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We've decided that we'll play until people ask us NOT to get naked. I fully expect that won't happen until we're deep into our 70's. This is what 61 looks like….

For Connie and I, monogamy was the name of the game for most of our 40 years as a couple. During those years we were occupied with things best managed, for us, as a closed couple, raising children , running a family business, managing our homestead. In our sixties now, our nest is empty, the business is gradually becoming a pastime more than a necessity, and the long paid for the yard is being allowed to return to nature We have time redirect our course and open things up. The trust , honesty , and openness that made the first 40 tears a success are now coming into play. ( For those keeping count that pun is intended) We tend to gravitate to other couples that are driven by similar desires. For us that is not so much raw sex. We are quite enough for each other in that area. What we want is open, friendship with other successful marriages, that has everything including sex as a possibility. At least for us the pair bonding part of this does play an important part in what we perceive to be "swinging" We have only one longstanding relationship with a non-partnered person. "For everything there is a season and a time for every purpose..." that sums it up nicely.

This has evolved over time. The first few months or so that we were swinging, it was always together, always same room. She had enjoyed swinging, but still wasn't really sure it was her thing. then, we had a foursome (MMMF), and one of the other guys absolutely did it for her. She was over the moon having sex with him, and could not get enough. When we got back to the car, she said "Ok, now I'm a swinger!" She was incredibly enthusiastic and wanted to fuck him again. A few days later, just such an opportunity arose, but I could not go; she would have to play alone with him. We talked quite a bit, and decided she should go. I certainly didn't want to deny her playing with this guy, knowing how much she had enjoyed him the first time. I was a basket of nerves through it all. Following from that, things slowly evolved more. Now, my wife plays more often without me than with me, but we always make love when she comes home, and I always know in advance who she is with and where, plus we always have an agreed upon time when she will be coming home. Over the years, she has had a couple of boyfriends with whom she had regularly played. With a boyfriend, she's generally filling all his sexual needs, and thus it's not often convenient that I can go with her when he's wanting to have sex with her. In both cases, she's developed feelings for them. In one, she was feeling an increasing sense of love for him, but his work circumstance changed and he's moved away. We're ok with repeatedly playing with the same people, and even with feelings developing. We're always in communication with each other, ensuring our relationship remains solid. We're not actively seeking a poly style relationship, but aren't averse to it developing. We both feel that sex is better as emotions become closer. In the event that she were to find some guy that made her thighs quiver, she would tell me first. I would be ok with her going off with him without seeing her first, but we would have to communicate first. Doing it and telling me later is absolutely not going to happen. She has a free pass to do that with exactly one person whom she has wanted for years but is not available (and we're not approaching him about it). I have such a pass with one person as well, but it's not going to happen either. In the secondly case, as you can surmise from the above, she can play solo if she likes. We prefer MFM first, but depending on the situation solo can be first.

Brand new to the lifestyle. Looking for a single male. This is proving to be a little challenging. Any I've spoken to have been very rude/crude. There seems to be a total lack of respect. My question is....are there any respectful single men on here or am I just wasting my time? Should I just stick to married men? Thanks.

In the topic on "Has swinging evolved" I read this comment... So now I have to ask the rest of you. Is swinging everything you thought it would be? Are you finding it to be the fun and free lifestyle you thought? Were you looking for friends and can now only find people looking for sex? Are you happy with how things have turned out or a bit disappointed in what you have found?

You're a good story teller, Alura.

This is extremely gratifying, most of the respondents feel much like I do. The turn on, thrill, pleasure has several facets, but the most prominent reason we want to watch is because of our deep caring for our wives. That seems to me one of the best damn reasons for non-monogamy. I have almost gotten used to the polite, supportive and intelligent conversations on this site, versus some of the ugly stuff you see elsewhere, but when so many of the husbands here abandon the possessive, jealous, grasping, demanding behavior that we often see in the vanilla world (maybe all over?) in favor of a different strategy. Our wives/SOs get to explore and expand their pleasure activities with not only the approval, but the encouragement of the one they go home with. Their most important guy. My wife sometimes complains a bit about how much work is required to "break in" a new partner--"No, don't pinch and twirl my nipples like you're tuning in the BBC, gentle please." "I am multi-O, very quick to achieve one. Don't be a pussy." "Yeah, oral is ok once in a while, but what I really want is to be filled up...and then filled up." You get the picture. Thanks to all so far who have supported the position posited above--we want the best for our wives.

I had never read it, and as you know I've been on this board for years. I just LOVED reading it! That sort of thing to me is a little slice of heaven.

