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Well, the first piece of advice is that you should break up your posts into paragraphs - that would make it much easier to read. Now onto the problems *you* created. In the heat of the moment, you broke the rules you and your wife jointly agreed on. Maybe it was a consensual thing, maybe not. Doesn't matter. You broke the rule. That's a rookie mistake. Now you are going to pay for it. Your wife was surprised. She is having a bad reaction. SHE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAYER IN THIS SCENARIO. You keep coming up with statements like, "it was a big part of why i was interested in the lifestyle." It no longer matters what you want, the rules were broken - now you have to come up with new rules. Respect your wife! If all she wants to do in the near future is soft-swap or same-room, that's the way it should be. It's possible that in the future, after she begins to trust you in swapping situations, that she may move forward. Or maybe not. Accept your wife's decision. Best of luck.

No, it's not common to want to be the only one, although there's no harm (or purpose) in asking. Unless there's a particular reason, like a promise because your wife and he are going bareback, you don't have to disclose who else you're having sex with. (If he's new to this as well, he may be experiencing the puppy love that comes with a having a new sex partner.) Still, I would tell him so it doesn't lead to drama later. My guess is that if you still want to play with him, he'll go along.

...there is an oft-heard comment at home, "Company's coming...put some clothes on."

You find it exciting to imagine that hot woman in some nice clothes.

Thank you for your advice, yeah that was a bit of a rant and i will break things up into paragraphs next time. All of your advice are steps i already want to take to make sure things are all smooth sailing from here on out. I also appreciate the way you told me, very blunt and to the point which i could use right about now. Thanks again, we have a strong bond and will be fine but we are so new to this that anyadvice helps!

I actually believe most of the other stories that people are kind enough to post. This one...not so much. Cheating will never be swinging. Swinging is something that a couple does together (or at least with both having complete knowledge about what is going on). Cheating is done without the knowledge of their partner and usually with no consideration as to their partners feelings. Then again, cuckolding usually has more than a bit of male humiliation involved, but usually both parties have agreed to what happens in advance.

We were ok with playing. Being ok with playing is not the same thing as being ok with playing with everyone at the party. It is not cool to start off an acquaintance by physically groping someone without consent. Especially someone you haven't ever met.

So because they stayed they surrendered consent? Giving the impression you’re ok with playing is a far cry from just ignoring a basic rule of consent.

You're letting this guy ask for something from you both that he has absolutely no right to expect. You're letting him into your relationship and giving him a say in what you and your wife do or don't do way beyond what should be his very limited participation in your life. ARE YOU NUTS???? The guy wants YOUR wife. The only conversation you need with him is the one where you tell him to "get lost" and never contact you or your wife again. On a brighter note, there are thousands and thousands of single men in the Jersey, Pa, NY and DE area. Pick one, pick a dozen, until you find a good fit. Its a buyers market if you're looking for single guys wanting to get laid. Don't just settle and don't let any of them become more than a walking vibrator.

I agree with several others who have responded, it’s both unusual and in my opinion quite inappropriate in an MFM play relationship for the other male to request that the two of you play only with him. That he would do so after your first session with him is disturbing. Storm clouds ahead! There are so many single males out there who are keen to play. Your wife and you are in the driver’s seat. Surely you will be able find a guy who shares all of this fellow’s good points without the worrisome (and perhaps dangerous) flaw.

We met him through an app my wife uses. He's relatively new, but has had a few experiences as a third. My wife is thinking the 3 of us need to sit down and put it on the table. I do agree that if anger is the response, I'm out. That's a major red flag

BlueStag, it's not the norm that a single male request he be the only one your wife sees. My wife and I would turn his request down, to the point that if he made it before we played, he would never get in my wife's pants. You want new experiences at this point, else your wife wouldn't be chatting with other guys. I'd make a decision to see other people, if I were you. Ethically, the only thing I think you owe the initial gentleman is to tell him that you're probably going to open up your situation. If he complains, simply don't see him anymore. Best of luck.

We are not going bareback so I don't feel I owe anything there. I think it's decent to disclose but we just hope he'd go along cause we like the guy

It's a super secret club. You won't know what the admission standards are until you are accepted

How should I handle this? The short answer: communication, respect, honesty. Talk to her about the experiences you had, how they made you feel and what you hope for. At the same time, respect her limits and don't push. If you try to get her to move more quickly than she is willing, or do things she isn't comfortable with, it will not end well. So, listen to her as well... find out what she thought and felt about these experiences. Encourage her to be honest. Reassure her in a truthful way. A successful swinging couple needs to have a strong relationship. A key for my wife and I is the unwavering knowledge that no matter who we have sex with and how much we might enjoy that sex, we're always going home to each other at the end of the night. She is the woman I want to spend my life with. Simple, and as complicated, as that.

One of things that we had the hardest time convincing ourselves to go through with in swinging? Registering on this site. It was back when we were just thinking about it, and the specific bit of info we were looking for couldn't be found by just lurking around, so if I was going to get an answer to the question, I was going to have to ask it myself. I finally got up the nerve to do so, registered, posted a thread, got the answer, which led to something else which led to something else and then here we are today For many their first real tangible step in swinging is registering online on a site, and the first steps are always the hardest to take! We would love to have our lurker vs poster ratio improve, but the best way I know of for doing that is for those of us that do post is to just keep doing what we're doing, the more the better, to show what a great community this is and how the more involved you are in it, the more you get from it.

I love sharing our stories, insights and experiences. Not sure if anyone ever listens, but sometimes it's just nice to share in an open forum with no judgement.

Swinging is still a fringe activity. Joining in a conversation even as private as this site, can be seen as risky. The Swingers Board is basically a user written, guide to swinging. There are many many men, probably most in their 40s, that are interested in swinging. Their wives are not. Here they can educate themselves and attempt to show the wife what she is missing. Who knows, it may even work sometimes. I would bet over 80% of the traffic here never registers or posts, just learning.

Been lurking as well just browsing hoping to make some friends.

For my two cents worth . We wouldn’t consider this swinging .. just our take on it but we believe swinging should be open and honest ? Or am I looking at this wrong ?

Who accused you of being in a bad mood? If it was only the guy (and/or his partner,) ignore them. If it was others, well, perhaps you should think about it. But what the guy did is just plain wrong and the hosts should have kicked him out of the party. I'd think twice about going to another one of their parties.

Never experienced such a thing, but he should consider himself lucky that ALL you did was pull him aside and explain it to him!