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We require a connection with other couples so we don't go to house parties. We look for friends first...then add the benefits. It works out perfectly for us, but that's one of the things about swinging: one 'size' doesn't have to fit all. Do what you like, just have a good time doing it.

Funny - one our first experiences just involved me and a good girlfriend. The three of us were drinking quite a bit and playing cards. Clothes started coming off and the sexual attention was definitely building and then I felt weird and we took a break from the game. I wanted to take the next step but wasn’t sure how my friend felt as we had never been naked together and definitely never played. We had shared tents and hotel room but never and full nudity. My husband went upstairs to pee and then came back down a couple of minutes later wearing nothing but a pair of fish net boxers I hs given him as a gag. His junk was totally visible so we laughed our asses off. He stripped them off, stood in front of us and said “now what.”. This was just the ice breaker we needed and she proceeded to peel her bra and panties off. I followed her and we found ourselves naked in the deck and grinding away. His cock got hard pretty quick and our hands were all over him. He took a seat and we gave him a great double bj. She was clearly into the whole experience and was waiting for my blessing to fuck him. She was so turned on by the whole thing that she climaxed within a minute of lowering herself onto him. The whole experience brought us very close and were are all still favorite fuck buddies.

It's right down there in our footer: When you can be honest about having sex, you can be honest about everything! It really is enlightening.

I had the operation back in the early 80's, and I never felt anything like the severe pain EMT felt. It was very easy, in fact the doctor and I chatted about golf through the whole thing. Had it on a Friday, just took it easy over the weekend and that was it.

Your approach to swinging is as individual as you. If an on line presence is an issue, don't do it. Everything out there is there to make the difficult task of finding a playmate easier. If there is stress, it isn't making it easier. So, no you don't have to have an account, and if you do, you don't have to have pictures, and if you have pictures, they can be pictures you are comfortable posting. Clothed, no face maybe. You can customize your swinging style to suit you guys. My suggestion to to check out the sites as a guest and see if they offer anything. They really can enhance your circle of friends.

We tried after just 2 weeks of talking about it. Did just about everything wrong you could do. Our very stable and loving relationship took a hit, this is something she has wanted for a long time and just brought it to my attention. She said it was done, never again, etc. I told her I wanted to try it with her and talked it over. After 6 or 8 weeks of full discussions, what went wrong, how we feel, what we want and expect, what to do, not to do, safe touch, safe words, and so on, we tried again. We have 2 couples we play with regularly, one of them we hang out with as friends now, without playing as well(not everyone's cup of tea, but we enjoy it and the friendship) Everything has gone smooth, and with the help of others here, our communication is excellent (thank you GoldCoCouple for the advice) so when there is a "bump" we bring it up after the experience and adjust our rules and boundaries. Make sure you both know what you are getting into and the first time, at least for us, is not what you expect. Hell, sometimes with our regulars it isn't what we expected, we just make a point to have fun and keep to our rules. Best of luck! Mr. Dazed

I think what happened is he injected a tad too much of the anesthetic and that's what I felt. Either that or he clamped it before I was numb. Either way I saw stars and started cursing. Didn't happen again though. But throughout the process he had good communication. You do get pricked half a dozen times or so just to numb up everything. I knew about that ahead of time but it was really no big deal. And although I've been an EMT for 20+ years, still not a fan of receiving needles....but again, wasn't an issue. The oddest part was actually hearing, "ok, now I'm cutting" (the vas). I felt the tug of the forceps against the cutting tool. Not sure if it was a scalpel or scissors but that was a different sensation. No pain at all, just weird to feel. Hopefully that helps. If not, keep asking.

Here are ours. We use them in general with other LS Couples, to flirt with singles, and of course on the LS cruises.

Next time let us know where you are going shopping so we have a chance to watch!

