particularly attuned to her and how she's taking everything in. If she wants to leave, leave, no questions no push back. Even though it's not a full on orgy going on there it can be a lot to take in and can get overwhelming the first couple of times. Don't let her get overwhelmed. You can debrief on the ride home. She is going to need to have confidence in your ability to walk away when she says she's ready or going back the next time is going to be much more difficult for her. The hardest part really is walking though the door. Good luck.

Since you seem interested in traveling, I recommend that you check out Hedonism II in Negril Jamaica. Although it is "lifestyle friendly", there will be no pressure to do anything you don't want to do. Lots of great people go there from all over, all shapes and sizes, young and old, etc. Hedo is an all-inclusive resort, all food, activities, water sports, diving, alcohol, etc. is included. There is a clothing optional beach and a nude beach. We have met wonderful people there, some nudists, some not, some in the lifestyle, some not. As you may know, the lifestyle includes those interested in lots of different things. Some like to watch, some like to be watched, some want to have a threesome, or an orgy, some are soft swap of full swap. Whatever you want you can find at Hedo. Besides the sexual vibe, there are pools, hot tubs, great food, friendly staff, excellent entertainment, things to do all day, or just go to the beach and catch some rays. On the Hedo 2 website, you can see which groups are going when. See which ones interest you, check them out, and go with a group to get better rates and automatic friends. There is lot of info about Hedo on Adult Travel Forum, or check out the latest edition of Chris Santilli's book, "The Naked Truth About Hedonism II". Good luck!

Do you know if they are in the Lifestyle? It could be tricky making a pass at vanilla friends. How about one hub approaching the other privately or one wife approaching the other wife? If it's a no then it's quiet.

Very simply say, "We like you guys. Would you care to come home with us?" Or to a private room at a club, or a hotel room or whatever. They'll get the idea. Someone in the group needs to be a little aggressive; else nothing is ever going to happen.

My wife and I have recently started talking about this lifestyle. Its quite early on and I'm more receptive than she is. Any thoughts on how to introduce her to people in the lifestyle that she can talk to and break a lot of the stereotypes that are in her head. Are window shoppers welcome in the clubs or is that poor etiquette? We are DINKS (Dual Income No Kids) so we tend to look for adult only adventures anyway and this seems to interest us. We also travel a lot hence the username. Thanks Mr. Nomad

Yes, as long as they are also in the L/S, the direct route is the best one to use. They could be giving you the space and time to make up your minds as to if you want to take that next step (as in not trying to pressure you). Just let them know that you two are ready and are interested in playing with them and then the ball is in their court. I can't tell you how many couples that we have met (usually on our first in person dinner meeting) that are hesitant to talk about sex or swinging even though it is the reason we are meeting...to see if there is any connection and if we want to go further. Just kind of funny...

We are lifetime members on SLS and have had several offers for certs, but we always decline...it's nobody else's business who we choose to play with. Don't assume that because someone doesn't have certs, they are not legit (unless they are free members).

Nobody at a club party will become upset. In all probability other people will be at the club who just want to see what goes on and to ask questions. WELCOME to Swingersboard.

You could go to a lifestyle club with the agreement that you will only watch or have sex with each other. It’s hard to know if you would like it unless you are in that situation. My other idea is to join SLS or SDC, meet a couple for a vanilla (pre-agreed no sex) drinks or dinner, see how you feel. No risk in either scenario.

We usually have a vanilla first meeting with other swingers and we all know it’s vanilla. My wife and I discuss at home and if we both agree, we ask the other couple if, at a mutually agreed upon future date, they would like to come over to our house to play. Pretty direct! Somebody’s got to make the move and we will if we feel the other couple is into it. We we have pretty good swingdar and we are shocked when we are rebuffed when we think things are going well. But they do not go well many times. We roll with the punches and we’ve met many great couples.

Yes....of course.

We can offer a few observations. --Make sure that both you and your spouse are on the same page--how far you want to take things. We wrote about this in an essay at this site a couple of years ago. It's more than "definitely interested in playing with. Here are our three points before going on the second date: 1. What are our fantasies? We are doing this for fun and with each other. We are going to blur the line between fantasy and reality. What does that look like? 2. What are our intentions? What is the reality of what we are going to do together? How much exploration do we plan? 3. What are our boundaries? Are we clear on what we will do together and what we expect of each other? What does approaching a limit look like, and what will we do if-and-when either of us gets there? --Make that second date flexible and yet with a clear intention, for example..."How about dinner on Saturday? We were planning a light meal at our place. The hot tub is warmed up, too. What, if any, dietary restrictions or preferences do you have?" That last part turns out to be useful because you have made clear that you are concerned about and respectful of any restrictions or preferences they have in one domain of their lives, and you are likely to be just as respectful in other domains. Yes, this matters. --Regardless of whether you are at a restaurant, or at home, or wherever, make the invitation clear AND give the other couple some time/space to decide. If we're at a restaurant, we'll make the invitation and then Mrs. FL will need to use the ladies' room and I will excuse myself to make a quick phone call. This gives the other couple the option of speaking with each other or the Mrs can follow Mrs. FL to the ladies' room for a private conversation. Either way it gives the other couple a bit of breathing room. If we're at home, while we're carrying dinner dishes from the table, we'll simply ask whether they would prefer dessert indoors or out on the deck by the hot tub. Again, it puts the ball in their court and allows them to make the decision. The general idea is to make your intention clear and yet give them a way to gracefully decline. --Assuming things are progressing, this is a good time to ask about their restrictions/boundaries and to tell them yours. --Patience is a virtue.

As I mentioned I grew up in an atmosphere where no matter what religion, race or nationality you were all people were the same. I have a disgust for people with prejudices. When I went away to college I met many people from different cities, states and countries. I met many people with many different backgrounds. Maybe I was brought up to be tolerant of other’s beliefs but I can’t be tolerant of people with hate. I have no desire to be with haters and certainly will not be sexual with a hater.

We stayed at the DRM recently. Now that s one struly fun resort

Thank you. Funny thing is my wife isn't even mad about it. She's relieved everything is out in the open. Biggest lesson I learned from this...swinging is a team sport. Be very careful when playing separately.

Fast forward to now... I ended it with the girl yesterday. We ended up getting strong feelings for each other, which I was in denial about, but my wife saw it for months. She would come over when my wife was out and we would spend 6-7 hours together watching movies, etc. I had myself and my wife convinced we were just "friends". I should have listened to everyone warning me about it.

Agree with cplnuswing 100%. Dishonesty is more the issue than the age or body type. Or perhaps issue isn’t as much with big fat peoples as it is with big fat liars....