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Wife brought up the idea to me about 3-4 months ago. I was hesitant, lurked on this site for quite a while, dreading the bad stories, loving the good ones. We took the dive early december, soft swap ladies only. It didn't work as planned, but we talked and talked and talked, full discussion about everything we want from this. Last weekend was the second attempt, soft swap with possibility of more. I caved on my boundaries minutes in (loving the was she was enjoying herself), we broke boundaries and loved the whole thing. We discussed and played with each other after, repeated the next day (our play couple lives close) and had even more fun. This is the beginning of something wonderful. The things I have learned about her and she of me are groundbreaking after nearly 15 years together. We have turned into nudists of sorts and don't hide pleasing ourselves or looking at porn from one another. I know her fantasies and want to help fulfill all of them and she mine.

Husband here. We have been reading the forums and talking a lot for months now (she brought it up, and it didn't take me long to get on board). Our first experience was soft swap with wives only and us playing with out respective wives.It was fun but a bit awkward, both husbands wanted to be with the other woman but neither wanted their wife to play with the other man, it felt rushed, because it was. I had performance issues after a while and we called it a night. We talked about likes and dislikes and everything under the sun. 2 weeks ago she and I sign up for four different sites and both share accounts, hoping for a good chance of getting a real couple to at least talk to us, "new couple, looking for FWB, come hang at our place" etc. We had a connection with a couple about an hour and a half away, they were going to come down and we were going to hang out, see if we connect etc. Things came up, they didn't show (not much of a surprise for an online connection from what I read here)and wife becomes discouraged. Then the very next morning, a couple we have had limited conversation with for a couple weeks, just a couple miles away, says they are free to come over that night. We agree with the stipulation that we want to get to know them, be comfortable. Not being experienced, we felt this prudent. Soft swap was our limit with the possibility of more, she had a no kissing rule, but dropped that the week before, saying it would be hot to see me kiss another woman the way I kiss her. They show up, it feels awkward at first then everything clicks. They stop us and tell us they are very experienced, they will hold back anything not wanted, they want us to be comfortable. We talk for a few more min then go back to some touching. I was a little nervous because I hadn't dated/flirted/whatever in 14 years, meanwhile he already has his hand up her leg (I'm not complaining, I even liked it, just nervous with the other wife) I suggest we retire to the bedroom and we do. Clothes disappear. The other wife calls dibs on tasting my wife and tells me I should be doing something to her, so I do. We fairly quickly move to a full swap, with my permission and yearning to see my wife squirm more with the husband (we made sure both the wives enjoyed themselves). All on the same bed, everyone had a blast. I didn't realize how erotic it would be to see my wife getting off from someone else while I was with that other persons wife. Oh yeah, the first orgasm was simultaneous, my wife and his wife, both gripping each others arms and torsos, so so hot. The next day they drop by for, I don't remember what, and we end up in the bedroom again (this was literally an hour ago) we had adjusted our boundaries and likes/dislikes and told them, they obliged and we had even more fun than yesterday. Oh yes, afterward we talked and made love and couldn't get enough of each other. Thanks for all the posts here. I wouldn't have been able to do it comfortably without them, and now can't wait to do it again!

Anxiety is a normal part of it. We all have mechanisms built in to our mental and physical make up that protect us from harming ourselves. In the case of swinging most of us have been led to believe that anything other than a completely monogamous relationship is dangerous and so we should protect our relationship by keeping it monogamous. Your previous relationship that was not 100% supportive reinforced the idea that relationships are fragile. Instead of you learning to lean on your partner for emotional support you probably learned to close off and not express who you really were. I've been there. A club is a great 1st step. It will be full of like minded people who, for the most part, aren't pushy or judgmental. You're all there for the same sexually charged atmosphere and they will respect whatever your boundaries are. Maybe the best thing is the confidence boost you'll get from it. Before you go treat yourself to something that makes you feel sexy. Take that confidence through the door and you'll be surprised what a magnet it is. The peacocking and cattiness that you'd find in a vanilla setting is almost non-existent so women aren't threatened by another hot woman. The one thing a club is not lacking on is compliments from men and women alike. As Sawman said. Just go and absorb the atmosphere. I would suggest even going the first time with an agreement that no play with others will take place. See what it's all about. Meet some people, watch others, let others watch you if it feels right then go home and digest it all. Discuss what you liked, what you didn't and modify your boundaries if you are both comfortable with it. There doesn't ever have to be a checklist of things you have to do or a sprint to the finish. There should be a discussion of what you are interested in doing and how you might get there. Take baby steps and keep communicating.

