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I didn't know where else to put this. Mrs. Dazed is down 67lbs from her heaviest today. Nov 2017 she was 267lbs. Super proud of her and this is all for herself, I'm just happy to share this journey with her. She hit her 200# goal, now she says she is working towards 190#.

Thank you for your response! I've been looking all morning to find a couples counselor but no one really focus's on the lifestyle in our area. Just looking to find someone to help both of us communicate a little better. I appreciate everyone's feedback so much

You seem to be okay with the L/S, just not so much of the L/S...understandable with kids at home and the rest of life going on. I think that it's that your husband is just wanting it SO MUCH. Too much of anything is usually a bad thing. A couple should move at the pace the slowest member is comfortable with, your husband needs to be told this and he needs to pump the brakes (the other option is eventually you just say 'stop, no more' and it's all finished). He needs to respect your feelings on this. You two are a team, what either one of you says is the answer for both of you. This goes for another one of your questions as well... We believe that 'life must come first' and that swinging is more of a hobby that we fit in when we can. For us that's about once a month. You two are a team, the two of you should decide together how often you want to play, but go at the slowest persons pace. We say 'I don't think so' to each other when we don't think there's a match (which is fairly often since we are looking for matches and not just someone to fuck). If either one of us isn't 'feeling' another couple, then we take a pass...no 'taking one for the team'. He needs to slow down and listen to your wants and needs here. As previously stated, if he doesn't, eventually you are not going to want to do this any longer. He needs to understand: Playing less often is much better than not playing at all. Bigger question is why he isn't as interested in communicating and (more importantly) LISTENING to your wants. Time to sit down and have a talk before you get so frustrated that you throw in the towel. Good luck and let us know how things go.

With so many middle aged fringed women it is absolutely necessary to not only make a big deal about her preference but also a way to keep the fire hot. Once people make it about the guy guess who leaves the party? Oh yeah, the women.

We stopped doing the websites together because I couldn’t keep up. We are on 5 websites and get numerous messages daily. Some nights I’m tired or just want to chill so I don’t want to go over all the people and make decisions so I let him “vet” people first. I’m going to make an effort to get us off so many websites. Thank you so much for your response!

Your misgivings are quite common with new swinging couples. The guy is often times like a kid turned loose in a candy store, all those boobs and pussies are like a sugar high for a 6 year old. You DO have a say in this, however. You're part of the couple and the fact is, he'll get a lot less sex if you're not 100% into the evening or the meeting. Mrs Doc felt much the same way when we were about a year into this hobby. She was not happy about some of the choices I made off the web sites and was not happy about the frequency of our "dates" especially since she did not want to meet couples during the week. After a lot of trial and error, and her specific objections, my selection process got much better and after much conversation, we started to limit our swinging activities to once or twice a month. What I discovered was that, as time passed, she was much more into our limited activities and actually looked forward to a club night or house party and I started to see much less of "the face" when I mentioned potential plans for the weekend. We're happily still in this hobby 15 years later and my wife is truly "all in" now. You have to talk a lot, and, you have to insist that he take your needs and desires into consideration and you have to remind him that the primary relationship is the one he has with you, not the fleeting moments with a strange woman. You might want to point out too that if you get overwhelmed by the budding resentment this is generating, you can always just say "NO". That leaves him with nothing to swap and he becomes just another guy trying to get laid outside his marriage. That's not a good place to be for a swinger.

This is why we constantly advise not spending too much time with emails and texting and instead setting up a meeting. It weeds the fakes, flakes, and wannabes and you will learn more after meeting for 5 minutes than what you would lean in an eternity of emails and texts.

It is amazing how many fakes and flakes are on the sites now days. You have to learn to interpret the signs, took us a couple of years and still one may get by our better judgement from time to time.

It has now been about five years since we met our first couple. Linda found them on line. We thought they were fake, too good to be real. They were younger, good looking and he was pretty big. I was more interested in watching the women play. Looking back I didn’t want to watch Linda with him. When he finished in a few seconds I was relieved. Over the years we have matured our desires. I now want her to enjoy. I want her to have multiple cums. As much as I want to be involved it is fine if she plays with them and I watch.

