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We are a married couple and have been together for 20 years. We've been going down this road for a couple years now... Two weeks ago my wife was flirting with a worker at a bar and kissed him when leaving. One week ago, she went and asked for him, they walked to the beach and gave him a blowjob. Details to make the story worth reading: He bit her neck, pulled her hair and came in her mouth. Tonight the plan is to take it all the way... and she will fuck him after he gets off work in our hotel room (I will not be in the room). Everything went from excitement to nervousness when I woke up this morning. Still wanting it to happen but just more nervous than excited. She plan on videoing, seems like that would be a good way to not have to ask so many questions.

If I understood your question, you’re concerned about what to talk about when both setting up something like this, as well as how to discuss it afterward. There are so many variations in the games played that no one answer would be right for every circumstance. For us, what we settled on is that we were in this to have fun together. As somebody mentioned earlier in this thread, too many rules tend to get in the way of having fun. That said something took place in this threesome of yours that upset you. You kind of beat around the bush about it but it sounded to me like the fact that the other man took the assertive role in this upset you. If he did, that’s neither right nor wrong, it’s something you and your wife allowed him to do. What you have to remember in this is that you’re both adults and in charge of what takes place. Neither of you should worry about signals, if something is going on either of you don’t like, put an end to it. You two are the host and hostess, tell him he’s worn out his welcome and it’s time to go. Your primary role in bringing another man to your bed is to keep your wife safe, let her enjoy what she wants to, but don’t let this go in a direction she, or you don’t want to take it. Now with that being said, there was an undertone to your post, which indicated you were upset with what took place, but she enjoyed what happened. If so, there is something else you need to keep in mind about this. In all cases in the lifestyle, whatever the woman desires is usually the right way to go. If you want to have fun in a threesome, you need to allow your wife to enjoy herself. And if you need to ask if she enjoyed herself either you, him, or both of you didn’t do your job right. As a side note, the hardest aspect of this for most men is to release their wives to enjoy themselves and not be intimidated by another man rocking their world. Don’t look at it as a competition for whose the best, look at it as a learning experience. Personally, we’ve never played with another man who rocked my wife's world in which I didn’t learn something from the experience. When you discover some trick which will blow her mind, add it to your lovemaking repertoire to allow her to experience this with you. The best of anything will get boring in time, keep it fresh with new things and you’ll both have more fun. As far as the communication between the two of you, there are several levels of communication, and by far the most honest is the non-verbal side. If your wife gets in the car for the ride home and she has that smile, she’s all cuddly, and has that far away look in her eye, she loved what took place. On the other hand, if she gets in the car, slams the door and screams, “Take Me Home, NOW!” She probably wasn’t thrilled with it. You're going to want to know what she thought about what took place, and she’s not going to want to tell you if it was great, so don’t ask. If she liked it, and she can trust you, she might at some point tell you what she liked most about what happened. Put yourself in her position, if you just had the best sex of your life with another woman you’re not going to tell her that. Let her actions tell you what you want to know. Remember, women are all subliminal communicators, and if men are going to understand them, we have to learn to communicate on that level. Oh one more thing before I end this rant, you were more than a little vague about what it was specifically that upset you. If you have something in particular which upset you, or you didn’t like in your playtime, articulate that concern. I’m sure whatever it was has been experienced at one time or another by somebody on this site.

I suppose that's possible, but knowing her as I do I think it very unlikely. She and I have remained very close since our relationship ended, years before I met my wife. We have never been able to adequately explain our relationship. We aren't (I hate to say 'just' as friendships can have great meaning) friends, but neither are we girl/boyfriend. It isn't like we're brother and sister either. I told my wife about her very early on in my relationship with her, and there's never been an ounce of concern from my wife about her. My wife and her get along very well otherwise. Going against the general advice of this forum (friends of swingers, not swingers of friends), and after detailed consultation with my wife, I did offer to bring our relationship to physical intimacy again. So, she's had that offered to her (and rejected it). I think what it really is is her idea of the institution of marriage being inviolable. She respects and holds that institution dear, and doesn't want to be part of something that might damage my marriage. I can understand that concern, even if I feel it extremely unlikely. No, she hasn't. She hasn't been short of boyfriends over the years. She's really quite an amazing person. But, no, she's never married. I've never asked her if she shared that bit of soft-MFM history with any of her boyfriends. I did with my wife early on. She was a bit upset about it, and felt it was wrong. Now she enjoys it very much But, with my friend, I've no idea. I've never asked her about her sex life since we broke up.

The only one who should be talking you into anything is you.

Definite red card. Ejection.

OMG…get over yourself! It is all about context. Why do swingers call a penis dick or cock or schlong? Why are breasts called boobs or tits or fun bags. Jeeeze if we're not careful, someone will say those words along with slut or MILF or GILF are GASP!!!!!….LABELS and labels are just not done in a pc world.

I don't know any gynos, but male doctors I have known have all gone through a gynecological rotation, and tell me that most of what they have seen isn't pretty. Two things to add to the story. That girlfriend was from France, so few inhibitions to begin with about being naked. And she was olive skinned, a bit dark with black hair, dark nipples and inner labia. That made the "pink" all the more dramatic. A nonsexual, sexual experience that was burned into my young brain. She was very nonchalant about it.

Never experienced such a thing, but he should consider himself lucky that ALL you did was pull him aside and explain it to him!