We love to go out and I enjoy losing my panties at some point in the evening. I sit or stand in ways that guys can take a peek. If i’m interested i’ll make eye contact and motion for him to come over. Sometimes i’ll take his hand and let him touch me or even slide a finger in. We are very discrete and never get caught. If I can, i’ll even try to feel his cock through his pants or have even put my hand inside a pocket. Does anybody else try this or am I just a public perv?

You may or may not be a perv but you DO sound like a whole lot of fun!!

When my wife was in mid 50s she started experiencing painful intercourse. After several different doctors refused to discuss hormone therapy, she found a female physician who prescribed bio identical hormones. It made a huge difference. Your wife may benefit with treatment as mine did. The area you live in has female physicians who prescribed bio identical hormones.

Swinging is entirely built upon love trust and communication. If any of those three are weak or lacking, then jealousy, lies and deception is given the change to undermine the foundation. The better the relationship: the better the love, trust and communication are, the less the anxiety will be. Talk with your SO, determine your rules and limits, STICK TO THEM, and then go visit a club...you'll find out that you are more than good enough. I'm sorry that another man damaged you the way he did, but in all seriousness, this will help repair some of that. Beauty is only skin deep, sexiness comes from deep within and has nothing to do with beauty. Without ever even seeing you, we can tell that you have that sexiness inside. Time to let it back out. Let us know how things progress.

The swinger community is small. You cannot tick off a large number of people without repercussions. We asked to attend a house party recently. The hosts politely said that the party is for those who are 25-45. We would not be comfortable there anyway as we are quite a bit older. They were direct and frank and it's their party, they can invite whoever they like. But the George group lets you sign up and , for us, never said anything. We want to make other plans if not invited. Just weaselly behavior.

Sex with the same person year after years gets boring and predictable. That's why people "swing" ! Accepting this reality can keep a marriage together. There are advantages to being married but sex isn't one of them.

This is precisely correct. There is an analogy among pilots: "It is better to be on the ground wishing you were up in the air than to be up in the air wishing you were on the ground."

We did pay $40 to attend and I didn’t even eat because I don’t like to play on a full stomach. But you are 100% right. But I would prefer to pack our bags, retreat and go home rather than force it with people we are not sure about.

The party is in Pa., we are from NJ. We get there at 8:15 for an 8 start time, because we know some house parties are like musical chairs. We see the couple we know, say hello. We talk to them when they are together, but the husband goes away, leaves his wife with us, goes to talk to other people. One other couple from NJ was friendly to us, but were not together with each other much, but talked to us periodically. Almost none of the Pa. were friendly to us and we certainly did not feel anyone wanted to play with us. My wife and I are a bit on the short side, but she is very attractive, I think I am above average in my mind, we were certainly in the mix on age and appearance. We saw the couple with whom we had dinner this summer. We thought the dinner went well. Like us, they were experienced swingers, we were at a swingers resort. We asked them to our cabin and to our surprise, they said no. We saw them at this party, said hello, generally avoided them. They looked older and less attractive than we remembered.

I’ve only started thinking about this recently with help from a friend. I call him my sex coach. Too bad he is 3000 miles away!

