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Hope this doesn't sound choppy not really sure how to word my thread right ..so here goes. hubby and i went to a bar recently with another couple. We rode together and once we got into the parking lot and out of the car. The wife of the other couple grabbed my hubbys hand and proceeded to walk to the bar hand in hand with him. Now we have known this couple for a while and consider them friends and well as more. However, this one simple gesture still seemed to "irk" me and yes that nasty green-eyed monster popped out his ugly head. My hubby feels that kissing is too personal, yet i feel it is just another great part of sex. So I was really thrown by the g.e. monster on hand holding! Of course once we got to the door, they stopped holding hands and we proceeded to enjoy the night and I have talked with hubby and we have decided to add that to our rules. But since this is the first time this has ever come up with us I am curious on if other couples have other "rules" on specific touching or otherwise they consider should be kept between themselves.

I am 71 and am active in the Lifestyle. The line is the ability to give consent. Other than that age is whatever the players decide. I accept that I am outside many women's demographic and I respect that. I can still consent and the answer is yes.

Age is just a number. I am 77 and my wife is 68 and we have played with two couples, on separate occasions, in the last month. One couple was in their late 60s and the other their early 60s. We have both been told that we look and act at least ten years younger than our ages. We have been approached by couples very much younger than ourselves. Maybe we are less ageist in Europe. In December I will be celebrating 50 years in the lifestyle. My first wife and I started, unplanned and almost by accident, in December 1969. We enjoyed it and 50 years later I am still enjoying it. So, there is hope for the rest of you!

Been lurking as well just browsing hoping to make some friends.

We bypass the rinsing and just get down into that mess we spend the past hours creating as soon as we're in the door. There's just something about my wife having sex with others that makes me want her more.

This is what my wife enjoys the most as well. The two things she enjoys the most are having sex and giving head at the same time, and having both of us cum inside of her (that part's only with a regular boyfriend she's played with a few times already).

I say have fun and don't overthink things. We were in Jamaica a few years back.and ran into.my cousin and his wife at Hedo. The first thing I said to him was "Baby I had no idea that the boys in our family had big cocks!". Before the week was over my husband hooked up with his wife and I gave him some sweer cousin love and sucked his big beautiful cock. No big deal and we are all good back in reality-ville..

So here are the two situations. I am an affectionate guy, especially after sex, but it's a little awkward figuring out where/if there are boundaries. We have a lady that we play with, her husband doesn't play. We have a great time with them both outside of the bedroom and with her inside. She kisses me pretty intensely when he isn't around, less so in front of him. Her and I were sitting on the couch together with all of us talking, and I will readily admit, although I wanted to I kept my hands off of her. I plan on having a bit of a chat with them about it the next time I see them. One of the reasons I like them is they are really easy to talk to about this kinda stuff. Find out where they are at? Something similar came up with the last couple. We were in recovery, giggle mode, laying around naked. I was casually stroking my partner's knee (err, not my wife). Kinda got a bad vibe feeling. Wondering if she liked it, insecurity, etc. Now certainly part of this is a lifetime of not messing with another guy's girl. That's my own conditioning and I get it. I also get the 'Hey we're done', on go the clothes and off they go. I have no problem giving people their space. I was just wondering how others deal with affection? Do they like it? Do they like to see their partners expressing it? Boundaries? On the FYI, I really like it when the other partners are affectionate with my wife. Really fun giving her a love sandwich!!! So do you think it's just me and I should lighten up and enjoy the affectionate caresses?

My original example is what most fits the thread. If the wife had said, " WOW, that was great" or "Hey Bob, you're a really nice guy" I would have been flattered and happy. But to have her sit her bare butt on my lap and start nuzzling my neck and whispering in my ear, made it almost seem as if WE were the couple and her hubby , the odd man. I don't blame him for being pissed. Inappropriate... to the max.

The literal way is absolutely how I would do it. "Hey there buddy. I let you bang her, how much spooning do you need!?" I don't know the time limit on post sex cuddling. Based off my wife, I'd say 20 minutes. Some other dude gets more spoon time than me I would ask questions. Life is too short to get bent out of shape. Communicate with the SO and move on. I for one, love a good cuddle. If there is issue with the amount of time, then let's address it and respect each other boundaries. People are too often passive aggressive. Just be honest with the other couple.

Love this! Ten to twenty minutes tops. Then I am getting up and going to shower and find a snack.

