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In my experience, swinging becomes polyamory when one commits to another partner more than the sexual relations they have. It can mean more time together, more emotional involvement, more aspects of their lives more intertwined. And the other partner has become a stakeholder in your decision making and planning process.

Mrs Doc sleeps naked . Im just happy to be there!!

St. Martin, French West Indies.

Where is that? It looks like it is in our neck of the woods...

Something that you need to understand is that she has put 'being a woman' on hold and exchanged it for 'being a mother'.. Common thing really. What you need to do it to get the communication back and remind her that she is still a woman. The swinging thing will probably stay on hold until the child needs her less, but she needs to know that she can be a mom, a wife, AND a woman all at the same time.

Most (if not all) couples start off as soft swap. They either later decide to go all the way or to quit. It's whatever works for you and your partner, there is no right or wrong. As long as the other couple knows your boundries and are willing to stick with them, have fun! Just enjoy, keep the communication open and quit overthinking things.

You are correct - he is a great guy and deserves the attention. I honestly don't see him taking things further with her, even if I know deep down that's what she wants. Honestly as I think about it, it's kind of a turn on watch her her trying to please him and even seduce him.

TED is Oprah for intellectuals.

Good points. We've never been to a hotel takeover, just clubs, so that option slipped by me but I agree that may be something to seriously look into. It is also true that couples won't be looked upon the same way a single/unaccompanied male would be for watching. Taking that thought further, I would try to pick an event/venue where single males are not allowed or if they are, their numbers are limited and some constraints are put on what they can and can't do. A bunch of single males being left up to their own devices is going to put everyone on their guard, so better to stick with couples only when people will likely be more relaxed.

My fingers are my toys. Next time I'll let TSA take a sniff to make sure there's no problem.

Same here. No one in our family is turned off by period sex, but you can also use oral contraceptives so as not to have a period. Done that too.

I don't see anything wrong with that. You should be flattered that she thinks so highly of your husband. I never understood why someone is OK with other people having sex with their spouse every which way, but any caring is considered bad. Let your husband go with it as far as he mutually interested, and be happy for him. My husband is loved, and loves (and had babies with), two other women. It is good for me and our relationship.

Many women slow down or take a break completely from the LifeStyle when they are raising children. It's logical, the child takes a lot of time and energy. It's possible that after your daughter gets to be a teen-ager and more independent that your wife's interest will recover.

Blue, 'polyamory' includes the idea of 'love.' At least one of the persons in love is in love with another person. That implies a deep vanilla-based connection. Are she and your husband dating without you? Even innocent things like lunches and happy hours, even if no sex is included? If this isn't happening, I don't think there's anything to worry about here. It's more like BFFs. Having said that, if you and/or your husband is uncomfortable, time to back away a least a bit.

Same here. During my period I just let the guy/ couple decide if they want to . Always up to give a good blowjob during my period. Or just fucking.

Looks like you’re in a tough situation. My opinion is once it’s not fun it’s time to move on. Sounds like she is way past the fun stage and riding the love train. We would run.

You could always just have a few drinks and make some new friends. If you guys really click with a couple maybe some kissing and a BJ between you and the male, and however you feel about your husband and the female. That absolutely sounds pretty selfish and my wife would probably tell me no way, but it’s an idea?

