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If this hobby was easy everybody would do it. Its worse than dating in high school wondering, "do they like us"? "how far should we go"? "will they call us"? "should we see them again?" "does my ass look too big when Im naked"? etc, etc. We've been doing this for 15 years and eventually quit looking for the "perfect" couple. If you look close enough, you can always find something to check off about one half of the couple or both of them. We've modified our criterion from compatible enough to share thanksgiving dinner to doable for an evening after recognizing that the sex is purely recreational. Still, we've kissed a lot of frogs in the process and will likely kiss some more before we go to the nursing home. Some of our experiences were worth repeating, some were not but with a very few exceptions, we've had a LOT of fun and quite a bit of good sex and way more than we would have had in a purely vanilla marriage. As you two gain more experience you should be able to refine your selection process so that ultimately the balance will tilt markedly to the plus side. Stay out there, continue to meet people, the worst that will happen is that you two won't get laid by strangers on a specific night. The best thing that can happen is dynamite sex with one or two or more people. When that happens, all those frog experiences fade to insignificance.

This struck me hard, because at some point, it's something I can see Mrs. EastInWest having felt if we hadn't been careful enough. She is also someone raised traditionally and very committed to having one love in her life, but also with a powerful sex drive. The first time we went to a strip club together she was simultaneously a little morally outraged at what she'd witnessed and incredibly turned on, and fascinated by the dancers and the idea of entertaining so many men a night. In fact, she was clearly thinking about it for days. Those are all conversations that have to be had about what is taboo, what is just for fun, what we need to be happy, and what won't make us happy, and I feel like you acknowledge that you don't feel totally prepared to have them. If it went so far that you're traumatized by the sex, it went too far before you got a chance to talk about it. If Mrs. E ever "almost started crying" after doing something I'd wanted her to do, I'd be crushed, but I'd certainly want to know that, hopefully before we got there. ...to the strip club story, I bring it up because you mentioned feeling like you "sold your body". That night turned out to be the first time Mrs. E allowed that not all sex acts are sex in her mental model, and that in fact, she didn't really see a clear relationship between having intercourse for money and giving handjobs for money. One, to her, was just a pleasurable form of touch closer to dancing and massage, where the other involved real intimacy. Understanding that was an important insight in realizing what might and what might not hurt feelings when we started experimenting. Since then, we've figured out other boundaries and been careful to talk about them in full, both in bed and out of it, but it'd be a disaster if we couldn't. Sorry for framing so much of this in terms of our own experiences, it's not just me droning on about myself but trying to relate it to what I know. It isn't a bad sign at all, provided you're both having a good time. Some people come here to tell their stories and you can see that one partner is being dragged along against their will, and it's a doomed project. In your case, it seems more like you both want to play, but haven't quite seen eye-to-eye on how. Some years back, when we were first looking into this, I ended up going down a rabbithole Google Translating a French swinging forum. I was amused that someone asked if there was a female equivalent of candaulism, in which the woman was aroused by her husband pleasing other women. The reply was something like "don't be stupid, all women like that". Having fun watching your husband perform and not being jealous about it might be less than totally common, but hardly weird at all. I agree with the other comments that playing solo is different from playing together and potentially a difficult situation. It's something we're testing, as well, at least for a bit. At least for us, an ongoing regular play partner would not be on the table at this time, and I think it's an added issue that your husband isn't particularly "into" it, but rather just tolerating it. It's important that the games are fun for everyone playing.

Welcome Sweet&Salty. When I read what you are doing, I immediately had a visual of your husband laying in bed, thinking about what his wife is doing at this moment. Even though I know my wife loves me unconditionally, I still would be wondering where I'd be living in 6 months. The possible emotional entanglement you are risking, can't be stopped by reasoning or communication. I do feel it is a slippery slope. I had this discussion with a previous solo lover. We agreed that this is just sex and if feelings start to appear, the relationship should stop. Well, feelings did appear. They were not communicated until the person wanted to break my marriage and have me alone. This was a time of intense emotional anger. The things I was accused of by this person still haunt me. The sex was fun, the times were fun, then it all turned to shit. Are the experiences you are having worth the possibility of a lifetime of guilt? You have it together, your husband has it together. The missing piece is the guy. You don't know him, as much as you think you do. The advise to me was always 'fuck it, not your problem, you explained it clearly'. Logic says yep, not my problem. The rest of me sees a life left in shambles from a relationship I was a part of. I'm a little surprised at the nonchalant replies about this. Maybe a new post. Ask specifically about people's experience with doing this. I don't think there are many happy endings. I hope I'm wrong.