That's good to know that our realization is totally normal and just something to go through and work on along the journey. I'll talk about it with my wife. I think it's incredibly hot to talk about even though we haven't done a full swap yet. And neither of us are into the stag/vixen fantasy or any humiliation so it's not like either of us would get off on hearing how we're inferior and someone else was so much better. But if it's constructive, I'd love to know new stuff to try technique-wise. Ha!...The LifeStyle cherry! Hopefully we lose that ASAP!!! Thanks!

Fair enough, I appreciate the feedback. Thanks!

Sorry I didn't mention it specifically but that's the part I was referring to when I said you are overthinking it. You're making up a scenario based on someone else's experience and trying to react to it. Will it happen? Sure it will but it won't happen the way you expect it to happen so planning how to react is overthinking it. The only plan you need to have is how you will react when your partner's feelings about a particular situation are different from yours. To answer your question, I think unsolicited advice or some kind of attempt to analyze why we are feeling the way we are feeling would come off as intrusive to us. That's something my wife and I would need to discuss alone first. If we couldn't figure it out we might seek counseling. The last thing we'd want is some kind of impromptu attempt at analyzing what's going on between the two of us before we even have a chance to digest what happened and certainly not ever from someone we were trying to be sexually involved with.

I’m not sure whether i’m a hot wife or not - i’m thinking not. We do enjoy MMF or even MMMF. This usually involves having my husband sitting behind me nd holding my legs back while the guys take turns fucking me. He may or may not participate, but clearly loves sharing me. I don’t play alone and neither does he. I do have a girlfriend that divorced a couple of years ago. She nd my husband we’re always close to we get together for FFM often. I am usually in the room watching while he takes care of her. They are very close so I guess she is technically his girlfriend. occasionally i’ll leave the room and let them go at it. She is straight and not interested in me participating in any way, but likes having me there watching. I also have a “regular” guy that we hook up with each month. We are also very close - he’s the closest to a “boyfriend” that I have. And yes, he is fit, bisexual and has a really nice cock! We met at Sandy Hook a few years back and have been close ever since. We are fortunate to have our regular partners outside of our marriage and the occasional hookups - it’s all good by us.

" It's more about our brains having been programmed monogamous for the last 20 years with each other and now we have to let go and give our brains mental permission to not just fantasize about having sex with other people but embrace doing it in reality." Excellent point. This is the biggest thing you go through as you lead up to breaking your LifeStyle cherry and the aftermath. I would say when both of you have this programming buried, that's when you stop being a newbie. As far as the original question goes, after we were into it for awhile, sometimes we'd talk about it in foreplay as a way to heat each other up. ('What did you think of Jack? He was really hot for you the other night . . .") Other times, especially when we wanted it 'romantic,' we'd concentrate on just us.

Thanks for sharing. Yes, we are definitely steam rolling right ahead with excellent honest and open communication. Once we get in a few more overnights with our son at grandma's house, then we'll feel comfortable going away until early the next morning or spending the night in a hotel by ourselves. I see what you mean about being hard on ourselves. We went to IKEA today and my wife and I were looking around at the other couples. I think we look good and I'm confident we'll find another couple to chat and hopefully play with.

We did it during sex last night... While she was riding me I asked "you think about fucking another guy's cock?" and she replied..."...sometimes." Then she asked me "do you think about fucking other girls?"...and she told me I looked to the side and then said "...sometimes." We talked about it this morning and both had a good laugh. We both acknowledged that the way we both hesitated and answered had absolutely nothing to do with our desires/intentions. It's more about our brains having been programmed monogamous for the last 20 years with each other and now we have to let go and give our brains mental permission to not just fantasize about having sex with other people but embrace doing it in reality. Might sound complex but it makes perfect sense to us. My hope for the future is we, at times when having sex with each other we can talk about and show each other what we experienced with other people and increase our enjoyment. For example "here hun, let me show you what that girl Liz did with her hands and mouth on my cock...it felt really good!!"

