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"Look to the next sun, not the last," Monahseetah, Beloved Woman of the Wutapiu Band.

Also, keep in mind that the things you are being told are being told by people who don't have a problem with their spouses having sex with others, yet we still think what he is FORCING you to do is creepy and wrong. We should be the MOST ACCEPTING group of people to allowing a wife to be touched by people other than her husband, yet we seem to think what he is doing is still inappropriate and disrespectful. Think about that for a minute...

I would NEVER NEVER NEVER make Ms Gold do anything I thought she even remotely didn't like. That he is enjoying your HUMILIATION (which is exactly what it is) and knows it is damaging your reputation and standing in the community just says he doesn't respect or loves you. This is nothing more than a cheap thrill for him but he thinks it is more important than your feelings. THAT is what makes him a creep. STOP THIS NOW and start working on fixing your relationship. If he thinks this little of you, then the relationship is in dire straights.

Here is what I've figured out as an average looking guy of average height and an average dick. First of all, I appeal to some women for whatever reason and to other, maybe not so much. Different people like different things. Second, regardless of my how large or small my dick is, or what someone else thinks about my dick, my dick is not going to be disappointed. Third, rather than give any thought to what someone might think of my dick, I put 110% effort into figuring out every possible thing I can do to exceed expectations. So far, that approach has never failed to result in holding someone's interest in having sex with me. I've concluded that more or less average size and above average effort matters more than just about anything else. I won't be the first choice for a size queen, but really, does it matter? Also, everyone has a list of preferences and no one person will fulfill all of those, so what people actually want is the best combination of trade offs. Guys who worry about their dicks and women who worry about their breasts (or labia or whatever) are focussing on what is not all that important in the grand scheme of things. Focus on finding out what rocks your partner's world and just do it instead. The one thing anyone can do is pay more attention to a partner and become better at knowing what to do and when to do it.

What comes across as creepy is that he enjoys that you don't like it.

Again the kissing question. I’m sorry I just don’t understand the fascination with kissing. I kiss everybody. If I am going to put my mouth in much more intimate places, I am going to kiss you too. My pet peeve is those who won’t kiss after oral sex. Are you kidding me?

What Gold said!! Swinging is not for the faint of heart or those with a volatile relationship.

If the guy is so cocky (literally and figuratively) that he's eyeballing and challenging your husband, he's also challenging your relationship. Apparently, he fails to recognize that YOUR relationship is giving him a gift (you)and he's being disrespectful of the guy who's doing the giving. If I told Mrs Doc something like that about a guy she was boinking, I can assure you that his perfect body and big dick would NEVER visit her pussy again. She would, to paraphrase Tammy Wynette, stand by her man. You should too.

Why not tell the dominant guy to knock it off or you'll cut him off?

I agree that the response was more specific that what was probably necessary. Perhaps the other couple has been asked "why" in the past when declining a meeting, and decided to proactively address that question.

Move on, its not with much thought. I'm turned down in messages several times a year. Thinking about it more than a minute is a waste of time. Maybe there is a lesson learned from a 'No' but if its not obvious then dont worry about. I'd much rather be reading new profiles or chatting on a forum than obsessing over a declined offer.

So you think bringing in another couple to your bedroom will make things less volatile? Think again. Unless you relationship is ROCK SOLID with an abundance of love, trust and communication, this is a recipe for a train wreck Until you can say you have a completely open relationship built firmly on trust and communication, you should stay away from swinging. This will just be one more match to the gasoline that you call a relationship. If you have problems now (or at least four times a year), this will just add more. Swinging will make a great relationship better, but it will tear a weak one apart...you can't close Pandora's box and once it is out of the box... Walk away, neither of you are close to being ready for this.

If one of you says no, then the answer for both of you is no. You are a team. Is he saying that you should stop with this guy? Talk with him and see how he is feeling and if he wants you to stop with this guy. If he does, there are plenty of other guys in the L/S but you only have one husband. Move along, nothing to see here...

If you even *imagine* that it could tear you apart, then it’s a VERY bad idea!

Laura, who was fond of pleasant sensations, said having both breasts sucked while her pussy was being eaten was her second favorite permutation in swinging.

"I usually joke we’re a in a quite normal relationship and nearly divorce four times a year, and there is unfortunately some truth to that. To say my wife has a volcanic, Latin character is a massive understatement." Well, swinging for most folk is for fun without any drama. It doesn't sound like your wife is into that scene. Are you? Knowing what you've told us about your relationship, I probably wouldn't want to play with you. But it's not my life, I wish you the best of luck.

I find the repeated description of this woman offensive. Such language may impede your ability to build friendships with people just meeting you. Try lesbian or gay instead of “lesbo”, and say she is your physical opposite and you are not attracted to her instead of “ugly, short, skinny.” It’s hard to be sympathetic, and thus far your choice has been to keep allowing it because you say your sex life is better. Your husband comes across as rather creepy.

He's only in his 3rd year of undergrad. And regardless of whether or not he's a consenting adult, the fact that it creates a conflict of interest, or a potential vulnerability to abuse of authority, does not do my career any favours. There are unwritten rules. It's considered to be very unprofessional, unethical, and - considering I'm married - immoral.

ask Mr. alura,

I am going to give a contrarian answer. We have played with friends. There were some issues, she was comparing husbands performance. I didn't consider him less a sex partner than my husband. I enjoyed him. I enjoyed both of them in our vanilla life. As someone said what's better than being being with someone you like. Our first time with them was a silly giggles time. We didn't feel pressure because we all were enjoying. Your husband made the suggestion. I'm sure he thought about it first. Maybe it was your first time with two men. Can you invite one of you girlfriends to even the score and give your husband something more to do. Enjoy your friend. First time is done. Go forward and have fun unless you don't want to.

We started with my wife's best friend. I was uneasy and asked why. Got over that and enjoyed and have had plenty of fun with them. Like most men I feared she would like sex better with him than me. They made the whole experience fun. You say you like him as a friend. What better partner than someone you enjoy in the vanilla life. You say you already did it with him, now let the experience open up. You should enjoy it not dread it. Have fun.