I am one of those few that don't WANT to be cuddled after sex. Well not by play partners usually. I don't mind hanging out in bed naked and chatting as others finish up but it squicks me out when a guy is trying to nuzzle me. It's one of those odd things where sex is fine but cuddling is far too intimate! LOL But honestly the sex I am having with a play partner is about fun for me not building an intense emotional connection. I feel like extending the event into cuddling and spooning and sleeping together is farther than I want to go with casual fuck buddies. Now don't get me wrong I don't jump out of bed the minute it's over but I do appreciate an easing back to neutral contact after...

This is a great topic. We have mixed feelings on this. We feel that if we are walking around town with another couple, we don't want to grope or be groped by the other spouse. Pre-play groping at or near the play site is fine, as is post sex after glow cuddling. But like most of our rules, they are subject to change and evolution. I think many people get a sexual charge out of seeing their spouse groped.

Yes I mean after sex. If the other guy was still cuddling an hour after play I would ask for my wife back. Being flirty and touchy before sex I would consider foreplay. So that's ok too.

What you seem to describe to me is a cool down after sex still in bed. Ten minutes I guess. That's normal. But once you get out of bed the borrowing of the partner has ended. Still touching and nuzzling at that point is encroaching on my time. Does that make any sense?

*waves hi* Hi, Mr. Ebonylehigh! I love seeing both halves of a couple post or when one half drops by. I also agree, it can be awkward when one half of a swap is more affectionate than the other half.

I am not disagreeing with you Bob250...maybe that's why we are not getting a lot of repeat couples. One of the main reasons we got into the swing thing was the idea of the super cuddle. In other words, cuddling naked with more than just each other for a prolonged period of time. Has this happened, yeah once or twice. Was it great? YEAH, I and my wife are totally into it. Do I think it's romantic, no but you are right I probably should. Certainly one of the things these experiences give you is a super enhanced appreciation for your SO. I feel our romantic, we are making a family love, certainly transcends the sex or physical contact. So if the cuddling feels good for both of us, just like the sex does, why not? I do however really appreciate the contrarian view point. That our situation is not the same as everyone elses. I would love to hear more opinions on the matter.

Sorry, but I feel that there is a vast difference between being comfortable with someone, and doing romantic things with them. But to each , his/her own.

My feeling is that expressions of post coital CASUAL affection should be very much the same as expressions of affections to and for Vanilla friends. It seems to me that any expressions of ROMANTIC affection, prolonged hand holding, head on shoulder, post coital kisses and fondling, etc, are loaded with possible misinterpretations. Granted, my experience is limited, but the only couple I have played with who did not want a "return engagement", was one in which the wife and I cuddled and nuzzled after sex, for a prolonged time. Her hubby got very angry. So....I don't do ANYTHING that can be construed as romantic. A pat on the back...yes, nuzzling her neck .....no. I usually try to keep it very light and casual. I have a ton of corny jokes, I will tell. Talk about anything that is non romantic and non threatening. If at a resort, I will order drinks or food, or suggest some other nonsexual activity. Just my opinion....of course.

Not really, but I think it's just a matter of where the viewer is coming from. I know what swinging is to us from first-hand experience, and I know what Poly is, not through having directly experienced it, but understanding it enough to know that all the things we do aren't poly. But, from someone coming from a different viewpoint, then there probably isn't much separation between the two. If they separate them at all, they see a hair's breadth, while we see the Grand Canyon. There may be a line there where one starts encroaching on boundaries, but I think what most people are saying is that boundary is a fluid one and is particularly generous post sex.

Thanks bro, makes me feel like I am not crazy by getting a bad vibe...btw I am pretty affectionate with a few vanilla friends, although I don't rub their thigh, but you know, I could rub yours!

My wife was with me the first time a man sucked my cock, the first time I sucked a cock, the first time I swallowed a load of cum, and the first time I got fucked in the ass. She loves to watch me with a bi male. By the time we're ready to cum, so is she! I loved to watch her play with her pussy and cum while I swallow a load! It's a family tradition!