4 years before

I met my fiance online on a traditional site two years ago. I was able to communicate in my profile that I wanted a relationship that had a swinging component. Over the last two years we have joined a swinging site that we quickly abandoned and attended a couple of clubs. I have felt like, at times, that we weren't on the same page in what we wanted. My desire was to have the kind of relationship that I've seen other couples have that I had played with as a single male. I'm not naive, I realized that it would take some time, communication and a strong foundation to get there. Being over 50 I put it all out there and told this woman that I had certain expectations, I was very detailed in how I saw a relationship progressing and I was certainly open to anything she wanted in a relationship including marriage if my needs and desires were willingly and enthusiastically met. The first year was devoted to building the relationship and talking about the possibilities. Like I said we joined a site and quickly abandoned that having recognized that we weren't ready and the online thing is kind of overwhelming. Going into the second year we visited an on premise club a few times. The first time was fun with ourselves. Another time she let a guy touch her a little while she blew me. After that it was disastrous. Nothing happened on several occasions and I was blaming her. I felt like she didn't want to do this. It has caused some tension to say the least. We recently talked about trying again and we went out on a recent Saturday: Saturday morning M(my fiance) made a couple comments about feeling turned on, teased me a little but told me I had to wait til we went out. She even made some Jello shots for us to take along. She wore a lace Teddy with a skirt and a sweater. Her tits were barely covered. She wore her gold Jimmy Choos and she knew she looked hot. We got there early, about 9:30 and several couples were already there. We sat down fairly close to another couple. We'll call them H and R. I tried talking to them a couple of times, tried making eye contact with H. H was a cute blonde, curvy. R was a regular guy. No Ken and Barbie but easy on the eyes. She was probably late 40s he maybe a little older nearly identidal to our ages. Responses were short and glances were quick though. There didn't seem to be a lot of interest. B and E walked in and asked if anyone was sitting next to us. B was a decent looking guy, Emily was of Asian descent, maybe Filipino. I'd say both mid 40s. They were carrying several bottles including a bottle of Tito's. M, my fiance immediately said sure, anyone with a bottle of Tito's was welcome to join. The sweater hadn't come off yet because it was actually kind of chilly since the place wasn't full yet. We talked to B and E for a while, M was relaxed and flirting a little. She even asked about them, how often they came, what they were in to, stuff like that. They were into anything basically and asked about us. M just said we were still figuring that out but open to most anything. At one point B noticed, no he had already noticed, he mentioned M's tits looking good. I think he actually said something about the girls wanting to come out to play. We talked a little more and they got up to walk around. M was feeling good. By this time the club was filling up and the seating was limited. I had noticed a couple about our age standing outside of our little area. We had a corner with a couple of seats left. M was getting warm and had taken off the sweater. She got up to go to the bathroom. I told her to let that couple know that we had a little room by us. She did and they came and sat down. This was E and K. E was a tall guy nothing special in the way of looks, almost a little dorky. K was a knockout. Very fit, straight shoulder length blonde hair, great smile. She was wearing tight black pants and a kind of leather bustier that showed of a great slim figure. M came back sat down and we talked to E and K for a while. Not much in the way of flirting. M mentioned how hot K was but it just didn't seem like it was going anywhere. We would find out soon why. B and E came back, left again, came back. Each time they would leave M would tell them something like "hurry back!". She had a Jello shot and made a show of sucking it out of the cup for B. He commented on her skills and she asked for some of his Tito's to finish cleaning the cup out. I was really liking the flirting that was going on. We talked to them for a while and tried to involve E and K but they didn't seem interested. E & K soon excused themselves and headed to the back to see, they said, if anything was happening. We talked to B and E some more and B asked if we would like to walk to the back to check things out and see if anything was happening yet. M, to my surprise, just about jumped up and said sure, lets go see. We walked in the back near to what we knew to a private room with a just a King sized bed in it. There were a few people standing around inside and B said there was a St. Andrews cross in there. M didn't know what that was so I quickly explained it to her and she wanted to go see it. She likes being tied up. We walk in and there is E sitting on the bed and K is tied up to the cross by the hands facing out with a scarf over her face. She is completely nude and her body is even hotter naked. Some woman was playing with her a little and she left. M and E both stepped up and started touching her. M licked and sucked her tits. B asked E if only the girls were allowed to play and he said no anyone could. B stepped up and touched her all over. He started rubbing her pussy and she loved it. He stuck a finger in her and I think he was able to make her squirt. After that, E squatted down, put her legs on her shoulders and ate her out. I finally got a chance to touch her. Her tits felt amazing so I licked and sucked them a little while E was eating her. I turned around and M had made her way over by B. We walked out together and went to the Voyeur room area. The Voyeur room is a sunken den with a railing just wide enough for two couples to stand and watch. There are some couches and a big bed in the actual area. As we walked up to the rail M had maneuvered her way in front of B. She reached back for my hand for some reassurance. I squeezed it and let go. B leaned into her a little and M reached back to feel him. He turned her around and they started kissing. E had pulled me closer so she could feel my hard cock on her ass. I turned her around and started kissing her. She wasn't too much into the kissing. M was really in to kissing B. (Kissing was something we had had several discussions on. I like kissing and she does too. She was afraid of that it first but we agreed it was an integral part of getting turned on so eventually decided it was OK, we would give the green light and revisit it at an appropriate time if it bothered either one of us.) During the "making out" M was making all the right noises that told me she was getting really turned on. She reached up and put one hand on the back of his head, a sure sign she wanted more. She likes it aggressive once she gets going. B saw E and K leaving the private room and asked if we should go grab it. M and E both said Yes! We get in the private room and close the door. B grabs M and they start kissing again. Keep in mind, all this time I'm busy with E but that's really not what I was focused on then or writing about now. E starts unbuttoning my jeans and I see M doing the same thing with B. M pulls B's cock out, squats down and starts licking him then sucking him. I hear her tell him at one point he's got a really big cock and she can't wait to feel it inside of her. By this time E is sucking me and it's honestly all I can do not to cum because I'm so turned on watching M. I had to stop E several times. She kept pulling me in wanting me to fuck her face. I would make a few strokes and then I'd have to stop. M stood up and climbed up on the bed and asked B how he wanted her. B dove in and started eating her pussy. She gets really turned on giving head and she likes receiving for a bit but then she just wants penetration. At this point M was so turned on she wanted B to fuck her. She asked him a couple of times to fuck her and he finally got the message. I had been eating Emily's pussy. I stuck a finger in her and made her squirt. B had tried to make M squirt as he was licking her pussy, she got close but she's never squirted before. I think she's embarrassed by it and doesn't want to make a mess. E eventually hands me a condom signalling she's ready to fuck. I start fucking her but I'm really more focused on M at this point. E's pussy is really tight and I'm fighting off cumming too quick so I pull out and restart several times. I actually apologized to E later when we went back out to the main area and got a drink. I explained to them it was our first swap and I was really worked up. Anyway, M is just about begging B to put his big, hard cock in her and fuck her. He puts a condom on, enters her and I think she had her first orgasm almost immediately. B was really aggressive the way M likes. She kept telling him to give it to her, fuck her harder. After hearing this for several minutes can't take it anymore and get my nut with E. I hear M orgasm again. Feeling bad about E, I go down on her for a bit but then she rolls over and starts sucking M's tits. B tells E to rub M's clit. Robert keeps talking about how tight M's pussy is and even says he can feel her pushing him out so he knows she might be wanting to squirt. I'm still hard so I crawl up on the bed closer to M and start kissing her and telling her how hot it all is. She tells me she wants my cock in her mouth. So...M is sucking my cock and licking my balls while B is fucking her and E is sucking her tits and rubbing her clit. M cums again. B asks how many times she's cum and she says three. He tells her he's going to make her cum again and he's going to cum with her. She enthusiastically said "go for it". She cums again and so does he. He pulls out, puts a couple fingers in her and I see her squirt all over his hand. Fucking AWESOME! We get up, get dressed and M is completely cool. She's laughing about finding clothes talking about getting a good fucking, everything I had hoped for. We get back out to where we walk out and I ask her if she's OK. She assured me she's fine and she obviously enjoyed it. She tells me that B had a really big cock and that she liked the way he fucked her. She seems all good with it. She Still does several days later. We went back out and sat down. H gets friendly all of a sudden. She asks if we had fun and M immediately says Yes! We start talking with them. R is kind of quiet but H is now a bundle of energy. She comes and sits next to M. They are brand new. Only their third time out to a club since November. they're not sure of their swapping situation. They've had one soft swap but said they would be willing to full swap if they found the right couple that let them move at their pace. M told H some of our history and that we just had our first full swap. They talk some more. R is kind of joining the conversation but not situated where I can talk to him very well but he is listening to M and H. B and E come out and sit down. Like I said, I kind of apologized to them and explained why. They were excited about being our first. We talked some more. They got up and went to the back again. H and R got up and went to the back for a few minutes. They came back, sat down and said B and E were on one of the open beds with E and K. B is a fucking machine apparently. We talked some more. H said she wanted to go back again and see what else was going on and asked us if we wanted to go. We ended up at the rail at the voyeur room again just watching. We watched a several couples and a pair of threesomes were going on. The semi private beds were all taken so we just watched everything A pair of couples got done on the semi private beds. H had expressed an interest in the bed but obviously wanted it cleaned up. Someone came right away and changed the sheets. They walked over and grabbed the bed. By this time M's feet were hurting in those Jimmy Choo stilletos so We sat down in a couple of chairs for a minute. M said she had hoped they might invite us to join but they didn't make any gestures or anything so we went back out and started gathering stuff up and talked about waiting for them to finish so we could at least tell them bye and maybe get a number. About the time M sits down she says "oh, There's R, he's motioning for us to come back" We go back and get on the bed with them. M tells me she just wants me to fuck her to finish of the night. We fuck while H and R fuck right next to us. M tells me she still likes my cock best and loves me more than anything but she really did have fun. We finish up. Get dressed, go out and sit down and the lights come on. It's 3am! We walk out, H asks when we'll be back and says they'd like to see us again. M tells them she is going out of town, and probably won't have another chance to get out again for several weeks. H seems disappointed but m asks for H's phone number and tells her she'll be in touch. They texted on the way home telling M how much they enjoyed meeting us and they hope we can meet again when she gets back because we are the kind of couple they have been hoping to meet. So, that's about it. It was a good night. We've fucked several times and M has mentioned something about that night almost every time. It really turns her on. I really hope this wasn't the best it gets. It almost seemed to be too perfect. I know they won't all be like this but I don't want all the next times to be anti climactic to this.

