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She had to go to work soon, she just wanted to get off. When she starts I have to do it to, too sexy not to.

I find it extremely erotic to watch a man masturbate. If I am lucky enough for them to let me inside this intimate world, I can totally get off. We were at our club in the swing room a few months ago. I asked two guys to join my husband and I. They undressed me and put me in the swing. I asked them to jerk off for me before they took turns fucking me. I was soaked watching their cocks get hard and actually had an orgasm when the first guy ejaculated on me. Amazing foreplay before some incredible fucking.

When it is clear that you will bringing home a third, we like to set the stage before we even get there. Before we leave the bar, the nude beach or pool, the flirting has already started. I will drop hints on what I want and what I'm going to do. Some times I tell them I'm going to model some outfits, swimsuits or some lingerie. I might tell them I'm going to want to watch them jerk off for me and decide who gets my pussy first - I like to tell them the guy with the smaller cock gets me first. If we ride together the action might start on the way home. Have fun and don't over think it.

You are spot on - we have all been the4e but at the end of the day we know we are together. It's very easy to get completely caught up in the moment and in your own pleasure - and in those moments should you stop? I have seen my husband many times in completely hedonistic situations where it is very clear he is getting every need met - should he stop just because I'm getting a bit short changed in that moment? Should I have to stop because two men are taking me and their wives don't seem interested in me? We say no and understand that selfish moments are going to happen and we need to roll with it.

We had a similar issue early on. Each of us making a reasonable assumption, just not the same one. We learned from that experience that when something goes sideways to say something right off as soon as we are alone and then talk it through. Our take away from our misstep is that we each need to be absolutely clear that neither will ever intentionally hurt the other. When missteps occur, and they will, clarification is the answer, not anger or jealousy, or taking offense .

The first time my wife and I went to a swingers club, many years ago, we also had the problem of not actually communicating what we wanted and what our limits were. As a result, we also made some mistakes. It happens. Understand that what happened here is a communication problem. The obvious stuff, the common sense stuff... those things are called assumptions and, to quote Samuel L Jackson, everyone knows that when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of you and 'umption. Before you go back to the club, you need to clearly define your boundaries. Talk about all the assumptions, all the obvious things... because they aren't obvious. Set some hard limits, maybe a lot of them. You can always scale them back later. My other advice might be harder... forgive her. Did she mess up? Maybe, certainly she hurt your feelings but she didn't do it intentionally. If anything, she was trying to please you and she simply didn't understand the limit that you didn't tell her about. Was the other guys disrespectful? I think so, yes. It's unfortunate, but such guys exist everywhere and the Lifestyle has it's fair share. That isn't your wife's fault, it's his. Be honest, talk it through, communicate your limits and forgive her. The first time is always hard. It can get better.

Whether MFM or FFM, I like it best when two start separately and already have the action going, then the third joins. I've been on all sides of this approach - they're all different and all exciting in their own way.

I think it depends on what we mean by “vanilla”. If you mean going from open-minded and sexually adventurous to buttoned-up and battened-down then I would like to think that it is impossible barring an untimely conversion or some other equal tragedy. I really don’t think you can put that genie back in the bottle. But if you mean going from swinging to “not swinging” then it really is pretty easy – and you don’t even have to try for it to happen. We LOVE swinging and for a few years we were extremely active – every night on every weekend and dinner through the week with friends. Even our travel was focused mostly on swinging. Then one day, we had to put things on hold. Life, death, illness, children, money, no money… Take your pick just don’t write your priorities in pen. A month turned into a year as one thing after another piled on and before we knew it two years had passed. I kind of missed it, but didn’t have time to think about it. I used to wonder how life would look once our bedroom door was closed to everyone but us, and I never dreamed I’d find out the answer this early. I think I was afraid that it would be tough to go back to monogamy. But what I learned is this: the same things that make it possible to survive swinging also make it possible to survive without it. Trust, communication, love, commitment, honesty… I’ll bet we could flesh out this list if we wanted. Outside of swinging our sex life has gotten better and better. I can confidently say that the best sex I’ve ever had has been in the last week. Ask me in a week and I’ll be able to use that line again (as long as she keeps doing that one thing she does). Sexually I really don’t miss it - and I’m fairly certain that if a couple goes in and comes out with the right attitude and at the right time, they won’t miss much either. Don’t get me wrong – I enjoyed my playmates and had amazing sex with many of them. Some of my best sexual memories are definitely wrapped up in swinging. We haven’t closed the door entirely. There is always a place on our pillow for the friends we’ve made (hint, hint - you know who you are) and we are open to new friends should lightening strike. And, yes, our lightening rod does get raised now and then. But I don’t miss the long nights, the crazy weekends, the “blind dates”, the endless email, the hangovers... I don’t miss the pettiness, gossip, drama, etc. that is the part of any community, including our little swing community here in Ohio. We’ve talked about getting back in, but if we do it will have to be in a way that cuts down on what we don’t miss and gets us back to what we do. But no hurry. I guess the answer is – it really isn’t that hard. Mrs Spoomonkey and I have always been “Partners in crime” and we remain that way. Our crimes change, but the partnership hasn’t. We’re happy, googly-eyed in love, and the bed still shakes the neighbors. We were “us” coming in and we are “us” going out. Spoomonkey