Big turn-on having the wife watch me blow her husband. My favorite is when I'm sucking a "bi virgin" for the first time. Normally they're nervous & the minute my tongue is working that shaft &balls, they begin to relax. One guy kept saying "fuck I can't believe I'm getting blown by a dude...it feels so fucking good"...which made me work even harder & he busted semi quick. Another guy's wife got so horny while he was getting blown, she made me sit on it & ride him

I was there to see hubby's first bi experience last year and it was such a HUGE turn-on. So when he is ready to fuck ass or be fucked, I would love to see that. Though it's more his fantasy rather than mine, from the time I witnessed his bi experience, I am not adverse to seeing him take it a step further if he chooses to do so. :-)

Mr. This and I have met a couple a few times. We have another 'date' with them for the 29th. We have not played with them yet (nor any couple). We are very new to this all. I am unsure if I am actually okay with full swapping just yet. We're going in with the game plan on the 29th to do some play. We've all agreed before hand it may just be with our own spouses in the same room, may be a soft swap, or may be a full swap. We plan to start out with our own spouses then switch for some soft and then it is up to me how far that goes. I hate, hate, hate that it is on me to decide, but I'm the one who is 'slow' to start so I guess it's decided my comfort level is the biggest thing/obstacle at this point. Anyway, my issue comes from the last date we had. We went to a local completely vanilla hang out and had some drinks, a bite to eat, and shot some pool. My issue is that during this the other wife is patting and grabbing Mr. This' butt. Yes, I do understand she is attracted to him, VERY attracted to him from her chats/texts with him and cannot wait to have her way with him. Okay, I'm 99% sure I am okay with all that. BUT, I am not okay with her being outwardly aggressive in public toward my husband. I saw several people in the establishment notice the behavior and obviously were wondering what was going on. At the time I didn't do anything because I didn't really know who's place it was to say something (his or mine). We'd agreed before hand no open/outward affection or flirting in a vanilla place as we both know a lot of people in this city and it's not that big a city. I'm annoyed he didn't say anything, but he figured if it bothered me I'd say something to him or her. Next time I definitely will, in fact, I'm thinking I should drop her a note before hand and restate our rule of no cross-PDA in public. I know it might seem a really petty issue to someone who has been in the LS a while, but to me it's important. I feel like if she cannot respect this rule, what other boundaries is she going to try and cross. Mr. This has a rule of noone but me kissing his neck... I really wonder if she'll abide by that or not, especially after she just tossed the no PDA rule right in front of me. What will she do when she knows/thinks I'm not looking. What I am wondering is: Is it his place or mine to say something to her? Or is it appropriate for either of us? I feel like I or he should have a chat with her before the 29th and restate our rules and stress them. I'm actually on the verge of calling off play if something isn't said/done because I don't feel like she respects my position as the other wife. Mr. This thinks that feeling is an overreaction since she just patted and grabbed his butt a couple times. EDIT: I wanted to add, Mr. This doesn't really see what happened as a PDA. I do and don't care how little a PDA it may have been, in my mind a rule is a rule. We've talked this out a lot and neither of us seem to budge from our own opinion. I'm usually the one to drop things and let it go, this time I'm not. So, I'm looking for neutral opinions/comments/anything?

Hello, and Welcome.. You answered your own question sort of.. (note the bold and underlined text in your quote) When you are new to this, as a couple, you proceed at the pace of the slowest person.. If you aren’t ready to take this further, then you need to explain it to your husband and HE needs to respect your position. Your emotions are COMPLETELY NORMAL.. we are taught all our lives that we are supposed to be mongamous, and that those that can enjoy sex beyond the marriage bed are wrong dirty, perverted.. and its just not the case.. but getting passed those taught emotions is often a bitch.. like jumping off a high board into water.. scary but once its done a few times, piece of cake... Rules and infractions of rules are in the eyes of the beholder.. If you interpret a infraction then, THERE WAS, regardless of how much its minmized by either your husband or her. Suppose the shoe was on the other foot, and he was the one that was uncomfortable, with attention that is being showered on you by another man.. Or worse it went to the next level and he observed a infraction such as the other gent, going where no one BUTT him has gone before... See my point? You may be caught up in the moment, it might feel completely different, but if thats "reserved" space.. he wouldnt appreciate the trespass, and thats what we are really talking about.. PDA, or trespass beyond a point where you are comfortable. So, here are the possible actions that you CAN take: Talk over everything again with your husband, explain your position again.. Without interjections, and clarify, that this is all new to you both, if there is a precieved infraction, then, thats all that was required to cause issues that need to be addressed.. And until you are both on the same spot on the page.. you arent ready to go further.. and until its clarified, again, no further. Or you can tell, him and the other couple, that you really just arent ready to proceed further since thats what it seems like everyone else is ready to do. Take all the ideas of playing right off the table for the time being, and explain that to these other people. If they cant understand that.. it might be for the best to move on and find new playmates. Either way, I hate to say it, but, your husband is likely to fight it argue in either case.. and that might be the biggest indicator of how ready you are for all of this as a couple.

