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Sometimes when a couple is starting out, it's more about 'jumping in' and doing it than finding the right match for everyone. It sounds like you both decided 'ehh, close enough' and jumped (nothing wrong with that, but you've lived and learned some). You chose the wrong couple. They didn't care about the two of you or than you were new, they (he) just wanted to fuck. Once again, you've lived some and learned some. It doesn't sound like you will be repeating this 'blind jump' again in the future. This is (unfortunately) a common occurrence. I'm going to say don't dwell on it, but it's much easier said than done. Look at this from your penis's point of view. All of his life he has been told never to come out in a social situation. Suddenly, there you are in a social situation and you're introducing him to the world. That already puts a certain amount of confusion and pressure on him. Then you tell him it's okay for him to stand at attention...in public...with your lady watching...so he can play with someone who ISN'T your lady...and you're telling him it's okay, she doesn't mind. That little bit of confusion and pressure now becomes a HUGE amount of confusion and pressure. Your poor penis doesn't know what it should do. Your eyes and ears are telling your brain that this is really hot and sexy. Your brain is telling your penis that this is really hot and sexy, but your penis is saying this can't really be happening, 'I've been fooled too many times before' and your penis takes the usual safe path of not doing anything that would embarrass itself (usually coming to attention in a social situation...potentially awkward and embarrassing). Give him some time to accept the new 'norm', that this really is okay for him to come to attention (and he won't get in trouble with your lady by standing tall for someone other than her or be embarrassed by being erect in public). Also know that everyone in the L/S understands that this 'happens' and won't think less of you or joke about it. This is an entire new and different situation than what 98% of the public would ever imagine being in (fantasize about: yes, but actually experience: oh HELL no!). It will be okay and just in case it doesn't become easier to do in the future, modern medicine has a pill that will help cure the problem. You probably won't need it, but it's good to know that there is a backup, just in case. Good luck and let us know how you do your next time out.

Thank you so much GoldCoCouple! I agree with everything you said and I’m not taking any of this first experience to heart. It was what it was and yes, it was very much a “eh, close enough” jump-in situation. We were over eager to jump in and get our first experience out of the way. Yes, the whole first experience was a bit of a mind fuck, for lack of better words, for me. Had she participated, it would have turned out much differently. Live and learn I guess. I am glad you all agree with me that he was simply looking to get laid. Hell we could have easily done that with someone else. I now look forward to our next couple because it’s going to be more on our terms and should be a ton more fun!

Live and Learn I guess. I do have to make this observation from my extremely new entry into this adventure. It will certainly make you good at several life skills including but not limited to: Being able to concisely explain what you want, Becoming a pretty good judge of people, and being extremely confident in holding your position.

I am the F half of this couple and i’m wondering if any of the ladies share my fetish - I absolutely love looking at fit guys with small cocks. Don’t get me wrong, I love being penetrated by anyone who can work it, but in terms of visuals, there is something about a small penis on a good looking guy that drives me nuts. When we were at Sandy Hook this summer, we had a nice conversation with a cute guy. He had the hottest little cock, a nice little patch of fur on top and nice tight balls. I wanted to fuck him so bad I couldn’t stand it. Just wondering if anyone else shares my affinity for checking out the smaller guys?

It really wasn't intended. So where do I start? After our first house party and processing everything from that (details here), we decided to check out a club. As we were traveling (Nomads do that from time to time), we thought we would check out Colette New Orleans. It was newbie night so we figured there would be no pressure. After a really nice dinner, we headed over to one of the most nondescript buildings in the entire city. You wouldn't have even known it was there. After meeting both local and visiting couples, we hit it off with 3 or 4 of them so we decided to take it upstairs to the library. Spoiler alert. There are no books in the library. There are however some really nice couches. The only thing that was throwing off the vibe was a couple of the single guys. I mean I get that the view is great and people are starting to fool around. Boobs popped out like we were at a bra burning or something. But I'm going to assume that it isn't proper etiquette when a couple is starting to play for a single male to sit right down next to them, drop trousers and start cranking one out. Much less keep asking the male of the couple to have his girl help out with the handy work. So the 3 other couples we were clicking with decided to find another place. We got the invite to hop into the room to avoid the 3rd wheels and ended up on the bed with plenty to watch. No one was pushy and the couple close to us whom we really were getting along with asked if we were going to join. We opted to hang out and watch. Do you know how hard it is to remember the name of a woman you were introduced to 30 minutes ago when all you can see is her ass wagging in the air? It was just a tangled mess of beautiful body parts and would probably have been a hot sweaty mess if the heat was working int he second floor but it was starting to warm up. Well once Mrs. N started taking it all in she was certainly opening up. We ended up going right to our set limit of soft swap and no more but we pretty much stayed at that limit the whole night. She got her first girl-on-girl. Come to find out it was the other lady's first time as well. They seemed to enjoy it, and he and I certainly enjoyed that they enjoyed it. After playing there for an hour, we noticed the room getting more full. It appears some people didn't respect the curtain rule. As such, we and the other couple we were playing with opted for something a little more private and took one of the private rooms with doors. It was amazing. We left about 2 hours after we had planned and she was all smiles. We got their number and will certainly reach out to them should we be in town again. We debriefed on the ride home and I'm happy to say we are both very happy with how things went and it seems that it was a significant turn on for Mrs. N. Even the next morning after only 4 hours of sleep she's still running hot. While the single guys at the club were a little bit of a turn off we will indeed be back and I think we are going to do this again.

