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Laura and I liked the term, "test fuck." The way it came about, we had talked most of a dinner date about Swinging, even to preferences, no-nos, swallowing, etc. We came to a lull in the conversation and Laura said (brightly) "Our kids are at Grandpa's for the weekend. Y'all wanna come over to our place for a Test Fuck?" When the laughter died down, that's where we went. You would have liked her, Padoc. (Most people who met her loved her.) She was a riot! She came up (spontaneously!) with the most unusual remarks while we playing. I've posted about some of them before.

"Test fuck", what a great term. I think Mrs Doc and I would have truly enjoyed knowing Mrs Alura. To answer the question, We have progressed from looking for the perfect couple to looking for "doable" couples. We've come to recognize that it IS "just sex" and that a 4-way 10 on a scale of 1-10 level of attraction is almost impossible to find. Consequently, we won't play if one of us says "ugh" or "meh" but if one of us it reasonably attracted to half the couple and the other half is "doable" we'll explore further. We've been pleasantly surprised more often than not. I think that we've refined our selection process sufficiently over the years that we tend now to only meet people, couples or singles, who fit our minimum attractiveness level, i.e. somewhere close to our target age bracket, and h/w/p.

Male half here. I do not believe that we have ever turned anyone away just for lack of initial physical attraction. We have though for personality issues that we felt made it a No Go. Some of our best playmates have been people with some "imperfections". Then again they had to get past the imperfections that we bring to the game.

A great, thoughtful post, except I disagree with one point: I would feel cheated. A large part of the excitement and satisfaction of having sex with a man is his ejaculation of semen into me. I prefer my vagina, but even into my mouth, I swallow it all. If a guy cums too fast, I prefer that he do oral on me while he rests, then I do oral on him to get him up for a lengthy round two. The first quick shot, however, I'm thinking, "He wants me so bad, he thinks I'm so hot, he's pumping such a load..."

From what I'm reading, you are both on board. You've seen his reaction to you being fondled by strangers. His reaction would be the same with you being piledrivin by some big dick stud. Is the actual event as erotic as the fantasy? Well, depends. Most fantasies like yours include a nameless faceless figure as your bull. In reality, its a guy. He has a job, responsibilities, fears, performance anxiety, just like you. So how erotic your time is, depends on how the bull acts, and your chemistry with him. Once you start, you may not want to stop. There is a lot that can happen between you agreeing to do this and 5 years down the road. But no matter what, it's actually pretty easy to put the brakes on. After a few dozen men, you may find it's not as hot anymore and you are ready to move on to something else. Lastly...enjoy!

There's a difference between 'taking one for the team' and being less excited than your SO. I would never (nor would I want my wife to) have an interaction with someone I really didn't want to. But if the person I'd be with is less attractive than the person my wife would be screwing, I'd still be with someone that's somewhat attractive. That's not 'taking one for the team,' IMHO. For me the bar is, 'would I have sex with this person if my wife wasn't here?'

Everyone is different. Every person or couple will find their own comfort level. Neither of us have taken one for the team....or more precisely we tend to enjoy who we are with. It is purely situational with us. We are both sure that there have been those who were more “shopping” for their personal interests and one of us didn’t qualify. We can read a room....and can feel the direction of conversation with other singles and couples. With us it is 85% personality and attitude. No matter the event or situation are biggest turn off are those who are “shopping”. We spent many years in the lifestyle enjoying group play....fun...exciting...continually swapping and changing playmates all in the room...on the bed or floor....playful. Some of our best experiences happened with people and couples that you would think we would have shy away from. As far as best playful experiences for her there was a man who was heavier with a smaller than average penis but had a huge fun personality....life of the party....that was very playful and could keep going and recover quickly. An older couple we both enjoyed very much both socially and intimately. For me the same couple but also two women at separate times. One woman 18 years older then me....67 at the time....that knew what she wanted and knew how to please who she was with. Kind of in charge of the play from beginning to end and was very talented of getting me...or any guy she selected to recover and continue two or three times over a couple of hours of full on sexual play. She selected who she wanted at our parties and had a few of us that she would usually go to. She was very intimate. Another about our same age at the time....started out a little shy. Out of a poor love and sexless marriage the year before. Once she became comfortable she was hugely explorative and wanting to experience everything. She also liked practicing new skills she discovered. This woman was far from a “10” but certainly a ten to us. So to each their own. Like the song says....”....love the one you’re with....”