We sort of started with soft play. Ever since we first started having sex, we talked about what we liked about our exes, it's foreplay for us. A couple of years after we were married, I told my wife that she should go for it with an old boyfriend or two that she had really enjoyed. She was hesitant, but agreed to look him up (turned out to be two), contact them, then meet up. These were separately. With the first old boyfriend, the one who lives in the same metro area, they had a couple of dates where they just met, had dinner, and I called so she could say, "It's my husband." "I'm with Mark, you know, the guy I told you I used to live with?" After two dates, they kissed, and she put his hand on her breasts outside her clothes. We fucked like mad when she got home. Next time she had already gotten a room, he really played with her tits, finger fucked her, and she gave him a blowjob. We fucked like mad when she got home. After that, no limits. My wife's other ex who she was in contact with is in another city, so she moved a little more quickly. First date was totally platonic, second was my call so he could be comfortable with where it was going, then feeling her and a blowjob in the car. On the third date he had his tongue in her cunt then his dick in her ass. So overall, for a couple of months we had started swinging with only my wife doing just soft play. After some MFMs with these guys, we both wanted to move on, and my wife wanted to play with other women. We did several FFMs where the other woman only let me soft play with her. It was all good, and playing with exes, guys who she fucked before we met, was a comfortable way for everyone to start.

I (Ozzie) would. i have been doing it for so long, that I'd feel weird if I didn't.

People in all walks of life leave their partners for one reason or another. Don’t almost half of all marriages end in divorce? I would think many of those split ups are caused by infidelity, at least people in th LS are open about their sex with others. A bad marriage is not going to be saved by swinging.

We find that very few couples can understand our lifestyle choices so we choose to keep things private. We are known as nudists, sluts and perverts among some of our friends so we choose to not try to explain. We are also the only ones with a solid marriage and are always together having fun.

We have done something like this in our group so it’s much safe that a group of unknowns. We put up sheets and we are exposed from the waste down. The guys select who they want to fuck and have at it. I think the best part is that there is no visual involved so you don’t know what’s coming. Maybe his mouth, maybe his finger, maybe he swirls the head of his cock on my opening, maybe he slides inside me - it’s amazing. I also love it when I feel the head of his penis. I imagine the size and shape. I’m never ready for the really hung guys and love the way it feels as i realize what i’m about to get.

I think you may be talking about the Czech glory holes videos by the description. I would LOVE to be one of the women in the waist down hole with my legs strapped up. Just keep getting one after another with all the creampies. I think it would be amazing, but I value my health too much to ever actually do something like that. Sadly it will have to remain a fantasy for me.

There is (was) a couple that we connected with so much with that we became a family. We traveled together. We partied together. We fought. We loved. We planned for the future. We lost the male half of the other couple to cancer in July. We cried together. We miss him. We played, and still play with other people. We will never forget the good times, or the bad times. I don't think there will be another fourth, we three will continue our relationship until we become two, then one, then none. It is a love that cannot be broken. It hurts. It always will. This is poly.

I've been in quite a few MFM situations, and it's never been an issue. Women last a long time if you warm them up right, so sometimes it takes more than one guy to get the job done!

I've done the MFM thing a couple times. It feels so good to just be naked sexual beings with each other and not being concerned about sexuality. I have never had insecurities about it. I am technically straight but I have been bi-curious lately. I've been talking to a really hot male and female couple and they both want to fuck me badly. The condition is that he gets anything she gets. It seriously never aroused me before, but I am thinking I might really enjoy it. I'm thinking I will take them up on it. Just the thought of us writhing on the bed or having sex free of all inhibition is a major turn on for me. That doesn't mean that all MFM encounters have to involve gay/bi sex. My first two MFM encounters were with guys I had no sexual attraction to, the only thing we had in common sexually is that we both had sex with the same girl. The closest it ever came to male on male is that we both penetrated the same hole at the same time, and that was only one of the two MFM encounters I've had. The other one was a girl a buddy of mine and I had picked up at the bar and she couldn't make up her mind which one of us she wanted, so we made it easier for her by having a threesome.

Much of what is said in a group like yours is based on upbringing, not true feelings. Assuming a guy would have to be gay to be naked with another man reeks of church and homophobic influence and how he wishes to be perceived. We would actively look for bi men for mmf. They are kinda rare. Plenty of straight guys willing to team up but few wanting to play for both sides. I think you'll see this attitude shift as you age. It's a bummer that our best sex years are usually wasted with jealousy, insecurity and homophobia.

