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I have noticed a tone in your posts as often “isn’t this funny” or you asking others to share their experiences. Are you seeking advice from others, wanting validation by asking others for their experiences, just wanting to share your story or trolling? Please clarify so some of us can better understand and respond to your posts.

Hi Nomad! I think house parties are not the best place for newbies. There is usually a certain expectation when you attend a party. Swing clubs, IMO, are a much better place for you to start. You are nobody's guest and therefore are free to do or not do whatever you choose. It's easy to walk away from a situation that makes you uncomfortable and you can move at your own pace. My husband and I have been in the lifestyle for many years and we have never separated to play. We don't go on dates with other couples alone, and we don't play in separate rooms. We have never had a problem. Although there are some couples who do this, I would not say they are in the majority. I also would not say to jump into full swap. Do what is comfortable for the both of you and swingers will understand. We were all new at one time and moved at own speed. It took us over a year to full swap. Nodoby ever complained, but we were always honest and upfront before heading into any play area. Good Luck!

Congratulations ... yours is the single most confusing, disjointed, and nonsensical post I’ve ever read on this board!

We hosted in New Hampshire for a number of years. Now charge or donations. Invitation only. 12 - 20 people. Occasionally 30 - 40. No hot tub. Message table and lots of group playing. In NH donations are income unless you are a registered charity. So no relief there. Private home party where no illegal activities or substances. Do not take over the neighborhoods with street parking. You have to know the code and law in your state, county and manicapality. The old style adult party with modest numbers without children or underage attendees is usually no issue. Takeovers, public view,parking issues, payment and charges will get you in trouble as well as zoning issues. Try entertaining a few, 6 - 10 invited people all with similar likes and expectations.

Some people online have told us they don’t have chemistry with us. I think that is an awkward way to say that they find one or both of us unappealing from our pictures. I would think that you would have to meet someone to know if there is chemistry. PS, we’ve met and played with people at parties and had a great time with them. If we saw their pictures, height, weight and (actual) age on SLS, we never would have met them. I am in favor of meeting to give people a chance.

Mrs. Alura and I had separate date with regular playmates. It came after we knew them well. The goal was to meet our opposites in a situation where we didn't have to deal with all four. We often went to the same restaurant, dined with our playmates and joined up after dinner. We fell into this when we realized that Mr. Playmate rarely entered into the conversation when we were all four together. Mrs. Alura suggested we do the "dating" thing so she could talk to him and find out if he was really into swinging. He was a lot more outgoing when he was only with her and assured her that he wanted to swing. He was just a bit shy. It worked out.

Going out separately in a swinging situation requires a great deal of trust and that trust can only be established with time and experience in this hobby. You two have neither. In my opinion, it was presumptuous for the guy to suggest a 1 on 1 date with your wife knowing you were a new couple and it was flat out disrespectful to continue down that path in spite of your initial refusal. We had met a couple at a M&G and later had a get to know you happy hour with them. I learned later that he had passed a note to Mrs Doc asking that they go out without the spouses. Funny thing, the other wife and I were getting on just fine and a 4-some might well have happened that night. I was surprised when my wife abruptly brought the evening to a close but we had long since established that OUR relationship is primary so I followed her lead. Needless to say we never saw that couple again. As for taking it slow, your relationship is primary as well and you should move as quickly or as slowly as you two decide. No one else gets to tell you how to behave in this hobby particularly since you're contemplating getting naked with other people. Our rule of thumb with a new couple is that we play ONLY to the level of the least comfortable among us. Feel free to adopt it for yourselves. Its served us well for more than 15 years.

What was it Jerry Seinfeld said? “A woman needs a reason to have sex ... a man just needs a place.”

We went to a local on premise club. We’ve been 2 times before, and ended up having sex the first time with the bedroom door cracked open. It was great! Second time, Nothing happened. We went back this past Friday. Hung out for a few hours, talked to a few couples, then went to the dungeon and the Mrs. was feeling frisky enough to try the Sybian. LOTS of people stopped to watch, and she was a bit too uncomfortable to orgasm with so many watching. Then we went down to a bedroom to fuck with the door wide open this time. Just as things heated up, an African American guy walked into our room. I was flummoxed big time. Lost my erection from nerves. Then a gay guy who works there comes in and watches. Next thing I know, they’re both jerkin themselves off. Not knowing if the gay guy would let my wife blow him, and wanting to finally take some sort of leap, I asked my wife if she’d blow the African American guy. She asked if I was sure. I hesitated, then took the plunge. I said yes. She got up, asked him if she could, and I was fully rock hard at this point. The gay guy asks me if he can blow me, I say yep. He starts blowing me while I jerk him off. Wife keeps looking back, checking in to see if I’m ok, and is surprised to see me getting my cock sucked by a guy. I signal I’m good and roll my eyes to ask her back to me. She obliges. We fuck, and as were fucking, I’m jerking this guy off. It’s hot. He’s grabbing my cock as I penetrate my wife. We fuck for a few mins, she comes, then I cum. We lay there for a bit, not sure what to do. The guys are still there. Gay guy knew I’d never done anything with a guy, so I think he was cool we didn’t finish him. African American guy seemed a bit out off. I can understand. We will rectify these situations in the future, but explained it was our first tombs with this stuff. Other than taking care of the guys to completion, anyone see any mistakes here? I was so happy I felt COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE. I was floored actually. We had a BLAST! I(Mr.) could never have gotten here without this forum and all I e read. We had a blast, and we just wanted to say thanks for your wisdom about jealousy, and loads of other info. Thanks for reading!