Every person/couple in the lifestyle shares a common experience: we began. The "why, what, and how" is unique for each person and each couple, but the act of taking that first step binds us together. The anxieties are predictable, the concerns heartfelt, and the physical/spiritual/emotional tensions all surface. Looking back, the angst is not about sex, it's about intimacy. Looking back, the angst is not about 'dating', it's about 'relating'. Looking back, the angst is not about what we do, it's about who we are--and who we aspire to become. That step forward into the lifestyle, at least for couples, is all about the foundation of their relationship, the meaning of sex(ual exclusivity), why they (we) chose to live our lives together. Candidly, that's really scary territory for many couples. Surely it was for us. Yet we began. We began our journey into "alternative lifestyles" with our first trip to a nude resort, now more than two decades ago. Exposed. Vulnerable. That, in fact, is the root of the angst. That by joining an alternative lifestyle--nudism, swinging, whatever--that somehow will place your relationship with your partner at risk. It is a common refrain that swinging exposes every fault in a relationship, and yet those who stay in the lifestyle are stronger for it. Swinging does not expose the faults--the faults (we all have them) were there and simply expressed differently. Why is "beginning" a courageous act? Why do vanillas say "I would never be so brave with our relationship?" Remember the wisdom of Thucydides, "The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it." Those who begin in the lifestyle have bravely done the hard work of introspection--not of themselves but of the relationship with their partner. What does that relationship mean, what do I bring to it, what does my partner bring to it. Some who step forward will step back. Others who step forward will continue. Yet all who take that first step, become 'newbies'-- they have earned our respect. They have asked themselves what they mean to each other with greater clarity, requiring greater transparency, and have started to find answers. What surprises so many newbies, yet us utterly unsurprising to those who have been in LS for a while, is the degree to which couples "fall in love with each other all over again". Why that should be is a topic for another time.