Yeah it's not something we went looking for, but there was just a very strong connection from the beginning. I don't know if that's something you run from if you feel it and don't want to get attached, or if there's some way to manage it that doesn't lead to such pain. I know that the sex with them was amazing, and I know it was due to the connection. We've been around a bit with several different couples, and this is really the first one where we've hit this level of intimacy with. We were talking and planning all kinds of crazy debauchery that we could never really have experienced had we not been so close. It seems like a catch 22 to us. If you want the crazy no holds barred mind-blowing sex, how do you have that, and not have the connection? We're not sure at this point.

I'm really sorry. It sounds like the emotional connection wasn't something you were specifically looking for initially. But, now if that it is what you want, I would suggest that if you are looking for poly relationships rather than swing friendships you look to poly groups and websites. I know there are pot-luck poly meetings in most cities and many people have good luck using OKCupid.com For me the heartache is not worth it and way to prevalent. I prefer not to look for poly, rather enjoy swinging as a fun pursuit while being emotionally monogamous to my husband.

This is a very interesting thread. As long term marrieds--we are now in our 60's--we've come to understand that people--and their marriage evolve. This is surely to be expected. LS people come with varied expectations. Like you, we are interested in something other than NSA play. As such, relationships with people in the LS run a longer arc. They are affected by what is happening within/between each couple. It seems as if your relationship with the other couple has been strongly affected by what is going on within their relationship. The distress you feel, at least in part, stems from the fact that you value their friendship and company. After all, if you did not, you would have simply walked away. At least one of them needs some breathing space. Grant it. Tell them you will be there when they have thought things through, and whatever decisions they reach are right for them. At the same time, you should not feel constrained. Look around, try on new connections, see how it feels. Life moves on. Cherishing the past does not bind you to that past. Rather, that past simply provides a foundation for many possible futures. That is true within a marriage. It is also true across LS relationships. Good luck.

Good luck with this but if it fails, think about how difficult it is to find a compatible mate. I think that having a long term close relationship with another couple is pretty dang rare. If you guys find yourself getting close to a couple, prepare for some heartbreak. What appears to be great in the beginning can turn into a mess when one of the 4 is not in tune. And that seems to always happen. Focus on the great times you had. The above advise is excellent. Spread yourselves out some. The best insulator is space.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. It does hurt and takes time to get over. For the situation at hand, I would give them time, if you're not clingy there's a chance they'll come back to play in the future. Personally I think the best thing to do is find other couples your are compatible with and can have fun sex with. Find quite a few. If you have a number of couples you can play with that insulates your feelings a bit if one doesn't work out and you don't get stuck on any one person/couple. I really think that swinging is all about variety and fun. After a situation similar to yours we changed our ways. We got out and met more people. We didn't play with the same people every time we went out, but we do see some of them socially quite often. Now we have a good number of couples that we love to play with but we only play with each every 6 months (or longer). It makes it a special, sexy time when we play, you don't get bored and you don't develop as much of the lovey feelings. We're really happy with the balance of friendship and sex without getting too close. I wish you the best and hope it works out as well as our hurt worked out.

I never understood using the term 'sloppy' seconds. Yes, it does make her well lubricated but I don't think sloppy at all. I've always considered that the other man simply got her in the mood and lubed up for me. I, too, love being second, or even third! But I'd like to think that I'm always last!

Before my wife would leave for her date we would discuss who and where, both knowing what she planned to do. I would help her dress and the last thing she would put on would be her panties and I would kiss her hairy cunt before pulling them up, She would tease me saying, "you know the next time you get that close to my pussy it will be full of some other guy's cum. Needless to say while she was gone I would be super horny thinking about her fucking another guy. This was way before cell phones so contact wasn't that hard. Some nights I would sit and try to remember some past adventure and type it out to share with others. I still have some of those adventures to share if anyone is interested? Anyhow, it can be very erotic just waiting at home for your freshly fucked bride to return home.