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I was wondering when the black guy with the huge dong would be joining the story. I think it would have played out better had you made him the contractor, just my opinion. Hopefully you and your wife fulfill all of your hopes and dreams. Maybe she gets her gang bang at next year’s block party. Maybe all the neighbors piss in her face while the DJ (sorry, black DJ with 11” penis) takes virgin ass. Of course you’ll be out getting more ice and miss it all, but she’ll love it!

Well, the first piece of advice is that you should break up your posts into paragraphs - that would make it much easier to read. Now onto the problems *you* created. In the heat of the moment, you broke the rules you and your wife jointly agreed on. Maybe it was a consensual thing, maybe not. Doesn't matter. You broke the rule. That's a rookie mistake. Now you are going to pay for it. Your wife was surprised. She is having a bad reaction. SHE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAYER IN THIS SCENARIO. You keep coming up with statements like, "it was a big part of why i was interested in the lifestyle." It no longer matters what you want, the rules were broken - now you have to come up with new rules. Respect your wife! If all she wants to do in the near future is soft-swap or same-room, that's the way it should be. It's possible that in the future, after she begins to trust you in swapping situations, that she may move forward. Or maybe not. Accept your wife's decision. Best of luck.

I wanted to know more about the STI risks of swinging so I started doing some reading on the subject. I compiled bullet points of what was important to me and thought it might be helpful to others as well. It is not an exhaustive list. I am not a Dr or Scientist. The validity of the information and the sources where provided is the sole responsibility of the reader. HPV bullet points are in another thread. HPV Factoids * Of the more than 150 strains of HPV, 40 affect the genital area, but most don’t pose a serious risk to health. * Two strains of HPV, types 6 and 11, cause 90 percent of genital warts. * Only about 1 percent of sexually active Americans have noticeable genital warts which require treatment to prevent the spread to other genital areas and to sexual partners. * More than 90 percent of all new HPV infections go away or become undetectable within two years, even without treatment. * Vaccines are available for HPV until age 45 * HPV is so common that many health care providers assume that if someone is sexually active, they have HPV https://nyulangone.org/conditions/human-papillomavirus-in-adults/types HSV-2 factoids * HSV-2 (genital herpes) affects 17% of Americans, is not curable and remains with the carrier for life. * 80% of carriers show no symptoms or do not recognize the symptoms of HSV-2 and do not know they are contagious carriers. * anyone with the virus is able to spread the virus to others through skin to skin genital contact when the virus is shedding. * It's not clear how much genital herpes virus it takes to infect a person, but evidence suggests only a "relatively moderate shedding episode" can infect a sex partner. * For carriers who show symptoms including lesions and sores, shedding occurs 20% of days compared to 10% of days of those who show no symptoms. In other words, typically, those with symptoms will shed the virus and will be contagious 6 to 7 days each month while those with no symptoms will shed the virus and be contagious 3 to 4 days each month. * sexual transmission of HSV is more efficient from men to women than from women to men. * Condom use for intercourse reduces HSV-2 transmission from men to women by 96% and from women to men by 65%. The higher protection rate for women is due to the fact that viral shedding tends to occur on the shaft of the penis which is covered by the condom whereas viral shedding by women occurs around the vulva which is unprotected by the condom. * Antiviral medication taken daily by HSV-2 carriers can reduce viral shedding by as much as 95% meaning sexual activity with such a person is significantly safer than with a person who is asymptomatic and unaware they have HSV-2. * In a recent study of 911 discordant couples (meaning one member of the couple had HSV-2 and the other didn’t) over an 18 month period, found that the risk for HSV-2 transmission was 1.3 male-to-female transmissions and 0.6 female-to-male transmission per 1,000 protected sex acts. * Though uncommon, HSV-2 can be transmitted from the genitals to the mouth via oral sex.

Is the consensus that the OP is polishing his knob with one hand while typing with the other?? Probably why he can't form complete sentences or paragraphs. Im leaning towards YES!

How come no wife ever comes in here complaining about how a bunch of beautiful black women locked her out of her hotel room and smothered her husband with their DDs? I'd read that story. At least mix these up a little.

We don't consider being with other ethnicities exotic, experimental or a fetish. We will meet with anyone. If there's chemistry then nothing else matters. One caveat is that we both agree that it is hot seeing our partner with someone of contrasting skin color.

You need to travel more.

I bring up these problems. Not a popular topic, but good to be aware. We test at least annually and reevaluate periodically based on things people we know have caught. If you do this a lot, it is hard to keep dodging bullets.

