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We've decided that we'll play until people ask us NOT to get naked. I fully expect that won't happen until we're deep into our 70's. This is what 61 looks like….

Wow! Just...WOW!

He knew you were married with a family. He kissed you, and sucked your breasts anyway. You resisted. He didn't take no for an answer. Even a slapped face did not dissuade him. That's not "naughty". That's sexual assault. He's a cheater (with you), and he will cheat ON you. The question as to whether to stay with a man who cheats (not a lifestyle action by any means) and commits sexual assault should be obvious. Sorry for the dose of reality. I'm not usually this direct. However, this is a situation with more red-flags than a construction zone. T

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Bumping this thread, Jorik. It's been a good discussion. Oklahoma, in the meantime, has legalized Medical Marijuana, but not recreational use. In order to get a license, one must visit a doctor who will make a recommendation to OMMA that the patient be issued a license. Fee is $150.00. No doctor's prescription is required, nor any medical use specified. Printed on the back of one's license are the amounts of pot the patient can possess: 1. Possess up to three (3) ounces of marijuana on their person. 2. Possess six (6) marijuana plants. 3. Possess six (6) seedling plants. 4. Possess one (1) ounce of concentrated marijuana. 5. Possess seventy-two (72) ounces of edible marijuana, AND 6. Possess up to eight (8) ounces of marijuana in their residence. I don't remember how much tax money the state has collected. It's substantial. Before the law was passed, Oklahoma was LAST in teacher pay in our seven-state area (contiguous borders, Texas, New Mexico, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri and Arkansas.) Now we're about to be first. Teachers who left the state because of low pay are returning. Money is being directed to repairing our infrastructure. Medical Marijuana "Dispensaries" have sprung up all over the state (There is no county option.) All are faring well and more licenses are pending. Marijuana is a major ingredient in a lot of Native American medicine people's preparations, used before the invasion (and, in some cases, still). The Cheyenne say that Mother Earth and Father Sky have provided cures for all illnesses. We only need to find them.

My wife and I would not be able to count using all of our fingers and toes the number of messages received from male members of Web sites like SLS that say in some way or another, "I really like older women." My profound suspicion is that these are the guys that have been turned down by women of their own age and subsequently come up with the idea that old women will be easy pickings.

Same with us. In some circumstances, "I love you's" are exchanged, in the heat of passion and when saying goodbye. It's natural and doesn't bother me at all. I actually prefer that a man cares for my wife. It's ironic that people who are swingers are so open and even enjoy seeing their spouse have sex with others in every possible way, but a little emotion, a little caring, is taboo.

Recently on Family Feud the question came up of "What do you not want to walk in on your grandparents doing". #1 was having sex of course. It's hard to imagine a 92 year old getting it up long enough and hard enough. Behold the wonders of chemistry. "Talk to your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for sex". Me, I'd rather die doing it I know, beyond almost any doubt, that my mother-in-law isn't a swinger. It's more like very sexually liberated. She's almost always a serial monogamist, but the partnerships have been frequent. No, my wife hasn't fallen far from the tree at all. Her ability to prosper and succeed in a long term relationship is orders of magnitude superior to my mother-in-law's thankfully. But sexually, she's cut from the same cloth. She loves sex, loves men, loves cum, loves having multiple partners. When we first met and later got married, non-monogamy was absolutely out of the question. I'd briefly been part of a poly triad, and my wife was very unaccepting of that. She felt the wife I was having a relationship with was cheating on her husband, even though I was friends with the husband too and everyone knew what was going on and everyone agreed. My wife couldn't accept it at all. I never brought up the subject of swinging; it wasn't something I was seeking. Then one day, my wife noted how awesome it would be to have more than one man give her a massage at the same time (she absolutely loves receiving massage). I was floored. That started the discussion ball rolling, and ~half a year later, we were swingers. That awoke the sexual (good) beast in her, and she's never looked back. She was always great in bed, a true delight to make love with. It wasn't like she was cold before or anything. But getting into swinging took her sex to a whole other level. So one Thanksgiving we've got 17 people sitting around the dinner table and... :) My mother-in-law is absolutely completely not shy talking about sex. My wife knows everything about her sex life. She's just an open book about her sexual encounters. It's not bragging, nothing like that. She's just happy to talk about it. Honestly, it's refreshing.