When I look back at how we lived prior to this new hobby of ours, its easy to see why I feel selfish. We practically had one night during the previous year when still "vanilla" we took an overnight trip, me and hubby. Other than that, life was about family, working mad hours during the week making extra cash from overtime was a way for me to ease my mind about being away from my family, because all I did was benefiting them. Then weekends family time and getting sleep to manage next week of work. That was my life for over two years working in another city. Now my life is quite different after I recovered from the surgeries. I go to the gym, started twerk lessons, go to basketball lessons once a week (used to play when I was a kid). Don't work as much, only a little overtime so I'm not quite as lucrative as I used to be, do less free work for my employer and have spent time with hubby arranging going to clubs, meets and play dates. Grandparents live near and have been a big help for overnights with kids so that fex hubby has come overnight to my work location (the rental has actually been a place where we have hosted a few times) and there is a swingers club in that city as well. So actually I have really been selfish, and that is not something I'm used to. My hubby genuinely seems happy for the situation, me being more relaxed and letting him unwind as well (playing sports etc.), although I always did let him, I just did not show a happy face afterwards as I felt he was being selfish (I know, stupid of me ). I think I will have a discussion with him about the foursome, at least enough for him to understand we won't be meeting them again. Prior to first foursome I remember thinking; will I be jealous? No, I wasn't. There was this happiness I felt having my hubby banging and licking her to orgasm, he must have been pleased with himself. A confidence boost of sorts. This time,although I was having a crappy time, whenever I had a chance to watch him doing her, I was having a grin on my face, happy to see him perform well. Is this weird? Is it a bad sign that neither of us feels jealous of each other? Neither of us had any other sexual partners prior to getting together when just teenagers, so those women are the second and third ever for him.

I will be brief. It is difficult to find a four way match. A friend says the odds are 24-1 that both swap partners like each other. So no matter the age, height or weight, swapping is hard. The guy you meet on your away time would be a bridge too far for us. From my perspective, it seems that it would be easy for feelings to develop and it seems more like an affair than swinging, which to us is a together activity. But not judging, if it works for you, it’s ok with me. Best of luck. We look at swinging as a fun hobby and we try not to take the inevitable rejections and misfires too seriously. We know it’s not going work most of the time. We just try to be kind and hope for it in return.

To the first question, I'll have to say there aren't many swinging couples that haven't compromised on something hoping it would all work out in the end, and then it of course doesn't and the experience ends up being a bad one for one or both. I think the newer you are, the more likely this is to happen since your desire to take that next step to full swap can sort of cloud your judgment. The only solution there is trying to find more patience. Finding great playmates is tough, and it takes a LOT of patience and work. Also, maybe right or maybe wrong, one thing I picked up on from your post is that you seem to be ahead of your husband in desire to swing, comfort level, etc. That's not uncommon either, but one piece of advice would be to maybe put some extra effort into trying to stay more or less on the same line. That doesn't necessarily have to be accomplished by you backing up all the way to where he's at since there's things you can do to help him move forward a little quicker too. As with most things in life, there is a happy medium there somewhere, and once you find it, I predict things will get better. Second question, hard to tell. What does your gut tell you? If both you and your husband think things are going great with this relationship, then I'd just go with it and enjoy. If either of you are having some nagging whispers in the back of your mind, then probably best to put some tighter restrictions on it. A lot of people here will tell you they have made some very, very close friends in swinging. Friends that are still friends way after the sexual aspect is gone. So, nothing wrong with a relationship that started with some recreational sex turning into a lasting and deeper friendship, as long as that is truly what it is, friendship, and not romantic attachment. Swinging is great but it's a powerful thing, and seeking some advice from those who have been there before you is a good move and the first step on being able to manage swinging and not swinging manage you. Good luck!

Simple let her decide, if needs be you can enforce her decision. NO and STOP are the same thing.

Anatomically she is built for birthing so "CAN?" yes. How about "Wants to?" She isn't a race car "Can she do 200 if I tweak the fuel injection?" You are plenty to please most any woman and more importantly you please her. Concentrate on that.

i love seeing her riding a nice looking cock. Love to eat her pussy and give his shaft and balls a little attention as well.

Some people online have told us they don’t have chemistry with us. I think that is an awkward way to say that they find one or both of us unappealing from our pictures. I would think that you would have to meet someone to know if there is chemistry. PS, we’ve met and played with people at parties and had a great time with them. If we saw their pictures, height, weight and (actual) age on SLS, we never would have met them. I am in favor of meeting to give people a chance.