Is enjoyment of sex affecting any other part of your life? I once thought my sex life could be called an addiction. My husband and I have sex almost every day. We enjoy ending our day with love making and many days start the day with sex. I admit being late to work more than once. We both enjoy visiting friends for swinging and that affects our watching TV or me shopping. I would state that we look for every way to have sex so I don’t need to go shopping. I won’t say I’m really addicted even though since opening my mind to sex with others than my husband, I do enjoy sex with our friend when my husband is out of town and even play with toys when alone (please don’t think less of me for having toys lol)

As a New Yorker living in New Jersey all I can say is Fuhgetaboutit. Most of the people we have been with are from a foreign land...Pennsylvania. I mean who eats Scrapple? Cheesesteak, Yes! Whoopie Pies? Yes yes! But Scrapple? And my husband and I agree, playing with an Eagles fan is very difficult. And they think we talk funny.

We find people of different ethnicity to be interesting, not in a "let's see how much better ours is than yours" sort of way, but in a sincere appreciation of all the variety that makes up the world we live in. But, to be honest about it, we hail from and currently live in very homogeneous sorts of places, so our exposure to anyone different than ourselves is sadly very limited. We did meet a German couple at a club one time and had a very interesting conversation with them about their lives, what brought them to our neck of the woods, and what swinging was like where they call home. There was some age difference there (us older, them younger), so I don't think anyone probably thought much about playing, but we did have more than just a passing conversation with them, which all seemed to enjoy.

I as well. We all know that the action takes places at the junction where there are an excess of holes.

Among our group there are two couples (all born outside the US) of ethnicities, which in the global view would be considered adversaries, to put it mildly. They swapped at the wive's insistence, in separate rooms at the husbands' insistence, often and hard at first. For all of us physical and cultural variety as expressed in sex is the allure of swinging.

NEWS FLASH! Your wife has been cheating on you with a number of men. That's not swinging, its cheating and I'd bet this is only the tip of the iceberg. You have way more problems than "shutting down all facets" of swinging. If I were you, I'd hire a PI and get a good lawyer on retainer.

Wow, a lot to work through there... Swinging with existing friends and neighbors is a good way to get in a bind, which is what you are finding out. The preexisting comfort level can be great at smoothing out those getting started bumps in the road, but when something goes wrong, there's no easy escape. What I would keep in my mind first and foremost is I have to live there, she has to live there, and they have to live there. Whatever you do, don't make a swinging dilemma into a life crisis dilemma. Maybe not what you want to hear, but my advice is to use this as an excuse to back out of the whole thing and look elsewhere for your swinging fun, IF... As I read the situation, what your wife did came really close if not over the line on flat out cheating, repeatedly. Maybe we just don't have enough detail, but it sounds like stuff was going on behind your back all along, and unless you all had talked about it and she had a completely open hall pass to do anyone anywhere anytime as she saw fit without talking to you about, then she's cheating, and I would put a big stop on the swinging for now and maybe forever. Tricky complicated situation, just go slow and ease your way through it and hopefully all will turn out ok.

I believe it's called 3fun seems to be geared towards the lifestyle

You are right the request was made, but at the time we brushed it off with "you are the only guy we are talking to at this time and will let you know if that changes" We are going to sit him down and explain we like him, but as you said the whole reason for this is to break monogamy

Welcome BriBriMaddy. This appears to be your first post and while it wasn't that long ago seeing it pop up brought back some memories. Thanks for the reinforcement. We have definitely figured out what we are looking for now. She has officially decided she likes the ladies and I have officially decided that I like that she likes the ladies. We are looking for couples to meet up with and get to know before playing. Unfortunately life got in the way with getting our toys moved from DC to Florida (RV and sailboat) but we are starting to get back into it. Welcome to the site if you are new and if not welcome to the club of former lurkers.

We bypass the rinsing and just get down into that mess we spend the past hours creating as soon as we're in the door. There's just something about my wife having sex with others that makes me want her more.

@TricianMike: That sounds quite similar to us. We initially shied away from parties and stayed in the club scene. In the last few years, we've modified our approach to include house parties as well. Mrs Doc does the same thing, she often picks a guy she's just met. I hang around for a while both to watch her in action (its unbelievably erotic)and to make sure she's OK in the situation. Sometimes I'll join in for a bit or I'll wander off to find a playmate or group to join. Once she's finished, she'll often come find me and join in to whatever Im doing. For those few hours, we are free to have whatever fun sex we may find. At the end of the night, the ride home is a recap of the evening that often is so erotic in the telling that we end up rinsing in the pool and boinking each other one last time before sleep. Swinging beats the hell out of dinner and a movie on a Saturday night.

It's a regular part of our play. Everyone, including the guys, like a finger around the bum hole and at least a little bit in. For me it's better than having a dick in my bum pumping hard, trying to get off. With finger play it's more gentle but also more stimulating. No matter how it's done though, anal alone doesn't get me off as it does Lora and Clair. (Never tried to get the guys off with anal only.) I need either something in my vagina (DP works well), or my clit being licked. I like my clit being licked with two fingers in my pussy and one in my bum.