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If she does decide she wants to do it again I would ask her does she want the same guy. In general I recommend a first meeting be just that. It gives the two of you more time to talk about just what you want. It also helps vet the flakes/fakes/freaks. For me what is missing from your scenario is the sense of being seduced. I love two men massaging me at the same time, getting me even more excited. Sounds like when she is having sex with the other man she wants you touching her too.

First, give her time. It sounds like what Adam said and she only did it to please you. Give her time to digest what happened and realize that there are no negatives coming from you. Make sure that she knows that you appreciate her even doing this but that if she doesn't want to do it again, you are fine with that and will not hold it against her. Fix your communication and make sure she knows she can be totally open with you (it sounds like she is holding back to make you happy). She may very well not ever want to do this again...some people are not 'built' for swinging. It could also take awhile and then she may choose to try it again as well, but DON'T pressure her or make her do anything she isn't comfortable with. Let her bring it back up again (if she ever decides to). She gave you a gift, accept it as that and value what she has give you. If she wants to give you another gift is totally up to her.

The impression I get is that your wife did it because you wanted it, and didn't really enjoy it. She said "she would not do it again." Respect that. Tell her if she ever wants to try something like that you'd be happy to, but that you respect her wishes. Don't push, and definitely don't try to 'convince her.'

When playing in a situation with another couple where you are likely to play again, or with a group, where multiple partners and multiple times are likely, do you ever — in between times — go wash up to be fresh for others? This question applies to men and women. It seems like a good idea, we have done it, and wonder what others think and do.

Is this socially acceptable? That is, masturbating oneself - not the other man. I don't have a problem with this but is this ok? I would think so.

Hi everyone - I am very new to this lifestyle. Up until a few weeks ago I had only one experience, with a couple. But recently I participated in a gang bang, and while certain parts of it were great, I came away feeling very uncomfortable about how the woman was treated. It started out fine and quite erotic, and the couple hosting seemed like an everyday couple - but by the time we got to "round 2" the way the woman was treated by her partner/husband/significant other had changed. He wrote "wh" and "re" on her two butt cheeks, and started degrading her verbally. We were told to call her "bitch" or "fucktoy". I get it that some people enjoy being degraded, but if I had known this was going to be what the night was about, I would not have joined in. I have an issue treating anyone like that, especially a woman. (I'm currently going through a separation and while there are tense moments, I couldn't even imagine talking about my ex that way!) I'm curious if this is common in these situations - gangbangs. Is it common in the lifestyle? Is there a way to know before going in? It's been close to 2 weeks, and I still feel badly about it. I feel for her, but mostly I'm disgusted at myself for participating and not speaking up. It's scary how fast and strong the libido, combined with group-mentality will take over.

We prefer to host generally because it makes me more comfortable. We've hosted at home and in hotels alike. When hosting what are your "guidelines"? Do you host as if you are hosting friends & family? Provide a meal or munchies, drinks and mixers? We've never hosted more than another couple, but have always provided even in a hotel. What are your thoughts? We've recently emptied our nest and are hosting at home and thoroughly enjoy not having to travel! Thanks for any feedback!

So, we have been discussing and playing out in our heads before we move forward. Big fantasy for us is FFM threesome. So....condoms. I assume always used for penetration. How do you avoid the awkwardness?? Not to get too graphic but in changing positions, going from one woman to the other, from oral to penetration....I can't imagine that "put it on/take it off" is very sexy. Do you just make vaginal sex with the other person pretty much the last thing to do so that you put it on once? Sorry if its a dumb question....but we are total newbies!!!

I think absolutely, as long as what the husband is doing isn't distracting or done in a way to be taking over her playtime. I love watching her in action, and if the scenario is right, like a threesome where I don't have my own playmate to be focused on, I will quietly masturbate for pleasure and to stay hard for if and when she wants me to join in.

We've never participated in a gangbang, so can't offer any first hand experience there. I can say that like you, I would have felt uncomfortable in that situation too, even if I felt sure that being treated like that was something that I knew she wanted as part of the experience. It's just too far outside of "me" if that makes any sense. Now, if Mrs. cplnuswing wanted that, then I think I could do it just fine, but that's because I know her really well and so wouldn't have any of those qualms regarding: Is this what she wants, or is this what he wants? Is she really enjoying this, or is she just acting that way? Where's the line? This one is maybe a gray area, but I've always thought that the further away you get from the middle of the road on sex, the more incumbent it is on you to make sure that everyone involved is cool with everything and that get done up front, not during or after. Problem there is what is middle of the road for one is plain vanilla or totally over the top for others, so it's kind of a hard call to make. You also ask is this common in swinging, and to that I do have personal experience, and we've never encountered feeling like we were in a situation like that. So, I would take this as sort of an outlier, and use it as a learning experience to try to feel out a scene a little more before getting involved. Swinging encounters that don't go as well as hoped almost always have an element of lacking or missed communication to them, so don't feel bad, it's not uncommon and it happens to nearly everyone at one time or another.

We do facetime swapping quite a bit. We have friends out of state that are totally into it. Fun and safe

This is how it began with us, except she and I fell for each other as well. Now we share a family, including children, along with the boyfriend I already had and another bi woman. I would say it turned out wonderfully.

That would be our choice as well. ..and no, we've never heard of that one.