This is a very big mistake right here, and I agree with others before me as well. I understand your new to the lifestyle and have limitations. But, in the nature of swinging your missing something... It's fair to warn you that as the slowest paced person, you need to carry a shield, its your responsibility. I think that shield, would be understanding those around you a little more.... We're talking swinging here, right ? NEVER, go to a local vanilla hang out with swingers. They're not crazy and uncontrollable but the dynamics are : With four people in the mix, someone is going to have a very big boost of raging testosterone or hormones. Trust me.... If not, nothing will happen. It will be boring and everyone goes home..... Usually drunk, but I digress... For us we found its cool with experienced swingers (for the most part) But even then, we would never invite someone out of our community, to our local vanilla bar. Out of towner's especially over look your discretion. We have found even swingers who move TO our community, to throw discretion to the wind... But boy, go to their home town or around their family, don't think the tides don't turn. We're Outed so to speak, at least to anyone it might matter. Its only through our own misfortunes we truly understand, others discretion. No, we wouldn't do any touchy feely in this situation, but I think its unfair to the other couple in this instance, to have even brought this idea, close to home. Shield yourself.... Find a neutral place, you are obviously not OK with Known public appearances. How will you know if you don't try this away from your area ? I had a woman/playmate half of a couple, advance/corner me in a local 7-11 mart. I was with my son in front of an old woman I have known for years... Talk about Looks ? She poured it on.. Worse, they lived two blocks away... We stopped the playing and she knows why. I can't change people, but I could change who I play with and where. Besides, there are more discreet people to fuck in our neighborhood. Yours ! You have a responsibility as well as a right, to say "I'm not cool with this, I didn't know till now, I'm not OK with this". If Mrthiscouple, doesent get it or either of the other couple... Get your purse, its time to go.... Either that (If your trapped and cant leave), put your fingers over your ears and go "la,la,la I'm not listening"... Thats a killer end right there, games over, shields are up, they will quit, or leave eventually... Might be a good time though to tell Mr.This couple about this signal in advance. Personally, it took a little training on Mrsfun part. Its the nicest way to say shut the fuck up and listen, I'v ever heard.... However, Mr this couple had a right to enjoy the flirting at this point. I'm sure it boosted his testosterone levels (its quite a buzz to a man). We have to watch out for each other though at times, It's our responsibility as a team. You should have called him to the side (it can always be done) and told him then. It seems she disrespected your turf ? Again, location , location, location... Didn't you check out the Mr ? Did you want to touch or be touched yourself, did you want to flirt or be flirted with ? What was the point of this at all, if not ? Well, I hope it put a little tiger in his tank, thats what it does for me. I love it... But if he's new as you, he has to learn your signals,comfort.... I hope you give it another shot, nothing gained if you don't, nothing lost if you won't. Carry an emotional shield for now, until you can be more open. You are going to need it at times. Its part of the nature of swinging... Fun4ds

Everyone else has given some pretty good advice here. But I'm feeling a bit like the devil's advocate right now. According to your other threads, you have participated in MFMs...He's already had time to process through his feelings of doubt and uncertainty when the topic of MFM play was introduced. Perhaps some of your uncertainty comes from the fact he turned the tables by saying that his fantasy is a full swap. Does it make you wonder now if he just did the MFMs so he could eventually get 'his turn' with someone else? So now you have to play catch up in processing through your feelings...added to that now you are feeling like the other 3 folks are ready to rip their clothes off and get hot and sweaty but your're holding up the party. Sure, rules are rules. Apparently there was some discrepancy in what constitutes a PDA. Perhaps they thought if there was no handholding, kissing, hugging then they were in the clear and no rule was breached. Obviously you weren't having as good of a time shooting pool as the other 3 because you were too busy paying attention to the people around you and worrying what they were thinking of 4 adults shooting pool and getting a little rowdy as people are want to do after having a few drinks, shooting pool, and having a fun night out without children or other chaperones. Do you have a connection with the hubby of the other couple? For the record, before I/we were anywhere near being involved in the LS, I had a horrible reputation of pinching bootys, poking those bootys with my pool cue, among other distraction methods while shooting pool to improve my chances of winning the game. And even if you go through with the get together this weekend...you aren't going to be happy even if its just same room sex...of course your hubby is going to be watching...there is a live porno going on on the next bed. Call a halt to all playtime (MFMs included) until the two of you can sort things out and verify that you are on the same page.

