Leaderboard

We've discovered that there is likely no perfect 4-way match so as I've written before, our standards remain high but we look for couples who are "doable" as opposed to a perfect match. There have been a few occasions when my wife has said, "there is absolutely no way Im ever going to boink that guy". Usually it revolves around bad hygiene, bad breath or a closet smoker. Still, there have been times when the guy just hit all the right spots for her but the wife was just OK for me. It was still pleasant and we've had occasions when I thought the wife was just incredible but for Mrs Doc, the guy was just adequate. I guess we do sort of take a bit for the team but we'll never ask each other to do someone totally unattractive to repulsive no matter how hot the partner.

On the other hand, the commercials stereotype swingers and are probably cultural appropriation. I'm offended!! (actually, I'm amused but I just tried to sound like a millennial).

More bits of wisdom from my late wife: "There's only one way to find out if we want to fuck a couple the second time. Fuck them the first time." "If a man isn't good in bed, I am. I can bring myself off, and him too!" "If I were looking for perfection, Darling, I wouldn't be fucking other men." If I remember more, I'll add them.

The wider a net you cast, the more fish you’ll catch. People don’t get to decide how particular their scope of desire is, but to my mind the wider your range of people you find desirable, the more enjoyment you will get out of swinging. Personally, in sizing up prospective partners, my approach is to answer the question “would I do this person?” Not “is this person the acme of what I find attractive?” I also keep in mind that while I like to have FWB relationships with swinging partners and I hope to have at least some sort psychological connection to a partner while we are engaged in sharing mutual sexual pleasure, in the end for me a sexual liaison with a casual partner is as much about the act as it is about the partner. If they are someone I’d enjoy spending time with outside of a bedroom, so much the better. But I’ve had fantastic sex with people with whom I’d have little or no wish to even have a conversation that went beyond inquiring about what they’d like me to do with them and vice versa while are literally physically engaged.

YEP, trying to NOT have that happen has a lot in common with trying to balance out Christmas presents to the grandchildren. Frustrating ,with nobody getting or giving exactly what they want.

Exactly, in a four way match there is always someone taking a little for the team even if it does turn out to be a fantastic encounter.

A thought just shook loose. We mostly do couples swaps, which we like because it has a certain intimacy of an even trade. But my wife and I have remarked that when we are with more than one couple and each person is with someone not from the other couple, it has a different wilder feel to it.

A friend of ours said “Isn’t someone always taking one for the team to some extent?” Four way match is elusive. I try to be open minded. Some people are hidden sexual dynamos.

Laura once said, "Why not take one for the team, Darling. It's sex! How bad can it be? She liked to approach everything with a positive mental attitude.

Good topic. Wife & I have been together 21 years (married at Hedo in 2007). Although we have many vanilla friends, our closest friends are those we met in the LS. Do we still have sex with them?. Yes, but not as often as you might think. It is now a true friendship (still with benefits). We travel together and enjoy life.

...So me and my guy finally went to a club together. My first time at a club, but not his, though he hasnt been in involved in the LS in years. We went to The Velvet Curtain in Dallas, attending the New Years Eve Bash they were having. We didn't play with anyone or even play while there at all. We did watch a little in a public play area and that was hot. I loved the way everyone seemed so nice.. It was a great time, even though we didn't really find anyone to play with, I had a blast. And now I feel much more comfortable going to other clubs and trying other things. We are new to this...so I feel this first step was a total success... Thanks for reading.

We get a lot of “we’re not a match” on the Internet from people very much in our demographic. Many have no certs and I suspect they do not play. I would like to think that we give viable candidates a shot to meet.The perfect is the enemy of the good.

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it. We play alot with other couples so I thought he would realize right away that there was a very valid reason. I think I will tell him but try to find a kinder version than what she said. It was just horrible. She is crazy, no doubt!

As soon as I read the part about how she was acting on the dance floor, I knew where this was headed. She's crazy, just ignore her or run the risk of giving her exactly what she wants, which is drama. Regarding telling your husband, right then and there probably not the best time to go into all the gory detail, but I think after the fact that first night I would have filled him in on what happened from start to finish.

Disclaimer: I have not been on a cruise yet so I cannot answer your specific question. That being said there are some beautiful people in this lifestyle but by and large it is a representative cross section of the population I think. If this is your first step into swinging you may not want to start with a cruise. We started with a house party and a club night. I actually found that the club night was more laid back. Just imagine the scenario if you are stuck on a ship for 5 days and on day one you determine that you have some issues with swinging. Especially if you guys have a jealousy issue it could make even walking to dinner difficult. Just my $0.02. We are very new still. BTW Welcome to the board. Mr. Nomad

Congratulations. We did our first club this past week while traveling. It was newbie night. Definitely a nice quiet vibe. We played for the first time and loved it. We got the couple's number and hope to play with them again when in town.

