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Shortly after my wife and I started exploring swinging, a man said to me - "If I can watch my wife suck another man's dick, I can talk to her about anything." As we were both watching her do just that, I believed him. It has been my experience that, in order for a couple to be successful swingers, you need to be able to speak, openly and honestly, about anything. You need to trust her and she needs to trust you, completely. So, that is my suggestion, even more to you in your society than to another... show her she can trust completely. Show her you trust her completely. Show her that you can talk to her about anything... your fears, your concerns, your deepest most hidden desires. Show her that she can share the same with you... without fear of judgement or punishment. Trust each other completely. Communicate openly and honestly. Then, you can begin to explore swinging.

In a study conducted by a conservative Christian polling firm, Barna, Evangelicals have the highest divorce rate; Lutherans, atheists and lesbians the lowest. (Didn't mention "nudists, sluts and perverts," sorry.) It seems that if you want to stay together, it's best to not have any rules except love your spouse as you would yourself.

My wife and I are BRAND NEW to this lifestyle as we have only had one MFM to date. When we met the guy that joined us, he requested that he be the only other guy my wife sees. Well today my wife and I started chatting with another guy. We plan on having a drink with him. I feel we have the right to meet anyone without explanation but if it goes further we fully intend to disclose. Is it common for a third to request they be the only one? And what courtesy is generally given to other partners? Thanks.

Much of what you say has truth to it, in that there are a lot of men out there who are cheating. However, I have to disagree with the general thesis of your statement. My wife and I have found several good quality men who are truly single. You can say we're naive if you want, but I know differently. There are many reasons why a single guy would want to be in the lifestyle. As you note, some men don't want the complications of a relationship. That doesn't necessarily mean they're married. Some men have been burned out in relationships, and want something lighter, more carefree. There's nothing wrong with that. I saw this in a family member, though I don't know if he ever got into swinging. He'd just been burned so many times in relationships he'd kinda had it and didn't want the trouble. Some men have lives that make it too complicated to have a full on romantic relationship. They might have jobs that send them hither and yon all the time, without much ability to have a stable home life. Some men know they have a better chance of fulfilling sexual fantasies than taking a chance on getting months into a relationship before finding out if she's into that. Some men know that being able to have sex with a married woman who is in the lifestyle probably stands a lesser chance of getting STDs than a random quick-fuck off of Tinder. Some woman willing to do random hookups probably has a higher chance of having STDs than a married woman. And on, and on, and on. I can be easy to be cynical about the motivations of men. There are a lot of assholes out there, a lot of serious pricks who are users and abusers of women. That's true in and out of the lifestyle. But, there are also quite a number of men in and out of the lifestyle who aren't that way. If that wasn't the case, the human race might die out My wife and I have found several quality men since we got into this 10+ years ago. A couple of them in particular turned into long term boyfriends. In the first case, he'd been burned in relationships several times, and most painfully through a divorce. He had a daughter still at home, and didn't want the trouble of a serious relationship and trying to figure out the balance with his daughter. My wife went to his house on a number of occasions, and he to ours. We had many MFMs with him, and more with her playing solo with him. There was never a rush, except for once and that was induced by us being on a limited time frame that day. He and my wife dated for about three years. It only ended because his daughter moved to the next state over to live with her mom. He then found a regular girlfriend, and that was the end of it. The other one was a guy who traveled a lot for his job. He also had his sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew all living with him. Similarly, trying to figure out all those dynamics plus being on the road so much made it difficult for him to start and maintain a relationship, though he had tried (and failed). My wife dated him for about two years, and spent considerable time with him in and out of bed. With both of these guys there was never a hint or any evidence to indicate they were married. In neither case did the guys ever make any attempt to have my wife leave me for him. My wife has had many other playmates over the years. We can't say with absolute 100% certainty that none of them were married and cheating. But, we are reasonably certain. We have run into guys who are obviously cheating, or acted/said things that were warning signs. My wife just didn't play with them, and she rebuffed some that kept trying despite her early 'no'. We have run into considerably more men who are respectful and kind, who understand their role and stay within it. If I had to place a % on it, probably about 20% of the guys we've encountered either were definitely cheating or probably cheating.

