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My wife and I were just talking about this yesterday, noting stuff we read here that showed people are far, far more upset about the idea of a spouse playing WITH permission than a spouse playing WITHOUT permission. Our screwed up society thinks it's some how more acceptable to cheat than it is to have a supportive spouse who wants you to have fun. From one angle, I sort of get it. I have a former girlfriend whom I am still close with who knows my wife and I play. She's been quite upset about it. It's the whole marriage-as-an-institution thing. If you're cheating on someone, it's wrong, everyone accepts it as wrong, and the institution is preserved. If you're not cheating, but doing it with permission, it's not wrong, and therefore it tears down the institution. Or so the thinking goes I suppose. It's still messed up. Some years ago, my wife was out of town with her then boyfriend for a sleep over. I ended up with a serious medical issue that required me going to the hospital, though it wasn't a desperate emergency; I had time to call her before I went. She was very upset, and wanted to come home. I told her it didn't make sense; by the time she got back, I'd be home recovering. I told her I loved her, hoped she was having a lot of fun with her boyfriend, and told her very clearly that I wanted her to keep having fun. I didn't want my predicament to be a cause for her not to have fun, else there wasn't much point in her being there, and it would be a wasted trip. I went to the hospital, took care of what needed to be taken care of, and she kept having sex with her boyfriend. She was worried, but was able to relax enough to have fun. My former girlfriend found out about this, and was actively angry my wife was out of town when I needed to go to the hospital. I explained it wasn't planned that way, and there was nothing she could have done anyway as by the time she got back I would have long been back home already. She was still mad. My wife and her have a good relationship, but I think her knowledge of my wife and I swinging has deteriorated the relationship somewhat. Sad.

I think your decision to not marry your ex was a good one, B.

It's totally up to you and her to decide (well, assuming your playmates want to swing bareback too). Yes, there are some risks, no doubt about it. What level of risk it is, and what level you are comfortable with, only you two can decide. But, and maybe more to the heart of your question really, it needs to be something you decide together. It sounds like you have now done that. Just be sure though you are totally ok with that and don't let the extra fun and excitement cloud your judgment. It's great now, but let's say a test came back positive, are you going to turn around and blame her and it hurt your relationship? Not saying you will, and not trying to change your decision, just saying that so far the decision hasn't been put through the crucible of the bad happening, just the good. Honestly, odds are, the bad won't ever happen, but it can, so you just need to be prepared for that.

Well I am a middle aged woman and love being this age. My partner and I enjoy the lifestyle and are choosy with whom we play. More quality over quantity. What I really dislike is being referred to as a cougar. I find it derogatory and for the life of me I cannot understand the worlds obsession with calling women names. To me a cougar hunts and attacks it’s prey and hardly anything anyone wants to be referenced by. So please stop calling women cougars. Men don’t have to bear the constant name calling so why should we. I want the freedom to enjoy myself until the point it no longer interests me and will then bow out gracefully.

On the other hand, I can think of many times when other things have gotten in the way of sex . . .

@TricianMike: That sounds quite similar to us. We initially shied away from parties and stayed in the club scene. In the last few years, we've modified our approach to include house parties as well. Mrs Doc does the same thing, she often picks a guy she's just met. I hang around for a while both to watch her in action (its unbelievably erotic)and to make sure she's OK in the situation. Sometimes I'll join in for a bit or I'll wander off to find a playmate or group to join. Once she's finished, she'll often come find me and join in to whatever Im doing. For those few hours, we are free to have whatever fun sex we may find. At the end of the night, the ride home is a recap of the evening that often is so erotic in the telling that we end up rinsing in the pool and boinking each other one last time before sleep. Swinging beats the hell out of dinner and a movie on a Saturday night.

No, haven't heard of it before now, but like you, hoping to learn more. I was looking at their website photos. I'm picking up on that they are definitely a swing-friendly clothing-optional resort, but the rest of the site doesn't really say much one way or another on that.

(and TricianMike, and Numex, and lcmim) The keystroke closed the private window I had open for the purpose. When it closed, it dumped its local cache. It was gone completely. I was in mid sentence. Fumble fingers strikes again. :/

You are exactly correct - so many hung guys have no idea how to use it. It's definitely not the size that's the problem. When you get a guy with ahuge cock to take their time, it's amazing.

