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We had a similar issue early on. Each of us making a reasonable assumption, just not the same one. We learned from that experience that when something goes sideways to say something right off as soon as we are alone and then talk it through. Our take away from our misstep is that we each need to be absolutely clear that neither will ever intentionally hurt the other. When missteps occur, and they will, clarification is the answer, not anger or jealousy, or taking offense .

I first brought up the subject of gong to a club about 3 weeks ago. I never thought about it at all until a guy that works at the local club kept calling a local radio station offering he the DJs free admission. So one night on a regular date night after a few glasses of whisky I asked the wife, who is an avid reader of romantic fiction, “what is the hottest thing you’re read in your books?” She proceeded to tell me about all the MFM and swapping she’s read, and that it turned her on. There was my opening. I told her about the calls to the station and said it might be fun to go check out. She was all in. Fast forward to last Friday. We were offered an unexpected babysitter for Saturday night and we accepted. When we woke up Saturday morning we had the same conversation we usually do on a date day. What do you want to do? What do you want to eat? Where do you want to go? After doing normal everyday chores, I finally said “let’s go check out that club” She said “Thank God. I wanted to say it but didn’t know how you would react”. The plan was set in motion. I found a restaurant within a couple miles of the club and made reservations. Once at the restaurant, we had a long talk about what we thought we’d expect. What the rules of engagement were going to be and what the limits were. All said and done we agreed that we would go have a few drinks and watch. We love to people watch in everyday life anyway. Finally 9 o’clock comes and we enter the club. It was nice. Bar area was dimly light and quiet enough for conversation. Since we arrived at opening time and because it was our first time we were given a pretty extensive tour by the hostess, deliver our drinks of choice to the bar and had a seat. At first we kept to ourselves as I’m sure most do in this situation. After about 45 minutes we were approached by a couple a bit older then us (wife is 40 I’m 47) who had obviously had too much to drink. The female kept asking my wife to dance and she finally agreed. The husband started talking to me about his work and asked what I did. We had a little more small talk and the women came back. We made our exit as we weren’t really interested in talking with a drunk couple all night. We sat in the upstairs public area and watched as other couples started to file into the semi private areas. Some pulled the blackout curtains closed. Most only the sheer but a couple left the curtains open. This was our very first exposure to the lifestyle. People having sex, great sex, without worry of shame or embarrassment. We were hooked. It wasn’t long before we decided to five it a run. At first we were nervous. What would people say when they saw us? I’m a big guy (6’4 255lbs with a few extra pounds) my wife is a beautiful 5’9 185 and we both have a bit of body shame. We climbed in the bed pulled the sheer curtains and undressed. We were both super excited. This is crazy we said, but fuck it. Let’s do it. It wasn’t long before we didn’t even realize that people were there. And in a matter of minutes we opened the curtains all the way. Was this what we have been missing out on all our lives ( we’ve been married 18 years and together 22)? It was amazing. We finished got dressed and left the room. We made our way to the theater and found a seat near the open beds. We poured another drink and struck up a conversation with another couple. They were very friendly and sober. Our conversation was pleasant and soon turned to if we had been to the club or any club before. Both answers were “no” then we were asked if we had been approached by anyone yet. We said not really and told them of the previous couple. They then said that they were going to the couches in the theater area and that there was plenty of room. We were a bit apprehensive but said what’s the hell. We’re here, let’s see what happens. We followed to the theater where they took a couch and us the couch behind. There was open playing on the TVs and we watched as the other couple started. We still couldn’t believe what was happening and after about 15 minutes in the theater they announced they were going to a room. My wife asked if we could watch and they agreed. Then all the planning, thinking, worrying and anxiety went right out the window. As luck would have it the bed next to them was open. My wife and I climbed in and undressed. We opened the curtain between our beds and watched as the other couple engaged in oral and moved on from there. We couldn’t help it. My wife started giving me a blowjob to end all blowjobs. There we were. In a room with another couple having sex. Within what seemed like seconds the other wife asked if she could touch my wife. We agreed. My wife asked me if she could suck the husband and everyone agreed. Then the other wife said if my a wife got to blow her husband it was only fair that she sucked me. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? 2 hours earlier we were just going to watch. Now here we are in a soft swap with total strangers. It was beyond a doubt the most exciting thing we have ever done as a couple. It was so mind blowing for us that you couldn’t have knocked the smoke off our faces with a 2x4 yesterday. It seems odd to say but the experience has brought us closer together as a couple. There was no jealousy which was my wife’s biggest concern. There was freedom and love between us unlike any we have had before. We don’t know if we were just lucky this first time out or if it’s normal but we can’t wait to find out. There is much more to the story but I’ve droned on long enough. Sorry for the length of the post but I had to tell someone and this isn’t something you can share with your coworkers.