It sounds very much like you're on the right path. The way you are starting out sounds very similar to the way many couples that had success in the lifestyle started out, including our own. Keep discussion open, honest, and non-judgmental. Everything is fair play. Always remember that you need to move at the pace of the slower of the two of you in going into the lifestyle. Each person is different, and one partner might be so excited they want to swing this weekend, while the other might want to take some months to mentally sort through it. You sound like you're on the same page. Make sure it stays that way. If you keep on as you are, and keep those lines of communication completely open, I think you will find the first time filled with nerves, but in a good way. Speaking as a guy, I think you will find it incredibly erotic and very satisfying watch your wife having sex with another man. Hopefully your wife will feel likewise about you with another woman. It's a good idea to lose weight in general, but keep in mind your own impressions of yourselves are very often wrong. People getting into lifestyle (forgive me ladies), especially women, have sometimes intense self doubt about their appearance, as if no one will find them attractive. Unless you're just hideous and/or have done nothing to put your best foot forward, then you will find couples to play with. That's the thing; act like you have self respect with your manner of dress, how you present yourself, how you eat. Others will pick up on it. This is true in life in general, and true in swinging. As a guy, if I were looking at two identical twins, and purely from a visual aspect, I would be far more drawn to the one in a dress, heels, hair nicely done, than the one in beaten up sneakers, dirty jeans, and unkempt hair.

Several years ago we met a couple that we liked a lot. On our second meeting, we went out for a light meal and came back to our place for "dessert". The first time with a new couple is often a bit awkward so we were standing around the kitchen while I fetched a new rounds of drinks. The other wife excused herself and went into the bathroom. When she came out, she had stripped down to a see through lacy black bra and panties. She walked up to me, took my drink from my hand, took my other hand and led me to the sofa saying to the 3 of us, "lets get this party started". Mrs Doc has used this technique several times since with other couples or she changes into a short white terry robe which she drops as she gets close to the other husband. It never fails.

He was in the middle of fucking her. I was sitting on a weight bench in the middle of his bedroom watching when his roommate opened the door and started to ask if he wanted anything from the store. I'm not sure if my wife or her playmate noticed but I was definitely surprised. When his roommate saw what was going on he looked at me and then left and shut the door. I guess we should have locked his door

EMT, You're way overthinking this. Relax, go and have fun. Walk in like you own the damn place. Introduce yourselves and if there is no chemistry move on to the next couple. The last one wasn't worth your time. Get that in your head and use it to replace all the negative energy you appear to be wanting to go in with. Stop with the scenarios and the expectations! It's not going to happen the way you think it is. It never does. Confidence is sexy. Laughter attracts people because they want in on the fun. Physical beauty is skin deep. Those who can't or won't look past the outer facade aren't worth your time either. There are far more people just like you than there are hard bodies and snobs. It's not nearly as complicated as you have made it out to be in your head.

Both of us had marriages that were way too long and way too disappointing (both of our spouses blamed their unhappiness on us) and we had some dark, difficult, trying times afterwards before we met as well. However, if you were to change anything, there's a great chance that we wouldn't have ended up together and were we are now. Instead of looking back with regret, we enjoy today and look forward with excitement. Looking back is reserved for two things: to remember fond memories and to prevent repeating mistakes previously made. If you regret something you did in the past, learn from that and don't allow it to happen again in the future. We both LOVE LOVE LOVE where we are today. While some of the things we went through to get here was hard and frightening, we would do it all over again (especially if we knew the outcome of now). We would do it all again and change nothing.

Just because you go there is never an expectation to actually DO anything (except have a good time). Glad you went and by posting maybe other first timers will consider going just to 'see' what it is like. Let us know what happens next.