Monogamy in its most basic form with everything else stripped away is (IMHO) to provide a stable environment to raise children (and is the same reason for marriage). It assures that there would be someone whose primary duties are to raise the child and someone whose primary duties is to help provide food and shelter. Everything else put aside, this is it. If either the man and/or the woman is sleeping around with, well, anyone and everyone, then they won't feel as attached or responsible to any children that result. These days, with the aid of modern medicine and contriception, children can be more of a choice than a surprise (please leave your personal beliefs at the forum door, I'm just trying to post facts and not personal preferences). Take children out of the equation and other than personal insecurities, what is the purpose of marriage or monogamy (as long as your partner knows that this is the case)? Even in the Old Testament, having multiple wives was perfectly accepted. Even the New Testament doesn't condemn polygamy (or homosexuality either, but most people don't want you to figure that out). It wasn't until Romans developed larger cities that monogamy became the accepted norm (see Monogamy isn't biblical, its Roman) even though the Romans were celebrated for their bath houses and brothels. Now that the world is becoming 'more tolerant' of every type of sexual identity, it is only a matter of time before people begin to question the concept of monogamy. I believe that in the next 10-20 years it will become more accepted into society as these questions arise. The main thing holding it back is the amount of honesty and trust that a couple must have to consider taking that step into polygamy. As that trust and communication a couple has increases, it will not only open the door to polygamy, it will (once again, IMHO) improve and strengthen the total relationship regardless to how many are involved.

Thanks for this reference Billy G. I did find this article from 2015 quite interesting. It’s a good brief definition of terms and a quick overview of the writer’s perspective on where society is today. For those here on the board who have never read any of Helen Fisher‘s work I recommend her book “Why We Love“. It’s a look at why from our days as hunter/gathers, men & women tend to bond with one another and then with the passage of a few years sexual interest wanes, creating an incentive for both parties to develop other romantic and sexual interests. (And while Fischer doesn’t address the generation of attraction and its subsequent diminution between same-sex couples, I suspect that evolution has given the same mechanisms to gay people as to straights.) In summary, Fischer theorizes that reproductive interests and the selfish gene worked to program individuals selection of appropriate partners. And further that after the passage of the approximate time it takes a child to require only one parent‘s supervision, that same evolutionary heritage caused the eyes of both parents to begin to wander. Fisher partially addresses the implications of our genetically-influenced behavioral predispositions for people in today’s very different cultural environment and the inevitably that conflicts will arise. But she is coy about suggesting solutions. If I may paraphrase she says “It’s a tough deal dear reader and you’ll just have to figure it out for yourself.“ My theory is that in the case of many couples involved in the lifestyle — whether the reasons are available to their awareness or not — swinging is an adaptive way of reconciling those unavoidable conflicts between other-directed sexual desire and the social, emotional and economic benefits that accrue to couples with long enduring relationships. I see a good deal of evidence of this right here on the swingers board. It’s so frequent to read comments about how swinging refreshes a couple’s relationship sexually and brings them closer together emotionally. https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0805069135/geneexpressio-20/102-3024772-7446528?%5Fencoding=UTF8&camp=2025&link%5Fcode=xm2

About 20 years ago, my best friend asked me if my wife and me would be interested in swapping with his wife and him. They had a pool and we had skinny dipped with them but nothing more. Our wives were out at lunch at time and we talked about it for a while. I was interested, but I told him my wife definitely would not be. We had been to Hedo and played together in public, but not with any one else and my wife said she thought swinging was disgusting. So I didn't bring it up with my wife. In the meantime over the years my wife and I have been to Desire several times, and on the last trip to Desire we met a couple we spent quite a bit of time with. They said they weren't swingers, and we told them we weren't either. They lived only a couple hours from us and we've met several times for lunch or dinner. There was no discussion of swapping. We decided a couple weeks ago that we would all go to Desire together this fall. Yesterday, I asked my wife what she would do if he got touchy with her at Desire. I know he has a thing for her and his wife and I flirt a lot, but nothing physical. She said she wouldn't get mad at him or anything, and then said she wouldn't mind it. So I asked her if she wouldn't mind or whether she would actualy like for him to touch her. I could have fallen on the floor when she said she would like it. So for the first time ever we talked openly about swinging. I asked her how far she would go with him and she said she didn't know, that it would all depend on the situation. She asked me how I felt about his wife and I told her that I would like to have sex with her, but wouldn't do it unless she had sex with him. She said that was possible, but she would really have to be in the mood, the timing would have to be right, and she would probably need a few drinks to loosen up. I told her about the conversation with our friend twenty years before (he sadly passed away at an early age a few years ago), and she said she wished I had told her about it, and that if the circumstances were right, she probably would have done it. All I've been able to think about since is twenty wasted years. I had been afraid to ask her. Back then we didn't communicate about sex very much. I don't know what will happen at Desire, but I suspect its going to be fun.