Thank you all. I do agree with what you all are saying. I honestly am not sure if I am ready for this or not. Some moments I am and others I am completely not. My emotions are on a rollercoaster and I feel like I'm jerking my husband around, though I am not meaning to be doing so at all. I want this for us. I want us both to have fun... I'm just not 110% sure it will be. I have insecurities that cannot be resolved overnight. We definitely have a lot of talking to do before we go any further.

She may have broke your rule but now your radar is up and running and you will be looking for an infraction. Another meeting with this couple shoudn't even be considered right now. It's a recipe for drama. I agree. I'm not blaming you (or her) because I wasn't there. We have only heard your side of it. But the fact is you and your husband can't seem to agree on what should be easily resolved if you were ready for this. You two seem to be on completely different pages and that alone is enough to step back for now.

Wow, I think Vegas Lee, Slevin and CXXC have presented points for both sides pretty well. This is just some observational comments and some food for thought: There is no right or wrong when it comes to your emotions. It doesn't matter if your husband is right or you are right. This isn't a contest of wills to debate. The minute either of you feel uncomfortable, for any reason, justified or not, then playtime is over, period. There is no making each other feel guilty or pressuring the other. You stop until you resolve the issue. Emotions are not right or wrong, they are feelings and feelings are rarely rational. If the two of you can't agree and be respectful of each other in that regard then you are headed for a ... Swinging is great once you both are ready for it. If you are going to move forward, I'd tone it back to say maybe voyeurism but I wouldn't go beyond that yet. You may lose this couple but there are plenty more. Take your time, get both of your heads wrapped around this a little better and then try again. The lifestyle isn't going anywhere. Best of luck to you both.

We had a fun time with a couple we met at a house party. The next day, we read their profile and discovered that he was bi - not a big deal. He and I didn't interact even though all four of us were busy on the same bed. I don't understand the bi-male phobia - any one "no" is as good as any other and if it's not respected THEN it's time to stop the play.

I've never douched, ever, and have never had one complaint about the way I taste or smell. We were with a couple once and it was clear that the woman had recently douched, and not with vinegar and water, because she tasted like a flower. Not good...not good at all.

That is true. Once in a group room, just a few minutes after I had finished fucking my woman, another woman came across the bed and took my cock in her mouth. She obviously did not mind, and it was very erotic.

Thinking about it, no. Unless it's really messy for some reason we just continue playing until done, then wash-up. We haven't had any playmates that clean-up between "rounds" either. Probably because part of the whole experience is the smell of sex.

everyone has there litle things that make them a little tense! i dont mind hugging but like i said kissing is out. so it only goes to show everone is a little weird in there own way..

I would have to agree with the hand holding in public. We had a threesome with a single female at our home and she kept taking him to another room - away from me! It made both hubby and I uncomfortable. We were not sure what to say, so we just "winged it" and managed to have a great time anyway, but there were a few tense moments...

pda gem well hand holding is out for us also . were swinging not dating. but to each his own i guess . im sure the other women did not feel the same on this subject as you and thats not all that bad! she was just more comfortable with the thought of hand holding and a more intemite bond than you (i think) It sounds like you have a great couple to play with im sure if you and the lady friend have a small talk on what rules you try to follow future gem's will be some what avoided! kissing on the lips is out for us also .. some rules are hard to follow and sometimes the line gets crossed but if everone is comfortable with them the night is usualy more fun! my 2 cents i got 98 more to spend on a nother reply!

Thank you for the warm welcome. Yes julie I definately think it was the PDA that caused the g.e.m to come out. Otherwise i probably wouldn't have even given it a second thought. Thanks for everyones great responses

Could it be that it wasn't so much the hand holding but the PDA (Public Display of Affection) that got you riled up? That she seemed to be saying IN PUBLIC "this is my guy"? I've never taken issue with kissing... and even when saying goodbye depending on how daring we all feel it doesn't bother me if we all make our rounds so to speak. But I too would be uncomfortable if the male of another couple wanted to hold my hand or vice versa. THat would just be weird.

I think it is better NOT to have public displays of affection like hand holding/kissing etc in public in NON swinger settings... after all you don't know who else might be seeing what is going on... sure it is risque and naughty but it is also uncomfortable if you run into a co-worker or your cousin. too personal... for me.... attempts to draw me away privately or conversations that deliberately set out exclude the other person/s... although sometimes I have been guilty of this... especially when one half of a couple is saying one thing and the other half something else... the other thing that is too personal... maybe more of a pet peeve... people who ask where do you work/what do you do immediately after meeting you.... hello? I'm not here to promote my business or to network for clients or to provide you with an easy way to blackmail me... if it comes up in conversation after I've known you more than ONE night than fine but it is not a good conversation starter in MY opinion.