I was introduced to the notion by an old friend. After reading about it and chatting about it and he said it would be good for "us"... we ended up doing the regular 3some thing whereas I was more of a tourist watching. Not any dirty old man but seeing her pleased sexually was awesome especially by someone she would not normally be with. Now that being said an episode did come up after we entered the LS that jarred me but I am ok with. She was with friends at a ski trip in a hot tub (after ski) and with a friend they were hit on by some guys. No issue there... and she told me the story. He tried to kiss her, filled them with champagne/prosecco and eventually took off his shorts. She had a on a wet shirt as did her friend who was kissing this other guy. Mind you we are all 30+ (no frat stuff). The guy owned a large cabin next door... he ran back naked grabbed another bottle and jumped in. All a bit buzzed she said he sat close to her and his cock rubbed on her elbow underwater. Eventually (this told to me much later) he asked her to touch it, she eventually did ... well long story short she sat on his lap underwater and his cock was pushing up into her. The other couple left and he hoisted her up to the edge of the hot tub, kissed her and fucked her in the hot tub.

SwingLifeStyle has a list here: Arizona Swinger Club List I can't vouch for any of them though. I seem to recall there being some bruhaha in Arizona about swing clubs, and being shut down. Does anyone else remember this?

The best birth control method in my book is vasectomy. I've had one, best decision I've ever made and the best $400 I ever spent. A bit more expensive now. Once you're past the wanting more children stage, it's the cheapest completely effective method of birth control. I say completely effective because you can monitor its effectiveness yourself without going and getting tested. All it requires is a microscope on low power. It's amazing to watch those little wigglers and easy to monitor their absence. Condoms are effective for Chlamydia, Gonorrhea and HIV, in the 85% range discussed above. Condoms are much less effective for herpes or HPV. In the older crowd, 50 and up, bareback is very popular and common. Some have said that going bareback is playing Russian roulette. Using condoms does reduces the roulette, but only down to 15% of your play. Call it semi-Russian roulette. The chances of being exposed to herpes and HPV are virtually certain even with condoms if you familiarize yourself with the stats. Doesn't mean you will become infected. Chlamydia, Gonorrhea are treatable and rare, at least in our older age group. Each person has to assess their comfort with risk. Safer sex (condoms) only reduces the risk of some STD's, doesn't eliminate the risk.

I think a person may tend to be a bit more self-conscious when their spouse is in the room observing, thus interfering with their own concentration of "pleasure". So I tend to believe it could be a bit of both ... the spouse's presence, and ability to concentrate. Plus, don't leave out the fact that the male & female genders often approach sex and passion in different ways. This is mentioned in John Gray's book "Men Are From Mars ... ". Definitely worth reading while laying around a pool or something.

Never had a really small penis, so bad sex yes, bad penis no.

Another thing to pay attention to is be very prepared (especially if you invite people you don't know all that well) to have some things in your house get dirty, be broken, etc. Most everyone I know that has hosted a party of 10+ people (not counting long term friends) has found something wrong the next day. Usually a used condom not in the garbage, spilled drinks on the floor, extra clothing forgotten behind, and so on. Expect it to happen. And be ready, so you can find and clean it up before kids or whatever return and find it for you.

It's no more a lifestyle than the biker "lifestyle" is. I never understood the use of the term in relation to swinging. Frankly, the word is just a replacement for the word swinging, which garners some negative attention from the bible thumpers. It isn't a "lifestyle" for us; it's something we hop into now and then. But then some people make it part of their everyday existence; we don't. Part of the problem is, as mentioned above, in the past it was just about sex...now it's a "lifestyle". Seems to me it makes it more important than it really is, but that's just an opinion. Edit to say, you can make virtually anything a "lifestyle", so whatever floats yer boat. I do think the internet has increased the popularity of the idea, making the hardcore "lifestylers" a little miffed. The negative is that it seems to build the expectations of people expecting their swinging experiences to look like porn movies. For the most part, they don't.

Hello, Petra reporting. There needs to be a balance between not rushing it and postponing it too long. Think of what you are missing! Your wife likely had sex with men before you, and if you were to leave this earth she would have sex with other men as well, so there is no big deal about doing something you both want to do now while you are married. This is from a woman that had two great experiences with men that are my current bf and husband respectively, and one not so good fling with a third guy. Hubby supported me the whole way and overall, no regrets.

I like to watch a guy cum, so for me it is my stomach/tits. As much as I like cum, I hate for it to land in my eyes and hair.