Agreed! And that's what we've been doing. I even posted a new thread about one of the interesting things that's come up in those discussions. It's all a learning experience and while we both want to continue on, we are both good with just taking it one step at a time. If it happen ( and I agree, it likely will, someday) it happens...if it doesn't that's ok too. As long as we are talking about how we feel, what's to lose?

Amen!

You said, "I'm still new enough to find a woman clad only in heels and a micro-thong novel, titillating, and startling all at once." I'm still new enough to find that engaging as well. And I've been doing it for decades. If you ever get jaded at that, wheel yourself to the hospital . . .

Talk to him about this. You need love, trust and communication to be successful. I assume you have the love, increasing the communication usually helps with the trust.

Since Econobiker recently "liked" my last post, I'll take a few minutes to update you on my love life: I have a new woman in my life. She's not poly or a swinger, but she's not dead set against it, perhaps even a bit curious. We met because I acquired a small boat. A co-worker was looking to get rid of his father's 45-year-old runabout. I agreed to take it sort of on a whim. I figured it would be good to have a project to keep me busy and my grandkids might enjoy it. Since I can't store a boat at my apartment complex, I had to rent space at a storage unit. The boat hadn't been used in years and getting it "ship shape" required lots of little repairs and plenty of cleaning, so I was over there every other day or so for a couple of weeks, freezing my ass off in the process. The woman who runs the place told me that I was welcome to step inside the back door to the office to warm up whenever I wanted. I got friendly with her. I learned that she had divorced young and raised two daughters on her own. I simplified my story and simply said I was recently widowed and had two grown kids. She began to flirt with me, asking if I was going to take her out for a ride in the boat when the weather warmed up. I finally asked her to dinner, and that night told her about my triad past. I was somewhat nervous about it, but she took it in stride. She asked lots of practical questions about the logistics of such an arrangement, including some rather frank questions about our intimate life. She was very comfortable discussing my sex life, unflustered by talk of our many threesomes, my wife's love of sex toys and how much I enjoyed watching lesbian sex. On the other hand, she was conspicuously unwilling to share many details of her own sexual experiences. She did say something about sex partners that I thought was very profound: being monogamous is a lot like eating a low-fat, high-fiber diet: it is definitely good for you, but you can get most of the benefits and still indulge yourself once in a while. I thought that was fantastic, and told me quite a lot about her mindset. It was still a bit surprising when she invited me back to her place afterwards and made love to me. We began a very passionate physical relationship. She's a sexy, hedonistic lover who is very willing to experiment in bed (and elsewhere!) She is fun company and our emotional attachment is growing as well. She has opened up and shared with me quite a bit about her sexual preferences and past partners (which I have had to assure her I find very hot and erotic). We currently see each other 3-5 times a week and talk and text every day. We've talked about where this relationship is going, and we both agree it is much too soon to tell, but we're both all in for the ride.