Gold is entirely correct. To put it more bluntly, if your relationship and feelings are not primary with him than you're just another fuck, albeit one that he may "like" a bit more than the next strange piece. It's clearly not love. If it was, your feelings and needs would rank a lot higher than sniffing out the next roll in the hay. You may continue along this path with him but it will end badly for you. I'd suggest that you cut your losses and move on. It'll hurt but the hurt will be way less than you'll have if you invest another 6-12 months of YOUR love in this relationship.

We didn't have many notches on our bedposts, probably because we didn't swing with couples we didn't like. I don't remember ever turning a couple down because of their looks. I do remember a hypothetical question being answered by Mrs. Alura: "Take one for the team, Darling? It's sex! How bad can it be?" A couple of times we had "test fucks". If they didn't work out, we looked to the future.

The play ship has already sailed! You can't un-fuck your cousin so the question should be more "did I enjoy it enough to do it again"? rather than "should I"? Your husband seems to have voted yes.

On the internet, there seems to be little concern whether I'm a slut, but I regularly need to confirm that "I am not a robot."

No, you and Scott are not ‘bad people.’ You two simply have fetishes. You are an exhibitionist, he has the desire to see his woman pleasured by other men, and may have the cuckold fetish. If you also go a little further to actually having sex with another man while Scott watches, it’s just a furtherance of your fetishes. A fetish isn’t ‘bad’ until it hurts another person, IMHO. Who are you hurting? Not yourself, not Scott, and certainly not the other man. If you want to bring another man into your bedroom and he’s willing, why not? All of you are adults, you can run your life the way you want. Go for it! As far as definitions go, don’t worry about them. For myself, I see ‘swinging’ and ‘the LifeStyle’ to be any situation where a committed couple has willing sexual experiences with third parties. So ‘hotwife’ and ‘open relationships’ and even MFMF are simply subsets of swinging. (I know, I know, some people will disagree with that, perhaps violently. Show me the terms in Merriam-Webster, and I’ll conform to that.) If you’re enjoying something, what do you care what other people call it? Best of luck.

As always communication is important. Avoiding problems requires regular open communication, and some sort of 'system' for letting your partner know 'This aint gonna work." I had a relationship crash precisely because communication was poor on this subject, as well as some others. If you can't get clear communication established you probably have bigger problems than this one.

She scrubs her bush and maybe combs it. She has a bush that would make a psychology major proud. Certainly makes her proud.

I love the term “doable”.

Only angst I felt first time was my honey squirting , she hadn’t ever done it with me before . I soon got my head round the “sensory overload “ she experienced. My other was sucking our guest as she watched .. I worried she would see me as less of a man , she doesn’t and loves seeing that .. she worried I’d not respect her after .. I reassured her I loved her even more ?

Short answer: He loves swinging and having sex with whoever he wants more than he cares for you. Sorry, but from the info given, that is the one conclusion that can be drawn. I consider myself one of the luckiest people in the world because the Ms. and I are swingers. If she, for whatever reason, decided she wanted to stop, I would stop in a second and never look back and still consider myself as one of the luckiest people in the world because of this experience. But what she wants is more important to me than either of us just having sex with other people. Sex is just sex while she is the love of my life. If I were to try to force her to continue in a L/S that she isn't interested in anymore would hurt me probably more than it hurt her...AND it would be disrespectful to her for me to do it. We are a team...if she doesn't want to play this game anymore, then I either need to find a new team mate or stop playing the game (and I'm not willing and don't think it is possible to find another team mate as awesome as she is). Our relationship comes first before everything else. That is not how your partner is. He would rather have sex with just anyone than have a relationship with you. It's not like you are unwilling to play because you are...but it's not enough for him. That doesn't sound loving or caring. I would strongly suggest that you both sit down had have a heart to heart, but his actions don't sound like he places too high of a value on you or the relationship. I could be, hope I am wrong...I can only go on the info provided. I wish you all the luck, but you shouldn't have to 'bend to his will'. This doesn't make you a 'controlling cunt'. Wanting to be shown some love and respect is something everyone is entitled to and should be given, but I don't know if that is something he is able to do. Please let us know how things go.