Club is a good start. We are on SLS and SDC, swinger meeting sites with lists of events. Join one of these sites that are local for you.

It does feel nice to have an extra man with us. Wife loves it... Very intense... For us it just happened and we liked it. A few bumpy situations from time to time but it worked out okay.

That could be a great idea. Things will go wrong, or not according to plan. While it is generally good to NOT have expectations in the LS, you can pretty well expect that. .. :"> .. It is how you react to the "problems" that really makes the difference. (Pretty much like the rest of life.) If you spend enough time on this BBS, you will likely find that the following is true. A few "Golden Rules" in the LS are: No means "No". ... and... "Never move faster than the slowest person present." If any LS situation that you are in does not adhere to the above, then I suggest that you politely move on. (Do not be shy about standing your ground on either of these.) It is not that unusual for one partner to be more enthusiastic about Swinging & Non-Monogamous relationships than the other. With enough patience (never moving faster than the slowest person present), education, and (most importantly) discussion, there is a good chance that both of you will come around and thoroughly enjoy the Swinger Lifestyle (the "LS"). Of course that prediction is based largely on success stories that tend to float to the surface in sources like this BBS. So it is quite possible that the opposite is also true, you just do not hear about those stories as much. The bottom line for all that? Tread lightly, but do not hesitate to occasionally (and cautiously) step outside of your comfort zone. If you cannot do that, then maybe the LS is not for you and/or your partner. Clubs seem to be the most popular way to start. You do not need to schedule with others, and once you are there, you can stay as long as you feel comfortable, then leave. The noise (and crowd) factor can be an issue at clubs, but it is the most painless way to dip your toes in the water. You may even be able to connect with some folks, get some questions answered, and so forth. Just because you go to a club (or any other LS function), it is not expected that you will have sex (with your partner, or someone else). My suggestion is to go early. You will be more likely (in the better facilities) to get a tour from a staff member (who should also be a good information source). Be sure to tell them you are new. Going early may also give you a better chance to connect with someone (even just to chat), before it gets into full-tilt party mode. As for rules, it is probably better to start with too many, and then make adjustments as your Comfort, Knowledge, and Experience level increases. This is probably the most common pattern. Other newbies, and experienced folks (who are worth your time) will likely appreciate and understand this. I recently came across a bit (that was presented somewhat jokingly), which stated that for every hour of LS Sex (or maybe even just LS Meetings?) that you have, you will spend 100 hours discussing it with your partner. ... Something worth thinking about, perhaps. Meet & Greets, House Parties, Cruises, and Resorts are all good ways to meet folks... for different reasons. Look into that. Swinger webs like "SLS" and Kasidie are good places to find more information on what is available. (More are listed at the "Find Swingers" link in the above banner.) https://www.swinglifestyle.com/events/ https://www.kasidie.com/ Meet & Greets are usually just that. Sex is typically not part of the agenda. So that can be a good "no pressure" way to simply get out there and talk to other Swingers. (But there is nothing that says you cannot go somewhere afterwards with folks.) House parties are all over the map (based mostly from what I have seen here, and in listening to podcasts). If you find the right one to attend however, then that could be an ideal way to get started. A cruise can be a good way to be introduced to the LS, and meet some folks. It is similar to a club, but MUCH more immersive (i.e. it is harder to leave and go home if you get uncomfortable). Resorts are an excellent idea... for some folks. It is kind of the best of both worlds (clubs & cruises). It is immersive, but you have a bit more room to experience things in. Hedonism II ("Hedo") is extremely popular, so is "Desire" (there is more than one, and they sponsor cruises too). Do your homework though. https://www.hedonism.com/ https://www.desire-experience.com/ I would think that there are more (varied?) LS opportunities throughout Europe, than here in North America. (Generally speaking, Europeans are a lot less prudish than Americans.) I am just less familiar with what is available on the other side of the pond. Meeting folks locally (clubs, M&G's, parties) may be a good way to find out more about what is closer to you, and well worth the effort. Scrutinize some of the webs listed here as well. I also find that "Podcasts" are an excellent way to learn about the LS, as well as being a fun partner activity. A lot of the issues that you are likely to come across are often discussed in them. I especially like them because you can pause and "rewind" them, which allows time for discussion (at the moment). I recently made a post about this ("Podcast List [etc.]"), here is the thread link for that: https://www.swingersboard.com/forums/topic/62750-podcast-list-and-other-educational-informational-info-for-swinger-poly-folks/ Cap d'Agde, France, is a "CO" (Clothing Optional) City! While I am fairly sure open (public) sexual activity is frowned upon there (perhaps severely)... I suspect a lot of Lifestyle folks visit there. If nothing else, it will get you used to being naked in public around other folks (if you are not already familiar with that). For the most part though (for the full-on LS experience), you will have better chances for success if you stick to strictly LS targeted events. Look into a "Mediterranean LS Cruise". I think Desire and/or Kasidie sponsor some of those. For the good resort & cruise type events, you may need to book early, as they can fill-up fairly fast. For both of these also: Look into what "groups" are going, and try & plan your trip so that it coincides with a group that fits where you are. (i.e. Booking a LS vacation trip at a time when it is mostly BDSM groups (for example) may not be your thing.) ? In closing I will say this... If you are not having fun, then you are not doing it right. Life's and education... Enjoy the Journey!