Thank you for your insight, it gave me something to think about. Polyamory as a term is something I have been looking at, as I do recognize in me the need for a deeper connection to fully enjoy our experiences in LS. I have no intention ever, how ever much feeling there would come, to leave my true love, the man I trust in this world more than anyone else and know he will stand by me as well. On another hand I somehow have started to feel that having a bit deeper connection with someone other than my husband wouldn't be something that would take away from him. I read from a description of polyamory that it is similar to having multiple children. The amount of love you feel for your children is not something that will be divided in shares, having a certain maximum amount. There is always more to be given. I enjoy the contact with my male friend, I feel he understands and shares some interests that I don't share with my husband, it is nice to have the ability to have a contact like that. However nice I feel this guy is, he has done things in his life my morals would never approve, which is also one thing that has made me think that this is safe to continue. Never ever could I want to actually share a life with a person like that, no matter what happened. Still, having this frienship has helped me to step down a bit from moral highground, to actually be able to be more understanding about people and life, which I think will also help in the future when trying to teach teenage kids about life and be understanding of their possible misshaps. I sure used to be one tough lady with my ideas what is right and what is wrong. Still, for me these criteria have remained the same, however it helps in human relationships to be less judgemental and I enjoy the new me. ?

I would be really careful with this one. The moment you start intentionally cutting back on communication, I can pretty well assure you that it will not make for a pleasant journey. This sort of sounds like "Taking one for the team", and most folks here would agree that is a slippery slope as well. As has been mentioned, this can lead to a complicated situation... but it is your life, and my suggestion here is to simply decide how you want to live it. :-) It is my belief that as long as everyone involved is clear on their own boundaries, and everyone has respect for each others boundaries, then the chances of it all being a good experience are fairly high. We are all imperfect beings, in an imperfect world. Slips & slides along the way are almost inevitable. How we react to any situation, good or bad, is what truly defines us. I agree that PATIENCE in the Lifestyle (or any kind of relationship for that matter) is an extremely important quality to possess. If we were born with all the knowledge we needed to navigate life without a scratch, how interesting would that be? ... (i.e. Sometimes taking a risk can have very high rewards... sometimes not.) You seem to have your priorities straight, making the marriage & family first. Anything else is just icing on the cake. You also seem to be approaching this with a decent amount of thought and care, which is a good thing. (Kudos for that.) Enjoy the journey. Keep your relationships truthful, and be honest with communication. (Respect and trust will surely follow.) Approach growth with a joyful heart. If you can manage all that, odds are pretty good that in the end, you will be satisfied with the path you have taken (whichever direction it takes you). One last nugget. Are you familiar with the term "Polyamory"? If not, then you may want to give it a look. I cannot say at this point if you fit the profile, but if you do, understanding it may help you find some of the answers you are seeking for yourself, and that is gratifying 100% of the time. Oh! BTW... Welcome to the Swingers Board ... :-D ;-)

Hmmm. LOL! It's not that they've been 'positive' -- it's more like 'not negative!'

I'm thinking that you're feeling a little selfish, or guilty, or something similar for no good reason. It sounds like your husband and this other friend of yours are both quite OK with your arrangement. It's really not about equality at all. It's more about fairness. And you are being fair. It sounds like your husband finds relief that you're getting the extra needs you have and he's not having to go above and beyond anymore to help you attain them. Now I do think you should tell him about your not really enjoying that foursome. And, if you still have contact info with that couple, suggest that he contacts her and see if she swings alone.

To the first question, I'll have to say there aren't many swinging couples that haven't compromised on something hoping it would all work out in the end, and then it of course doesn't and the experience ends up being a bad one for one or both. I think the newer you are, the more likely this is to happen since your desire to take that next step to full swap can sort of cloud your judgment. The only solution there is trying to find more patience. Finding great playmates is tough, and it takes a LOT of patience and work. Also, maybe right or maybe wrong, one thing I picked up on from your post is that you seem to be ahead of your husband in desire to swing, comfort level, etc. That's not uncommon either, but one piece of advice would be to maybe put some extra effort into trying to stay more or less on the same line. That doesn't necessarily have to be accomplished by you backing up all the way to where he's at since there's things you can do to help him move forward a little quicker too. As with most things in life, there is a happy medium there somewhere, and once you find it, I predict things will get better. Second question, hard to tell. What does your gut tell you? If both you and your husband think things are going great with this relationship, then I'd just go with it and enjoy. If either of you are having some nagging whispers in the back of your mind, then probably best to put some tighter restrictions on it. A lot of people here will tell you they have made some very, very close friends in swinging. Friends that are still friends way after the sexual aspect is gone. So, nothing wrong with a relationship that started with some recreational sex turning into a lasting and deeper friendship, as long as that is truly what it is, friendship, and not romantic attachment. Swinging is great but it's a powerful thing, and seeking some advice from those who have been there before you is a good move and the first step on being able to manage swinging and not swinging manage you. Good luck!