The last thing you want in swinging is drama. And that woman sounds like a drama queen.

Be honest with you husband. Ultimately it's about the two of you having fun together. If there was something that put you off to this particular crazy lady, then he should know about it. It's not that you don't want him to have fun, just not with her. I'm sure someone less objectionable will approach you 2 and she won't have a chip on her shoulder. Your husband might not have been "thrilled" and perhaps thought that you did not have due cause to stop the fun from happening when you objected. Ultimately honesty is the best policy, and he will understand that you had a reason to object to the crazy lady.

We have few rules, but one is, "No one takes one for the team". We also have a non-verbal signal between us that means we leave now, no questions asked.

We have been in the LS long enough to have met Judges, Elected Officials, Law Enforcement Officers, as well as leaders of business & industry. This includes Pastors and their wives that are so prim and proper elsewhere. All keep there swinging separate from their regular life. If you look at any congregation or business, you see many having multiple affairs. I used to date a woman that was fucking the Youth Minister of a major Baptist Church in her city. What we have to remember is that swingers are the only segment of society that do not cheat because we have permission.

I think so much of a good introduction to the lifestyle is to watch. It is a taboo topic, very underground. Some mysteries are revealed at clubs. Glad you had a positive experience.

Glad to hear it. You guys sound like a fun couple. If you ever find us near by please ping us and see if we can do drinks and see if we click. We don’t have plans to be in Cali but you never know. Good luck with your next adventure and let us know how it goes. Mr. Nomad

Thank you so much GoldCoCouple! I agree with everything you said and I’m not taking any of this first experience to heart. It was what it was and yes, it was very much a “eh, close enough” jump-in situation. We were over eager to jump in and get our first experience out of the way. Yes, the whole first experience was a bit of a mind fuck, for lack of better words, for me. Had she participated, it would have turned out much differently. Live and learn I guess. I am glad you all agree with me that he was simply looking to get laid. Hell we could have easily done that with someone else. I now look forward to our next couple because it’s going to be more on our terms and should be a ton more fun!

We used to do the "flat on the stomach" thing. It's fun for dominant, rough sex. Now we're kind of the same pattern as you. She'll get down on her elbows with her face down on the bed, or we'll be standing-but-bent-over on the edge of the bed, the couch, kitchen counter, car, etc.

My wife wanted separate rooms when we started swinging, about one year ago. She was embarassed, because she did not wish fornme to see her trying new things with her lover, which she gradually shared with me. This made our sex life more complete. On a few ocassions have had some same room experiences with rwo separate couples. We also had some fun with friends using a sex swing. Whenever the opportunity presents itself she still opts for separate room, she has a favorite lover and enjoys him bareback. I like both, pehaps starting in one room and finishing with a chosen lover in a separate room is the most erotic.

From our very beginning we have looked for friends with benefits...so we look for others that we would like to be friends with first, but with everyone having the knowledge that benefits were always an option. We have met several couples that we were interested in becoming friends with, or having 'benefits' with, but we have also been very lucky to develop at least one relationship combining the two, and it has been AWESOME! We try to get together at least once a month (if not more), go away for weekends together, take vacations together, etc. Right now one of them is having some medical issues so we are all having medical issues together... With the good comes the bad, but we are all there for each other and will probably always be. If anything happens to one of us, we know that the others will be there to help. I am looking forward to when we can resume sharing the good times again, but stand unwavering while we go through the tough times.

I insist that we split the cost of a NICE hotel room (Hampton, Hilton Garden Inn, HI Express at least). No cheapie room, Clarion or Motel 6 or the like. Even though we're planning on enjoying Mrs Docs inner slut, she is an upscale and classy woman and should be surrounded by cleanliness and luxury.

In the Judeo-Christian ethic there are two great commandments. Swinging fits in there nicely.

You are correct that the thread as taken a left turn. Keeping in mind that each of us has different views and beliefs, only the original poster can answer how to deal with his beliefs. Every bible is up for interpretation and if you are a believer you interpret meanings the way you want to. Even those who profess to be very religious will interpret “rules” to fit their rules. As that great poet John Lennon said, Imagine.