Sorry, I'm old and body hair is part of the attraction. Bald would mean "not mature" and off limits.

Cliffy strikes again!!

Experienced some DVP this weekend. Our partner was pretty big and he felt very good as I was on top and facing him. After climaxing with him, my husband entered me from behind. As his penis entered, he pushed the bigger dick against the front of my vagina and really stimulated both my deep and shallow spots. The bigger guy didn’t really move much. My husband and partner ejaculated together after some amazing rhythmic pumping and said rubbing the underside of their cocks in me was amazing.

While I have not had your full experience, I am a natural sub and enjoy the names when things get heated up. My boyfriend enjoys showing me off. He bought me a spandex micro tube dress and asks me to wear it with nothing else to a bar and sit on a stool. One that we frequent is crowded and very close quarters -- not room to cross my legs. The act of sitting on a stool is enough to hike the dress enough to expose me. Scott looks on as men beside me get a feel and buy me drinks. I act as though I don't notice or object when they fondle me. When I am sufficiently worked up, I excuse myself and go to our apartment. Scott calls me a slut and other terms reserved for this type behavior, and I enjoy hearing it while I take extra good care of him.

"Look to the next sun, not the last," Monahseetah, Beloved Woman of the Wutapiu Band.

We party with a group that is totally into pegging the guys. We have different sizes dildos to please everyone and all the ladies wear strap-on. We like to do one guy at a time with everyone watching. Love to watch their leaky cocks while we get them off. They also go nuts when we suck suck or jerk them off while they are getting fucked. It’s always fun watching their cocks explode from the p-spot stimulation. The ladies love watching the willing boys who will fuck each other as well.

Thanks again for responding. I love coming back to this thread!

This is why we don't waste a bunch of time with emails and texting. We try to set up dinner or drinks (with no play planned) to see if there is any interest. You will be able to tell more in 5 minutes than an eternity of email and texting. Just to let you know, there will be couples that you are totally into but will not be that into the two of you. Don't take it personally, just move on. It happens. Finding the 'right' couple, especially if you are looking for a four way match, is hard, but it is worth it when it happens. It's a numbers game so meet when everyone seems interested and don't take if personal if after meeting one or more aren't interested. Find the next couple and start again.

All the men I know will give face without question. Any good partner should. I'm a very wet woman if the man isn't swallowing down there he'd drown.

We once met a couple (through another couple we were seeing, we all went out for a day on the lake) where the guy was HUGE. Unfortunately, he seemed to think that size was all that mattered and would just hammer away at his woman, seemingly without caring about her pleasure. He also was rather crass and would touch the other women without asking or permission. Lets just say that we didn't see them again after that. It's not the size of the wand, but the skill of the magician...

went great.....except that we learned that the concrete surface is much rougher around the side of this pool than the one at our old house (which was actually about 35 years newer)....we quickly ended up with some painful red rough spots....we had to use a foam pool float to lay on. that will take a bit of the spontaneity out of things :-(

I think our problem was we found a couple that make great friends socialy but not sexualy. This is a hard line to draw when you meet under the pretence of swinging. You really like the other couple (just not sexualy) and dont want to loose a friendship or hurt any ones fellings. So you go along with a relationship thats just not working at all. Its hard to say can we just be friends to another swinging couple.

I will put my two cents in here on two topics. One, yes, EXPERIENCED couples will do whatever is necessary to make the other couple feel comfortable IF the experienced couple is concerned with the other couples feelings and not out for themselves. And you will run across Both types, those who care and those who dont. As for how could one stop in the heat of a passionate moment? That's what separates People from Dogs. We have ,or should have enough will power and self control to handle the situation. If not , we dont need to be there. If I decide to slow down or stop at any point in a situation and my partner doesn't or tries to force me to continue, He is in for one Hell of a surprise. Not to mention that he has just blown ANY chance of ever being with me again. All limits should be respected, NO MATTER WHAT.