shy-couple and Icmim are right on. Think foreplay - think erotic not porn - think about her as a goddess not a prostitute who deserves your attention and thank her for it. I'd suggest you both take her on a date. Dinner/picnic, dancing, drinks, walking and flirting. Don't charge ahead to the end, take your time. As they say, "It's the journey not the destination". One great evening we had as a MFM interaction started with a drink then dinner, her between us, flirting. She would touch/tease us under the table, she'd invite us to touch her. No one knew except the three of us. So, we all looked proper to outsiders, but under the table she was rubbing our cocks in our pants and we were feeling her thighs and warm pussy all the while caring on a conversation, flirting and enjoying getting to know each other. It was a secret between three people, it was exciting and the secret aspect made it so much hotter. We then went dancing, where the other patrons couldn't quite figure out what we were, two men and a sexy lady. She warmed up, began to kiss us each on the dance floor. It didn't go unnoticed and at some point a couple of guys asked her about it. By then she was very hot and told them we were her toys and she was going to fuck us both later that night. The guys were dumbfounded. She was in control. She set the pace. She spilled the 'secret'. We did just as she said and the evening was truly incredible for all involved. But, even if we had not ended up in bed, the evening would have been a success. The journey was wonderful, enjoyable and erotic. Totally satisfying.

From our perspective a MFM threesome is a dance with three partners. When it works well each of the two guys can dance with the lady and around the current MF coupling with out the M's disrupting the fun. All the while the lady, and remember that is exactly what she is, is treated to slow, sensuous and earnest stimulation. The M's NEED to be aware and responsive to the lady's reactions and to each others actions. Take your time. Allow her to direct as much as she wants. You as the males only respond to her pleasure. It is NOT about you. Believe me this will have its own rewards for you guys, but they should spring from her imagination not your scene management.

Who my wife plays with is up to her. From my standpoint, for her safety, I would want to know before hand who it is, and where. I would want him to know that I was aware.

When you say happened about a man that really turned her on in a vanilla situation and make love, that sounds more along the lines of boyfriend/relationship. Some folks are into that type of situation and some are not. My wife and I enjoy fucking other people, we only make love to each other. That being said, obviously it’s a lot of fun when you find a play partner very attractive.

A lesbians is born as a lesbian. A gay man is born as a gay man. A bisexual person is born as a bisexual person. A transgender person is born as one gender but after realizing they are inside a different gender, make a change. A swinger was not born as a swinger. But in another sense, all of us were born as swingers. Getting past or getting around the social convention called monogamy makes a swinger. A swinger is not a member of the so-called LGBT-Q community.

I’d let her, and you also, let the whole experience register. Think about what you liked/disliked and have your wife do the same. Sit down, pour yourselves a drink or two and have a long talk. You’ll know by the end of the chat whether to try again or pack it up and revisit it in the future or never again. Our first experience was also a MFM, much easier to find than couples or unicorns. We decided we wanted to try the lifestyle and didn’t have that first experience for another 6 months. We read everything we could to prepare, including plenty of threads on this board. Being semi prepared was a huge help. Met a guy on sls, wife kik’d with him for a couple weeks and we decided to meet at a hotel. Met at the hotel bar to make sure he was who he said he was, 15 minutes of small talk and headed to his room. Really wasn’t too awkward, we knew why we were going there. Within 10 seconds of entering the room he was making out with my wife. We took turns kissing and undressing her while we undressed ourselves. He got in the bed and she started blowing him, I took her from behind. We switched back and forth a few times with her taking turns blowing us and taking the other from the back. I came first and he came about 5 minutes later. Wife went to the bathroom to clean up and get dressed, came out, gave a goodnight kiss, he said thank you and we were on our way. Whole episode in the room was about an hour and a half start to finish. We talked about it right away, but we had the long talk a couple days later. Came to the conclusion that this is something we equally enjoy. It’s the ultimate team sport! If the two of you aren’t on the same page it’s probably best to hold off until you are.