When someone wants to play with my heart instead of just my naughty bits...........................................

I would have to say it goes with whatever makes you feel comfortable. I found myself feeling that way about a year ago. Hubby and I were out with a single female and she was "all over" my hubby at the bar that we were at. Others thought that he was her husband and I was just tagging along. I felt so bad that I ended up sitting at the bar by myself for a while. And a man came over to chat with me and was shocked when I said that I was with my husband. I was so embarrassed. I now have a big rule about public settings. I think it's about respect, at least for me. I took their actions as being disrespectful to me.

Hi and welcome to the board! I have to agree with Ohio Couple on this, holding hands and cuddling after sex is way too personal for us. We always set rules before we do anything so it makes it easier but you never know when something like you said will come up and bother you. Like Ohio Couple stated we do everything from kissing and sucking and etc but somethings are just meant to be between the two of you.

It is amazing how much I have learned (prior to having to deal with it, in the last couple of months) about personal boundries. I have learned that it would bother me for my husband or myself to 'cuddle' with the opposite partner after sex and I can say that it would bother me to have my husband hold hands with another woman. Now mind you, we can fuck, kiss and suck in every possible scenario and we can put our arms on the shoulders of, or even hook around their waists.... but cuddling (in like a going to sleep type scenario) and holding hands would bring up pangs of jealousy for me. I see both cuddling and even the holding of hands (as if you were boyfriend/girlfriend) as ones of crossing my personal boundries. Hey, BTW, welcome to the board! Thanks for bringing this question up!

We don't use secret signals to deal with this. We keep it simple & direct. If either of us feels like its not a match we simply let the other couple know that we don't feel a connection. Even if one of us wants to "fuck their brains out" LOL! It doesn't matter. One NO is all it takes to cancel the deal! If the feeling is mutually neutral we just don't flirt or make any advances torwards the other couple and the conversation stays tame and social and we discuss any future action together in private later that evening before leaving for the night to go home about exchanging contact info or setting up another meeting with them. If either of us feels highly interested and wants to take things further at that instance, then we simply excuss ourselves for a moment and have a brief discussion in private. If we both agree then we'll come back and start both showing our interest in the other couples parnters and actively flirting and such otherwise we just continue as we were and ask them if they would like to exchange contact info. Most people aren't put off by our need for a moment of private discussion. This all assumes that this is a first-contact or similar situation. In other situations/non-first-contacts, sometimes all it takes is a quick eye contact and a nod with a smile if we are already at or into the firting stage to "check-in" about if it OK to take it further. If for some reason one of us seems to be getting out ahead of where the other feels comfortable we just briefly interrupt each other and/or wisper a quick comment to each other and shift gears. People seem to understand and respect this. Paul & Kalin

Ours is relatively simple and effective. When meeting with a couple for the first time for dinner/lunch whatever and it is apparent that there is ZERO attraction for either of us, we do one of two things: 1. Start lovingly stroking the others back, which means "I have no interest". And we will start the process of ending the dinner/meet, etc. 2. Ask the other to scratch a sudden itch on our back, that means "Get me out of here NOW!". (We have had to use that one once, it never went past the first round of beverages.) Whoever starts the gesture, it is the opposite who begins the closing of the meeting. That gives the one who does not to continue the clue that the other has picked up on the signal and then they follow up with helping to close the meeting. Important to note though, we do not play on the first meet and that is understood up front by all. Lori

For the longest time, we couldn't decide on secret signals or phrases that wouldn't be too obvious or contrived. We've decided that the easiest way to go is to stay near each other when swapping... and if one of us realizes that they're just not clicking with their playmate, just say "I'd love to watch you make love to / fuck your wife / husband / etc. Let's switch..." and turn it into a soft swap.

This seems to be one of those questions that people don't want to answer... possibly because they are scared they may at some point have to use it on someone they may meet from this board and then their secret is out. So, lets go another way with this. When things aren't going right, do you let your partner know by stating a secret word/phrase? Or is it some sort of physical gesture/secret sign.

"I need to call the kids to make sure that they are alright....." That means something is not clicking, and let's wrap it up. Of course it could also just mean that I need to call the kids to make sure that they haven't killed each other....