I myself do not mind if someone cums inside my wife, she gets off and when I finish I feel a sense of accomplishment per say so if someone we knew and trusted totally was to play and wanted to no problem after all we knew them very intimately in and out of the bedroom. We are both fixed so no worry there, however if at a club and a hook up happened or someone we have not known for a very long time it is protection used unless she wants oral and then it is up to her if he cums in her mouth or not.

Against the advice of many people here, I recommend approaching someone who you know, she is attracted to, and is safe from both STDs and physical abuse. From my experience as the woman, I also recommend allowing them to start of by themselves the first couple of times so that they, and you, get comfortable with the whole thing. Then you can watch and participate.

I like cumming on the girls ass or tits or belly but I rarely do. It's so hard to have the control to pull out a just the right moment when her pussy feels so good!

First of all, start by making your relationship as strong and as great as possible. Swinging is all about love, trust and communication...and you can't have too much of any of the three. The best way to start the talk with your SO is to talk about fantasies. Find out what theirs are and tell them yours. Next step is to see about making some of them come true, usually starting in the bedroom and them venturing further out. Once you get to considering swinging, there are two paths to travel: quantity (just having sex with others, usually one night stands, and quality, or FWB or couples dating). Choose what your style is and move forward. Read most everything in the Curious About Swinging forum, set your boundaries and rules and then depending on what you are looking for either visit a club or set up an online profile (Find Swingers tab on top of page). Once you are at this point, come back and we can help you go from here. Good luck and have fun!

My personal recommendation on rules would be to make as few as possible to suit yourselves. I would also suggest that they be general in nature. Even then something will go past the line. Because of this one thing you need to absolutely agree on before hand is that neither of you will intentionally cross the specific lines in your rules, but if somehow one sees a transgression when the other does not is that the benefit of the doubt will lean towards innocence. That way the talk afterward can be "How do we make this not happen again" and not "How could you do that" Short story. One of our rules was no BDSM type play with playmates. My wife while feeling frisky grabbed the couples riding crop and playfully slapped the guys rump. I was not there and she recounted the event to me later as just another thing in a play by play recounting. To her it was no more than a slap with her hand or a tickle, to me she was using an SM play toy. The discussion took a few minutes with her promising to be more careful and my realizing that I was being too thin skinned, and telling her so. I told her clearly that she need not worry about "careful" because she would spend more time worrying than having fun, that I trust her not to hurt me purposely. Upshot? New understanding of the rule is now in play.

Note I start with TALKING. You can tell an awful lot if you are paying attention. Is she leaning in ? hair flips or any of that other stuff? Smiling? Is she deliberately ignoring other distractions?

