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Once Mrs. E started getting more comfortable being sexual, she told me that if she'd known what she was missing out on from listening to the nuns in high school, she'd have spent all her time on her hands and knees in the boys' locker room. There are certainly more than a few threesomes and foursomes I never had because I wrongly assumed that the partner I was with was vanilla to their core, rather than looking for someone to give them "permission" to be themselves, and probably a few relationships that melted down because we couldn't be open about what we needed. It happens to everybody. Be glad you got here at all.

Is swinging everything you thought it would be? For me swinging has turned out a lot like learning to fly. Before you are exposed to it you think its quite simple and fits in this neat little box. You start the plane, you throttle up, you pull back on the yoke and take off, you point in the direction you want to go, you push forward on the yoke and slow down, you land, and you turn off the plane. I looked at swinging in a very similar light and I quickly learned that the word nuance just doesn't do it justice. Just like there are hundreds of different aspects to flying a plane that are not immediately obvious there are also hundreds of different aspects to swinging that may or may not come into play. One day I would love to put together a handbook to swinging. It will be a series rules and guidelines and the last one will say "Just go with it any do what makes everyone involved happy" and that rule will supersede every other rule. Just in the 4 months or so of active involvement (we've taken a break while we are moving south) I can tell you that even if I had someone with 30 years experience guiding us through the lifestyle we would still find things that confuse or surprise us. So from a general perspective yes swinging is what I thought it would be. Couples meeting couples and having sex with them. But there is so much more to it and its not nearly as easy as it sounds. Were you looking for friends and can now only find people looking for sex? We were looking for friends and still are. As a couple in our late 30s with no kids all of our friends went off and did the kids route. We've regularly hung out with people about 20 years older than us because it seems that we have jumped ahead by not taking 20 years to have a family and raise kids which is just another path in life. That being said I'm thinking we looked for friends in the wrong places. House parties are not the places to make friends and take it easy. Neither are clubs. When we get back down south we are probably going to look at more drinks and dinners and meet and greets. The anonymous sex just doesn't seem to do it for us. We will do it but it just isn't as fun. We would rather meet a couple for drinks and dinner and then if things clicked go to a house party or club with them. Are you happy with how things have turned out or a bit disappointed in what you have found? Way too soon to answer this question other than I was disappointed to find out how naive I was in entering this thinking it was that simple. See the flying analogy above. Mr. Nomad

You can't change decisions or choices made 20 years ago. We've all made choices that have unintended consequences. In this case it's regret. Don't dwell on it and don't even think about telling your wife about twenty wasted years. She's more or less opening a door, enjoy what comes next.

Last weekend…

I am not surprised to learn your wife has been successful while wearing that attire. But, Nice as her apparel maybe, I expect the success has more to do with the woman wearing the clothes – and what a lovely smile – than the clothing itself.

Now I thought learning to fly would be hard but on my first lesson the instructor said push that knob all the way in and pull up sightly on the wheel. He promised that he would land the plane when the time came...he lied and said something about having a heart attack and 'passed out' (was ignoring my pleas to take over the controls). We lived. Swinging, if you have the tools and knowledge in place can be quite simple as well, the main difference is anyone can learn to fly, not everyone can accept or handle swinging.

"It's always assumed that heterosexual is the 'norm' and all others are not) Why is that?" Heterosexual is the norm because that's what most people do. That of and by itself makes it the norm. Even during the days of the Roman Empire when homo- and bi-sexuality was accepted behavior, the prevalent act was sex between men and women.

Don't waste time looking backwards: learn form yesterday, live for today and prepare for tomorrow. It took awhile for you both to get where you are, in hindsight she SAYS that she would consider swinging, but she may not have done it back then. She seems to be ready and considering it now. Go forward with no expectations and NOT PRESSURE on her. If it happens, it happens. But in moving forward, keep talking and sharing and who knows...good luck and let us know how things go.