Please see above short answer: Short answer: He loves swinging and having sex with whoever he wants more than he cares for you. Sorry, but from the info given, that is the one conclusion that can be drawn. Even you have come to the same conclusion: All the additional information only clouds the issue. Lets see, he is still having sex with other women, but he's only looking for women that he has zero attachment to??? Including married women??? Bottom line: It's the same question. Is he treating you with the respect and love you deserve or is he TELLING you that you need to do things and let him do things you don't agree with or enjoy? Is it possible to love and want someone who just isn't ever going to be able to give you what you need? Yes, but that doesn't mean he will ever give you what you need or deserve. Wishing that someone was different will never make them so any more than wishing for a million dollars. Does it hurt...does it suck...yes it does, but better to hurt now than waste years only to come to the same conclusion only then having to wish you had that time back. You deserve better, go out and find it.

I wouldn't allow myself to be in your position nor would I allow myself to put anyone on that position. I do not see you acting as a couple.What I see is Tom acting as a single and you swinging in the breeze. But that is just me and my opinion. What matters is you and your decision.

"I’ll be frank- there is still a part of me that totally agrees with all of you. Doesn’t fucking matter what our living situation is! We either respect my boundaries and allow me to catch up on my own time (within reason and with effort), or we’re not actually a team- which doesn’t bode well for our future. " So you are obviously old enough and experienced enough to make up your own mind. You have allowed yourself to get into a very complicated situation. Thinking ahead a bit: When your children reach maturity will you and your husband divorce? If you do can you imagine yourself being happy permanently in whatever life that you will be likely to have with Tom? If so then take the risk and whatever the fallout it brings. If no then leave now and leave Tom to his life. If I were in a similar situation then I would extricate myself quickly. I would never put someone else in the situation that you are in.

Gold is entirely correct. To put it more bluntly, if your relationship and feelings are not primary with him than you're just another fuck, albeit one that he may "like" a bit more than the next strange piece. It's clearly not love. If it was, your feelings and needs would rank a lot higher than sniffing out the next roll in the hay. You may continue along this path with him but it will end badly for you. I'd suggest that you cut your losses and move on. It'll hurt but the hurt will be way less than you'll have if you invest another 6-12 months of YOUR love in this relationship.

Short answer: He loves swinging and having sex with whoever he wants more than he cares for you. Sorry, but from the info given, that is the one conclusion that can be drawn. I consider myself one of the luckiest people in the world because the Ms. and I are swingers. If she, for whatever reason, decided she wanted to stop, I would stop in a second and never look back and still consider myself as one of the luckiest people in the world because of this experience. But what she wants is more important to me than either of us just having sex with other people. Sex is just sex while she is the love of my life. If I were to try to force her to continue in a L/S that she isn't interested in anymore would hurt me probably more than it hurt her...AND it would be disrespectful to her for me to do it. We are a team...if she doesn't want to play this game anymore, then I either need to find a new team mate or stop playing the game (and I'm not willing and don't think it is possible to find another team mate as awesome as she is). Our relationship comes first before everything else. That is not how your partner is. He would rather have sex with just anyone than have a relationship with you. It's not like you are unwilling to play because you are...but it's not enough for him. That doesn't sound loving or caring. I would strongly suggest that you both sit down had have a heart to heart, but his actions don't sound like he places too high of a value on you or the relationship. I could be, hope I am wrong...I can only go on the info provided. I wish you all the luck, but you shouldn't have to 'bend to his will'. This doesn't make you a 'controlling cunt'. Wanting to be shown some love and respect is something everyone is entitled to and should be given, but I don't know if that is something he is able to do. Please let us know how things go.

Hi, We are new to the lifestyle and wanted to share our experiences (nobody else to report to ) We are based out of Seattle and have been going to Sapphire. Love the atmosphere, very laid back, clean, and nice people all around. We aren't into playing with other couples. We primarily go to watch and be watched. Wife loves to wear sexy, skimpy clothes and is rather attractive! We love to dance giving everyone a glimpse of her rack, booty, and just having a good time overall. The play rooms are really nice and clean. We like to have some sex and don't mind others watching. Initially, we went to a semi-private room with curtains open.. And just last time, went to a shared play room with few other parties having fun.. One weekend, there was one gentleman (visiting from out of state) who had a really good conversation with us. We didn't know he couldn't get to the play areas as a single male and had to be accompanied there. Also, wife is rather shy. While she likes to show off and tease, she doesn't necessarily engage. Also we haven't been exposed to situations like this and so quite frankly didn't know how to react. We've been there a few times now and love it... A fun, "don't care" atmosphere where everyone's having fun. Guys and gals give my wife a lot of compliments! she enjoys that. Nobody has ever touched or behaved out of the norm. Very impressed with that. A few casual rubs in the dance floor and we dont mind it and it was nothing more than at the night club.. more opportunistic and due to "crowd" than creepy.. not sure what else to share... so many questions still Is it ok to go to only watch and be watched? I know for a fact that the wife entertains a few by her looks and teasing outfits Love to hear your thoughts, suggestions, anything

There s a huge difference between hasn't done and refuses to do. If my wife stumbled into something that we hadn't yet tried, then good for her, and probably me in the near future. If it was something that she denies me, I probably would be bothered a lot. There would be a LONG conversation about that.

