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We are extremely protective of our children and they are very well provided for. They are not exposed to anything sexual, but we worry. For our family it seems entirely natural. I actually couldn't imagine having a family any other way, especially with Lora and Clair. The two things wrong with the Mormon and Muslim "polygamy" is the compulsion of young women/girls, which is rape actually, but also happens in any forced marriage, and also the fact that women are not allowed additional partners either in the marriage or just for sex.

50 sounds worse than it is if you keep yourself in reasonable shape and remain healthy. Menopause presents a bigger impediment to good and frequent sex than does a birthday number. HRT can address that in both women and men. I agree with Jane on this, Mrs Doc's orgasms generally became more intense, happened more easily and more frequently after 50. I don't know if there is a direct connection but it seems that change in orgasm patterns seemed to correlate with our increasing comfort with swinging.

I guess I don't understand why you are looking for a single male who is into the lifestyle. I've been swinging as a single female for quite a long time and avoid single men like the plague. I've always focused on couples and groups such as house and hotel parties. It has been wonderful and relatively uncomplicated. I suggest you try going single in the lifestyle for a while.

That is truly sad. I am guessing that at least half of their fellow students are living with half siblings whose dads or moms are in the wind and nobody thinks twice about it, while you with a stable family needs to seek cover. While I am posting you , I must tell you how much my wife and I have been enjoying your insights. We are a married couple of 35 years, who play with others. If the right people came along I could see us in a Poly relationship of some sort. With the correct people it would seem the natural course. Perhaps that is just me though, returning to the communal lifestyle of my 20's. Mike

Really? Clair, Lora and I all ramped up after 30 and was the reason we found a boyfriend to share who supplements what we get at home from our two guys. Fifty doesn't look so dreadful anymore!

IF you met a lot of men you should understand that they are ready to say and do everything just to reach your body and satisfy themselves. Have you ever thought to try a 3some with a couple?

So for the first time, we actually had some spouse bartering going on at a local club. My husband was smitten with a hot little thing that was showing him lots of nasty attention in the dance floor. I was actually talking with another couple when her husband approached. He said that my husband really wanted to fuck his wife (which he did) and that she wanted to fuck him as well. He said that he was cool with it but that I would have to work out a deal with him. I don’t know why, but I broke out in a sweat and the thought of getting used by him made me horny as hell. He was hot and confident and I was all in. We grabbed a room and the first thing he said was that he was not interested in fucking me at all and that he was actually on his way to join another couple. I thought it was strange but I kept going along with the plot. While my husband and his wife watched he said he wanted to see and touch my tits - so I let him grope the shit out of me and suck my nipples. Next, he said he wanted me to remove my panties and let him see me sitting with my legs open. Again, I played long and gave him what he wanted. He sat on the bed across from me and studied my pussy - which I can tell you was opening up for business. After about a minute of silence, he stood up and asked me if I would be willing to take him in my mouth. Again, at this point I am all in. I unzipped him and his penis easily slipped out - nothing special, just a nice looking semi hard average penis. I took him in and gave him what he wanted while our spouses watched and touched each other a bit. He got good and hard and I thought I was well on my way to a mouth full of him when he motioned for me to stop. He put his erect penis back in and zipped up, looked at his wife and said “have fun.” He asked me if I wanted to come with him or stay in the room. I stayed with my husband and watched them play all the while while wondering “what the fuck just happened?!” I eventually joined them and we had a great evening. I have to say though this was a total first - I really felt like I was bartered our - and I fucking loved it. Anyone had a similar experience??

We can’t be the only ones that find it ridiculous when a couple only has pics of the wife and nothing of the husband except maybe a useless cock pic! We see this far to often on online profiles and can’t help, but think fugly husband using his wife to try to get some. The other one we see all the time is someone listed as a single woman with a profile all about her with pics of just her and one line that says I have a husband and we only play together. No pics or stats of this mystery husband, but he is going to be there to. With both these types of profiles it also always seems to be that mystery guy that contacts us and a lot of the times he is just looking to play alone. Come on guys you are not going find anyone stupid enough to fall for this baiting tactic! If you got nothing going on yourself it doesn’t matter how hot your wife might be you are not going to be getting any. We might be interested in playing with her alone, but you are not going to be getting invited.