I've written before about Laura's experience. Sorry to bore those who have aready read about it. I was a motorcycle industry sales rep, calling on customers in a five-state area. I came home from Oklahoma City to the remark, "I met a guy who wants to fuck me, Darling." She snuggled her nude body closer. Every man she ever met wanted to fuck her, in my opinion. We had decided during our first date that a marriage spent "cleaving only unto each other," would get boring. "That's not surprising, Sweetheart. Have you had an adventure?" "Not yet, but I want to if it's okay with you. Richard is soft-spoken, has a nice smile, and he's a muscled hunk! If I were single, I'd do him in a heartbeat. He asked me to dinner." "I assume you said 'yes'. When do you want it to happen?" She kissed me long and hard (so to speak) and whispered, "I think next Thursday. That way, I'll still have his cum in my pussy on Friday. You can mix yours with Richard's when you get back from Dallas while I whisper the story into your ear. Put me in the mood to commit adultery, Darling." My trip to Dallas was unusually productive. Dealers were stocking up for the coming season. I was beaming all the time. One buyer asked why I was so jovial. I blamed it on the beautiful late-spring weather. Laura and I talked every evening when I was on the road. That week was heavy with "Project: Fuck Richard" plans. We didn't talk on Thursday, fearing it might interrupt them in "mid-fuck". I watched a movie in my hotel room about a Texas couple who met as competitive wildcatters. I rushed through my appointments and finished on Friday morning. All right, I admit to not making any cold calls. I arrived home in time for a candlelight dinner, and a wife wearing a new negligee. "Did you wear that with Richard, Sweetheart?" "I bought it today for you, wore an old one for Richard. I'm so lucky being married to you, Darling. You're about to be welcomed by a grateful and very well-lubricated pussy. Tell me about Dallas at dinner first." Dinner didn't take long.

As long as I feel it’s safe, and she tells me beforehand, I say go have fun.and hopefully multiple orgasms!

Who my wife plays with is up to her. From my standpoint, for her safety, I would want to know before hand who it is, and where. I would want him to know that I was aware.

Watching and being watched is one of the reasons I got into the lifestyle and stay in the lifestyle. The thrill of being watched especially has never worn off.

I am not trying to be a smart ass but please tell me where this went bad. You are using your wife and this other guy to fulfill your cuckold fantasy. Sounds like it went well for you. I used to be a long term play partner for a couple just like you. He would arrange all of these cuckold situations for me and the wife to act out. At times he would leave the two of us alone when I came to visit them in their home, other times I was invited over to their home while he was at work, and I was even allowed to spend the weekend with her once when they were on vacation but he returned home. Eventually, this created problems for the three of us. The wife and I became really good friends and I started viewing it as more of a poly dynamic than anything else. Especially since I ended up becoming one of his close friends and they started involving me in their personal affairs. However, as the relationship progressed I noticed that the husband would exert his position of power as her husband whenever he started to feel uncomfortable. He was never willing to travel to me or allow her to travel to see me alone. If I bought her sexy clothes she would not wear them for fear of disappointing him. If I invited the two of them to go to events with me he always said no and being the good wife that she was she would rarely opt to do anything unless he said yes. I put an end to the relationship because I was fully aware that the husband was using me to fulfill his cuckold fantasies but was unwilling to admit to his wife what his true intentions were. She had told me and a friend that she was no longer romantically attracted to her husband but didn't have the courage to tell him. Also, she told me that many of the men she had been with were because she wanted to be a good wife to her husband but given the choice she wouldn't have had sex with them. The whole situation became very uncomfortable and awkward for me. The point I am trying to make is one that has already been stated. Be careful what you ask for.

Yeah you are right it was not. We since have tried it again and all involved were very satisfied.

Uhhhhh.......that was not a threesome. That was a "cuckold thing". In a threesome, one is not verbally degraded, nor is one pushed away by his partner while she verbalizes her preference for the other male. If that's what you're into, great! But let's not characterize this as a typical threesome..... T

Be careful what you wish for!

Yikes...that's not something I would enjoy seeing my wife do, but I suppose people are into it.