Whew! I'm so grateful for all of your posts, as I learned so much leading up to our first time. All I can say is, what on earth took me so long!? My partner and I are a relatively new couple, only 4 years in, but we've known each other on and off since we were children. He has been in the lifestyle for 20 years, but has been monogamish with me since we've been together. It became very clear, very early on, that he would prefer for us to have a sexually diverse future together. Having just come out of a poly marriage, I was hesitant. I mean, I had every excuse in the book. I had no interest in another cock, I had no interest in eating pussy, I was slightly terrified that it would tear us apart like it did my marriage, that I couldn't handle it, that my cellulite is gross, that we were too early on in our relationship, that we would contract some horrific STD, that I would burst into tears mid-fuckery...all of it. We're so spoiled rotten with the hot sex that we have daily, why, WHYYYY did we need to do this!? He gently listened through all the freakouts, while still encouraging me to manage our AFF account and 'just talk to people'. So in the end, it was me who ended up making the plans. Smart man, keeping his ass in line so nothing could come back on him if it went poorly~ ha! We live in a very small town, with no clubs available, so we ended up planning a weekend at a hotel with perfect strangers. While they were lovely, it did not exactly go smoothly~ an unexpected STD reveal, the dreaded ED, and my not being terribly attracted to the guy even though he was super sweet, intelligent and attractive. That said, it was hot. Having someone have sex on the same bed as us, us women playing, and quite frankly, to see my man with another woman was out of control sexy. To add all sorts of whipped cream on top, the woman joined us on her own the following day which was...oh my. Anywho~ what I learned is this. I am desperately in love with this man, and he is hopelessly in love with me. Now that we have officially begun swinging, I can say with the utmost certainty that we are even stronger. To be able to express our desires without fear, to push past hurdles with clear communication, and to truly be on the same team is so fucking cool. I felt so cared for during our time with this other couple. His glances at me, checking in. The squeeze of my hand while he was passionately kissing another woman...and oh dear god the sex we've had for days afterwards. I'm sure there are all sorts of nightmare stories, and we are lucky to have had a great first experience. I do have to say, I am damn proud of myself for deciding to jump in. It has awoken a part of me that I didn't realize existed. It has enriched my relationship with my partner, and opened up a whole new world of passion and desire. Because hell if any of us should deny ourselves conscious and respectful pleasure. The only reason not to, is fear. Fuck fear.

Phew!!! I was worried that I could be considered a "cuckold" because I encourage my hot wife to enjoy other men. Humiliation is certainly not my thing. I don't understand the feelings, but watching my wife ride and a suck a dick is one of the most exciting experiences of my life. Seeing him turned on by her, she by him, his dick hard, her pussy dripping wet, their guttural moans and dirty talk and then the joyous climax of both. I am SO glad we tried this a few years ago. It's amazing how it's changed our lives.

My dictionary defines "cuckold" as the husband of an unfaithful wife. It comes from the habit of the cuckoo, a bird who lays her eggs in the nest of other birds, who then feed the chicks. The term doesn't really follow, does it? A "hotwife" is not unfaithful, in that her husband knows about her exploits and encourages them. She does not belittle him, rather, she is careful to tell her husband how much more she prefers him to any other man, but enjoys the excitement and fun of extramarital sex. They usually plan her adventures together. A "cuckold" is a husband who may or may not know about his wife's dalliances (until she tells him) but does not encourage them. In fact, he may resent it very much but endures the situation because of his inner need to be humiliated. She usually belittles him when telling about her actions. There is a big difference. That's my opinion.

Ahem? Tokin' Grateful Dead reference?

Pot is illegal because it is politically expedient to keep it that way. Politicians and law enforcement get to look tough on crime for arresting people for minor possession while real criminals are left to run wild. It really is that simple.