You are spot on - we have all been the4e but at the end of the day we know we are together. It's very easy to get completely caught up in the moment and in your own pleasure - and in those moments should you stop? I have seen my husband many times in completely hedonistic situations where it is very clear he is getting every need met - should he stop just because I'm getting a bit short changed in that moment? Should I have to stop because two men are taking me and their wives don't seem interested in me? We say no and understand that selfish moments are going to happen and we need to roll with it.

The first time my wife and I went to a swingers club, many years ago, we also had the problem of not actually communicating what we wanted and what our limits were. As a result, we also made some mistakes. It happens. Understand that what happened here is a communication problem. The obvious stuff, the common sense stuff... those things are called assumptions and, to quote Samuel L Jackson, everyone knows that when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and 'umption. Before you go back to the club, you need to clearly define your boundaries. Talk about all the assumptions, all the obvious things... because they aren't obvious. Set some hard limits, maybe a lot of them. You can always scale them back later. My other advice might be harder... forgive her. Did she mess up? Maybe, certainly she hurt your feelings but she didn't do it intentionally. If anything, she was trying to please you and she simply didn't understand the limit that you didn't tell her about. Was the other guys disrespectful? I think so, yes. It's unfortunate, but such guys exist everywhere and the Lifestyle has it's fair share. That isn't your wife's fault, it's his. Be honest, talk it through, communicate your limits and forgive her. The first time is always hard. It can get better.

All of this post is valid except the notion that only women suffer consequences of HPV infection. In a conversation yesterday with a friend who is a physician and former health official, he noted that HPV vies with smoking as the greatest causes of oral cancer. That deadly disease of course affects both men and women.

I agree with those who have posted about HPV. The unfortunate thing is it really only impacts women. Men infect women but they themselves never really know because of a lack of a test for them. Time for that to change. Lol HPV is highly sexually transmittable and 90% of us, men and women will get it. But only women will get cervical cancer. It is a terribly scary thing to go through as a woman to be told you have an abnormal pap and go through the weeks of wondering and testing to find out. Condoms don’t prevent it but lessens the risk. Oral, genital touching and penetration all can give you HPV. My sister just went through the nightmare and knows I am in the lifestyle she was quick to let me know. So my advice... always use a condom, limit play with only those you really like and trust, teach your men they transmit HPV and are a big part of the problem and ladies the biggest of all, get annual Pap smears. It is a known fact that the more sexually partners you have the more likely you are to get and pass on HPV. And this virus can lay dormant in a woman’s cervix for decades and then decide to rear its ugly head. So please be aware. That is my 2 cents worth.

We have one and sometimes use it. However, we like to have toys handy in case using one seems like it would be fun at the moment. It's just one more toy that gets some use every now and then for however long it seems interesting at the time. Thinking of it as some sort of compensatory measure seems like the wrong way to think about it. It's a toy, like a vibrator or whatever and it can be fun when it seems like the thing to do at the moment.

We poured some drinks and did a cheers with each other, and then I stood in between the two guys while they slowly took my clothes off. It was fucking hot and there was not stopping us from there, even though it was a brand new experience for all of us. It ended up being so easy that now we're kind of blown away by the idea that this could be our life???

On a serious note, the life expectancy difference between men and women generally is sad. Not only do women spend their later years without a spouse, but also without potential sex partners. I expect that I will predecease my wife, and hope that to the extent she still wants it she will have a someone who can satisfy her.

i had a similar experience. my wife was keen to try swinging so i took her to a club and it was her lucky night as 2 young guys also there for the first time and wanted to take her in the private room. never knew what a thrill it would be to watch her being fucked especially by two young guys, what a thrill. when the club finished we took them back to our hotel room for more fun she had the time of her life !!!

If there's some of that, so what? It has never lessened the love my wife and I have for each other.

Guess we weren’t too bad. We have another date set with the couple we met. Looks like more playtime.