I find comfort in your responses. Although a MFM scenario is not off the table, and the wife and I have discussed that, we were going into the evening with a couples swap scenario. One where everyone plays with everyone and didn’t get that from them. I take blame that we didn’t let our situation known but, nor did they and they weren’t newbies. I felt a little taken advantage of. There were some signs that I didn’t pick up on until after. I’m okay emotionally with the aftermath and just chalk it up as a learning experience and now have a clearer idea of how we will approach future partners. I know I may have been more initiating with the other wife, but I’m not turned on by lay downs. It was incompatibility and it simply wasn’t going to work for us.

We are still talking to the couple but I don't think its going to go anywhere. The talk is all one sided. I feel like he's just trying to trade his wife for my wife and she doesn't seem to care. I really don't judge them. It's their lifestyle but the more I learn about it the less I see it being compatible with what we are building. We are now set more than ever that this is an equal partners activity and I think it works best when thats the case on the other side. Maybe some of the more veteran people here can confirm but I get the impression that you can expect that the other guy will treat your wife with the same level of respect and status as he does his wife. If your wife is ok with that and you are ok with that then I guess it's a match.

Yes, it is risky to have oral sex without a condom. Yes you can get an STD from swallowing, but you can get one too just by touching an area that is infected. It's a choice you have to make based on how well you trust your play partners to be free of STDs. You can't tell by looking if someone has something or not. The CDC has the best information on the subject. I'm a communicable disease nurse and we treat oral STDs often because a condom was not used. Only you can determine the level or risk you are comfortable with. The risk of contracting something us always there.

Aaron911 —- I agree with Jane. You seem conflicted about something, but then you include “lol” in nearly every post. How is anybody supposed to know what you’re thinking or asking?

I keep seeing this topic coming up. If you are comfortable having sex with a person why put restrictions on what you do? If you normally kiss during sex then kiss. If you don’t have problems with swallowing and it doesn’t bother you then swallow. I know there are those that feel they can’t swallow their own husband. I wouldn’t expect them to swallow another partner.

Good for you for being willing to go there. I have heard my wife say, "I love you" to a guy and to a woman. It makes me happy for her to be so deeply satisfied. It has only increased her love and devotion to me and our marriage. Watching them have sex together only hints at how their sex play is different from ours.

My sweetie and I were discussing the legalities of house parties. There is a very good chance our questions and concerns have been discussed in the forum. But my searches have not revealed the answers we are looking for as such. This all started with a vanilla friend/employee of ours, a paramedic, telling us about this "shocking" run he recently had at a club for a potential heart attack. (BTW - the idea of swingers clubs just blew his mind...due to work relationship we stayed mute.) The query is...what are the issues surrounding illegal activities as related to house parties? I say they can be raided. He says no since on private property, unless police are called for noise ordinance. Which he feels would not jeopardize guests, only owners. I have also taken the stand that if money is charged for the party now we have a pay-for-sex issue. I am unable to explain to him what the underlying justification for police raiding may be. Any takers?

Be sure and keep us posted on how you are doing. I think we are all happy to hear you are doing better and we'd all love to know that you are still doing well. I'm humbled and incredibly flattered. Well, we may be new to the swingers scene, but emotions and feelings are universal. I truly believe that people are capable of giving some of the best advice to others, but can often find it impossible to give it to themselves. Everything is clearer through an external lens, so I'm always grateful when others give me this type of advice, because I know in my case that I can give good advice but can't keep it for myself.

It's not the size of the wand, but the skill of the magician... You're that nerd! Yeah. God, you were wonderful. Thanks. Are all nerds as good as you? Yes. How come? Cos all jocks [and guys with big dicks] think about is sports. All we ever think about is sex. -Revenge of the Nerds