I'm big on respecting boundaries unless I know for certain the lady is open to unsolicited touching. If I'm not getting a vibe I will hold out my hand and see if she takes it or figure a way to bump her to see if she responds. I'm not afraid to ask her if I can kiss her. But if she is not into me or the scene I will not engage in grabbing or groping. Not my style.

This is how it began with us, except she and I fell for each other as well. Now we share a family, including children, along with the boyfriend I already had and another bi woman. I would say it turned out wonderfully.

We had a female friend that became very close with my husband. We were close friends from the start and used to go to the nude beach together on a regular basis so we were totally cool being naked together. Things never got sexual - just fun. We wanted to shoot an amateur porn so we asked her if she would do the filming for us. After some urging by us - she agreed. Things were fine and she captured a little over an hour of footage. He needed to take a break and "reload" after cumming the third time. We thought it would be fun to watch the raw footage together. We got comfy on the bed and started watching - she was clothes, we were naked. After a few minutes my husband's cock got hard - he was clearly aroused. She asked if she could touch him so I gave her an absolute yes. She kissed him, stroked his cock and then started performing oral on him. After a few minutes, she stopped and undressed. My husband went down on her and she quickly climaxed. He rolled on his back and I mounted him - I was so horny watching them I needed him inside me. I cc liquors quickly and then motioned for her to fuck him. She got on him and lowered her pussy onto him. He held her tight and fucked her slowly and passionately for several minutes. She asked him if he could cum inside her so he quickly released. We spent the next three months together several times each week. We were exclusive with her and she was with us. There was a ton of sex and we became super close. It was clear that she had fallen for him. He loved the sex with her but definitely wasn't going to drop me for her and the idea of a poly relationship wasn't in the cards. I would have been fine with it. I loved being with her and loved seeing them together. I always wonder how it would have been had we stick with it.

Funny thing, the thought of getting naked in front of strangers is a fantastic motivator. My wife and I started working out together a few months ago when we made one of the Desire resorts a goal for 2020! ?️?️

It took me a long time trying to talk my wife into having sex with other men in front of me. Her biggest reluctance was that she couldn't bear to watch me enjoying sex with another woman. It wasn't about reciprocation to me. I wasn't trying to talk her into having sex with other men so that I could have sex with other women. All of our experiences have been MMF. We have never played with another couple. I'm happy. It's my fantasy come true. She was shy and nervous at first but now she totally enjoys it.

It is not rotational: it is spontaneous. We will say to each other, "hey, what do you think K and H are doing this weekend?" So we give them a call to see. If they cannot make it, we maybe make a different plan. We maybe decide it is going to be a "vanilla" weekend. We have our favorites but we work hard at making every couple we know believe that "they" are our favorites.

A great question, C&C There's no set answer, other than do what you like. Talk to each other, and if either starts feeling uncomfortable, stop. A schedule of couples or singles never worked for us, because you have a hard time controlling how busy you get with other things and the availability of the other person or couple. So, if we wanted to play, we found someone. Yes, we had our favorites, and if one of them said "Can you?" our default position was, 'how can we make this happen.' Good luck.

Hello, simonemarks, and welcome to SwingersBoard! You've already received some great advice. I will tell you that, for some couples, their feelings watching each other are not jealousy. They are turned on by watching, of course, but they also feel happy for their spouse that they are giving and receiving pleasure, and proud of them for being bold enough to engage in this lifestyle. It's a positive thing! As others have said, it would be very good for you two to really dig into this subject together. "Take a deep breath, and look under that rock", as the Bonnie Raitt song goes! Once you both understand your feelings about this, you can see if there are any ways to help you. Perhaps you are concerned that he will find another woman more attractive, or better in bed. But if you two are in a loving, trusting, committed relationship, hopefully you know that he chose to share his life with you, even if he shares a few minutes of pleasure with someone else. After the playtime is over, he's coming home with you!