Are you two aware of the Canaveral Seashore's 'Area Five'? It's a really nice, and safe, place to experience nudity.

TPA was our go to place nearly every weekend for the 1st 5 years we were involved in this hobby. We still go back nearly every year for the NYE party. Its in a rural area and very private. The parking lot is safe and patrolled by security. The club itself is scrupulously clean and well maintained. Its BYOB and they do serve some hot and cold bar food like apps. There is a bar, a nice sound system, a dj who plays to the demographic, a large dance floor with a pole and a cage. There are probably 20 play rooms, some with one bed, a couple with more than one, several theme rooms and a glory hole room. The clientele is friendly, by and large attractive and not cliquish provided that you are friendly and approachable. The couples average in age from 30-55 and are from all walks of life. They allow single males but only at a 10:1 couples to male ratio. You can't just decide to show up on Saturday night. You're required to call ahead and pre register. On your first visit they'll give you a tour and answer all of your questions prior to setting you loose in the club. By coming to the club, you're not obligated to DO anything. Go, look around have fun and play to your comfort level. If you go, do let us know about your experience.

Hey Everyone! Small update We’ve been chatting with a few couples and met one for drinks last night. We agreed prior that we would not go home with them. Butbdinner was great! A lot of my anxiety has subsided (at least for now) I really enjoyed myself and SO enjoyed the dinner and me. We are planning on going on another date with this couple and see where things lead us....also have plans to visit the club! Thanks again!

Its probably a good ice breaker. Especially if she plays a dominant role. If I were him and were asked what happened my response would likely be "We forgot what the safe word was." Mr. Nomad

Our view: a response is always better than no response. Our view: no explanation is ever necessary. ("Thanks for reaching out. We are not a match. Good luck in the journey.") Our view: explanations are more likely to cause unnecessary distress. The only exception is where a remark might point the rejectee (is that a word?) in a more useful direction. ("Your profile suggests that you are looking for a long-term relationship, FWB. Unfortunately, we don't have that kind of time or emotion to invest in this hobby." or "We are only looking for FWB and a couple we can see regularly. You seem to have a new cert every three weeks. Not the sort of relationship we're looking for.") Telling a couple that one member of the couple is uninteresting, unattractive, whatever is unnecessarily destructive. That said, the problem lies with the person who writes this sort of thing, not the recipient.

Better find your gear then Bacon... they’re gonna be pretty good this next year. Mark my words... 9-3 or 10-2

OP, we are almost exactly your age. As someone said above, if you're h/w/p, reasonably attractive, reasonably functional, open and playful, it's NOT too late to start. We've found in the last 5 years or so that our opportunities to meet people like we just described are a bit fewer than a decade ago, those we have found are more fun and with less drama than those we met when we started. We have found that the club scene has somewhat lost its allure, although we still try to get to Trapeze a few times a year. We may not be having as much swinger fun than we did in 2003 but we think its better. On top of that, the music in the back round has a tune and isn't turned to max volume and we and our friends don't have to wait till after 2:00 am to get naked. Get on a paid swinger site or two and set your search parameters for plus/minus 5 years of one of your ages. You'll be surprised at the number of couples available.

I think couples interested in swinging too often make "rules" which inhibit the experience. True, swinging is about new experiences. But it's also about the feeling of the freedom to make personal choices without fear of one's spouse's wrath. Mrs. Alura and I agreed that we'd never "make love" with another, that we'd restrict our experiences to "fun fucking." It was an easy promise to make and to keep.

You say the other woman doesn't swallow. Does the other couple's rule state that your wife can't swallow his load? It may be their rule simply because she doesn't like it so they give it as a rule so their is no confusion. Do you need to have a woman swallow in order to feel satisfied? If so then you may be limiting yourself and missing out on some great sex otherwise. You mentioned kissing in the title but not the body of the post. Is there a no kissing rule as well?

We brought a couple to one of these events. They were looking for the door almost immediately. The reality does not always match the fantasy.

My husband just did his first overnight with another woman, he found it to be so-so, not that the sex wasn't what he'd hoped for, but he missed me and had a restless night trying to sleep next to someone who wasn't me. He says never again will he fall asleep with another woman in bed unless I'm right there too.