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. Agreed. We lurked quite a while before engaging in the forums. There is an abundance of information here. Many of our questions, interests, situations have been addressed. Heck, we recommend this site in other forums, through other accounts, and even talk about when asked how we got started. I would rather see someone lurk, research, and get their questions answered instead of jumping in and blabbing nonsense becaus e the didn’t take advantage of the resource first.

Personally my safety radar is pinging away.....cut ties. All of them. For your wife’s safety. From what you are saying I’m sensing some bottled up anger and resentment. It is not normal to pursue someone you do not know....to vent your frustrations. Insure he has none of your contact or personal information. Tell him you are having second thoughts. Wish him well. Block him if you have to. Drop from the app/group if needed and start new somewhere else with a new email and contact name.

This reminds me of friends of mine who are married to each other. They began dating in high school. She had dated (and had sex) before him, but he had never. They got married one year out of high school. A few years later, he and I were out doing something together and he asked me "What's it like? Are other women really different or is it all the same?" I felt bad for him. He was very curious, but he wasn't the type to cheat (and he never has). The first couple we ever played with was a soft swap. They'd been high school sweethearts too and neither of them had had sex with anyone. His wife was amazing, a really wonderful lady. He was amenable to having full swap, but she was not and they were on the same page about that, so soft swap only was their rule. For her part, she really, really wanted to have sex with other men, but also didn't want to cross the bridge of having had sex with other men. She felt that once crossed, she couldn't go back to how she felt before. So, she was very happy to do soft swap, sort of a cake-and-eat-it-too, but not do full swap. We played with them twice. She was a lot of fun in bed, and I really wish we could have had sex.

Much of what you say has truth to it, in that there are a lot of men out there who are cheating. However, I have to disagree with the general thesis of your statement. My wife and I have found several good quality men who are truly single. You can say we're naive if you want, but I know differently. There are many reasons why a single guy would want to be in the lifestyle. As you note, some men don't want the complications of a relationship. That doesn't necessarily mean they're married. Some men have been burned out in relationships, and want something lighter, more carefree. There's nothing wrong with that. I saw this in a family member, though I don't know if he ever got into swinging. He'd just been burned so many times in relationships he'd kinda had it and didn't want the trouble. Some men have lives that make it too complicated to have a full on romantic relationship. They might have jobs that send them hither and yon all the time, without much ability to have a stable home life. Some men know they have a better chance of fulfilling sexual fantasies than taking a chance on getting months into a relationship before finding out if she's into that. Some men know that being able to have sex with a married woman who is in the lifestyle probably stands a lesser chance of getting STDs than a random quick-fuck off of Tinder. Some woman willing to do random hookups probably has a higher chance of having STDs than a married woman. And on, and on, and on. I can be easy to be cynical about the motivations of men. There are a lot of assholes out there, a lot of serious pricks who are users and abusers of women. That's true in and out of the lifestyle. But, there are also quite a number of men in and out of the lifestyle who aren't that way. If that wasn't the case, the human race might die out My wife and I have found several quality men since we got into this 10+ years ago. A couple of them in particular turned into long term boyfriends. In the first case, he'd been burned in relationships several times, and most painfully through a divorce. He had a daughter still at home, and didn't want the trouble of a serious relationship and trying to figure out the balance with his daughter. My wife went to his house on a number of occasions, and he to ours. We had many MFMs with him, and more with her playing solo with him. There was never a rush, except for once and that was induced by us being on a limited time frame that day. He and my wife dated for about three years. It only ended because his daughter moved to the next state over to live with her mom. He then found a regular girlfriend, and that was the end of it. The other one was a guy who traveled a lot for his job. He also had his sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew all living with him. Similarly, trying to figure out all those dynamics plus being on the road so much made it difficult for him to start and maintain a relationship, though he had tried (and failed). My wife dated him for about two years, and spent considerable time with him in and out of bed. With both of these guys there was never a hint or any evidence to indicate they were married. In neither case did the guys ever make any attempt to have my wife leave me for him. My wife has had many other playmates over the years. We can't say with absolute 100% certainty that none of them were married and cheating. But, we are reasonably certain. We have run into guys who are obviously cheating, or acted/said things that were warning signs. My wife just didn't play with them, and she rebuffed some that kept trying despite her early 'no'. We have run into considerably more men who are respectful and kind, who understand their role and stay within it. If I had to place a % on it, probably about 20% of the guys we've encountered either were definitely cheating or probably cheating.

Can I just say I watched three guys jerk.off for me last night. There is absolutely nothing better than watching a guy get hard and share a cum shot with me as a voyeur. It's even better when I spread my legs and knock one off with him.

Yea outside of this loon we have had two successful MFM threesomes with one guy and now have planned to meet two new guys to see if we match. I am VERY excited to see what the future holds on this adventure

They do not serve doughnuts. They roll doughnuts than take flying Fs at them.

I think it's not unusual for people who are curious enough to enter the lifestyle to be concerned about STDs. It's hard to affix blame. The lifestyle is new. A couple entering it, who have not had outside experiences, are exposing themselves for the first time. One of our play-couples (married in high school because she got pregnant) had never had sex with anyone except each other. Quite simply, they were turned on but scared. That she was an R.N. who worked in an STD preventative program, gave her a legitimate concern. AIDS was the program's major issue. The four of us had a long talk during which we agreed to consult one another if any of us found anyone else who was interesting. If such a couple was deemed acceptable, they'd be invited to join our little group. We played together for three years until she went to Medical School and eventually became a Physician. She simply had no time to play. We didn't find such a couple.

GoldCoCouple is dead on. RUN! I'd want to ask myself and I don't mean to be selfish but "What's in this for you or your wife?" The experiences you're exploring are really for the tow of you to enjoy. It's like a vacation. why would you purposely go to a sub standard hotel that didn't have any of the amenities you were looking for? i suspect the other man thinks that over time he'll get your wife to meet him maybe out of pity, concern, the need to nurture another human, but in the end what's in it for you two? AND how pathetic is it of him to think that his marital problems can be solved with your wife. There are so many great people in the world and the swinging community don't expend your energy on those that don't have anything to give in return.

Run...fast! Even if what he said is 100% true (which I highly doubt), they are headed for divorce. You don't want to be anywhere near that and I wouldn't want to be near someone who just wants to vent and complain. It was nice meeting him, but have a good life and goodbye.

Somebody trying to tell us who Mrs. E can fuck or suck would be a hard pass. She got enough of that from her mom and the nuns in high school, and I'm trying to encourage, not discourage, experimentation.

I was listening to Justin Lehmiller or was it Dr. Chris Donaghue yesterday. They said that Sex is not listed as addiction in the DSM. So, by my reasoning, if you can't bill it to insurance - it doesn't exist.

Same for me, although in our poly family I have more options. And I need to be with a woman as much as a man. From what I can tell we are much the same, but I am about ten years older than you - So all I can say is wait until you're in your 30s woman, it will be an addiction. And don't think less of me, but I have no toys; my fingers are a poor substitute, but they're a substitute.

Wildest fantasy? My wife wants to do a creampie line up (when a bunch of guys cum inside a woman one after the other with no clean up in between).

Speaking as a woman who has had double vaginal penetration before....IT'S GREAT! There is no pain involved, or has never been for me. I wouldn't suggest it as the very first position of the night, lol, you do need to be well relaxed. As far as positioning goes...one man lying on his back, woman straddling him face to face, she has to lean over and the other man comes up from behind and enters her as well. This position seems to work the best for us. Teresa