Next time she opens the topic, suggest a return visit to the club. If she's ok with that then over days prior to the visit, discuss what could happen, what you'd like to have happen, what she'd like to happen, ask her how'd she'd feel about various scenarios and get an overall feel for where she is 6 years after your first foray. Once you've done that, at the club try to guide the situation close to the edge of whatever she's described as her comfort level. It may be a slow process and require a lot more conversation and several more trips to the club. A word of caution: don't go beyond her comfort level or she will shut it down and it will be another 6 years before you get another chance if ever. You probably know what you want and where you want to go with this. She probably doesn't but seems at least somewhat titillated by the whole thing. Patience with her and giving her a sense of security in exploration could be well worth the effort.

Personally my safety radar is pinging away.....cut ties. All of them. For your wife’s safety. From what you are saying I’m sensing some bottled up anger and resentment. It is not normal to pursue someone you do not know....to vent your frustrations. Insure he has none of your contact or personal information. Tell him you are having second thoughts. Wish him well. Block him if you have to. Drop from the app/group if needed and start new somewhere else with a new email and contact name.

Your instincts in this are guiding you correctly. Get rid of this guy, even on a platonic level. It's just trouble waiting to happen. Even communicating with him is just tossing a grenade around for haha's. It's not worth it. Expend energy on finding a quality guy in the lifestyle (and yes, they do exist). It's not worth the time/effort to spend on this guy. Good riddance.

I as well. We all know that the action takes places at the junction where there are an excess of holes.

I’m disappointed. I became excited by the prospect of a technical discussion of tunnel diodes.

I believe it's called 3fun seems to be geared towards the lifestyle

Same for us, making that request this early on would get him immediately blacklisted. If a strong swinging relationship ends up being established, then there COULD be legitimate reasons to have a conversation along those lines, like for example to see if all parties are satisfied enough where things are that it is worth broaching the subject of exclusiveness and bareback. Even then though, one needs to tread carefully. We've had that conversation, and it's one of those things that just sort of develops on its own if and when the time is right, and even then, no guarantees how it will end up, so if it works out then an icing on the cake sort of thing, but not a demand or make or break. It should take a good while to get to that point, so if it comes quick, then red flag for us. In terms of the ethical question of what you owe him...all you owe him is an answer, and no is an answer. Good luck on working through this little curveball!

It's a super secret club. You won't know what the admission standards are until you are accepted

I love sharing our stories, insights and experiences. Not sure if anyone ever listens, but sometimes it's just nice to share in an open forum with no judgement.

Some people come to this site out of curiosity. Be happy that not all people post. Some just brag and have nothing to add to a conversation. I have seen posts that say hundreds read a post and only two respond. Then I see posts from years ago that get new insight from new posters. Some categories go dormant for months and then there is a bunch of new posts. If you are looking for advice, post a question. Most likely someone can relate. Think of something interesting? Post it, others might find it interesting too. Have a joke? Share it, we all need a laugh. Do you have an experience you just have to share? Post it. Lurkers will read it, others will tell you their similar experience and others will tell you what you did wrong. Yes, there are always those on any board. Just remember to have fun, balance the advice given. Don’t get angry at people who give too much advice. Welcome to a world of fun.

Swinging is still a fringe activity. Joining in a conversation even as private as this site, can be seen as risky. The Swingers Board is basically a user written, guide to swinging. There are many many men, probably most in their 40s, that are interested in swinging. Their wives are not. Here they can educate themselves and attempt to show the wife what she is missing. Who knows, it may even work sometimes. I would bet over 80% of the traffic here never registers or posts, just learning.

This is what my wife enjoys the most as well. The two things she enjoys the most are having sex and giving head at the same time, and having both of us cum inside of her (that part's only with a regular boyfriend she's played with a few times already).

Good point. When I was younger I would have been jealous of my girl fucking another man. Now my only concern is if my wife is happy.

A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you — daft as a brush, but very very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.