I have 32A/Bs and I have always been very insecured about them. It's something I raised in other postings on this board and everyone has been so supportive. And in hindsight, no one we played with has actually said they're too small. People have different tastes and preferences, and I'm fine if someone doesn't want to play with me because I have small breasts because I have come across plenty of playmates who loved them. So I'd say they haven't impeded the lifestyle, although it's difficult to get rid of the self-doubts completely. I really try to banish the thoughts from my head. As for implants, I considered them too but decided against it. For one thing, I have asked many male and female playmates, and the majority of them told me they don't like the feel of implants. They can also lead to health problems later.

I am a male who has always been really turned on by very small breasts. Our male friend who my wife and I play with also is really turned on by very small breasts. Large breasts are not something we look for.

One factor we enjoy most about swinging is the variety. If this means itty-bitty-titties, whooo hoo!!! As CoupleNUs said, we all have something that we aren't happy with.

I have two friends with breasts that are probably smaller than yours and both of these ladies are extremely popular in the lifestyle. They are wonderful, sexy people and I'm sure you are too. You are enough.

There is a saying : "Even when you have steak at home every night , you can enjoy the occasional pizza " . Your wife / husband/ ect really enjoying a new partner doesn't enherently mean they are "better" or you are lacking , just that is somthing new. You don't have to KNOW in advance that you will enjoy ( whatever) , but you do need to KNOW that even if ( whatever ) turns out to be a flop , the two of you can talk it out , and still be just as strong. Yes selfperceptions matter, and not all of them can be changed. Yes roleplaying , or just talking about (whatever) during sex is a good way testdrive ideas. And fun in its own right.

So I have really got to get my wife a man to have this MMF threesome. We have had really hot wild sex 4 out of the last 6 days. At age 48 she is wetter and more kinky then ever. And these sessions lasts for well over an hour; and after I cum she will masturbate for quite some time or until I can go again. Again we used the dildos last night to act out the fantasy of multiple men fucking my wife and it was off the hook a great time. I have got to find the right couple to see if reality is even better than fantasy. And if it ain't we will move on and at least say we tried it.

I've been married twice and have had more than a few intense, passionate, and long term relationships. Yes it is possible that your wife will meet a man who fucks better than you, who is more suited to her, who could even love her more than you. The thing is she could meet him at any time, anywhere, not just in swinging. It happens. None of my relationships broke up because of swinging and I've swung with most of them. Relationships and marriages generally break up because there are everyday living issues that strain it to the point of breaking. In other words, you weren't really made for each other and it is better to separate and find a more suitable mate. There is a belief among some swingers that love is proof against your mate falling for another. I don't agree - swinging has little to do with it. Those who don't swing fall for others in life. Those who do swing fall for others in life. Swinging isn't the factor. Except that swinging often helps to strengthen communication, highlight areas of possible improvement that allows you work together toward a finer marriage or relationship. Swinging also can deal with and lessen the "I want to fuck others" tensions that affects almost every marriage.

Well I feel that my biggest obstacle is insecurity. The what ifs. What if my wife likes to fuck another guy more than me. What if swinging breaks us up. What if I freak out during it. On the other hand my wife is very secure. She even told me that she feels no other woman could do for me what she does for me; not only sexually but everything that has to do with our marriage.

I am really enjoying this thread. Thanks for posting doug39! My wife and I are in the same boat as you, but the other way around. I am ready and she is not. She gets very jealous from seeing me, or even the thought of, with another woman. She has even told me that it is a possessive thing. Easy to identify but not so easy to overcome. I too, would like to see more comments on this.

Just personally speaking, I'm not particularly fond of giving anal sex. I'm glad to do it for any man or woman that wants it, but I don't get that special satisfaction you get when you scratch one of your favorite itches. Reception, on the other hand...bring it on. It's one of my favorite sexual acts, whether it's fingers or toys or organs during MM, MF, MMF, or any other combination of my M and your Ms and/or Fs. If you throw any sexual acronyms at all my way, chances are I'm stuffing that acronym straight in my ass. Bottom line is it just feels great to me, and that's what counts.

Mrs. YZF loves anal and will do multiple partners anally at parties, the bigger, the better. Quita (our permanent live in 3rd) does anal when she is "in the mood" for it. When she is wanting it, she will cum multiple times.