It's not unusual to get caught up in the moment. You're having sex so you're endorphins and adrenaline are all saying go, go, go, orgasm please!, may I have another? or you probably wouldn't be there. Some person other than your SO has found you desirable and is enjoying the same rush. That's part of the excitement of swinging. My wife has made it abundantly clear that if she wants out at whatever point she decides that it is my responsibility to get her out and ask questions later. I"m always a little bit on guard because of it but since I do enjoy watching and listening to her I get pleasure from it. It's not like it's a distraction though. I apologized to the first couple we swapped with because I was more focused on my wife than my swap partner but now I feel like I am able to pay attention to both. Kind of reading between the lines here but I gather that deep penetration is an issue. That's usually the case and it is for my wife at times. She has positions that she likes but still limit the depth and is very skilled at maneuvering into those positions or out of ones that she knows she won't be able to accommodate a guy's size in while still keeping the sexy vibe going.

That is the situation I am in. Early in our relationship, we had quite a few MFM's because that is what we could find (as overweight people). Now that I have lost weight, more couples are interested, so we are running into the "it is only fair" logic. The flaw in that, from my perspective, is that the husband in the MFM didn't have to do anything with the other male. With a couple or a bi woman, I am being asked to do things. It is what it is. I think we do better in the club settings where we have to make a split second decision --- if either of us say no (and we have to do it quickly), then it is a no. To the point about not knowing until during/after-- we have experienced that as well. The guy of the other couple was having sex with me while my husband was doing mainly soft swap with the other female. The other guy was hurting me (unintentionally). I told him, he did it again, I told him again, his reaction was less than stellar. I "took it" because I could see/hear how much fun my husband was having. That said, I was a little bummed that my husband didn't step in and set the guy straight. He was in dick-brain land (and probably couldn't hear). I am still even more bummed that, in order to keep the peace and not interrupt my husband's flow, I didn't stand up more for myself. I told the guy to not go as hard/deep. When he did it again he said something like "what do you want me to do, cut it off?" (this was a few years ago, so my memory is not perfect). My normal self would have said "yeah, sure, if you can't follow simple instructions. Here's a knife."

Most couples we've encountered in this hobby seem to have a reasonable sex drive. We met when Mrs Doc was in her mid 40's and she was fired up after a long marriage and an unpleasant divorce. 2-3 times a day on weekends for us and 3-4 times during the week. We're both well past our mid 50's now and we're down to a couple of times a week unless there is a club night, friends coming over, or a house party. However, it's not unusual for her to give a gratuitous bj or to scoot up on the sofa and hike up her sundress for me to give her a quick orgasm. While our frequency has diminished somewhat, our drive has remained strong. Two weeks ago at a house party, she boinked 5 guys (multiple orgasms) while I had 2 woman (came once) and went down on a 3rd. We came home smug and tired and spent but the next day we were at our pool smiling like Cheshire cats and teasing the crap out of each other. I think overall my drive is higher but once we get started hers accelerates and eventually leaves me in the dust.

We are in the closet. I think that most people in the lifestyle are. It is not well understood in the real world and I'd rather not explain it.

In order to get out of my marriage with the least amount of emotional bloodshed, I agreed to a lot of things that weren't to my advantage. There were a lot of threats and attempts at various sorts of blackmail. I wasn't exactly shocked, because it was more an escalation of the things that finally wore me out, but I was troubled by the lengths he was willing to go. And, yeah, he definitely was kicking at my most vulnerable areas. From that, I have the following advice: Eliminate any ties you have, even if it means giving up the dog (or getting complete custody). Wrap up all financial business quickly, with the help of a mediator if necessary. Erase any idea you might have of getting him to see how his actions prompted yours. Let go of the story of why you left, because it doesn't really matter right now and will only keep you enmeshed. Let it all go. If you need to continue anything, do so with a third party, preferably a mediator or attorney who specializes in conflict resolution.

For me I think it's because I've come out of my conservative sexual shell. I have the mindset that I want to enjoy as much sex as I can while I am still relatively young and in my sexual prime.

If I haven't cum yet, I eat other the other guys' jit right out of my wife's twat. It usually makes her cum again, almost immediately--especially if she's sucking his cock. He reciprocates with his wife. Now as someone above mentioned, if I've (we guys) have also cum, then if the gals want us to eat them out, they just have to hold it a while, 'cause we'll not be up to it for a while--as was written--mojo out the door. (Note: I had read, a while back, that lifesavers are one way for a female to eat a male's cum when giving him a blow-job. The same works for eating creampies... especially wild cherry.)

I started eating my wife after I fucked her years ago and a while back after we found a threesome partner she wanted me to eat her after he fucked her. I was reluctant at first but now I enjoy it because she does. I decided what the hell, she tastes his cum why shouldn't I. A