I agree with your definition, and have run into such women at societal places such as country clubs and yacht clubs. They are often divorcees or possibly widows. They flirt endlessly, and I have watched them give waiters and other service people their phone numbers. I've heard them brag about how they've seduced college men. I would call them 'cougars.' If you feel that's derogatory towards them, that's your right but the women didn't complain and I didn't hear complaints from the guys they slept with. Having said that, I haven't run into many cougars in the LifeStyle. My wife has had encounters with men more than twenty years younger than her, but I wouldn't call her a cougar, because she treats her partners with respect.

A thread from way back, and I bring it up again to show that some themes (most actually) here at the Swingers Board are timeless. Everyone is searching for something, whether it be sexual variety, friendship, sex + friendship, and everything that goes along with those three things. Yes, you can make friends in swinging. We have made friends through swinging that I expect will last a lifetime...friends that are still friends long after the sexual aspect has run its course. If we never had another swinging experience our whole lives, it would have been more than worth it just for the friendships. If the friendship is strong and true, it just happens without any drama. The high octane sexual energy fades away and the sure and steady friendship energy replaces it. When that shift happens just depends on the circumstances and the people involved. But, for almost all I expect, happen it will. How about you? Have you made lasting friends through swinging?

The key is patience on the part of the guy. Before we met, Mrs Doc dated a guy who was 10 inches plus and quite thick. She said that he always took his time to make sure she was aroused and well lubricated and then he SLOWLY eased into her until she was comfortable and until she started to move and rotate her hips. Once that happened, he was able to stroke but was careful not to drive or piston fuck her. He was very considerate and good in the sack. To my good fortune, he was otherwise a nut case and she eventually booted him and his big dick to the curb. We have 2 good friend couples where the guy is big, not quite as big the first guy but BIG. Both are consistently considerate and patient. They are generally well and wetly rewarded for it.

Join a site like SLS. Put some thought into your profile--it is your last chance to make a first impression. Be candid as you write--not only with the profile, but with each other. Refining what you put in, how you present yourselves, is a huge first step for both of you. Shameless plug next--we wrote an essay a few years back that reviews a bit of our thinking. If you are long term marrieds, you might find it useful to read and discuss between yourselves. See https://www.swingersboard.com/forums/topic/60722-swinging-consensual-non-monogamy-within-marriage/ Feel free to PM us--we got our start when we lived in STL.

For me nothing is better then my husband and another man taking care of me.

Ha, almost the exact same thing happened to me, except she wanted me to go along with her, including into the exam room. At the time it was one of the weirdest experiences of my life. Short version: The nurse sent us into the exam room and my girlfriend just took off her clothes and sat on the table. The doctor came in and immediately went back out. The nurse came back in and told her to put the gown on. The doctor comes back in and eventually tells her to put her feet in the stirrups, and puts that tent thing up over her knees before he starts to examine her. My girlfriend asks what it was for, and he said "privacy." She says "Whose privacy? It's me down there. You don't want me to see you?" He removes the tent. After a quick exam, but while the plastic spatula thing was still in there, the doc invites me over to take a look inside. He made it sound as if I was looking at the Eighth Wonder of the World. He said everything was healthy, but the only thing I remember was that it was really pink and it wasn't sexy, it was like looking down her esophagus.

My wife contends that for whatever reason, most people despise anyone who engages in and enjoys nonmonogamy, or lets their spouse do so. Society does not necessarily have the individual's best interests at heart, even when it does others no harm.

MFMs are great! It is difficult to find another couple where all four find mutual attraction. However, we have found that by screening the guys, I can easily find two or three guys that my gal will find attractive and want to have join us for sex play. Plus, she loves to have three guys playing with her, one for each nipple and one for her clit.

Good point. When I was younger I would have been jealous of my girl fucking another man. Now my only concern is if my wife is happy.

Before you book the LS cruise I recommend either a visit to a club or start looking for matches on swinger sites. Subscribe to the site for three months and see who might fit particularly someone local. After correspondence and even some phone or online calls, schedule a coffee or a adult beverage—one hour. If things click you can schedule a real date for soft swap, full, same room swap, separate room swap, whatever. At a club go just to see and meet, not to party. See how the vibe and the people fit. The thing about a LS cruise for rookies is that if there are any bumps the ship can be very tiny. Also, chat with folks here and read up. Talk through things and set boundaries such as contact with other players between dates, play without your spouse.