We have matured in the life style. It is what you make of it. We’re both 60. Reasonably fit and fun. We certainly are not 30 any more. I can say our experiences include all ages. It is all in the mindset of each individual. I have enjoyed some great times with women around my age, as well as a few much younger....and some much older. I was driven to exhaustion by a 72 year old woman when I was 52. I am sixty and have a few regular playmates that are mid thirties....and one under 30. The Queen....Mrs Billgoat.....has mostly experienced the same. Women in the lifestyle control who and when they wish to play and rarely get turned down. Be adventurous. If you have good humor, personality and can hold a conversation you will have playmates. All in your expectations. Keep your options open. Attend house partie....private club parties....parties that are a mix of ages and people. Avoid those that are heavily attended by single males. Go for conversation....social....the rest will happen on its own. Make sure you have practiced your skills....being practiced in giving pleasure is the big seller in being popular.

Mine is a little over seven and there have been times, doggy, that she's complained. The only guy I know of that has been larger was our first swap. He was larger around but not in length. She said she really enjoyed him. I do think that girth acceptance can be attained but I think that length (depth) isn't going to change. Oh, and, she never complained about any of her male partners being too small.

We started playing later. Married in our 30's and were strictly mono until we were empty nesters with grandchildren. We have talked about whether we should have started playing earlier in life. For us the answer is NO. At each stage, young marrieds, parents of small children, homeschooling parents of teenagers,caregivers to aging parents we were living the life that best suited our roles in life. We were always very playful together, but kept the division between our home and the world. Now that those times are past we feel like branching out and so far it has been seamless. We are learning new things about ourselves and each other at a rate unheard of since the NRE of almost 40 years ago. It is exhilarating. We would not change any of it. That however is just us. We have , what are now very close friends our age that have been at this for decades, they are also content with how it has played out for them. If I were to make recommendations to anyone it would be, to be who you are supposed to be for wherever you are in your life's journey, and that is something only you can judge.

I (the male half) did DVP with a previous partner, and a male friend while his wife watched. It took a bit of doing -- awkward positions, weird placement of legs, but we managed it. He said it was pleasurable and came first; it was fantastically arousing for me to feel another hard cock snug within her, sliding against me, and a new, weird, and ultimately orgasm-inducing feeling to feel him swell and cum in her alongside my own cock. I'd never felt that much cum ooze out around my balls (I was underneath), and I couldn't hold back at that point and came, too. She said it was amazing and came a couple of times with the two of us in her. Adding a larger dildo during sex when it was just the two of us became a regular thing, and eventually she took to enjoying an entire hand -- and others -- inside. Sadly, she took ill, and now that I've remarried, we haven't tried that kind of thing since.

What constitutes a "beginning?" Laura and I talked about the concept of extra-marital sex for two years before we got married and another year before our first swap. We were in line at a fast-serve pizza place when Laura complimented a lady on her earrings. The four of us sat together to eat. They were fun, attractive and good conversationalists. After dinner, bills paid, we were getting ready to leave, saying how much we'd enjoyed our meeting and "Hope we run into each other again." Laura asked, "How do y'all feel about mate-sharing?" An hour later Laura was doing Rick in our bedroom and I was doing Jo on our couch.

There's really a first for everything. We've had lots of firsts. First exhibitionism, First contact which involved a guy feeling my wife's breasts. First FF contact. First parallel play, first full swap, first MFM. Each one was a step and while I don't think we had hard and fast rules about what our limit was(We knew we wanted to be able to full swap) we also knew that it would take some time to get comfortable with it all, see how it felt and then adjust accordingly if needed. The first time a guy touched my wife it turned her on to the point she gave me a blowjob while he watched. There was absolutely no way she was going to go any further with someone else that night although several discussions afterward involved the "what if" scenario and it turned her on again but at that time she had reached her own personal boundary. I was fine with that. Along the way we've had other firsts just like that and within a few months we were engaged in our first full swap. Then it was a MFM for her, now she wants to seduce a BBC. I'd say each experience so far has been just right for where we were in our adventure at the time.

Isn't it amazing how freeing sex can be when there is no jealousy?

One of the posters here asked if this is also referred to as 'tossing the salad'. That is a term used, mainly by the gay community, for rimming. Now the sophisticated term is anilingus. Just thought I'd mention it in case some of you have a medical professional for a partner.

As others have said there are dangers in swinging. In my entire life I have never had a condom in my mouth. I think my husband would have told me if he put something on a play partner for protection when he went down. We haven’t been with a lot of couples, none have asked for papers. The cruise ship where we met our first couple did want to see passports lol

Just that we are in a place where we are doing this...I'm perfectly fine with that! If I COULD change something, it would not just be for swinging, although it would help with swinging (and it's already been mentioned). It's honesty...if only EVERYONE could feel comfortable with talking honestly to their SO, friends, and family the entire world would be a better place. If women and men could talk honestly, there would probably be more swingers in the world since they wouldn't have to keep wanting to keep this a secret from each other.