Is swinging everything you thought it would be? We came into this not really expecting anything. It was a fantasy that we decided to try and fulfill. That we even have a relationship that is THIS AWESOME is amazing. Swinging is only the sprinkles on top of the sundae, we could have lived without them, but having them there is just a bonus. Are you finding it to be the fun and free lifestyle you thought? Yes. Having friends that you can get naked with or talk about sex with, or have sex with...it's a fantasy that most people have but they never take the steps or effort to achieve. I don't care how close you are to your (vanilla) friends, but you are not going to tell them what amazing thing you did in the bedroom last weekend (or living room, garage, front porch, hood of the car, in the park, etc.). It's great being able to talk about anything to your partner and/or your naughty best friends and not have them be shocked and dismayed. Were you looking for friends and can now only find people looking for sex? No, we only look for people that we are interested in becoming friends with first...the sex is just a bonus that comes afterward Are you happy with how things have turned out or a bit disappointed in what you have found? Overall, happy. It is HARD to find a four way match and takes time and effort, but once you find that match, all the effort is worth it. It may seem to be taking forever, but it IS worth the effort. Bonus question: Where in the Constitution or Bill of Rights does "putting sexual preference up front" get mentioned as a basic right? Amendment I Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. Amendment IX The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. In other words, the rights of the people are not limited to just the rights listed in the Constitution. We are free to do or pursue whatever freedoms we decide to pursue since we are free men and women. It's what makes America great.

Seems more like comparing bananas and peaches....

About 20 years ago, my best friend asked me if my wife and me would be interested in swapping with his wife and him. They had a pool and we had skinny dipped with them but nothing more. Our wives were out at lunch at time and we talked about it for a while. I was interested, but I told him my wife definitely would not be. We had been to Hedo and played together in public, but not with any one else and my wife said she thought swinging was disgusting. So I didn't bring it up with my wife. In the meantime over the years my wife and I have been to Desire several times, and on the last trip to Desire we met a couple we spent quite a bit of time with. They said they weren't swingers, and we told them we weren't either. They lived only a couple hours from us and we've met several times for lunch or dinner. There was no discussion of swapping. We decided a couple weeks ago that we would all go to Desire together this fall. Yesterday, I asked my wife what she would do if he got touchy with her at Desire. I know he has a thing for her and his wife and I flirt a lot, but nothing physical. She said she wouldn't get mad at him or anything, and then said she wouldn't mind it. So I asked her if she wouldn't mind or whether she would actualy like for him to touch her. I could have fallen on the floor when she said she would like it. So for the first time ever we talked openly about swinging. I asked her how far she would go with him and she said she didn't know, that it would all depend on the situation. She asked me how I felt about his wife and I told her that I would like to have sex with her, but wouldn't do it unless she had sex with him. She said that was possible, but she would really have to be in the mood, the timing would have to be right, and she would probably need a few drinks to loosen up. I told her about the conversation with our friend twenty years before (he sadly passed away at an early age a few years ago), and she said she wished I had told her about it, and that if the circumstances were right, she probably would have done it. All I've been able to think about since is twenty wasted years. I had been afraid to ask her. Back then we didn't communicate about sex very much. I don't know what will happen at Desire, but I suspect its going to be fun.

The hotwife is the woman and the cuckold is the man. There is a situation described as cuckqueen. In my opinion, a hotwife situation is where the man in a married relationship willing shares his wife with other men and the wife is a willing participant. A cuckold is a man who is powerless from keeping other men from having sex with his wife. She may degrade him for not stopping other men from having sex with her. She may enjoy humiliating her husband by having sex with other men in front of him. A cuckqueen is a woman who is humiliated by her husband having sex with other women in front of her or with her knowing about it.

That is so hot! My wife once playfully asked me if I'd like to have a football watching party where she is the halftime show for however many men are there. Nice fantasy for us but glad you act on it.

As a single guy in the lifestyle well into his 30s I'm envious of the guys who get to meet you Oz. I remember the days of being a boy toy. Oh how I miss them

Politician.

Pope

Look what I found! I took this photo one night just before our playmates arrived. She had on a long black skirt when she answered the door but I liked it better like this. It came off in one motion. Grrrrr. Alura