I would like to put something out there. And I am in no way the expert with all the answers. quick bio; married, 41 years, we both are very happy. Some early married life experimentation with poly, 3somes and FWB....but was too complicated...time consuming. Twenty years later....again more experimentation....exploring. Swinging, FWB, multiple playmates, poly foursomes, triad (MFM) 3 almost four years, poly girlfriends (me) and boyfriends (her). Current growing triad (FMF), several poly based friendships (more than FWB). To label us ....ethical poly/swing lifestyle. Trying to keep it simple. years of experience and open discussion and some council to others we have made some observations of the general poly lifestyle. The rush to relationship the rush to label/qualify a relationship The rush to commitment/moving in The lack of self love/acceptance and being happy in/with one’s self The need to have or be in a relationship to define or make one happy. the lack of giving time and energy to nurture and grow a well balanced relationship. taking a growing or long term relationship for granted and not investing the effort to maintain/grow/Refresh the relationship.....withering on the vine. Poly relationships are not based on sex....or definitions....but the relationship of those involved. Like mono relationship a growing experiment between two people now becomes more complex: Mono: #1=self, #2-self, #1+#2, #1 to #2 and #2 to #1 complex enough....the challenge of poly: for three: #1=self, #2=self, #3=self, #1+#2+#3, #1 to #2, #1 to #3, #2 to #1, #2 to #3, #3 to #1, #3 to #2 the above does not take into all variations needed to provide time, emotional support, emotional growth etc needed to establish, grow, nurture a relationship let alone the sharing (all variations and levels) required for a healthy relationship. how then can one determine this relationship based on a single date. A single month? A year of time? Additional concerns....shopping for a mate.....what happened with explore, meet, experience....grow together.....time and self investment. Many people we have met would be better in the swing lifestyle. All are different but many seem to all share the same concerns and relationship issues. My apologies if this is too long.

This is why it is important to have good pictures (we hope ours are at least okay). We have some of her, one or two of me, and several of us together (important to show that we are actually a couple)...and not a single dick picture.

Yes.

I, Mrs. Fla, totally agree with you on this. To add to that, the one or two or more dick pics the husband does have quite often are being compared to something ridiculous like a beer can, TV remote, Febreze can, soda can, and on and on and on. We have also seen profiles that list as a single female but are actually a couple with a husband listed in the description but no picture and not information about him. Also, I have noticed many single male profiles that are loaded with one partial body pic followed by 6 or more dick pics or they have a bunch of female pics on their single male profile, still have not figured that one out. Finally, the profiles that only show the wifes pictures and none of the husband, when I asked if they can email me a picture of what the husband looks like to see if I would be attracted to him I get all the usual excuses...he is too shy, he can't because he is a very important public figure locally and can't be seen on a swinger site, he is famous, and so on. Do they not understand that if someone does see them on a swinger site its because they are themselves on a swinger site. Whats the issue? Ok, I'm off the box and done with my rant......

Who was it that said, "Men like women with a past because history repeats itself?"

Great advice, especially if she's bi.

We have children, and with our poly family situation worry about what a over-religious Department of Children and Families employee could do to us. We do nothing to bring attention to ourselves or our arrangement. That includes us conforming to conservative social norms in public. Being on this board sometimes concerns me, and I do things to obscure who and where we are.

That is exactly like us when I finally got comfortable with hubby playing with another woman (after me being with my boyfriend two years already) and we started dating women that I chose. Sometimes it went for months, no sex, a minimal amount of flirting (they didn't know in the beginning we were open to hubby and possibly me having sex with her). Whether it led to sex or not it was fun, we never pushed, always paid, and we still friends with them regardless of the outcome.

The only other suggestion I is for you to do the work, but let her choose. Since she doesn't like "seedy," could something be set up with a guy she knows and likes, just to make her comfortable?

I also write swinger and hotwife stories, but my wife lost interest in reading them, or other erotica or porn. For her, it's more fun to actually do it!

When I was single, and in the military in other countries, us guys frequented many places of prostitution because we weren't anywhere long enough to get to know gals to date. Now that was fine for immediate gratification but I never, ever, enjoyed it as much as a real date. When my wife and I tried the lifestyle, we both preferred getting to know potential partners first. I guess we both just enjoyed the flirting and all of the foreplay that went with dating, before playing. For us, at least, the waiting was half the fun.

I'll think you'll find most folks understand 'pace'. I agree, look for a couple. Keep it intimate. Early on we kept some control of the pace by setting up specific situations that helped to keep things slow. Think of foreplay, but not after you're already in bed, foreplay in a broader sense. Date and have fun, be flirtatious, open, sexy and naughty. Dance, go to the beach, take a hike. Flash you partners, skinny dip in nature. That gets us going every time, but doesn't have to lead to sex. At the end of the evening or day if we've had our brain and perv centers tickled that's a good day and we'll wait for the sex for another time if that's what the couple wants. Be playful, this endeavor should be fun. If the other couple isn't ok with that, then they are not a match. Move on. That said swinging for us was and is like a kid in a candy store with $10. It's hard not blow the whole wad as soon as possible.

I like it that you decided to stay with your hubby and the other lady instead of going with her husband. But do you wonder what you may have missed?

Yes!! We actually spent the weekend with her at the beach.

Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time finding a good guy. Not all single men are jerks. I am single and would love to find a compatible single woman to "date".

The first time we were in a hotel in Greece and met with another couple from the USA, we started to talk and we finished staying together in the bad doing a 4some. Awesome experience. Now we meet with them every year and enjoy the company. They are the best couple we had met ever.

There have been plenty of instances of relationships being salvaged after cheating. Both parties have to have the maturity and desire to do the work. I am not condoning cheating. If a marriage is not going to survive then a grown up conversation is a better way to handle the ending. I get it may be an absolute deal breaker for some people but “kicking to the curve” reminds me of a child having a tantrum.